Always & Never
by BOSTONGIRL1212
Summary: After the lines of friendship are blurred & crossed, can Bella & Edward's relationship recover? More importantly, will they find the courage to explore the burning desire between them that refuses to be extinguished? Rated M for language and lemons AH/OOC
1. Chapter 1

I have been in love with Edward Cullen since I was seventeen years old. We met during our junior year of high school. I was your average girl. There was nothing extraordinary about me. I was 5'3, 110lbs, with brown hair and brown eyes. I wouldn't say I was beautiful but I was not ugly**.** I was not exceptionally smart, but not a complete idiot either. I was quiet, shy, and timid. Due to my clumsiness, I never wanted to draw any more attention to myself than absolutely necessary. I was only ever truly myself around my very best friends. That is when I allowed myself to be silly and my smartass remarks would slip out, surprising everyone around me.

Edward Cullen was my biology partner. From the first day I walked into class I couldn't help but stare at him. I knew instantly he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life. He had bronze hair that was disheveled but sexy. He had the most dazzling green eyes. "_Bedroom eyes_" was the first thing that always came to my mind when I looked at him. I always felt like his eyes could see right through me, right into my very core. I got lost in them every time he looked at me. Most of the time, I had to force myself to look away just to be able to speak to him.

His face was flawless with his high cheek bones, a perfect jaw line, and full lips. He was truly amazing. He was tall and slender but his body was fit and muscular. His smile was utterly breathtaking. He had this crooked smirk that was so provocative, it should be illegal. Every time he flashed it, it took my breath away. From the first moment I laid eyes on him, I instantly knew I was in love with him.

Edward even smelled intoxicating. He smelled like fiery cinnamon, just like the little heart candies you get on Valentines Day. The cinnamon, mixed with the musk of his cologne and a hint of smoke, was truly mouthwatering. I had noticed that Edward must've had some sort of _"oral fixation"_ because when he was not smoking, he always had his signature square cinnamon lollipop occupying his mouth in its place. It was a sight that hypnotized me on more than one occasion. He would start with it tucked perfectly into his cheek. Then he would maneuver it around his mouth using only his tongue. When he would pull it out to talk, it would leave his perfect full lips slightly more reddened and glistening. He would then, ever so slowly, slide his tongue out and press his lips against it, as if to savor that flavor one last time before he would speak.

_Ok, so maybe I was the one with the oral fixation?_

He was extraordinarily smart and after hearing rumors about his musical talents, I could only guess he was an astonishing musician too. I was told he was a remarkable pianist, a self taught guitarist and even sang on special occasions. So what did this all add up to? _Totally out of your league Bella!_ So I just watched from a far for months.

At first, he was quiet and stand-offish. I nonchalantly asked around about him, trying to not seem to as interested as I really was. I was told many things about Mr. Edward Cullen. Some of the guys at school described him as arrogant, brooding and introverted. Although they wouldn't admit it, I could sense that there was an underlying fear of him. A few of them referred to him as "trouble". They even went to the extent to warn me that when he was mad, you could hear the venom dripping from his words. This only confirmed my suspicions that they _were_afraid of him. What I wasn't sure about, was if they were afraid because they felt a physically threatened by him or if they just felt _sexually inadequate_ compared to him.

Every female in school was infatuated with him. It must have made every guy on campus insanely jealous. When I asked about Edward, the girls at school raved over him**.** Aside from them being dazzled by the mere sight of him, they mostly said he was shy, talented and smart. A few girls said he used too much profanity, smoked too much, and was quite the '_Romeo_'**.** Oddly, the negative things they said didn't feel much like a warning. It felt much more like these were the very things that intrigued them the most about him. I really was not surprised to hear what the girls said about him. It was as if the things they were saying made him more provocative and intoxicating to me.

I heard a lot of rumors about beautiful girls just throwing themselves at him but it wasn't a shock to me. There were some gorgeous girls at our school, much more beautiful than me. Jessica, Lauren and Tanya were at the top of the list. They were the most popular and beautiful girls in existence, as far as the guys at Forks high were concerned. Every one of them went out of their way desperately vying for Edward's attention. But he never seemed to take notice. Edward definitely wasn't the type of guy who ever needed to or would ever want to go out of his to way pursue anyone. And why should he? There was clearly a line of girls waiting in the wings for him to give them the slightest indication he was remotely interested. As for me, well, sadly he only knew me as the girl he sat next to in Biology class.

One day, I was heading into biology with Mike after lunch, much like I did every day. I remember it like it was yesterday. That day we were having a lab, which meant Edward and I would be forced to speak to each other. I was so excited. I know it's pathetic, but sadly, it was the only time he ever seemed to acknowledge me.

I had become friends with his twin sister, Alice. She was in my first period history class. We both had study hour at the same time also, so we usually ended up in the library together most on most days. I never dared to ask her about her bother. Sometimes, she would mention him, in casual conversation, but I would quickly change the subject. I was terrified that I would slip up around her, revealing my feelings for her brother.

I was lost in thought, carefully going over my conversations that day with Alice, making sure I had given her no reason to think I was interested in Edward. That's when I heard him clear his throat, as if to get my attention. Abruptly, I snapped back into reality and looked over at him. He was setting up a microscope and slides. I quickly got to work reading over the worksheet.

I had done this lab before, at my school in Arizona, just before moving to Forks. I knew it would go rather quickly and I was right. It only took us about twenty minutes. Then there we were, back to only speaking to each other as necessary. We never even looked at each other during the entire assignment.

I walked to the front of the room and handed in our papers. Everyone else was still working on theirs. I figured it would take them close to the end of class to finish. I noticed that most of other lab partners were friendly and chatted as they worked; this was not the case with Edward and me. So, as usual, I just played with my iPhone and tried not to look at the beautiful man that sat next to me. Sometimes, I would feel him staring at me, but I could never bring myself to look up to meet his eyes.

To keep from blushing the entire time, I would get lost in thought and search through my music list. I had downloaded a few new songs last night by Van Morrison. I was trying to find my favorites and put them in a playlist so I could listen to it during my study hour. I smiled thinking of the words "_you're my brown eyed girl…Do you remember when we used to sing Sha la la la la la la la la la la Te da. "_ I was remembering the time Angela and me were driving around and singing it at the top of our lungs. Then it happened, out of nowhere I heard him speak.

"Van Morrison?" I didn't look up. I just froze and turned about five shades of red. How could he know? Was he some kind of _mind reader_ on top of all of his other talents?

"What?" That was all I could get to come out of my mouth and it was almost a whisper.

"Van Morrison? That _is_ what you were humming, correct?" he asked questioning me.

His lips tightened with a smirk and he had one eyebrow raised. He was looking right at me, waiting for a response.

"I was humming?" I felt the heat radiating off my face as I looked at him and smiled, embarrassed.

"You do that a lot you know, I only recognized the song today" his smile met his eyes.

"Oh, well, um, eh, I'm sorry I didn't notice. I was just..." He cut me off

"Van Morrison is one of my favorite artists; I have all of his CD's"

_He's trying to make conversation with me! _

That was all it took. Before I knew it we were talking about all of our favorite artists and songs. He even pulled out his iPhone and showed me a few artists I had never heard of. Class was almost over and Mr. Banner was telling us to clean up and hand in our papers. Edward and I had been lost in our own conversation. I felt my heart sink as I started to gather my things.

"You know, you could give me your phone number and I could send you some music" he stated nonchalantly.

"Yeah, that would be cool" I tried to sound aloof but feared I failed miserably.

I gave him my number and he programmed it into his phone. The bell rang and I knew our time was up. He walked out of class before I did, without a saying another word.

I made my way to the library, sat down at a long table in the back and popped my ear phones in. I was smiling from ear to ear. I couldn't make myself stop smiling even if I had wanted to. I opened up my History homework and tried to concentrate. I had been deep into my work when my music stopped and I heard that familiar _beep_. _Text message__. _I stopped writing and pulled my phone out, instinctively pushing read.

"_Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da. __Thanks, now__ I'm humming" E. _

.GOD. I was shaking so much, I had to read it twice! Edward Cullen just sent me text message? Ok Bella, breathe. Be calm. Be witty. Be smart. I had to talk myself down before I responded.

"_Just make sure u don't do it aloud. I hear that it's quite embarrassing if caught"____. B. _

"_LOL thx good advice! Is this ok? I'm sorry if I am interrupting you." E. _

"_This is perfectly ok; U saved me from history homework" B._

"_Get back to work! lol Music later?" E._

"_Then__ stop texting me! LOL, yes, music later. TTYL" B._

And so it began. Edward and I were best friends almost instantly after that. If I was not with Edward, I was with Alice and vise versa. We would hang out all the time at school, after school and weekends. We quickly became text messaging addicts too.

After spending a lot of time with Edward, I found all of the answers to the questions I always had about him. For the most part, he was _exactly_ what people had told me about him. He was shy, talented, and smoked like chimney. He was very sarcastic, just like me. It was the only thing I could almost always beat him at, a great smartass come back. He did swear a lot, but hey who doesn't? He was also brooding at times and I had heard venomous words escape his mouth first hand. Like the day Mike Newton decided it would be 'funny' to pass me a note, describing in _detail, with illustrations,_ what he wished we, or um, rather I... would be doing during the movie we were watching in history.

I showed Edward the note after class by our lockers, mistakably thinking he would just laugh and roll his eyes in agreement with me at Mike's immaturity. I don't even think he finished reading it, before I was practically chasing him down the hall. He stalked up to Mike and in one swift motion he whipped him around, slamming Mike's back into the lockers. Before Mike could even react, Edward had his forearm pressed roughly into Mike's throat, holding the note in his other hand. Edward was virtually growling at him.

"What the fuck is this!?" Edward roared

Mike didn't say a word as he struggled to breathe. Edward didn't wait for a response, he just continued with his verbal assault.

"You have fuckin' crossed the line Newton! How _dare you_ talk to Bella like this. Is this all you fucking think of her!? Do you think she moved here solely to be fucking sexually harassed by you? You disgusting fuck?" Edward was trembling with rage.

"N-no", he coughed. "No Edward, p-please" he coughed again. "I-I don't, it was a joke." Mike barley got the words out.

Edward's eyes narrowed as he moved closer to Mike's face placing all of his body weight on the arm that was still pushed against Mike's throat.

"A Joke? A fucking Joke? _You_ are the fucking joke here Newton, and if I ever see another note like this, no fuck that, if you ever even _THINK_ of writing a note like this, I will fucking break both your hands. Is that clear?" The warning he gave him came out so calm it was terrifying.

_Venom in his words? Oh yes, I would say so._

Edward could be terrifying when need be. But he was also exactly everything I thought he would be. He was funny, kind, thoughtful and brave. He was passionate and protective of the things he cared about. He was so very sweet to his twin sister Alice, even though she annoyed him to no end at times. He would do little things that others might over look. He would wake up extra early every time it snowed to clean off Alice's car and his mother's as well. If he went to the store for cigarettes, he would always bring back Alice's favorite candy, without being asked. Alice even told me once that whenever his mother seemed to have a rough day, Edward would play her favorite song on the piano for her. But she made it clear to me that was a family secret and I shouldn't tell him that she told me.

Every new thing I discovered about him, only made me want to know more. Every "flaw" I could find, only made him more endearing to me. I loved him _for_ his flaws not in _spite_ of them. You just had to know him to understand what I mean. He was perfect.

Alice and I had hit it off from the moment we met, so after just a few short weeks of hanging out together, she and I were like sisters. Alice was just as beautiful as Edward. Jasper was her boyfriend and he was also Edwards's best friend. That's actually how Alice and Jasper met. Edward told me one time that he was angry at first when Jasper started dating Alice, but soon got over it. He only wanted happiness for his sister.

Edward's older brother, Emmett, was a huge football player that was as gentle as a teddy bear. His girlfriend Rosalie was Jaspers sister. She took a while to warm up to me. But soon we were all just one big happy family.

I spent more time at the Cullen's home then my own. Edward and I would usually study at my house after school. But when we were finished studying and having dinner with Charlie, we would somehow end up at his house most nights. We would watch movies or play pool and video games with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose. It was always an even 6, but we would usually just play guys against girls**. **

Alice would invite me over to spend the night almost every weekend. Her, Rose and I would do all the girl stuff like hair, nails, pedicures and shopping. I had missed out on a lot of this kind of "girl stuff" growing up. Moving around so much with Renee prevented me from truly ever making close girlfriends like this. At first I was reluctant and embarrassed because their fashion sense was much greater than mine. But they taught me quickly. I was given a crash course on the fashion do's and don'ts. They were my best friends and we had so much fun together. I found myself looking forward to it more and more each time. We were able to talk for hours and would always end up hysterically laughing until the wee hours of the morning. Just us girls, being girls.

Emmett quickly took on the role of being my big brother. He was protective of me and treated me like a sister, even though some nights he would pick on me until I would beg Rose to make him stop. We were all so close and they all took me in as a part of their family. And I loved them for that.

Sometimes, it would get a little uncomfortable when the couples would cuddle up on the couches to watch a movie. That was always mine and Edwards cue to leave. We would go up to his room to hang out. I would listen to Edward play his guitar or piano while I read. We would talk about anything and everything. Edward knew all my secrets and I knew his. Well, he knew _almost_all my secrets. I somehow convinced myself that his friendship was enough and not worth risking. But my heart knew differently. I was much more in love with Edward now then ever before.

During that school year, a few guys started to take notice of me. Mike Newton and Eric Yourke were the most persistent. Edward had very strong opinions of Mike. He constantly warned me about him. He was very rude to Mike on several occasions when Mike would come around to talk to me. Edward would get into his brotherly mode and would always say, "Bella, you are my best friend and I have to watch out for you, just the same as I would watch out for Alice."

It felt good to know Edward cared; however, it cut like a knife to know he thought of me like a sister. Nevertheless, I had no time for other boys. I was too busy being hopelessly in love with Edward. No matter what he thought of me, I _knew_ what I felt for him.

The summer before senior year, I had to go visit my mother for the entire month before school started back up. I begged Charlie not to make me go to Arizona for those four weeks, but that was part of the arrangement with my mother. I would have to go. It was going to be the hardest thing I would ever have to do.

It was Friday morning; I woke up to the sound of my phone beeping. _Text message. _ I knew instantly who it was. I reached over and picked it up.

"_**Always**__- stay __**Never**__- leave" E. _

I smiled sadly. I knew exactly what he meant. Edward and I had come up with a few daily text rituals. "Always & Never" was our morning ritual. The "Always" was something we always want, and the "Never" was something we would never want.

Our night time ritual was sending each other a song. I had once told Edward I could only fall asleep to music so I had to pick a song to fall asleep to every night. Of course, he made that into "our" thing as well. We would each pick a song for the other to fall asleep to. Whenever I would get tired, I would simply text him "_Tell me a story_". Within minutes, he would send me the perfect song. In return, I would send him one back. Then I would drift off to sleep. It was our way of saying goodnight. I loved that we had our own text world that no one else knew about. No one else existed in our text world except Edward and me.

"_**Alway**__s- Forks __**Never**__- Arizona" B._

I sent the message and got started on my busy day. I had laundry and packing to do. I still had cleaning and some food shopping to do also. I wanted to make sure Charlie was fully stocked while I was gone. It was Friday and I was leaving Monday. I was staying with Alice this weekend and spending Sunday with Charlie. Then I wouldn't see any of them again until I got back from Arizona.

I was so busy. My day flew by. When I finally got to the Cullen's house I was exhausted. The guys went out that night so I could spend some girl time with Alice and Rose. We had a great night. It was full of gossip about the guys and we drank the vodka Rose brought from her house. We ate way too much junk food and laughed until our stomachs hurt. It was very late by the time we were finally getting ready for bed. The guys were still not back. It made me sad. I couldn't believe I had not seen Edward at all that night. Just as I was thinking that, my phone beeped. _I swear he could read my mind_.

"_Hope you're having fun, we will have our time tomorrow" E._

"_We had a great time. I will be looking forward to tomorrow ____ tell me a story?" B._

"_MP3: Amazing, Aerosmith" E._

He knew Aerosmith was one of my all time favorites. I let it download while I thought of a song to send in return. Remembering he was still out, I sent him a quick text.

"_Did you want me to send you one tonight?" B._

"_I won't be able to sleep without it" E_

"_MP3: I don't want to miss a thing, Aerosmith" B._

The girls and I woke up early the next morning. Well, as early as you could expect since we went to bed after 2:00am. It was about 8:00am and of course the guys were all still sleeping. We came down stairs to find Esme frantically getting her things together to leave for work.

"Good morning girls" she flashed a quick smile, "I am very busy today I have three open houses and then Carlisle are I are going to dinner after he gets out of work. Will you girls be ok?"

"Yes, mom of course we will. Now go before you're late!" Alice hugged her mother and with that she was gone.

We ate our breakfast and then headed back upstairs to get ready for the day. I took a shower and threw on some jeans and a t shirt. I pulled my hair up in a clip even though it was still damp. A touch of lip gloss and mascara, I was done. I hurried to my phone to send Edward his text before he woke up.

"_**Always**__-Pancakes __**Never**__-Oatmeal"_

I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast, leaving plenty for the guys when they woke up. Then I headed over to Edwards room. It was after 10:00am and I decided it was time for him to wake up already. I knocked lightly on the door and it opened. I took a minute to admire the view before entering. He was lying on his back in the middle of his bed. Sheets were bunched up to one side. Even with him wearing a dark blue t-shirt and blue basketball shorts, he was a vision. I could clearly see his sculpted body and his hair looked even more bronze in contrast to crisp white pillow case. The little bit of light that his curtains allowed, shined directly on his perfect face. I figured that was why he had his arm over his eyes. I took a deep breath to take in his smell and walked over to the side of his bed.

"Edward," I whispered as I approached the bed, "Good morning sunshine."

I giggled, while trying to reach out to touch his arm that was covering his eyes. Before I knew what had happened, Edward's arm shot out and grabbed my wrist pulling me to him.

"Edward?!" I yelped, shocked and confused.

I was laying the wrong way on the bed, flat on my back and he still looked like he was sleeping. I watched and waited. Then I saw it, that little shit was _smirking_ at me!

"Stop playing around and get up, Edward. It's my last day here. I won't see you for weeks and you're just sleeping our day away!"

I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and pouted my bottom lip. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I saw the smirk fade and his face fall slightly. He sat up, reaching for me; he pulled me up and laid me next to him, my head nestled into his neck and his chin rested on top of my head. My heart was racing. I prayed he couldn't hear it. Edward and I had sat on his bed many times and I had fallen asleep next to him on countless occasions but this, the way he was holding me, felt much different. I waited for him to speak first. After a few minutes he broke the silence.

"You're right. You're damn guilt trip is just about the only thing that could get me out of bed today," he smiled. I looked up at him and smiled too.

"Well hurry up! The rest of us are all ready and will be waiting downstairs for you."

I got up to leave but he pulled me back to him. He leaned forward and I was frozen. I don't think I was even breathing. His hand lightly brushed my cheek and then, leaning into me, I could feel his hot breath on my face and then he whispered…

"Bella, I wanted oatmeal for breakfast." I could see him holding back his laughter.

"What the fuck Edward? You are _so not_ funny!"

I watched as Edward laughed hysterically and I couldn't help but join in. After regaining some composure, I leaned over and smelled him.

_He smelled perfect_.

However, I could never tell him what I really thought so I went the route I was used to. I cupped my hand around my mouth and nose as if I were disgusted and said, "Edward _you_ are not funny. However, you do _smell _funny. So, I suggest you get in the shower and come eat your _pancakes _before I feed them all to Emmett."

He smirked and shook his head as he got up and walked towards to the bathroom. We were both laughing as I left his room.

All six of us spent that day in Port Angeles at the mall shopping for outfits for the going away party they were throwing me that night. We had lunch and made many stops for food, party hats, that Alice insisted on and of course an absurd amount of alcohol. Rose was the one designated to get the alcohol. All she ever had to do was flirt with the guy at the register and he was putty in her hands.

Edward and I took his car because he said he would never sit in Emmett's back seat. He said he _knew what went on back there_. The thought of that alone made me more than happy to drive with Edward. On the drive back Edward was unusually quite.

"Hey, Earth to Edward" I poked his arm smiling. Trying to lighten the mood

He looked over at me and smiled but the smile never reached his eyes. "I'm here B just thinking… sorry," he shook his head.

"What are you thinking about" I questioned.

"Tonight, the party, I just wanted you to know, that well, um, Tanya may show up." He adjusted himself in the seat and tightened his grip on the wheel.

"Oh, well that's fine. I figured she would be there anyway" I lied, wondering who in the hell would have invited her.

"Everyone in school knows about it, Bella. I mean, Alice nearly invited the whole school as it is." His eyes stayed focused on the road.

Edward knew Tanya and I never got along, but Edward being "Edward", got drunk one night at a party and hooked up with her. I was furious for weeks afterwards. He tried to explain to me what had happened and I remember shouting at him, "Spare me the fuckin' details!" Which lead to us not speaking for weeks. That was our first and only fight. I knew Edward had a 'reputation'. However, that was the first time it was thrown in my face, so to speak, and I didn't handle it well at all, to say the least.

Tanya was a bitch to me on a daily basis. Her snide remarks as I walked by her in the halls, her relentless flirting with Edward and constantly finding a way to pull him away from me, gave me even more reasons to hate her. I knew she was jealous of our friendship but she seemed to only take it out on me and only when Edward was not around to witness just what a rotten bitch she was. She was not going to ruin my last night with Edward and my friends. Over my dead body.

I reached over and took Edward's hand, "Hey, La Push is a big beach. I'm sure it will be fine, don't worry. I really just want to have a good time tonight"

He looked down at our hands and then met my eyes, smiling. "You're right. Fuck it, we are going to party our asses off tonight and give you a proper send off."

By the time we got back to Forks, it was later than we expected. Edward dropped me off at his house with the girls while he and guys went down to the beach to get things ready.

"ALICE HELP!" I yelled down the stairs.

I was trying to get ready for this party tonight but was failing miserably. I needed Alice to help me with a few things, like my hair, my makeup, my jewelry, my shoes and my outfit. I laughed to myself; I was still such an amateur. I heard Alice running up the stairs.

"Bella, we are going to be late! You should have been dressed by now! What are you wearing? You can't wear that!" she was talking so fast I couldn't keep up.

"But I thought you said to keep it casual tonight." I was confused.

"Bella I meant cute and casual not shorts and t shirts again!"

The look she gave me made me blush. I was so naive.

"Ok Bella, do you trust me?" I nodded "Your going to have to trust me if you want to get Edwards attention tonight."

I had confessed my feelings for Edward to her one night, after drinking way too much tequila. At first she pretended to be shocked but then just laughed telling me how obvious it was to her all along. When I asked how it was 'obvious' she simply shrugged and said, "I can see it in your eyes every time you look at him."

She asked me when I was going to tell _him_. The answer was NEVER! I was never going to tell him. She disagreed with my choice, and begged me to reconsider. She finally surrendered for the time being promising to keep my secret.

_Fucking tequila A.K.A. truth serum _

"Ok, I trust you; just work your magic... Please!?" I begged.

She was more than happy to agree, of course. An hour later, I couldn't even believe it was me in the mirror!

"Alice! Your like a my very own fairy godmother."

She curled my hair into huge bouncy curls that hung perfectly. She applied just the right amount of make up, in neutral tones that accented my best features, a light blush and soft pink lipstick.

She laid my clothes out on the bed. I would be wearing an empire-waist sundress. It was a beautiful royal blue with a floral pattern on it. The slight V neckline and empire-waist made my boobs look great. It had a simple bow that tied just between my breasts, drawing much attention to them. The sheer material hung loosely over the attached silk slip underneath. I actually liked the way it fit me. It showed just enough skin without being too revealing. I trusted Alice, but I was still unsure of just how over dressed I would look at the beach. I slipped on the matching navy sandals, thinking about how I was grateful for her. I was ready to go and I looked great.

Driving to the beach, I sent a text to Edward

"_On our way, please save me some vodka" B. _

"_Of course! Where the fuck R U____ HURRY UP!!" E. _

Laughing, knowing he must have had a few shots already, I threw my phone back in my purse. I turned up the radio but instantly, Alice turned it back down.

"Bella, I need to talk to you," she said.

_Uh oh here it comes. _

"I know it's not my place Bella, but don't you think that you should at least say something to Edward tonight, before you go?" she looked almost sad.

"What exactly would you like me to say to him, Alice? _Oh, Edward, I know you're my best friend and all, and you only think of me as another sister, but I just thought you should know I am totally in love with you and want to sex you up all night before I leave tomorrow?_" I snorted rolling my eyes.

"Hey, at least you would be honest," she smirked, making light of the subject.

"No, Alice. Edward doesn't think of me like that. He has made that quite clear"

"How exactly has he done that?" She glanced at me from the corner of her eye.

"Oh, I don't know, Alice. Maybe the fact that he has fucked half of the girls in school, tells me I am like a sister to him, and well, never has shown the slightest bit of interest in me what so ever. Must I always be the one to remind you of this?" Clearly, I was annoyed and now on the edge of angry.

"I'm sorry Bella, but Edward has never been as close to anyone the way he is with you. I see the way he looks at you when you're not looking. I just have a feeling there is something _more_, that's all." She put the car in park and turned to me. "Bella, I would never want to hurt you. I want you to be happy. I just think _someone_ needs to say _something_ before it's too late."

I leaned over to hug my best friend and simply said, "If Edward felt anything for me at all, I'm sure it would have been known by now. I'm sorry Alice. I just couldn't handle being rejected by him and risk losing his friendship and all of you." I smiled praying this was sufficient and we could just go to the party now.

"Ok, Bella, but I just have this _feeling_ that something big is going to happen tonight."

She hugged me once more before and we got out of car. Her cryptic words made my stomach do flips.

_Something big… huh?_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- I just wanted to say Thank You ALL so very much for taking the time to read my story! I ALWAYS wanted to write this story but NEVER thought anyone would want to read it… but you have all proven me wrong… and I am very happy and humbled. As a first time FF author, I didn't expect much of a response, but you guys have been amazing!! Thank you to all who added A&N to your favorites and updates. Also, a HUGE Thank You to everyone who took the time to review!! I will do my very best to respond to all reviews! I think I got everyone this round!!! **

**I am posting chapter 2 just five days after chapter 1 because I kind of left you hanging last time. Going forward, I will be posting every 7-10 days, just FYI. If you want to catch my post chapter interviews with Edward, and future chapter teasers check out the blog link on my profile page!!**

**Thank you Krysti, for being the most amazing BETA Bitch in the world! Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N. And as always, my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, Krysti, and JW I heart you girls hard for all the support!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, they belong to SM. However, Textward is all mine! **

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Alice and I linked arms as we started walking toward the beach. As we approached, I took a quick inventory of the cars in the parking lot to see who was already here.

"BELICE!" a booming voice yelled.

Alice and I looked at each other curiously, then we heard it again, "BELICE!"

Looking up, I saw a shirtless Emmett standing on a table, holding a bottle of alcohol in one hand and waving at us with the other. Directly below him, was a clearly annoyed Rose, pulling at his pant leg. We both laughed as we continued towards our friends

"Get the fuck down already!" Rose was yelling at him as we approached.

"Hey Emmett," Alice said, reaching up to take the bottle from him. "What the hell is a Belice?" She asked, taking a drink then passing the bottle to me.

"You know, like Brangelina? He has been doing it _all_ night, to _everyone_" Rose snorted.

Alice and I laughed so hard, I almost choked on the rum I was drinking.

"It's not funny! I swear to god, if he calls me "Rosemett" one more fucking time, I _will_ castrate him and I'm pretty sure "Tanward" would hold him down for me while I do it too!" she seethed, rolling her eyes.

"Tanward?" I asked, somehow knowing I shouldn't have. The sinking feeling in my stomach told me I already knew the answer.

"Yeah, Tanya and Edward were just here. Once Edward heard his new nickname, he told Emmett to fuck off and stomped away, making a beeline to the booze." Rose sighed, finishing off her beer.

I stood on my tip toes, looking desperately for Edward, who was nowhere to be found. I was determined to find him _and_ the bottle of vodka he was supposed to be guarding for me. I made my way through the crowd, walking toward the huge bonfires, near the tables and ice chests.

"BELLS!" I heard a familiar voice shouting my name. The name only _he_ would call me.

Looking around, I spotted him trotting over to me. I took a quick glance toward the bottles of liquor sitting on one of the picnic tables. I winced at the bottle of tequila, thinking of the affect it sometimes had on me. _Fucking truth serum_. I reluctantly grabbed it and ran over to him, jumping into his huge arms.

"JAKE!" I yelled, as he took me into his warm embrace, swinging me around, smiling.

"Jake! What are you doing here? I've missed you! Wow, I have not seen you since last summer!" I was practically shrieking with excitement.

"Um, surprise?" he said with a smile and a shrug. "I had to come up to check on my dad and well, I figured we could fly back together? Charlie said you are terrified of flying alone, so... well…here I am," he stated with a huge grin on his face.

"Jake," I said cupping his face in my hand, "I'm so glad you're here. I _do_ hate flying alone … thank you." I smiled at him tenderly.

Jake was my one and only life long friend. If I was being honest, he was also my first crush. He was also the first boy I had ever kissed, amongst _other things_. The only other person in the world that knew that he was the first guy I ever 'experimented' with was my first love…Edward.

Jake looked so different now. Even though he was a year younger than me, he was truly turning into a man. His hair was much shorter now, and his _body_… well… his body was chiseled to perfection. You could clearly see the definition of his sculpted chest through his shirt as it clung tightly to his body. To say he had a six pack would be laughable. I clearly counted eight, at the very least. His tight ribbed t-shirt left nothing to the imagination. He was shaped like a _perfect_ V.

Slowly, my eyes I raked over his body from his broad shoulders, across his beautiful chest, down his amazing stomach that ended at the lose jeans, hanging perfectly on his hips. His face still held his boyish good looks with his gentle dark brown eyes, beautiful smile, and perfect teeth. But my favorite part about his face was the deep dimples that made you just want to reach out and put your fingers in them, every time he smiled.

Jake and I sat next to the fire catching up on the year that had passed, while drinking tequila straight from the bottle. The effects of the liquor were slowly taking over my body, clouding my mind slightly, and giving me just enough courage to act on my sudden urge to dance in front of all these people. I pulled Jake up to dance with me.

Soon, Alice and Rose came over to join us. We were dancing for while as a group, passing around the bottle of tequila. Between the blazing fire, the tequila and dancing, I was feeling dehydrated. I needed water and a lot of it. I yelled to the group that I was going to get some water and that I would be right back. They all nodded, understanding, and kept dancing.

I made my way back to the coolers, digging out two bottles of cold water. I quickly opened one taking a long drink. In an attempt to cool myself from the inside out, I drank nearly half the bottle before coming up for air. I kicked off my sandals and sat down on the ice chest. I pulled my trusty hair tie from my wrist and gathered my long my hair into a high ponytail. Still feeling the heat radiating off my body, I took the ice cold water and poured some in my hand, splashing it lightly on the back of my neck. I repeated it, but this time tilting my head up slightly, rubbing the cold water slowly across my throat and down my chest, stopping short of where my cleavage was peaking out of the top of my dress.

Suddenly, I felt like I was on display, being watched from afar. Turning to my left, I saw Edward sitting on a large rock. His mouth was slightly open and I saw him slowly lick his bottom lip. He raked his fingers threw his hair, shaking his head as if he were trying to fight off some disturbing thought. I wondered what was wrong with him. I wished I could have seen his eyes but he was sitting just outside of the light that glowed off the fires.

Edward always looked incredible. Tonight, he was wearing dark blue jeans, a plain black v neck t-shirt and his famous navy blue hoodie. Famous for the fact that on the left side of his chest was the infamous Cullen crest. There were large white letters forming the word 'CULLEN' above the crest. He and Emmett both wore one year round. If I had not known him so well, I would of bet he slept in it. The ensemble was completed with his black Doc Martins. He looked gorgeous. I was practically drooling. I slid the sandals back on my feet and walked over to him.

"Hey stranger, I have been looking for you all night." I smiled, sitting on the rock just below him.

"_You've_ been looking for _me_ all night?" his words bordering on irritation.

"Of course I have. You are holding _my_ vodka hostage" I countered with equal irritation.

"That's funny, Bella. I have been sitting here all night watching you dance and drink _tequila_. It didn't look like you were looking for_ me _or_ your vodka, _from here."

He grabbed a cigarette and lit it. Clearly something was wrong. I didn't know what to say.

"Bella", he said taking another drag from his cigarette, "I've been texting you all night. Where the hell is your phone?" His words stabbed at my heart.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I left it in Alice's car. I didn't want to lose it out here on the beach." I sighed in defeat.

"I'm sorry for acting like such a dick. Its just Emmett won't shut the fuck up. Tanya has been following me around all night and I just thought we were going to drink together one last time before you leave." His eyes where piercing into mine as he spoke, as if he was searching for something.

"Well, I'm here now," I said quietly.

I took his hand that held the cigarette and drew it to my lips. My bottom lip lightly brushed against his finger as I took a long drag, releasing his hand afterwards.

"What the fuck was that?" Edward asked breathily, pulling his eyes from my lips. "You don't even smoke," he said more clearly. He arched one of his perfect eyebrows, clearly confused.

"I know I don't." I shrugged because honestly I didn't know where that even came from must have been another affect of that _damn tequila_.

_Liquid braver_y _perhaps? _

"I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about." I lied.

Honestly, I really only wanted to see if I could taste him on it. I had seen Edward smoke countless times and each and every time, I felt almost _jealous_ of that fucking cigarette. The way he would hold it in his long fingers, flicking it like only a man would know how. The way he would lick his lips to dampen them between drags. The way his lips would slightly open as he put it in his mouth and puckered as he exhaled. _My god_, it was like he was making love to it. If anyone in this world could make smoking look like the single most provocative thing in history, Edward was the man to do it.

"Edward, I could really use that vodka right about now" I was essentially begging. Just watching him smoke had my body reacting in ways I didn't know were possible.

"Me too" he agreed quickly. Although, I'm sure our reasons for the much needed drink were _very_ different.

We both took two long drinks from the bottle and eased into more comfortable conversation. I situated myself on the rock just below Edward, in between his legs. Edward had me rolling over with laughter as he described the look on Rose's face the first time Emmett called her "Rosemett". I was laughing so hard, without realizing it, I wrapped my arm around Edwards's leg, mostly for balance because I was drunk and didn't want to fall. I was so caught up in the moment of laughter, without even thinking, I let my head fall forward, pressing my forehead into his inner thigh.

Clearly, Edward noticed immediately, because he abruptly stopped laughing. He drew in a deep breath and I froze. I felt his fingers slide around my neck, using his thumb to gently brush my cheek. My heart started racing at record speed. I don't even remember breathing. I closed my eyes for only a second, foolishly allowing myself to take in this moment.

"Bella," he whispered. I turned my head slightly, my eyes meeting his. He leaned in, closing the distance between us. "I think we need to…"

"THERE YOU ARE!" A female voice shrieked.

"_Fuck_!" Edward practically growled. Wincing his eyes and releasing my face quickly.

Instinctively, I sat up. All of a sudden, I felt an overpowering need to drink. I grabbed the bottle off the rock and took a few sips.

"You're in my seat" she stated, clearly wanting me to move.

I took another long, deep drink of the vodka, letting it burn my throat as if it would somehow help stifle back my words.

"Shit, take it easy Bella!" Edward shouted, pulling the bottle from my lips.

"Yeah Bella, I _need _my Eddie tonight. I can't have him taking care of his drunken '_besite' all_ night," she cooed.

She was such a **B.I.T.C.H.** I had just about had it with Tanya already.

I shot up so fast, I lost my footing on the rocks and Edward caught me. "Are you ok Bella?" He asked anxiously

"Yes, I am fine!" I seethed, taking out my anger on poor Edward.

"Fine" he mumbled. He unlocked his hands from my arm and waist, waving his hands in the air as if he were surrendering.

Edward and I made our way off the rocks back onto the beach. Tanya quickly flanked his side.

She slid her hand around his waist as she spoke again. "Some guy named Jacob is looking for you Bella" she smirked. "Apparently he has been saying his dance partner had disappeared."

"Jacob?" Edward narrowed his eyes at me "_Jacob _was who _you_ were dancing with all night?" Edward was clearly fuming, but for the life of me I didn't know why?

"Now, why don't you run along and dance while Eddie and I get some alone time," Tanya said, grinning.

_I wanted to vomit_.

"He hates that you know? Edward HATES being called Eddie," I spat at her.

"Oh Bella," she laughed coolly. "Let me _assure you,_ I am an _expert_ at calling out Edwards name and he _really_ likes it when I call him Eddie, just before he comes" she winked.

_Did she really just fucking wink at me?! _

My blood was boiling. Waves of nausea over took me and I fucking lost it.

"Look skank! I couldn't give a fuck what you call him when you _fuck_ him! _Don't_ fucking talk to me like you _know me_ or anything about me, you stupid slut! Edward is MY best friend and I _know he hates_ it when you call him that because he _tells me_ how much it makes him _physically sick_ when you call him that!" I was out of breath, shaking and yelling, and couldn't have cared less.

"Bella!" Edwards's voice shook with concern

"Why don't you go fuck yourself, since no one else wants to fuck you, you jealous little virgin" Tanya spat back at me

"Tanya! Get the fuck out of here already!" Edward growled pushing her off of him.

"Any whore can get fucked, Tanya. Just because _I _don't spread my legs to every asshole that wants to _fuck_, doesn't make me a virgin!" I winced slightly realizing that my words could be interpreted as a dig towards Edward as well.

"Let's go Bella," Edward grabbed my arm in attempt to pull me away.

"Let me fucking go Edward!" I was screaming now at the top of my lungs, yanking my arm back. People started gathering around.

"What the fuck Bella? You just want to fight with this bitch all night or what?" He shouted.

All of a sudden, I felt huge arms wrap protectively around me, pulling me backwards into a hard, warm body.

"What the hell is going on here," Jake yelled. "Back the fuck off!" he yelled even louder towards Edward and Tanya.

He kept one arm wrapped around my shoulders and took a protective stance in front of me. Everyone froze. Jacob turned and stood in front of me, cupping my face gently in his hands.

"Are you hurt Bella? Did _he _hurt you?" his eyes were ablaze with rage and concern.

"I would _never_ fucking hurt her!" Edward bellowed. His voice was closer than I expected.

Before I knew it, Edward was standing right next to us. He reached for my hand and Jacob shoved him away, pulling me close to his chest.

"Don't you fucking touch her, asshole!" Jake practically barked at him.

"Jacob, he didn't hurt me. He would never hurt me. It was that bitch over there I was fighting with." I stepped back, point at Tanya

"Well you scared the shit out of me, Bells. I just heard you screaming and I just thought…" Jake was cut off

"You thought wrong, asshole" Edward interjected.

Turning his attention back to me, Edward pleaded, "Bella, please don't do this. Not tonight. It's your last night in town. This whole party was for you."

I was so fed up with him and Tanya and the mere _thought_ of them fucking. I was just _done_.

I grabbed Jake by the hand and started to walk away. That's when I heard Edward shouting.

"Fuck her, Bella! Don't let her ruin _our_ night".

I whipped around and yelled back, "No_ Eddie,_ _YOU__FUCK HER!" __Y_ou brought her!

Jacob laughed at my shitty joke, pulling me close to his side as we walked off. I could hear Edward yelling something at Tanya but I couldn't bring myself to care enough to turn back around.

_She fuckin' deserves whatever she's getting, _I thought.

Once Jake and I made our way back, I had to rehash the whole fight with Rose and Alice.

"Fuck Bella, I wish I was there. I would have slapped that bitch," Rose said, handing me a shot of god knows what. I threw it down my throat and chased it with a beer.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just need to dance! Who's with me!?" I desperately wanted to just be with my friends for the rest of night.

I stared at Alice, Rose and Jake. They could probably see the desperation in my eyes. They all smiled and pulled me back into the party.

About an hour passed and I was officially over the Tanya incident. I had slowed to drinking only beer, because I was officially buzzed, actually _very _buzzed. We took a break from the dancing and everyone was mindlessly chatting away when I caught Edward staring at me from a few feet away.

He was holding his beer bottle by the neck in one hand and the other hand was shoved in his pocket. He was leaning up against a table, _alone_. Our eyes locked and that's when I heard it come on, Fiona Apples "Criminal". I smirked, my eyes never leaving Edwards.

"Jake, dance with me?" I asked keeping my eyes locked with Edwards

"Bells, I would love to hon', but I'm soaked."

Pulling my eyes from Edwards, I looked over at Jacob. His shirt was soaked with sweat.

"Take it off" I shrugged, locking my eyes on Jakes.

"Jacob, when a beautiful girl tells you to take your clothes off, you better, damn well, do what she says," Emmett said laughing. Rose elbowed him in the side, glancing at me then back at Edward. She knew what was coming and she was grinning from ear to ear. She smirked, giving me a "that-a-girl" nod.

"Alright!" Jake pulled his shirt off and threw it at Emmett, who was still laughing and hooting and hollering.

We started dancing near the crowd of people. I saw Edward move forward to get a better view.

_So, you like to watch, Edward? Well, let me show you how a girl "who no one wants to fuck" does it. _I was still angry at him for not even defending me on the matter.

I allowed the music to take over my body, slowly moving my hands up Jacob's chest, wrapping my arms around his neck. He quickly caught on and snaked his arms around my waist pulling me to him. Swaying side to side, I started moving my hips in a slow rocking motion as Jacob ran his hands up and down my back, then gripping me tighter around the waist. He pulled me into him as he gradually slid his knee between my legs. I leaded back as far as I could, while rocking and grinding my hips against his leg. He pulled me back up, bringing me face to face with him. I immediately looked to my left, intentionally meeting my eyes with Edwards.

He was glaring at us. His eyes were red and slightly glazed over from the affects of the alcohol. He was much closer now, standing with the others. He was taking deep, long drags of his cigarette as he vigilantly surveillance the 'situation'. Suddenly, Jacob turned me around so my ass was pressed firmly up against him.

I turned us slightly, giving Edward a full on view of this shit. I took my hands and wrapped them backwards around Jacobs's waist resting them on his ass. Still rocking my hips, I snaked my whole body down his. Slowly, I dragged my hands down his legs and back up. Jake held one hand against my stomach and ran his other down my side. I felt his fingers twitch as he reached the hem of my dress. His hand that had started on my stomach was now extremely close to my breasts. I could feel how excited I was making him as his hard length pressed into my back.

_Thank god the song was ending because I wasn't sure how much longer I could torture Jake like this._

The song ended and we received a loud round of applause and whistling from some of our friends. I blushed slightly as I bowed to the group, turning to Jake, giving him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. He kept his hands around my waist, placing his forehead into mine.

"Bells that was sexy as hell," he giggled, kissing me on my nose.

Suddenly, I heard Edward asking, "Are you _done_?" I whipped around to face him.

"Excuse me?" I questioned back.

"I said are you done? Because we need to talk." Edward held out his hand waiting for me to take it.

"Bells, you don't have to go," Jacob whispered in my ear.

"It's ok, Jake. I need to talk to him." I patted Jacob's hand that was still holding onto my waist, to comfort him and stepped of his embrace.

"If you need me Bells, I will be right here." The threatening tone of his voice was obviously meant as a warning to Edward.

He and Edward were staring each other down. The looks they gave each other were frightening.

"She will be more than fine. I can assure you of that, Jacob" Edward snarled at him, taking my hand and leading me away.

We stopped briefly at the table where Edward had been sitting. Edward grabbed the bottle of vodka we had been drinking from earlier, tucking it into his pocket and picked up a blanket. He still had not said a word to me.

"Edward, where are we going?" I ask quietly

"For a walk," he stated emotionlessly.

Taking my hand again, he led me down the beach. We walked for a few minutes in silence, slowly making our way into the dark. Just around the bend was a private beach where we would be out of sight and out of the light of the fire. I could barely hear the music off in the distance, as if someone turned the volume down to low. The only light touching us now was from the moon as it reflected off the water. Edward stopped and laid out the blanket. I stood there silent and confused, not knowing what was going to happen next.

Finally, Edward spoke, breaking the silence. "I couldn't fuck take it anymore," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Take what?" I asked my voice still quiet. I was trying to judge where this was going by the tone of Edwards's voice.

"I couldn't take it anymore, Bella. His hands were _all over you_. I had to get you out of there." He finally turned to face me. Both of his hands were fisted in his hair.

"I hardly needed to be _saved,_ Edward. We were just dancing," I sighed. _I knew it_. Here we go again; Edward is in _big_ _brother_ mode.

"So, you _liked _it then? You _liked_ _his hands_ being all over you, all over _your body_?" Edward's words came with more venom this time. He closed the distance between us wrapping his hands around my forearms.

"Answer me," he demanded. His voice was so calm, it almost frightened me.

I wouldn't look at him. Looking at the ground, I felt the shame, anger and hurt starting to fill me.

"Why are you asking me this?" It came out mostly as a whisper but he was close enough to hear it.

I prayed desperately for him to answer with the words that would not come from a brother, but only from a lover.

"Because Bella, that was not you out there. That was not _my_ Bella, not the Bella I _know_ and spend every day with. You were acting like you _wanted_ him and clearly, he wanted you. Fuck, you were practically having sex with the guy right there for all to see!" He kept his cool tone but his words were harsh.

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I swallowed hard to fight them back, to ask my final question.

"So, you felt it was your place to _protect_ me? You dragged me away from him, away form all of our friends, just to tell me this? Because you _thought_ Jacob wanted to _fuck_ me?"

I closed my eyes tightly, holding my breath, waiting for his response, willing him to give me the answer I so desperately needed to hear.

"Yes! Well, that and..." I cut him off. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Edward, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're not my father! You're _not_ my _brother_! I don't need to be fucking protected from _Jacob,_ of all people! I pulled back from him and turned to walk away.

"Bella wait! Stop! Let me fucking finish, damn it!" His voice was angry, yet still had a trace of brotherly concern.

"Edward, I know you _think_ of me as your sister, but did you ever fucking once stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I _want_ to be touched like that? I am a woman Edward, even though _you_ might not see me as one!" I clutched my arms around my center, taking deep breaths now, fighting desperately to keep the tears at bay.

"Is that what you_ think_? Is that how you really think _I see you_ Bella?" His tone was determined but the anger had disappeared.

"I can see that you do Edward, I just don't know why?" My voice was shaky now. I blinked once and the tears fell from my eyes.

"_Fuck_, Bella. Why are you crying?" Edward asked.

I said nothing. I turned my back to him and stood there silent, fighting desperately to stop the sob that was trying to escape. Tears were streaming down my face with every blink.

I felt Edwards hands wrap around my shoulders, pulling me back into him. I took in a ragged breath, allowing myself to sink back into his chest. His hands slowly slid down my arms, lacing his fingers in mine. He pulled our arms back up to my chest, crossing them as if he were hugging me.

"Please Edward," I whispered.

Half of me was pleading with him because I was desperate for him to hold me like this forever, but the other half of me was begging to know why he was doing it at all.

"Please what?" His velvet voice was stern in my ear

I felt his hot breath on my neck and his lips ghosting on my earlobe. Instantly, my body reacted to him. Goose bumps covered my skin and my nipples hardened under his arms that were pressed against me.

As if on cue, I heard some of the people at the party start to scream as if they were at a concert and the music got louder.

Kings of Leon's "Closer" was blaring off in the distance. I knew this was one of Edwards's favorite songs.

"Dance with me," he breathed into my neck. Running his nose softly my along my jaw line.

I started to slowly sway from side to side. I was still feeling the affect of the alcohol but now, I was much more intoxicated by Edward. The raspy voice singing the sexy song, the pulsating music and the cinnamon scent from Edward's mouth enveloping me was almost too much. My breathing picked up as Edward released my hands. He pulled me to him by my waist with one hand. Placing his other one on my hip, he guided me as he set the pace of our rocking.

"Let go Bella," he whispered. This time he placed one single kiss on the back of my neck.

"Edward." His name fell breathlessly from my lips, sounding much more like a whimper. We had never touched like this. Edward had never kissed me like that. It was so surreal. I wondered if it was all a dream or perhaps the affects of the alcohol. I didn't care. I had to take him anyway I could have him.

I took my arm and wrapped it around his neck behind me, fisting my hand into his hair. I began to grind into him harder, desperately seeking some sort of friction. The way Edward was making me feel was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I could feel his chest rising and falling, each breath deeper than the last. His hands moved down my thighs and gripped the hem of my dress. I gasped and a tiny moan escaped me.

"_Fuck_!" Edward breathed. He pulled me to him, pressing his hard length into me as he stifled a groan.

"Is this how you felt when _he _danced with you?" His tone was serious.

"N-No, never. No one could make me feel the way you do," I admitted.

"God Bella, How could you believe that I don't see you as a _woman_? Do you feel it now Bella? Do you feel what you do to me?" He ground his rock-hard length into my ass.

"God, yes, I can feel it, Edward." I was nearly panting.

Edward pulled out the hair tie that was holding my ponytail, letting my hair fall down. He pushed his face into my hair and took a deep breath.

"Jesus Christ! Bella, you smell so fucking good" he growled.

He turned me around to face him, tilting my face up tenderly with his fingers. He stopped our swaying so we were no longer dancing. I knew he was going to kiss me. His eyes were hooded with lust.

Terrified that he was only acting out of his drunken state, I said "Edward, you don't want this, please don't."

I tried to step back, but Edward pulled me back into him, with a sound of protest similar to a growl coming from his throat.

"How do you know I _don't_ want you like this?" he whispered to me.

"It's just the alcohol talking."

"No, it's not." He leaned his head down to look into my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked, breathless.

"I mean just what I said."

He leaned in to kiss me and I allowed it. How could I not? I had prayed for this moment for so long. I had to take the chance. I had to risk everything because my love for him overpowered any rational thought at this point. I couldn't resist him any longer.

My heart was beating out of my chest as his lips claimed mine. His hands slid up my back and fisted into my hair, pulling me forward. I pressed my lips to meet his. His lips moved with mine tenderly. His tongue traced along my lower lip, begging for entrance. I was more than willing to meet his request. His mouth was hot and tasted like cinnamon. It was almost too much for my sense to process. As our tongues twisted, my mind finally registering how good he really was at this. It felt like, for the first time in my life, I had been _properly_ kissed.

He kissed along my jaw line, allowing me to catch my breath.

"Edward," I panted, not caring that I was beginning to sound weak.

"Yes, Bella?" He moaned dragging his teeth across my collar bone

"Edward, please…." I whimpered, as I felt the moisture pooling in my panties.

"Please what, Bella? What do you need?" he murmured, while placing open-mouthed kisses and hard licks across my collarbone.

"You, Edward. I need you," I begged.

Edward slowed down, placing gentle kissing along my neck, up my jaw line and onto my face.

"Bella, baby, lets go," he breathed.

"Go where?" I asked, clearly still lost in the moment.

"To my house." I could feel his lips smile against me, as he kissed just below my earlobe.

"Wait. What? Why do we need to go there? Who's there?"

Edward pulled away slightly, holding my face in his hands. He smiled at me, arching one of his beautiful eyebrows. Then he simply whispered, "No one."

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**A/N- Sooooo…yeah, that was **_**interesting!**_** What did you guys think? Send me your reviews to let me know! *phone beeps* Ugh…hang on…. *Bostongirl reading text* Hmmm? Ok, sorry. That was Edward. He wanted me to tell you guys that he will answer ONE question from the readers this week during his post interview!! What, you don't believe me? Look, let me show you the text…**

"_**B'girl, I thought about it long and hard *smirk* and I guess it would be ok to answer ONE "reader" question. You can just pick the fucking question because…I'm in the car with Bella right now and she's…um…fuck…I gotta' go. It just better not be anything too fucking personal and I ONLY talk to Krysti. PERIOD. But make sure she brings me lollipops. A WHOLE FUCKING BUNCH OF THEM! C-ya" E. **_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- As always, I wanted to say ****THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH**** for reading and reviewing!! It means more to me then you will ever know! I hope you guys are checking out the blog for post chapter interviews with Edward (Textward) and Teasers! Blog link is located on my profile page. **

**Also, as promised, I got back to each and every person who reviewed! I will continue to do so and I will try to answer questions asked, if I can. And I didn't make you wait long, just 8 days since last chapter. My goal is to post new chapter every Tuesday just FYI. **

**My shouts out to Krysti, for being the most amazing BETA Bitch in the world! Thank you for all you do for me! ****"Krysti you are my life now"**** LMAO! **

**Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N. And as always, my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, Krysti, and JW I heart you girls hard for all the love & support! **

_**I have a feeling I will be getting a lot of reviews for this chapter *smirks* **_

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward is all mine! I just loan him to Krysti for interviews. LOL! **

* * *

I had no idea that a simple drive to Edward's house could be so completely erotic until I was actually in the car with him. From the moment I got in and closed the door, I was immersed in his scent. The musk of his cologne, the deep rich smell of leather, the fiery, hot cinnamon, with a familiar hint of smoke. I inhaled deeply basking in the smell of _him_.

Edward only lived about fifteen minutes away but it felt like it was taking an eternity for us to get there. He never once took his hand off of me. At first he seemed very much in control of himself and his _hormones_. He lounged his arm on my headrest, lightly stroking my hair. I slightly leaned my head forward, silently willing him to rub my neck. He knew exactly what I wanted. He brushed my hair aside and started rubbing light circles along the back of my neck. Feeling my body completely relaxed by his touch, I let out a gentle moan.

I could see him adjust himself in his seat through my peripheral vision. I smirked at the fact that a tiny moan, from _me,_ could cause such a reaction in him.

"Edward," my voice came out much more breathy then I intended.

"Yes, Bella?" he smirked at me, cocking an eyebrow.

_Shit he heard it too._

Clearing my throat, I sat up slightly and lolled my head in his direction.

"Did you move or something? How long have we been driving?" I asked playfully.

Edward let out a light chuckle, flashing his beautiful smile at me. Reaching up, cupping my face he said, "We are almost home baby." He winked and turned his attention back to the road.

_Baby? _

That was the second time tonight Edward called me that. Immediately, the butterflies in my stomach fluttered and my heart begin to overreact, pounding out of my chest.

Edward's hand was still on my face and I rested my cheek on it. Maybe it was the alcohol that was flowing through me tonight, maybe it was the naughty Kings of Leon "Sex on Fire" lyrics that were just barley audible through the stereo. Whatever it was that came over me and granted me the courage to do what I did next, I will forever be thankful for it.

I slowly slid my hand up Edwards arm, ending at his hand that was still holding my face. I leaned back slightly, freeing my face from his gentle grasp. I closed my eyes and started placing tiny kisses along the top of his hand, trailing them down to his wrist while slowly turning it, giving me access to his palm, where I placed opened mouth kisses.

I paused briefly, looking up at Edward through my lashes, to gauge his reaction. His jaw was clenched and I saw him swallow thickly. His lips twitched slightly and I could see his breaths coming faster as I watched the rise and fall of his chest. _He was fighting to stay in control. _

I deposited a single chaste kiss before sliding my tongue out; allowing it to flatten as I slowly licked his palm, then narrowing it as it traveled up towards his fingers. I allowed only the tip of my tongue to gently glide up his long middle finger. Once I reached the tip, I clasped my other hand around his wrist and wrapped my entire mouth around his finger, sucking it completely into my mouth.

"_Holyfuckingshit Bella!"_ Edward practically whimpered, as his head slammed back into his headrest.

I sucked one more time, hard and long, massaging his finger with my tongue, before releasing him from my mouth.

"What the _fuck _B?You're going to get us killed if you keep doing shit like that!_" _His eyes where shooting back and forth between me and the road.

I smirked at him, "Really Edward, after all the rumors I've heard, I never figured you to be so prude?"

Edwards emerald green eyes clouded with lust as he narrowed them at me. "_You really shouldn't have said that._" His voice was laced with intent.

My eyes widened with shock and my breathing hitched at the tone of his voice. Edward licked his lips and glanced down quickly at my breasts before turning his attention back to the road.

Suddenly, Edward's hand was on the side of my neck. His long fingers pushed my face gently, giving him full access to my neck. He stroked my jaw line with the pad of his thumb, winding his other fingers along the back of my neck into my hair, pulling it lightly.

My body immediately reacted to him and my nipples hardened slightly to his touch. He slid his fingers across my neck and down my shoulder, stopping at the thin strap of my dress. Pulling it off my shoulder, he continued his descent to my chest. He cupped my breast from the side and I instinctively arched my back, pressing myself into his hand. My breathing was becoming jagged but I didn't care. My need for Edward's touch was overpowering. He slid his fingers over my breast and squeezed firmly, rubbing my now fully erect nipple with his thumb.

"_Shit_! Bella, you're not wearing a bra!" he hissed. It was more of a statement than a question. His voice was thick and raspy now.

_Thank god, I could see his house coming into view up ahead. Finally!_

He gave my breast one last squeeze before dragging his hand down my stomach, across my hip, to my thigh, stopping at the hem of my dress. As if my body had completely taken over and my mind no longer had any control, my legs fell open for him.

Edward glanced down at the sudden motion. He took in a long jagged breath before pushing my dress high up my hip. He started to caress the inside of my thigh, slowly making his way up, but never giving attention to the one place that was virtually begging for it.

The car came to a sudden stop. My eyes flashed up from Edwards's hand, meeting his stare as he turned to face me. I had no control of my breathing. I panted heavily right into his face. Edward grabbed me with this other hand. Pulling me in closer, he kissed me on the lips, hard and urgent.

Keeping his lips ghosting on mine, he whispered breathily, "We're home."

****

_Breathe, just breath and get a hold of yourself!_ I stood, bracing myself over the sink in Edwards's bathroom, just trying to comprehend what was taking place. We had made our way into the house, the house that I had been in countless times before. But this time it was just so _different_.

Different, because I was walking through the door as something _other_ than Edward's best friend. Different, because I had no idea what was going to happen next? Different, because I knew that no matter what happened tonight _something _was going to change between us. That thought alone terrified me.

We had not said much once we were inside. It was a comfortable silence, but the lingering sexual tension in the air was so loud, it was deafening. No words were said and none were needed. I faintly remember asking for some water, as I stood there in the kitchen gawking at him. He was so at ease and so calm. He was so _Edward_.

He dropped a few ice cubes in a large glass and filled it with water. He pulled out a beer for himself, popping the cap off and tossing it aside. It was then that he must have noticed me staring at him. He smiled at me as he approached with the glass of water.

"Are you ok Bella?" he asked

He handed me the glass and placed his other hand on my wrist running soft circles on it with the pad of his thumb as if to offer reassurance.

"Yes, just thirsty." I smiled, taking a drink of the water.

I licked my lips and Edwards eyes shot to my mouth, prompting him to lick his own. He stopped rubbing my wrist and slid his hand into mine lacing our fingers together.

"Let's go up to my room." It was clear by his tone that it was more of question than a statement. He nodded his head towards the stairs waiting for me to agree**. **

How could I say no when everything inside me was screaming _yes_. I gave him a shy smile and a nod letting him lead the way.

As I we made our way into his room, I felt myself getting more and more nervous. My heart was racing at lightning speed. My palms were getting sweaty and my hands started to tremble. T_hank god,_ Edward had already unlaced his fingers from mine to make his way across the room, turning on his desk lamp and the stereo to a low, soft volume. Unfortunately, it was at that moment when my body decided to betray me.

My hands were still shaking as I placed the glass of water down. My heart was still thumping out of my chest, my breathing was becoming erratic, and I felt the room closing in on me. It was at that moment that I was finally brought out of the alcohol induced dream state I was in. My mind came crashing back to the reality of the situation.

Edward was riffling through his CD's but I just stood there. I was frozen with visions of the night flashing before me. The dance with Edward, the way he held me, the way he _kissed_ me, the feeling of his body pressed into mine, the look he gave me on the rocks, the ride home, the way he had been _touching_ me all night.

It was all so surreal while it was happening. Maybe it was because I had been drinking or maybe because of the fact that I was so intoxicated by Edward himself. I just completely let go of all of my inhibitions tonight. It was so unlike me.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom really quick." It all came out faster and much louder than intended.

"_Bella_?" Edwards's voice was loaded with concern as he sprang up towards me, meeting me at the bathroom door, blocking the entrance.

"Bella, look at me" he commanded his voice shook slightly.

I looked up, defeated, meeting his eyes. His head was bent to one side and his brows pulled together forming a look of uncertainty. He searched my eyes and swept over my face looking for _something_. Exactly _what_ he was looking for, I didn't know.

He placed his hands on either sides of my face, cupping it gently, tenderly stroking my cheeks. He leaned in and placed one soft kiss on my forehead and whispered, "I'll wait for you on the deck"

And now, here I stood, hunched over a sink in his bathroom, still somewhat drunk, trying desperately to get back to the state of mind I was in just a few moments ago in the car. I was scared though; scared of rejection, scared of him not wanting me, scared of the fact that I knew I could never _**not **_want him after having him like this.

Edward had told me numerous times just what he thought of drunken girls that would just throw themselves at him. He considered them to be nothing more than "sluts or whores". Girls that tired desperately to date him after a one night stand were "needy and clingy". So, just what category would I fall under after tonight?

Edward had rejected just about every girl in school in one way or another. Why would _I_ be any different? I searched my mind but couldn't find an answer for that. All I could do was take a chance. I would be risking everything I'd have to jump in feet first, sink or swim, I _had _to know

I pulled myself up and straightened my dress. I fixed my hair the best I could. Edward's fingers had made quite a mess of it in the car. With one last deep breath I mustered up the determination to open the door and find my answers.

I found Edward on the deck smoking a cigarette and holding a beer loosely with the tips of his fingers. He was leaning forward against the railing looking aimlessly out into the night.

"Hey, sorry about that. I-I think I just drank a little too much." I lied, trying to blame the alcohol for my actions.

He took one final drag of his cigarette then held it out, offering it to me.

"No thanks." I smiled and he grinned in return before flicking it over the railing.

"You really scared the shit out of me Bella; I thought I had done something wrong," he admitted quietly, as he moved to close the distance between us, still not meeting my eyes.

"No Edward, you did nothing wrong. Nothing was wrong… it was all…perfect."

I felt the heat of my blush taking over and I looked down quickly to hide it. I heard Edward set his beer down on the table. The glass meeting the glass made a small clinking sound. He moved in front of me and I backed up slightly resting my back on the railing.

His fingers caressed my chin and gently pulled my face up towards his. Finally, our eyes met for the first time since the whole bathroom scene.

I tried to tell him with my eyes, everything I was feeling, the love I felt for him, the want, the need to be near him and _with _him, somehow willing him to read my mind. As he searched my eyes, I could see him start to smile. A look of relief settled across his features, smoothing the concern on his brow. But there was the something else, something I had not seen before in Edward eyes. I could only describe it as_…hope_?

"How are you feeling now? Did you get sick?" he asked. Still some concern in his voice.

"No, no I didn't get sick," I laughed lightly "I guess I was just sort of drank too much, mixing the alcohol. I-I think it just hit me all at once."

"It's like I have taught you nothing, never mix the hard stuff with beer. That's rule number one," he joked. We were both smiling now.

I was feeling much more comfortable so I impulsively pushed off the railing, bringing myself face to face with him, offering myself to him in a way. Edward read my actions and put his hands on my shoulders pulling me closer, as if that were possible.

He rubbed his finger tips up and down my arms. It felt so amazing. My body instantly relaxed to his touch. My eyes fell closed and I tired to stifle the tiny moan that escaped me. I heard his, almost inaudible, intake of breath as he tried again to hide his reaction. My eyes opened at the sound and met his. His eyes were hooded with lust. They stalked me, watching me, my every move being taken in.

I swallowed thickly, his eyes flashed to my throat. My breathing was getting heavier and his eyes moved to my chest. When I bit down on my bottom lip, not quite sure what to do next, his eyes moved to my mouth. He licked his own lips, in what seemed to be an involuntary response. At first, my only reaction was to watch his tongue move across his lips but my mouth fell open slightly and I could hear myself panting through it.

Edward slowly slid his hands down my sides to my hips, pulling our bodies closer together. He crushed his lips into mine, not giving me time to think, only to react with just as much urgency to his lips as he was giving mine. My hands made their way up his chest and behind his head, my fingers intertwining with his hair at his neck.

Suddenly, I became extremely aware of two things. The way his hands held onto my hipsas if he were holding on for his life, and the way his lips began to move against mine with fervor that I had never felt before in my life. I felt his lips part against my own and my body froze, focused only on his movements. His tongue reached out tentatively and brushed against my lower lip.

The breath that I didn't realize I was holding, rushed out of my mouth and into his. I let my tongue move forward to touch the tip of his. He pulled me closer, crushing me to his chest. His tongue became more insistent and I opened my mouth wider, allowing his tongue to explore my mouth. Needing to feel the closeness of him, my tongue moved against his, massaging it in a way that made me wonder what _else _he could do with this incredible tongue of his.

Edward lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I could feel him harden instantly as our hips met. I rocked against him, desperate for the friction.

"_Fuck!_" Edward growled against my lips.

Our mouths were fighting against each other now, a fierce, affectionate battle. He held me close with one hand on my back, the other tangled in my hair, as he backed up, taking us into his bedroom. He gently laid us down on the bed and moved away from my lips, allowing us to finally catch our breath. His head lowered slightly and he started sucking and nipping at my neck. I could no longer suppress the moans that were now escaping me.

"Edward," I panted breathlessly, as he began kneading my breasts lightly.

He placed open mouth kisses down my neck, darting his tongue out _in all the_ right places. He kissed across my chest until his mouth was over my now hardened nipple, sucking and kissing it through my dress. His hands reached up to the thin straps of my dress and pulled them off my shoulders. He carefully tugged my dress down and released my breasts from behind the material. He took my nipple into his mouth and sucked hard.

"Ohmygod!" I moaned as I arched my hips up into his full erection.

He moaned with pleasure, increasing the pressure as he pushed back into me. "_Fuck_ Bella, if we keep this up, I-I don't know if I will be able to stop," he grunted.

He placed small kisses back up my chest, making his way to my neck. He was breathing heavily in my ear as he sucked in my ear lobe, sending goose bumps all over my body.

"Please, don't stop," I begged, terrified that the rejection was coming.

I turned my face to his, capturing his soft full lips once again, kissing him deeply. Edward eagerly kissed me back then pulled away slightly, leaving his lips ghosting on mine as he spoke.

"Bella you're so fucking beautiful but _this..."_ He kissed me once "what we are doing…its making me want to do _crazy_ things, but this…he kissed me again, _this_ is up to you."

I understood that "_this"_ meant _sex, giving my body_ to him_ completely_ and I knew at that moment, I was ready. I grabbed his face, pulling it back to mine and kissed him with all the feelings he ever made me feel; anger, passion, happiness, sorrow, approval, determination, and the strongest feeling of all, love. With the deepness of his kiss on my lips, I decided to make my move. I moved my hands down from his hair, down his chest, to the hem of his shirt, pulling it up. Understanding my need, he sat up and pulled his shirt off his body tossing it somewhere on the floor.

As he came back down towards me, he slid his hands along my thighs pushing my dress up over my hips. I sat up with him allowing him to pull the dress off over my head tossing it in the same direction of his shirt.

"Beautiful, _fucking_ beautiful." It was less than a whisper but I heard it.

Edward did a once over across my body with his eyes, then carefully laid down on top of me. Instantly, he was kissing me again, full of passion and want. We moaned into each others mouths in union. I needed more of him. I moved my hands to his jeans and unbuttoned the top button. He didn't tell me to stop so I kept on. I continued to unbutton and he hissed when my knuckles grazed his huge erection. I pushed his jeans down with some help from him and they were soon in the pile on the floor as well.

His hands found their way to my hips and pulled them up to his. I felt the pressure from his hard cock against me and my, now very wet, panties. I gasped, realizing how I was making him feel. Iwas the cause of this intense sexual desire that was burning through him. He couldn't seem to keep his lips from my body and he began kissing my neck with more intensity.

"Edward, _please_ I-I need to feel you," I moaned.

The pooling in my panties and the aching need for friction was just too much now. His hand started up my inner thigh. He massaged my thigh just below my center so close that if I shifted my hips at just the right angle, his fingers would brush my lips. His other hand moved up and he cupped my breast. I inhaled sharply trying not moan. But he bit my neck softly, and then moved up to my ear and I melted. I was moaning loud now and I couldn't stop it or even try to muffle it.

He growled, "I just fucking _want you,_" into my ear, followed by some swearing. I think I even heard him say _"mine"_ but I couldn't be sure.

His hand, that was still on my thigh, inched forward finally reaching the spot that pleaded for his touch. He slid one finger under the lace of my panties and barely pressed into my slit, feeling the wetness that he was causing.

"Jesus Christ Bella, you're so fucking wet," he hissed.

"I can't help it Edward, it's _you_ ….its what you do to me," I moaned.

He teased me with his finger, firmly sliding them up and down before pushing it inside of me and pulling out slowly. Then he intensified the pace, picking up the speed as I writhed against him. He rubbed my clit with his thumb and that almost sent me over the edge. I pulled at the waistband of his boxers and pushed them off of him. He removed his fingers from inside me, moving his hands to my hips, greedily pulling at the lace. My panties were ripped from my body in a split second.

"God, I've wanted this for so long," I whispered then gasped when his lips hit the sensitive spot right under my ear. "Please don't stop, Edward."

He moved back on top of me, positioning himself and his hard cock between my legs.

"How long?" he asked. His voice was low and velvety as he moved his tongue along my neck, alternating between nibbling and biting.

"Bella, how long have you wanted me? Tell me." He commanded.

"T- Too long. I have always wanted you, Edward," I panted.

"Are you positive, Bella?" He pulled himself up and looked deep into my eyes.

I looked into his eyes and couldn't find one reason not to have sex with this beauty of a man. I shook my head yes and smiled at him. He smiled back at me, kissing me tenderly all over my face, lips and neck. He bent to whisper in my ear as his hand moved between my legs. He ran the tip of his cock up and down between my folds causing me to shudder, before placing himself at my entrance.

"_Breathe, Bella,_" he whispered. I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding and closed my eyes.

Edward propped himself on his elbows holding my face in his hands.

"Look at me baby," he whispered.

My eyes met his and he kissed my lips sucking lightly on my bottom lip. I moaned into his mouth. His eyes never left mine as he started to enter me ever so slowly. His tip alone was almost too much for me to handle. I gasped as he entered just a tiny bit more and I struggled to breathe.

"Fuck, Bella! You're so fucking tight," he groaned, closing his eyes.

A single tear rolled down my face. He looked back into my eyes, kissing the tear away and then…froze.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His voice was shaking with anxiety and worry. He started to pull his hips away from me.

"No Edward… please, don't stop!" I struggled to hold him against me. "I always wanted it to be you, please don't stop now!"

"You always want it to be _me_?" Confusion, shock, then understanding swept across his face. He jerked back and pulled out of me completely.

His eyes were shooting all over my face, his own face panicked. I could see every emotion as it came screaming through his eyes; panic, terror, hurt, confusion and _regret__._

"You _are_ a virgin," he stated. His voice was merely a whisper.

_Silence._

"Yes" I whispered turning away from him, not wanting him to see the tears welling up in my eyes.

_Silence._

"No!" he said, almost in a shout.

"No, Bella. _We are not_ doing this. _I AM NOT_ doing this. Not like_ this _Bella. Not _you!_"

"Edward," was all I could say in my weak voice.

He tore himself immediately away from my body, swiftly tossing the blanket over me. He stood up quickly, pulling his jeans on. He was running his hands through his hair, pacing back and forth frantically. I sat up, still unable to control the tears that were falling.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm so fucking sorry." He just kept repeating it over and over, like I was some fucking charity case.

He picked my dress up off the floor and handed it to me. He wouldn't even look at me. Holding my dress out to me he continued looking in the other direction. The sight of me seemed to disgust him.

I was speechless, helpless, and vulnerable, naked on the bed. I ripped my dress out of his hands, trembling and sobbing now. I pulled it over my body and wrapped my arms around myself as if that would comfort me.

"Call Alice!" I cried. Edward turned to me and I stepped back. "Don't touch me!" I warned.

"B-Bella please, listen, please," his eyes wide with shock, but voice was pleading and soft. His hand twitched slightly out reaching to me.

"CALL ALICE!" I yelled "I want to go home NOW!" I was crying so hard. Defeated and heartbroken, I sank to the ground weeping, my body giving into the pain. I was humiliated, rejected and unwanted.

_He didn't want me_. _I knew he would reject me_. _I was such a fool._

Edward raced to me sitting down in front of me "Bella, I will call Alice if that is what you want, but I can take you home later. I would rather you stay here with me and talk to me about this," he begged. I said nothing. I just pushed my face further into my hands as I cried.

_What the fuck does he want me to say? What was left to say? _

_He didn't want me_.

He continued to speak "Bella it's just…we have been drinking... and… _Fuck_... I didn't even know you were a vir-…" I winced.

"I didn't know you never have had sex before," he corrected himself.

"It's entirely my fault Bella. I'm so sorry. Please, what can I do?"

_Silence. _

"Bella, please fucking look at me, God, I'm so fucking sorry! We were just drinking, and I'm pretty sure we both had too much. I mean, you even said so yourself…and Tanya and I had a fight…and you were dancing with Jacob…and then …fuck…I don't even know how this happened Bella."

_Silence. _

_He was letting me down gently. I was a __**mistake**__. I was his drunken __**mistake**__. That's __**my**__ new category. _

_He had drunk-sex with plenty of other girls before. He just didn't want it with __**me.**_

"Just call Alice. I need her to take me home. I-I don't even want to be around y-you, Edward," I begged through my sobs, finally looking up at him.

Edward looked terrified and defeated. His hands were trembling as he pulled out his phone.

"Fine," is all he said.

I heard the ringing on the other side of the phone and could hear a muffled Alice talking.

"Bella, wants you to come get her. I don't know Alice! She fucking wont let me, ok? Just get here now!" he growled at her. Hanging up his phone, he tossed it on the desk.

"She will be here in a few minutes. Bella, please just talk to me. I don't want you to leave like this, not when you're going to be gone for the rest of the summer."

"I'll wait for her outside," I sobbed.

I didn't even bother to pick up anything that I might have left behind. I raced to the door and down the stairs. My vision was terribly blurred from crying, the makeup and the darkness of the house. I missed the last step, falling down onto my knees.

_Perfect_,_ now I not only had a broken heart and crushed soul, let's add a few bones on top of it._ _I give up… _I allowed myself to cry on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

"BELLA!" Edward screamed from the top of the stairs as he rushed down to me.

Helping me up, he pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair.

"Are you ok, baby?" He kissed the top of my head. I was so out of it by this point, it took almost a whole minute to realize what was happening. I froze and pushed him away from me.

Backing up towards the front door, I yelled at him, "DON'T! Don't act like you care if I am ok, Edward. Do not try to comfort me, do not try to console me, do not touch me and do not fucking kiss me!"

Edward just stood there with his hoodie fisted tightly in his hand. I saw his jaw tighten and the anger flash in his eyes as he stalked toward me.

"What the fuck is going on here, Bella? What the fuck did I _do_? I should have gotten a fucking medal of honor for stopping that up there! No one else would have stopped at that point, Bella. Do you understand that? Do you know what it took for me to stop? And now you are _angry_ at me for it?!"

_A medal? What the fuck was he thinking? _

I slid my hand around me and grasped the door handle that was behind my back, twisting it to make sure it was unlocked. Edwards's eyes shot from my face to the handle. As soon as I pulled it open, he reacted so quickly it was almost inhuman. He slammed it shut with one hand over my head. He leaned into me and I could see the fury in his eyes. He was angry and hurt. But _fuck that,_ so was I.

"Don't do this, Bella. We need to fucking talk about this," he warned. He was so close; his warm breath hit my face.

_He was warning me? You have got to be kidding me! _

"There is nothing to say Edward," I choked out. "I can see it in your eyes and I have nothing to say. Just please let me go. Tomorrow, I will be in Arizona and you won't even have to see me again."

"What the _fuck _does that mean? You can see _what_ in my eyes? Huh? Tell me Bella! What is it you _see_?" He leaned in even closer looking me dead in the eye. "And I won't have to see you again? Don't twist this on me Bella!" He leaned back still holding his hand on the door.

"I can see that you regret it. I just don't know why." The tears started streaming down my face again. "I should have known Edward. I should have known I was not good enough for you. I think part of me always knew I was not."

I was sobbing again, turning from side to side, avoiding the eye contact Edward was desperately trying to make. He finally let go of the door and grabbed my face holding it ever so gently in his hands.

"You think I _regret_ being with you like that?" His voice was so stunned it caused me to look up. Just then I heard Alice's car pulling in the drive way.

"I know you do. I just don't understand why...I'm going home now, Edward."

I opened the door and just as I stepped out, Edward grabbed my hand. I turned around looking down at our hands and allowed a few more tears to fall. This will be the last time I ever get to touch him this way, I thought. The heart break tore through me to my very core. I looked up, meeting his pleading eyes.

I yanked my hand back as quickly as if his touch was fire. "Don't touch me Edward. You are never allowed to touch me again."

I said it so calmly it was almost scary, even to me.

I turned and ran to Alice's car. I got in and forced myself not to look back at him.

I was trying desperately to hold myself together in front of Alice. So I reached over to turn on the radio, to avoid any questions. The lyrics came pouring out shattering what was left of my heart with every word…

_**I'll pretend I'm okay with it all**_

_**Act like there's nothing wrong**_

_**Is it over yet?**_

_**Can I open my eyes?**_

_**Is this as hard as it gets?**_

_**Is this what it feels like to really cry?**_

It was overwhelming, painful, and true. Tonight, I had cried harder then ever before. I cried more than I ever thought was possible. And I knew this was just the beginning of many nights filled with tears.

Alice stayed completely silent, allowing me to sob, while wave after wave of hurt and rejection over took me. He was the first and only guy I ever allowed myself to feel anything for, allowed myself to submit completely to, allowed myself to offer my body and soul to...

_And He didn't want me._

I stared at out the window allowing the tears to fall as Alice held my hand.

I was unconditionally and irrevocably heartbroken…

* * *

**A/N- *****peaks out from behind desk* You guys still love me, right? Yes? No? Maybe? You might not love me right now but you're going to have to trust me becau- **

***Office door slams open. Edward stalks in pounds fists down on desk leaning over glaring at me* "**_**We need to fucking talk now!"**_

***Swallows hard* "Um, Edward, I was in the middle of talking to my readers." **

"**I **_**don't fucking care what you are doing…what the fuck was that? *tries to look at my computer screen* "You and me are going to have a long fucking talk. You're not leaving this office anytime soon, and neither am I. You got that?" * raises eyebrows* **_

***Quickly closes laptop* "Fine Edward…Is this **_**on**_** or o**_**ff**_** the record?" **

_***Edward sits in chair lights cigarette exhales smoke through his nose, looking annoyed at me* "On the fucking record."**_

***Gets out paper and pen, lights her own cigarette* "Ok Edward, talk to me" ……… **

** EPOV Chapter 4. Next Tuesday! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N As always, I want to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for reading and reviewing!! I heart you all hard for it!! I love to hear your feedback! I read and try to answer all reviews! **

**So, this is EPOV. I really hope all of you love Textward just as much as I do! He was really upset the night we sat down to talk. I feel like this will give you insight to his side of the story. I hope to get lots of feedback to see just what you guys think of him! **

**Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N on Twitter. As always, my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, and JW I heart you girls hard for all the love & support! **

**Krysti, you are an amazing BETA Bitch. Thank you for everything you do, from the blog interviews, teasers and most of all putting up with me when I get EMO. LOL! I heart you hard bestieeeeee! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward is all mine! You can love him just don't touch!**

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**EPOV**

FUCK! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I was so fucked. I was utterly helpless watching Bella get into that car. I literally held on to the door fame to keep myself from chasing after her. I watched the car drive away until the tail lights faded into the darkness. I slammed the door with such force it nearly came off the hinges.

_What the fuck had I done?_

I made my way back upstairs, but the second I walked into my room, it hit me like a fucking wrecking ball. The pain, the regret, the fear. The fear that Bella would never forgive me. The fear that she would never let me explain. But the fear that I had lost her forever was damn near crippling.

Her scent was still lingering thickly in the room, _Bella's scent,_ floral and fruity, it was amazingly sweet and delicious and it was _fucking suffocating me_. I couldn't even bring myself to look over at the bed, the bed that will now forever remind me of Bella. What a _fucking pansy_ I had become in a matter of minutes. I quickly grabbed my cigarettes and phone as I made my way out to the balcony. I couldn't stand to be in this room anymore. Not without her.

I lit my cigarette taking a few long drags and holding it in before exhaling. I wanted to text her. But what the fuck would I say? How in the fuck am I going to make this right? My thoughts raged inside me. I was so fucking mad. I cursed myself, cursed my hormones and cursed my dick. What kind of monster had I become? What kind of monster does this shit to his best friend, the one he swore to protect? I am supposed to protect her from assholes like _me_.

I replayed the events of the party in my head, trying desperately to figure out just when I lost all control. _Jacob_. When I saw her dancing with him like _that,_ the way he was fucking touching her and the way she seemed to _enjoy_ it. That was the moment I'd lost it. I was no longer Edward Cullen, a.k.a. Bella's best friend. No, there was no trace of him any longer. I was now the Jealous Mother Fucker, the monster that I battled with to conceal from her on a daily basis

_Mine._

Bella was _mine_ and he was fucking touching her. There was nothing else that mattered in the world but that truth.

After seeing her with Jacob, I knew what I had to do. I had to take her. I had to _make_ her mine. I was _desperate_ to claim her. And so I did. I dragged her down the beach and let the Jealous Mother Fucker take over. I had no fucking right to do that to her. I had no fucking right to claim her, but I did it anyway. Clearly, Edward Cullen was gone and the

Jealous Mother Fucker was in control. He knew what he was doing to her. He knew. He was highly skilled at the art of seduction. He has _a lot_ of practice. He is lead only by his primal instincts, his hormones and his dick.

_Mine._

_**** _

While I was waiting for Bella, she took for fucking ever in the bathroom; the epic battle with the Jealous Mother Fucker began. I, Edward Cullen, cared deeply for Bella. I respected her and I would do anything to protect her. Fuck, I would give my own life for her. But the Jealous Mother Fucker was fucked up emotionally and he knew no boundaries. Honestly, neither one of us was quite sure exactly what these feelings that we had for her were. They were new and foreign. They were overpowering to us both. All we knew was that we both thought we had some claim to her. The internal battle of who would win her over was relentless. When Bella emerged from the bathroom, I took one look at her and the Jealous Mother Fucker won.

I finished my cigarette and made my way back into my bedroom, still replaying the details in my mind. I tossed myself on the bed. Still lost in my thoughts, I pulled the pillow that Bella had been laying on over my face, allowing her scent to envelope me. I started thinking about kissing Bella, kissing her with such intensity. An intensity that I didn't even know I possessed.

I allowed the Jealous Mother Fucker to take over because I too was so desperate to touch her, to feel her, to _claim_ her in some way, any way that I could. Bella was in my bed. _My bed_. No other girl had ever in my bed. In the back seat of my car, yes. A few times in the pool outside, absolutely. Some even bent over the railing on my balcony on a few occasions, but never in my bed. Not one of them. Ever.

I could practically still hear her moaning, softy in my ear, feeling her hot breath on my neck and feeling her tiny body pressed up against mine. She'd given me her absolute trust, freely, and I took it. _I am such a dick_. The Jealous Mother Fucker was ready to claim her and Edward Cullen, the one who cared for her, struggled to convey to her just how much all this meant to me, through actions alone. I tried to show her; by the way I kissed her tenderly, caressing her softly. I took my time with her to savor the moment. I held on to her as if she was the most precious thing in my world.

I told her to look at me, right before entering her body, because I needed her to look into my eyes and see the adoration they held, only for her. But the Jealous Mother Fucker struggled to break through. He willed me to take her, to make her mine. I fought back for Bella's sake, searching her eyes for any trace of refusal. There was none.

Entirely caught up in the moment, I relented, allowing the Jealous Mother Fucker and his raging hormones, to take her. _Mine… _she was pulling my body to her… _mine… _writhing beneath me …_mine…_ my name falling breathlessly from her lips …_mine…_ her pleading with me to continue… _mine…_ My will crumbled and I fucking took her.

I positioned myself between her legs, pressing my dick into her, slightly opening her to me. _Fuck, _she felt unbelievable and so wet. She was ready for me and I wanted more but continued to take my time. But the Jealous Mother Fucker was a _greedy_ mother fucker as well. Bella was so fucking tiny though. I had to find the will to hold back from thrusting into her. But the Jealous Mother Fucker continued on. I pushed into her body only to the point where the head, of my now twitching dick, was nestled into her folds. _Holy fuck!_ She was tight, _so_ fucking tight…_too_ fucking tight!? I halted my movement as panic set in. Was Bella a virg-… and then her words hit me like a fucking battering ram, "_I always wanted it to be you, please don't stop_" her words confirming my fear… Bella was indeed a virgin.

I froze. The Jealous Mother Fucker vanished and Edward Cullen was here with Bella, in that moment. My eyes flashed to hers and I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I could see the physical pain I was causing her as she clung to me, begging for me not to stop. I knew this had to stop. I knew it was going to be fucking close to impossible to stop, but I had to, for Bella. I had to fucking save her. Save her from me and the Jealous Mother Fucker. I wanted her to be _mine_ more than anything in the fucking world. But not like this, not her.

She was too good for me. She deserved better. Bella was not some girl you fuck on a drunken whim to claim her. She was more than that, she _deserved_ more than that. Bella was the type of girl that was worthy of making love to, to be told how fucking beautiful and perfect she was. She deserved someone who would do all that for her and not just take her because he fucking could.

Thinking about all this stirred something inside me; something that I didn't even know was there until now. _I wanted _to be Bella's first. _I needed_ to be. I had to be connected to her in such a way that would be permanent, just as permanent as the hold she had on me. I wanted to be her first so I could make love to her. I know what she was worthy of and I wanted to give it to her.

I wanted to fucking tell her how felt and show her, with my actions, that she was everything to me. I knew I would be tender and gentle with her. She was precious and fragile. I would take the time to make this most intimate moment perfect for her. I would revel in the fact that I was the first and only man that would bring her so much pleasure. Finally, being able making her _mine,_ because I was already hers.

I knew I felt all of those things for Bella and wanted nothing more but to get the chance to fucking show her. But I was such a fucking coward. I had never told her. And so I couldn't do it. I couldn't just fuck her and then tell her after the fact. That would be fucked up and I wasn't even sure I could tell her even then. She was not mine. She was definitely not mine to claim. And up until tonight, there was never one sign that she ever wanted me the way I wanted her.

Then it hit me, she could possibly _regret_ this. The last fucking thing I wanted was to be "the one" that Bella looked at as her mistake. Her fucking alcohol induced, teenage, hormonal mistake. Then I would be that fucking asshole that took her virginity, without her ever knowing how I felt about her. I couldn't do it. Because even more than the need for her body, I needed _her_. I need her like I needed the air I breathe. Bella was not just some fucking girl I wanted to fuck. She was more, so much more. She was the girl that made me think crazy fucking things that involved words like _love_ and _forever_. Let's just face it. Bella is not some girl you spend the night with. Bella is the type of girl you spend the _rest_ of your life with.

I thought I was doing the right thing. I truly thought I could make Bella understand and she would be fucking grateful. Instead, she was yelling at me and telling me to get the fuck away from her. I had no fucking clue how to handle that. I tried frantically to explain but nothing was fucking coming out right. And then she was gone. Now, here I am, wallowing in shame and self-loathing, because I _did_ take advantage of her and now, she fucking hates me.

I wanted to lay in the dark, fuming, and damning myself to hell, until daybreak because I knew Bella was leaving in the morning. But I had to see her. I had to try to make this right before she left. Because I know women, and if you don't make it right quickly, that shit stews and it will only get worse.

I couldn't fucking lay here any longer. I had to get to her. I had to fucking see her. I gathered my things quickly as I rushed down stairs. I stopped at the front door to grab my car keys and hoodie. I shoved my phone into my pocket and rushed out the door, but nearly tripped over something…or _someone_ rather.

"Jesus, Alice! Are you ok? I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't even see you there!" I nearly ran her over in my rush to get to Bella.

"Where the hell are you going?" Alice snapped. She looked about as shitty as I fucking felt. Her eyes were swollen from crying and tear stained cheeks were flushed.

"What's wrong Alice? Why are you crying?"

"Edward, don't go see her. She doesn't want to see _you_. I finally got her to take some Tylenol PM's to help her sleep."

"What do you mean she doesn't want to see _me_?" Her words were piercing. I didn't know what Bella had told her.

"I don't know, Edward," she cried. "I just don't know. She wouldn't tell me what happened all she kept saying was "_It was a mistake_" over and over again. I couldn't get her to talk to me. I couldn't get her to stop crying. It was terrible."

Alice stood there crying, looking at me, and expecting an answer that I couldn't give her. Her words nearly fuckin' killed me. My worst fear unfolding before me. I was Bella's _mistake_.

"What else happened, Alice? What else did she say," I demanded. I needed some fucking answers.

"Nothing, Edward. She talked to Jacob for a few minutes on the phone, in private. I helped her get ready for bed and just let her cry until she fell asleep."

_Fucking Jacob! _The Jealous Mother Fucker's fury ignited instantly, becoming enraged at the mere mention of his name.

"I'm outta' here." I needed to get to her. I had no fucking clue what I was going to do or say once I got there. All I knew was I couldn't stay away.

"Wait! Edward!" Alice ran up behind me. "Why don't you just leave her alone, Edward? Whatever you did to her…it- it was bad… she was so upset. I have never seen anyone s-so…_broken _before. I'm sorry to say this Edward, because you're my brother and I love you. But you're an insensitive, asshole and just too damn pessimistic when it comes to girls, Edward and she deservers better."

Alice's voice dropped to almost a whisper as her eyes met mine.

"Why her Edward? Why did you have to do this to Bella? You can have any girl you want, why her? She is my best friend. She is like a _sister_ to me. And damn it Edward, she is _**your **_best friend. Don't you care? Don't you care about breaking _anyone's_ heart?"

Her words hit me, one right after another, like fucking daggers. My own sister didn't think I had a fucking soul. I swallowed hard but kept my mouth shut. I could deal with Alice later. I only had a few short hours left before Bella would be leaving.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about Alice." I opened the door to my car and got in. Alice was relentless. She ran over and stood between the door and car.

"Fuck! Alice I need to go, now!" I yelled

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen," she shouted. "I _do_ know what the fuck I am talking about because I am the one that gets to clean up all your shit! I am sick of it, Edward. I thought you would be different with Bella. I thought she meant something to you. I guess I was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that you took advantage of her and broke her heart Edward."

"And why is that Alice? Why don't you fucking enlighten me on just what a mother fucker you think I am!" I knew it was fucking harsh but how much more could I take?

Alice's eyes flashed from hurt to fury in the matter of seconds as she moved in to face me.

"I shouldn't be surprised, Edward Cullen, because you break _everyone's_ heart!" She seethed, slamming the car door. She ran off crying, before I could even get one word out.

_Fuck. My. Life. _

****

I made the familiar climb up the tree to Bella's window. Fuck, I was practically a professional at getting in her window by now. I could see it was still open and I thanked God for that. The last time her and I had a fight, she fucking locked the thing for a whole week straight. I made my way silently into her room. Not that it fucking mattered much. Charlie was working tonight and Bella was out cold. I put my phone on vibrate just incase. I didn't need that fucking thing going off and waking her up.

Even though she was mad at me, even though she might hate me right now, I still needed to be here with her, even if it meant only being able to watch her in a comatose state. Fuck, I would take it. It was better then the alternative.

I looked down at her tiny body. She was curled up in fetal position clinging to a pillow as if it was going to offer her some comfort. Her hair was sprawled out fucking everywhere, long thick beautiful locks of mahogany. My fingers ached to touch it. Her lips were still slightly swollen from me kissing them, just hours ago. They looked crimson against her fair porcelain skin. She was wearing a royal blue tank top and the tiniest fucking shorts I had ever seen in my life. She was absolutely stunning. My Bella,…my angel.

I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next few weeks while she was in Arizona. Now, looking at her, my fucking heart broke at the thought of having to live without her, for not just a few weeks, but possibly forever. Panic ripped through me at the thought of Bella picturing her life better off with out me, because I could never imagine my existence with out her. Bella was the most important thing in my life and I had fucked it up. Why did things have to be so fucking complicated? Why couldn't I tell her how I feel and fuck the consequences?

_But I knew why._

Maybe if things had been different in my past, I wouldn't be such a jealous mother fucker. Maybe I wouldn't have so much practice at being emotionally unavailable. It's not like I didn't feel anything for Bella. I knew I was without a doubt attracted, fascinated and captivated by her. I felt it... I felt it for Bella the minute I laid eyes on her. I was just too much of a fucking coward to ever tell her.

_So I, Edward Cullen, the coward, settled for whatever I could be to her. _

I could protect her. I could be her best friend. But I was so fucking guarded now. I didn't know any other way to show her how much I cared. I guess shit happens and I can't undo the shit that turned me into what I am now. If she knew, if she only knew why I'm the way I am, why I am so emotionally fucked up, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here watching my broken angel sleep.

**DING! DING! DING!**

**  
**_What the fuck?! _

I frantically looked around the room to see where the _hell_ that dinging was coming from. Then I heard it again and again_. Holyfuckingshit!_ It's going to wake her up! I searched her dresser then her nightstand. _F__inally_, by the fifth fucking time, it dawned on me. It was her computer. I flew over to her laptop, flinging it open and hit mute. My heart was fucking pounding out of my chest as I checked to make sure Bella was still sleeping. She hadn't moved an inch.

_Fuck, just how many Tylenol PM's did Alice give her? _

I went to shut the laptop and then it suddenly occurred to me, it was her instant messenger that was doing all that fuckin' dinging. Anger set in as I looked over at the clock, it was 4:15am.

_Who the fuck? _

The Jealous Mother Fucker in me couldn't resist temptation. He _had_ to fuckin' look.

**JBLACK**_: __Bella, I know what he did to you and I just want you to know I would never do that._

**JBLACK: **_I need you to know, I would never do anything to hurt you._

**JBLACK: **_Tomorrow, we get on a plane back to AZ. I am so glad Charlie asked me to fly back home with you, where I can keep you safe from assholes like him. Remember Bella, you always have options_

**JBLACK**_**: **__I missed you everyday since you left AZ. It was not the same without you. It will be great to have you home. See you in the morning –Jake _

Reading those fucking disgusting words made my stomach turn. _Options_? What fucking _options_ was he talking about? And who the fuck was _he_ to call _me_ an _asshole_? He doesn't fucking know me? The Jealous Mother Fucker was in full force now. I had no idea that Jake was here to fly home with Bella. She never fucking said a word. The revelations started hitting me one right after another. Bella never told me Jacob was going to be coming here. She never told me she was flying home with him. Fuck, I didn't even know Bella had yahoo messenger. And yet, here it was 4:00am and Jacob was typing away talking shit about me to Bella …_My Bella…Mine._

_I should have fucking punched him in the face tonight when I had the chance._

I was so fucking mad. I slammed the fucking laptop shut without even thinking. I heard Bella moving around in the bed behind me. She was talking in her sleep and I knew that meant she was going to wake up soon. I had slept next to her enough times to know that much.

_Shit._

I froze and watched her move restlessly around her bed, praying to God to give me five more minutes before she woke up. I just needed enough time to make my exit. I knew if she woke up and saw me here, I would have some fucking explaining to do. I just didn't have the words yet and it could only make things fucking worse.

"E-Edward"

_Fuckkkkkkkkkk! She's awake!_

I stood there holding my breath for several minutes. Nothing. She didn't say anything else. I moved closer to see if she was still sleeping. She was. _T__hank you, God_. Then I saw it, the look on her face. It was almost worse then seeing her cry. The pained look on her face was enough to kill me. It was my name she was saying and I was the reason for the pain.

_I fucking loathed myself_.

I had to get the out of here. I had no fucking right to be here. I just couldn't stand to see her like this anymore. I turned to the window, defeated and ready to leave. Just as I started to swing my leg over the ledge, it hit me. Bella is fucking leaving tomorrow and what if I don't get a second chance to talk to her? Not that I deserved a second chance, but I had to let her know that I still cared. That I cared enough to come check on her and that I would be here, waiting for her when she was ready. I walked over to her desk to leave her a note.

_A note? A fucking note Cullen? That is your master plan? _

What else could I do? Shit! What the fuck do I say in the note? I sat there staring at the blank piece of paper for God knows how long. Then I heard her stirring around in bed again. I glanced back to make sure she was still sleeping and notice she was grasping for a blanket that was just out of her reach. I knew at that moment what I would do. I would leave her something of mine, a piece of me, a token of sort. Something that she knew meant a fucking lot to me. I prayed that somehow she would understand the representation of it. I shrugged out of my hoodie and draped it over her tiny body. She quickly wrapped it around her delicate frame, embracing the warmth. I kissed her once on her forehead before quickly jotting down the only thing that came to mind.

_Be Safe. -E_

I folded it once and tucked it into the pocket of my hoodie. I allowed myself one last moment to be close to her before I left. Leaning into her, I inhaled deeply, taking in her scent. I whispered, "_I'll never forgive myself for hurting you, but I promise I will make it right_."

My last feeble attempt to show Bella nothing had changed for me and that I wanted this… _needed _this to not come between us. I pulled out my phone to text her, our nightly ritual. Hoping that once she listened to this song, perhaps she would understand that I was not only the jealous mother fucker I had shown her tonight. I was still in fact, Edward Cullen, the one she knew and trusted.

"_This is my story, MP3: Goo Goo Dolls - Sympathy. B, please listen to it. –E."_

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**A/N Awwwww…don't you just want to give Edward a hug?? I know I do… and **_**I did!**_** Reviews are love so show me some love! Post chapter interview with Textward will be up tomorrow 11/11! So if you have a question for him I must get it ASAP! He is on his way to Krysti's office and we all know how fast he drives!! The link for blog is on my profile page.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hello Ladies and Gentlemen! Thank you all so very much for the amazing reviews! I wanted to start off by saying I am sorry if you didn't get a reply this time! I have been working on chapter 5 which took longer then I expected! I figured you would rather have your next chapter on time then a reply? I hope I was right! **

**I have had an amazing response to my lil' story here and I want to personally thank all of you for taking the time to read it!!! Seriously, it means so much to me!! **

**Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N on Twitter. As always, my bestieeeeees Stoli and T, you two ladies might as well be family to me!! I heart you girls! **

**Krysti, you are a spectacular BETA Bitch, and if Stoli and T are my family… that would make you my…wife? LMAO! God bless our husbands for putting up with all the time we spend working on this! Krysti, without you, this would not be possible!! Love ya girlie! **

**JW….I have to give you a special shout out today, Just because I probably spend more time chatting up with you then I do with anyone else in my life! LOL! Thank you so much for all the laughs and (some tears lol) this week. But most of all, thank you for the unbelievable words of encouragement when you preview my chapters for me! *blushing* **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, they belong to SM. However, Textward is mine so no touching and that includes you too Krysti! lol**

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_**It's hard to lead the life you choose**_

_**All I wanted**_

_**When all your luck's run out on you**_

_**All I wanted**_

_**You can't see when all your dreams are coming true**_

_**Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah**_

_**You choke on the regrets yeah**_

_**Who the hell did I think I was**_

_**Stranger than your sympathy**_

_**All these thoughts you stole from me**_

_**I'm not sure where I belong**_

_**No where's home and I'm all wrong**_

I had listened to the song Edward sent me last night, about three times already. Each time, I wanted nothing more then to understand what he was trying to say. The lines of our friendship were so blurred now. I couldn't decipher if I was hearing what I wanted to hear or if he was trying to convey another message. Edward was always so cryptic when it came to what he was really thinking. It was hard to know with him.

The steam was thick in the bathroom as I sat on the counter listening to the song over and over, trying to find the courage this morning to finally take a shower. Last night, I had refused countless times, even though Alice said it would make me relax. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her why I didn't want to. That would just give away what had happened with Edward and I didn't want to face that humiliation again.

How do you tell your best friend that you don't want to brush your teeth because you can still taste the cinnamon from her brother's lips? How do you tell her that you don't want to shower because you can still smell him on your body and you're so afraid that washing it away will only solidify the truth? The truth that you will never taste him again. You will never have the hint of his cologne on your body because he rejected you, didn't want you and would never want you. Just how would one do that?

I finally forced myself into the shower. I just stood there letting the hot water pour down on my back. The heat only intensified Edward's lingering scent. My chest constricted immediately as reality set in. Once I turned around and let the water flow over me, it would in turn wash away _him_. It would wash away any trace of our night together. I would be letting go of the one thing I had left of him. As much as it hurt to hold on to the memory, it was much more frightening to let it go.

I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath before reaching for my ginger body wash. I poured some onto my loofah and stood there staring at it for several minutes as I convinced myself I could do this. The tears started to fall, almost instantly, as I quickly turned around and let the water rain down on me. I ran the loofah down my neck and across my chest, as if it were some kind of eraser, a memory eraser. I sob with each stroke across my body as it washed away his kisses, his scent, his touch. Soon, there would be nothing left of him. It would all just be a bad memory.

My emotional collapse became a physical one as my knees started to feel weak. I leaned back against the cold tile, sinking slowly down, until I was sitting in the bottom of tub. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rested my chin on them. I cried quietly, watching the soapy water swirl down the drain, taking him and everything that was incredible with it.

_If only it were that simple to wash away the pain. I mused. _

****

I dressed quickly in khaki Capri's and white baby doll shirt. I started to blow dry my hair when I head a knock at the bathroom door.

"Bells, are you decent in there?" Jake asked.

"Yes, I am," I laughed lightly "Come in."

I was slightly bent to my left, gathering my hair to one side as I continued to blow dry it. Jake gave me a confused look, frowning his eyebrows at me, he moved his head to one side watching my every movement as he stood in the door way. I giggled at the look on his face.

"I am sure glad I'm not a girl," he said, shaking his head in bewilderment as his is eyes roamed to the vanity counter, where my make up bag was sprawled out next to the curling iron, hair spray and my body spray.

"Christ! What the hell Bells? Do you really use all this stuff just to get ready?" He asked while rummaging through my make up.

"Yes Jake, I do. Well some of it, mostly. I'm sorry we can't all be as naturally as beautiful as you," I retorted with a smirk.

"Very funny." He rolled his eyes. "From your reaction to me earlier this morning, you would have thought I looked like some scary monster," he laughed.

I shut the blow dryer off and ran a brush through my hair, chuckling with him as I remembered him scaring the shit out of me when he woke me up this morning.

I was fast asleep having the most wonderful dream, the kind of dream, where it seems so real, you just don't want to wake up? I was dreaming that Edward and I were at his house. We were lying down in his bed, just talking. For the life of me, I couldn't remember what we were saying but it was sweet. We were laughing, enjoying each others company and we were happy. We were facing each other and he was flashing his incredible smile, the one that made his emerald eyes sparkle. He was twisting a piece of my hair around his finger as we chatted. I remember it was cold there. I was shriving. Edward sat up and reached behind me, pulling the blanket over my shoulders. He was so close to me. I was immersed in his amazing scent. I could literally smell him, funny how even my subconscious knew his scent, perfectly.

I was ripped out of my dream when I heard Jake's good morning call. "Rises and shine Bells! We have a plane to catch," he practically shouted. Scaring the shit of me, I flung my blankets off and straight up. I think my erratic reaction scared him as well.

"Jake, you scared the crap out of me, not because of how you look, but because of how damn loud you yelled. That was not very nice," I joked narrowing me eyes at him in the mirror. He just smiled at me, still watching my every move as I applied a bit of make up.

Today, was definitely a day I needed it. I looked like crap. My eyes held dark circles and were still slightly puffy from crying. I applied a bit of concealer around my eyes, a touch of powder, some mascara and with a dab of lip gloss, I was done. I sighed, looking at myself in the mirror, the make up didn't help much but it was the best I could do, for today at least.

Jake stepped in behind me, circling his arms around my waist. He rested his head on my shoulder. Our eyes met in the mirror as I held onto his embrace.

"I know this is hard sweetie, but I am here for you." He spoke quietly and soothing.

"You are my very best friend Bells and I will do anything to help you get through this, ok? Do you understand me?"

I nodded, because I knew Jake would do anything to make the pain go away. He would take it on himself if he could. That is just who he was, and I loved him dearly for it. He kissed the top of my head and released me, reminding me of the time.

"We have about forty five minutes before we have to go, Bells. Let's get this show in the road," he said with a wink.

We walked into my room and I was shocked to see it cleaned up. "Did you do this?" I questioned, motioning to the freshly made bed that had my suit case open and ready for me, on top. I looked around my room and everything seemed in place except for a few pieces of clothing he had draped over my rocking chair.

"No, the cleaning fairies did it," he chuckled "of course it was me. Bells, this place was a fucking mess. I didn't know tornadoes hit places like Forks," he laughed harder, teasing me.

"Shut up, Jake. You owed me anyway, after scaring the shit out of me," I laughed with him.

I made my way over to him and gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. I looked at him for what seemed to be an eternity. We just stood there in our embrace, words not needing to be said.

I knew my eyes were giving me away. I tried to show Jake just how shattered I was and just how much he meant to me, just by him being here. In his eyes, I saw the concern and empathy he held for me. I needed him right now, more so than anything else in the world. I needed someone who understood me, cared for me, someone I would feel _safe_ with.

"Thank you Jake…f-for everything," I whispered as our foreheads touched.

Suddenly, my phone was buzzing; I jumped, as it brought me back to reality. Scrambling over to my desk I quickly picked it up to answer, it was my mother.

"Hi mom," I greeted

"Hey baby!" she shrieked "Are you all packed ready to go? Your plane leaves in three hours baby. Are you finished packing? Did you get everything you need for the flight? Is Jake flying home with you still? Is he there yet?" She asked so many questions, it was hard to keep up

"God mom, slow down," I laughed "deep breaths mom," I said sarcastically, "Yes, I am packed. Yes, Jake is here. We are getting ready to go and I know what time my flight leaves. Between you and Charlie I have my itinerary memorized."

"Aw baby, I am just excited to see you. Give your ol' mom a break, ok?" She giggled.

"I know mom. I am excited to see you too." I said honestly, because I was. I needed my mom right now. Charlie was great but some times you just need a hug from your mom.

"Bella," her tone turned serious, "Did you think about what we had talked about a few weeks ago? Have you discussed it with Charlie?"

I winced, knowing I had not. Because a few weeks ago, the answer we definitely, no. But now, now everything was different and I had honestly forgotten about it until she just brought it up. I looked over at Jake as he packed up my laptop for me. I thought about how it would feel to be home with him and mom, for much longer than I had anticipated. And for the first time, since she had asked me weeks ago, I was entertaining the thought.

"Mom, can I just get down there first and then we will talk about it?" I asked quietly, biting down on my bottom lip. Scared, knowing she would be shocked on how my answer had change from the 'absolutely not' fight we had when she first brought it up.

"S-sure sweetheart," she sounded taken back by my answer.

"Baby…is…everything…_ok_?" She asked timidly

"Yeah, mom. I just miss you and I had a long night last night and a long flight ahead of me." I lied.

"Ok baby, well call me as soon as you land. Phil and I will be there to pick you guys up."

"Ok, mom, I will."

"I love you Bella," she said, with more meaning then her regular good bye message.

"I know mom, I love you too."

After hanging up with her, I checked my awaiting text messages, two from Rose and five from Alice. Every message had the same theme, telling me how much they are going to miss me and giving me some detail to let me know they were on their way over to say good bye.

Jake and I grabbed my bags and headed downstairs.

Charlie was just walking through the door as we arranged my bags in the living room.

"Hey you two." He greeted us with a smile, as he took off his gun belt, hanging it in the hall closet.

"You're home late this morning. I thought your shift ended at five?" I asked glancing at my watch. It was already after eight.

"I just had some paperwork to do for court this week. You know Forks the only action we see around here is a pile of traffic violations." He snorted, as we made our way into the kitchen.

I went and turned on the coffee maker for Charlie. Then I pulled out three blows from the cabinet. I grabbed the honey nut Cheerios and some milk, setting it all out on the table.

"Cold cereal. _Y__um."_" Jake teased me when I was on my way back form getting the spoons.

"Shut it Jake. You are the one that said we only had forty five minutes before we had to leave. So, this is breakfast. You will eat and you will love it." I teased back with a smirk.

Jake glanced at the clock on the wall behind me and retorted, "Thirty minutes," with a wink.

"Cereal is just fine Bella. Now stop taking care of everyone but yourself and sit down and eat something. You are the one with the long flight ahead of you," Charlie said, as he grabbed my hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze.

I was pouring my milk into my cereal, obviously, tuning out the conversation Jake and Charlie were having about Charlie's job. I was much more preoccupied with my own thoughts. I knew everyone was on their way over to say goodbye. What I didn't know, is if Edward would be with them. I glanced quickly at my cell phone. No message.

I was pondering sending one to him, since he did send me that song last night. I am guessing we are least still corresponding via text, right? What could I possibly send him for _my_ "Always & Never" this morning?

_Always- disappointed Never- satisfied _

That would be _perfect,_ if I could ever bring myself to do such a thing. I was a smartass and a total bitch when provoked. But I just couldn't allow myself to let Edward see just how much damage he had truly done.

I think I get that from my mother. She was always so strong willed and ready to face life head on. She was never one to give you the satisfaction of seeing you got the best of her. She was so much stronger than that. She was a survivor and independent, and driven. When things didn't go her way, well, she just found a way around it. When she wanted something, she stopped at nothing to get it.

I was very much like her in most aspects of my life. I seemed very much like her on the surface to everyone around me on a daily basis. But when it came to matters of the heart, I was truly my Father's daughter. Since the day I met Edward, everything inside me began to change. I felt it happening and did nothing to stop it. I welcomed him into my heart and soul. Hell, I might as well have rolled out the red carpet for him. I opened up to him like I never have with anyone before. I allowed myself to feel things for him in such a way that I knew there was no hope of ever going back.

There were times when I allowed myself to foolishly believe that maybe someday he would wake up and realize he shared the same feelings I had for him. Much like my father did with my mother, I put Edward on a pedestal. Even after all these years that my parents have been divorced and even though Renee had moved on and married a successful football player. My father remained single. You can see the hurt in his eyes still to this day at the mere mention of her name.

Even after all this time, Charlie will still say things like, "Well your mother was always too beautiful for me" Or "Glad to hear she is doing well. She was always meant for greater things." He would say them with such honesty and belief. I truly believe he never felt worthy of her. He allowed himself to accept the fact that he had this time with someone that was much more than he was deserving of and he was thankful for that.

It was sad and terrifying for me to think that this is how I was feeling about Edward.

"Bella? Bells? Earth to Bella." Jake was tugging at my arm, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, I-I don't know…I-I was not paying attention." I stammered as Jake and Charlie looked at me as if waiting for me to answers something?

"No shit," Jake chuckled "you were off in la-la land somewhere." He laughed again.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Bella as I was saying… I am going to have to head back to the station for a meeting here in a little bit. I just wanted to make sure I came home for a bit to see you off."

"Thank you dad. I'm glad you did," I smiled

I cleaned up the kitchen while Charlie and Jake put the bags into Jakes rent a car. I was sitting on the front porch steps watching them load the last of my bags. Charlie had his arm around Jake and they were laughing as they walked back up the drive way.

"I will, Sir. I always do," Jake said. I caught only the last few words of his sentence.

"You always do what?" I asked, looking at the both curiously.

"Keep you out of trouble" Jake stated, as he crossed his arms, puffing out his chest.

"Oh god! Dad, I hardly need Jake to keep me out of the trouble." I narrowed my eyes at Jake, as he gave me a mocking smile.

"Ok, both of you stay out of trouble, agreed?" Charlie asked, looking at Jake and then back to me. He offered his hand to help me up. "Now, give your dad a hug goodbye because I am going to miss you Bella."

"Aw Dad, I will be home soon, I promise," I said, as I welcomed his embrace.

"I know, I know… still. You just call me when you land. You got that?" He said as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I will dad. I got it," I nodded.

Charlie was gone shortly after that and Jake and I went back inside to do some last minute preparations for the trip. We gathered up snacks, IPods, books, magazines and DVDs. All these travel _necessities_ were shoved into our carry on bags. All of a sudden, I heard the thumping music and roaring engines pulling into the drive way.

I took a very deep and very audible breath, in and out, trying to calm my nerves. Jakes head snapped up at the sound.

"Hey, Bells are you going to be ok?" His voice was thick with concern.

"Honestly? I don't know."

I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. I didn't know how I was going to react to seeing Edward. I didn't how I was going to say goodbye to him, especially after last night. And the thing that I feared the most, was Edward not showing up at all. I couldn't even fathom how I was going to handle that.

"J-Jake" my voice cracked. He came rushing over to me and held onto my shoulders as he stood in front of me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He looked confused and worried.

"What if he doesn't come," I whispered, unable to make eye contact with him.

"Bells, look at me," He demanded. "If he doesn't come, it's not the end of the world. Bella, trust me, I am a guy. He could be just as embarrassed and upset as you are. Ok?"

"Jake, you're just saying that to make me feel better. You hardly know Edward well enough to say…"

Jake cut me off. "No, I don't know Edward, but I do know how guys think, Bella. Last night would scare the shit out of most guys. And well, most guys are cowards. They think if they leave it alone, it will blow over. Do you see what I mean?"

"So, you're saying Edward is a coward and he thinks by ignoring me, this whole thing will blow over?!"

"No, Bells, Listen to me. I am saying _IF_ he is like most guys, he _will _talk to you after the storm has settled a little bit. That's all. Ok? Don't read into it so much just let it happen."

Suddenly, the door bell rang. Both Jakes and my eyes flashed to the door.

"Bella," Jakes tone was warning "Don't get upset if he is not on the other side of that door, just give it some time." I nodded once to let him know I understood.

I held my breath and opened the door. There stood my two best friends and their boyfriends. That was the defining moment for me. He didn't show. The tiny remaining pieces of my heart shattered. It was that moment my shield went up and locked into place. I was not going to let them see me upset over this, not his friends and family. Not anyone. I plastered a fake smile on my face as I greeted my friends.

Alice was the first to bounce through the door. "I got you these for you trip! I wouldn't be able to travel with out them." She handed me a Cosmo, a bottled water and a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer.

"Um, thanks?" I laughed, as I looked over the items, hugging my best friend.

Jasper walked in next, giving me a hug and placing a small memory card in my hand.

"What's this?" I asked looking at it confused. "Some tunes for your trip. Some of my faves," he said with a smile, taking his place next to Alice in the living room.

Emmett was next and he handed me a bag of candy, Hershey's miniatures. I cocked one eye brow at him, "Thanks?"

"Don't mock me, you will be thanking me when all you get on that shitty plane ride is some stale peanuts," he laughed. "Plus, I had to get some sweets for my sweet Lil' Bella Bambino," He said in very bad Italian accent. The whole room was laughing at him now.

"What?!" Emmett shrugged, before giving me hug and walking in.

Rose was the last one in. She was rolling her eyes at Emmett as she approached me.

"Sorry about him," she nodded in his direction. "I swear I can't take him anywhere," she giggled. She handed me a copy of GQ magazine and Vanity Fair. I looked down at them, noticing they both had the same guy on the cover.

"Who is this?" I asked, pointing to the very good looking guy on the covers, with phrases plastered all around him, that said things like "Hide your daughters" and "Can 100 million screaming fans be wrong?"

"Some new hot actor from London," she said. "He's hot, so I picked you up a copy too," she smiled.

"Picked me up a copy, _too,_ huh?" I laughed. "Yes! I already have my own. I did say, _I _thought he was hot," she laughed shaking her head at me.

_I was going to miss my friends._

We all stood around for a few minutes chatting about what everyone's plans were for the rest of the summer. The girls and I talked about what we were going to do when I got back home. Alice was going on and on about how we _must_ go school clothes shopping together, as soon as I get back. Rose told me I better take pictures and email them to her on a daily basis. The guys chatted about motorcycles and cars.

"Bells, I don't mean to be the one that breaks up the party, but we have to get going," Jake said nodding at the clock.

"Ok." I gave him a weak smile.

Everyone walked out while I locked up. The tears were welling up in my eyes as I tired to scrounge up the courage to turn around and say goodbye to my best friends. It was going to hurt to say goodbye, but it was going to kill me not to say goodbye to Edward. He didn't care that I was leaving. He didn't care enough to say goodbye to me.

Alice and I hugged for a long time, crying, saying how much we were going to miss each other. Jasper gave me a hug and told me the next time we see each other we will be "Seniors". Rose pulled me aside and told me I better call her and tell her everything as soon and I was ready to, and then she hugged me goodbye. It was odd that Emmett was the last one to say goodbye. He was always so loud and goofy and full of life. But right now, he looked very serious and even asked me if we could have a minute alone. He walked me over to the side of the house.

"Bella, I know my brother can be a total dick and I am sorry. I don't know what happened with you guys last night but Rose said you were upset." Emmett was the most serious I had ever seen him. "Just know Bella he was upset too. I tired to talk to him this morning and he was a fucking asshole, even to me. He refused to talk to anyone today. We all tired. That's what took us so long to get here. And I am not making up an excuse for him not being here, I-I just thought you should know ok?" And I lost it. The tears I was holding in came streaming down my face.

"Thank you, Em," was all I could choke out between the tears. Emmett held me close until I pulled myself together. We walked back with one arm around each other. Rose must've known what he was going to talk to me about because she gave me that "are you going to be ok now that you know" look and I nodded.

Everyone left and Jake and I were getting ready to get in the car. Jake walked around to the passenger side with me opening the door for me.

"Are you going to be ok Bells? Do you want to stop by there on the way to the airport," he asked. I knew that he meant "there" was to go say goodbye to Edward.

"No, I don't Jake. Don't you get it? I wanted him to come say goodbye to me. Why can't I be important enough to him? Why can't he want to come see me before I leave? Jake it's just so hard. It's like I never knew him at all?" I started to cry again.

_Shit this was going to be a long four weeks. _

Jakes phone went off in his pocket he pulled it out and answered it, motioning to me to give him one second. I stood there going through my mental check list making sure I had everything.

_Shit! My cell phone charger!_

"Jake, did you grab my cell phone charger?" I asked, interrupting his conversation with his father. He shook his head no and pointed to his watch as if to tell me to hurry. I bolted into the house and up the stairs. I knew exactly where my charger was. It would only take a minute to grab it. I pushed my rocking chair aside as I got on my knees to reach behind my desk, where it plugged into the wall. I was wrapping up the cord when something on my chair caught my eye. I did a double take as I clearly saw the white embroidered letters "CULLEN". I immediately dropped the charger and pulled the hoodie out from underneath the other clothes.

There it was Edward's hoodie, in my room, on my chair and now in my hands.

_How in the hell?!_

This was Edwards's most prized possession I knew he was wearing it last night. The last time I saw it, it was in his hands as I left his house. I was upset and still half drunk but I was certain of it. I couldn't help it, I pulled the hoodie up to my face and breathed him in. _Amazing,_ it was as if he was standing right here with me. I heard the horn beep twice. And my eyes flashed to my window. _My open window_. He was here. He came last night when I was sleeping! Did he forget it? He couldn't, he never took this thing off, let alone just "forget it". A million questions swirled in my mind as I grabbed my charger and heading down stairs.

I got into the car, still clutching to his hoodie. Jake pulled out on to the street, he was still on the phone. My mind wandered to what Edward was doing in my room last night. Why had he come? Why didn't he wake me up? How long was he there? Why did he leave me his hoodie? My mind was racing. I didn't even realize Jake was off the phone.

"Whatcha' got there, Bells?" Jake asked as he glanced at the jacket I was now holding onto for dear life.

"Its Edward's, I found it in my room, on my chair? I-I don't…h-he must've…last night b-but I don't know why?" I was a mess. I couldn't even form a damn sentence!

"Bells, I put that on you chair this morning." My head whipped in Jakes direction

"What do you mean _you_ put this on the chair," my tone was much harsher then I expected it to be.

"Whoa! There tiger, I just meant that it was on your bed, not your chair. When I made your bed I found it mixed in with your blanket so laid it over the chair." He glanced over at me. "You think he left it for you," he questioned.

"I-I guess…maybe? But why Jake?" The tears started filling my eyes again.

"Shit, I don't know Bella," he shrugged "did you check the pockets? If he left all of his personal crap in it, then maybe he just forgot it, and if not…maybe he wants you to have it? That would be my guess."

I was scared to check because I am pretty sure Jake was right. And if Edward came looking for his stuff, it would be gone.

_Serves him right for breaking and entering and leaving evidence behind. _

I reached into the first pocket only to find one of his cinnamon lollipops. That was not too personal. He had those things lying around everywhere. I tucked it back into the pocket and went to the other side. I pulled out a note that was folded once. It was written on my stationary from my desk. It had my initials on it I.M.S in calligraphy on the top. My hands began to tremble as I went to open it.

_Be Safe – E. _

_Be safe? What the hell does that mean? That was all he had to say to me?!?_

My hurt turned into anger instantly.

"Well, what did it say," Jake asked, as we pulled into the airport parking lot.

"Be safe," I said callously.

Jakes brow frowned. "It said what? That's it? Maybe he is a man of few words..."

But cut him off. I was angry and hurt and confused. Why the hell would Edward go to all this trouble to tell me to be safe?

_What a jerk, what an asshole… what a coward!!_

"DON'T JAKE!" I shouted "Don't make up any excuses for him. Let's just get on this flight and get he hell out of here already." I started to rip my bags out of the car. Jake said nothing he allowed me time to cool off.

We made it through check in, security and were now boarding the plane in silence. We took our seats and pulled out a few things that we needed for the trip, before we had to tuck away our carry on bags. I pulled out my water, magazine and cell phone. Jake pulled out some chips, his mp3 player and a magazine of his own.

I went to shut my phone off, because I knew any minute now, they would be telling us to do so anyway. To my surprise it was already off. I turned in back on quickly to make sure my battery wasn't dead. My phone lit up, bright and I thanked god for that. I needed my music, once in the air, to keep me busy. While I waited for my phone to turn on, I turned to Jake.

"Hey, I'm sorry for snapping on you," I said as I used my elbow to nudge him.

"It's ok Bells, that's what friends are for." He smiled at me. "Are you sure you're going to be ok," he asked with worry in his eyes, as he glanced down at Edward's hoodie in my lap and back to my eyes.

"I don't know Jake. I honestly don't know. I love him and it hurts. It just kills me to know he doesn't feel the same and I just don't know if I will ever be able to get over him." The words rushed out of me but they were true. I couldn't be more honest than that. I started to cry quietly as Jake pulled me over to him, allowing my head to rest on his shoulder. He stroked my hair and just let me cry.

My phone started beeping, three beeps in a row. I knew immediately it was three text messages. I pushed the button, that illuminated the screen, and there they were. I started to sob the second I saw them. Jake leaned forward to see what I was looking it. My phone read…"3 new Text Messages: Edward" I pushed read and held my breath.

"_Bella, I am sorry I didn't get to say goodbye" –E. _

"_I just didn't know what to say, I didn't know if you wanted to see me." –E._

"_I do hope you have a safe trip, BTW did you listen to the song?" –E. _

I cried a little more with each one I read. Why would he use me as his excuse not to say goodbye? Why wouldn't he just own up to the fact that he didn't want to face me after what happened? Why can't he just apologize for everything and try to make this better? Why was he acting like such a fucking coward and sending me text messages? After all that had happened between us, didn't I deserve more? I was sobbing again as I let the anger and hurt take over.

"What did he say?" Jake asked I couldn't even talk. I just handed him my phone. He read over the messages and handed it back to me.

"It's a start Bella, its something… he reached out to you." Jake was pissing me off already. Did he not see that it was all excuses and spineless bullshit?!? Edward was giving me just enough to keep me around as his friend and nothing more. He was not going to talk to me about this. He was merely trying to smooth things over which he was terrible at. It didn't surprise me one bit how bad he was at this. I'm sure I am the only girl he has ever tired to smooth things over with, but _fuck that_! I was not some whore like Jessica or some bitch like Tanya. I was his _friend_, his _best friend_; we had a history and a past together. Did this mean nothing to him? If any other guy did to me what he did, he would be beating them senseless as we speak.

"Jake, just fucking stop already! Don't justify his actions or lack there of. Don't make his excuses sound like some great declaration from the heart, ok?" Poor Jake, he was really getting the shit end of this stick today.

"Ok Bella _fine_. I won't say another word." He put in his ear phones and closed his eyes.

I was all over the place today, my emotions were off the charts and I was crying, and mad, and hurt, and sad, and happy, and scared. I needed this time away. This would be good for me. I really don't know where this will leave Edward and me. I don't know if we will make it through this. As much as I wanted him to feel something more for me, I just don't see that happening. Can I be his friend again after the dust settles? Can I go back and watch him be with other girls and not have it kill me? Why does it hurt so much to lose something I never had in the first place? These were the questions I would have to figure out before I got back. I guess only time will tell if Edward and would be able to get past this and remain friends or if we won't get past it and we would be nothing at all to each other. Because right now, those are the only two choices I have. Those are the _only_ choices he had left me with.

I picked up my phone and hit respond.

"_Listen to my story…MP3: Don't speak, No Doubt." –B. _

I sent the message and switched my phone to airplane mode so I could listen to my MP3's as we got ready for take off. I pulled Edwards hoodie around me, enveloping me in his scent. I allowed my tears to fall as I listened to the song I sent him. The words fit perfectly and that alone was devastating enough. I cried harder as I listened….

_**You and me**_

_**We used to be together**_

_**Every day together, always**_

_**I really feel that I'm losing my best friend**_

_**I can't believe this could be the end**_

_**It looks as though you're letting go**_

_**And if it's real, well I don't want to know**_

_**Don't speak**_

_**I know just what you're saying**_

_**So please stop explaining**_

_**Don't tell me 'cause it hurts**_

_God how was I ever going to get over him?_

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**A/N Ok ladies…you want to know WTF happened to Edward? Go check out the post interview at Krysti's blog the link to it is on my profile page. Seriously leave her some love. She works for very hard for me!! www (dot) anunhealthyaddiction (dot) blogspot (dot)com, Also, on my profile page, there are links to pictures and songs for each chapter! Now, first show me some love and then go see New Moon all weekend! I will be there Thursday at midnight! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N-As always, I want to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for reading and reviewing!! THANK YOU for sticking with me the past two weeks! I know I have been a bad author and was too caught up watching New Moon (three) times! Then we had ****Thanksgiving**** and I work retail, so again thank you for your patience! I hope you guys loved New Moon and had a great Thanksgiving (for all my USA readers) **

**Since I made you wait so long I have taken the extra time to give you an EPIC chapter here. It's the longest one in A&N history. The other thing I did for you guys, since I adore my readers so much, is I put BOTH ****Bella**** and Edwards POV in this chapter! So, its true, ****good things**** come to those who wait!! **

**Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N on ****Twitter****. As always, my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, and JW I heart you girls hard for all the love & support! **

**Krysti, you are an amazing BETA Bitch! I don't know how you put up with me sometimes, but I love you for it!! Thank you for taking my calls at all hours of the night while I write! LOL Luv ya girlie! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own ****Twilight**** or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward belongs to me and I get to spend lots of time with him. LOL**

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**BPOV**

It has been almost eight weeks since I left Forks. Four weeks since the last time I heard from Edward. I guess if you ignore someone long enough they are bound to give up. Edward was persistent at first, always insisting that we needed to talk about what had happen that night. He was constantly apologizing for it, which made it worse for me. It had to stop.

I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't need to hear any excuses for his actions. I couldn't bear to hear the reasons why I was not wanted. So, I stopped it all. I didn't respond. I didn't argue. I just didn't have the strength to continue the fight. He won. He didn't want me and I had to accept that fact.

The one thing I could control, I did. I allowed myself to hurt and to cry… I _mourned_. For weeks, I was in a dream state. No one understood what was going on with me. I walked around like a zombie. Everyone around me walked on eggshells, scared that anything they would say could set me off or even worse, they were afraid to break me even further.

I had slowly pulled away from everyone that mattered in my life. But Alice and Rose never gave up on me. They were consistently calling, even if it was only to ask my mother how I was doing. Jake gave me the space and time I needed, without asking any questions. He was still the only one that knew what had happened. I knew it killed him to see me like this, but Jake was never one to push. He just let me know he would be there when I was ready.

A few weeks ago, Renee came outside to talk to me. This is where I would spend most of my nights. I had made a new ritual for myself. I would shower, pull on some shorts and Edwards hoodie, grab my phone and laptop and head outside to sit by the pool. Edward's scent from the hoodie would envelope me like a protective shield so, I could allow myself to miss him. I missed him so much it was hard to breathe. I would listen to the songs Edward had sent me. I would read through old text messages. Sometimes, I would find the courage to look at old pictures of us.

It may seem like I am a masochist and maybe I am, but I missed him terribly and not knowing if we were ever going to be able to get past this was terrifying to me. So, I held on to the shreds of what we once were, and prayed for a sign, something, anything that would help me get back there again. Edward didn't want me like I wanted him but I still needed him in my life. I needed to be his friend and I knew he wanted to be mine. I came to the only conclusions I could fathom for now… time. Time, I suppose, would help. They do say it heals all. What I didn't know is just how much time it would take.

"Bella?" My mother's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. She smiled as she sat down.

"Hi, mom." I gave her weak smile in return.

She gave out a long sigh and set her glass of iced tea on the table.

"Look baby, I know something has been weighing on you and you have me worried sick. It's almost time for you to go back to Forks, but I don't think that is best right now. Bella, please talk to me. I don't want to make this decision for you without knowing everything." Her pleading eyes were welling up with tears.

I knew I could talk to my mother about anything. She made that our _policy_, so to speak. She wanted to be my friend and my mother. She always wanted us to be open with each other. It was something she didn't have with her mother, that kind of friendship. So, she made it a point to have that with me. Maybe it was time to tell her. I could give her the gist of it and leave out some of the gory details. Even though we were open and honest, I am sure the 'mother' in her didn't need to nor _want_ to hear them.

"Mom, I want to tell you a-and I will, but I just need you to listen to the story first…and then you can ask all the questions you want and give me all the advice you think I need."

I paused and took a deep breath trying to fight back the tears.

"This is going to be hard to tell you mom and I am afraid if I s-stop, I wont be able to start again, ok?" I looked at her, knowing the desperation that my eyes must have held.

I went over the details of the night. Starting with the conversation Alice and I had the car on the way to the party to the events that took place during the party, the fight with Tanya, the dance with Jake, and my dance with Edward. The ride to Edwards's house, of course I had to eliminate some of the _specifics. _I just don't think my mom was ever going to be ready to hear about _that._

Then it came time to tell her about what had happened in Edwards's bedroom. I started with the easy part first. I told her about the total breakdown I had in the bathroom. I saw her adjust herself in her chair, as if she knew where this was going. She was bracing herself for the inevitable blow she thought was coming. I chuckled grimly to myself because the very thing that would be _her_ relief at the end of this story is the very reason why I am so broken.

A weak sob escaped me as I started telling her about the way he kissed me and how I kissed him back with everything I had, everything I am and everything I felt for him. Renee's eyes started to well up with tears as well. She had to know at this point, by my sobbing, that I had been rejected. Once again, I had excluded some of the _finer points_. But the intent was clear.

The tears poured out of me as I continued telling her about the fight we had, the humiliation I felt and the anguish that came with it all. Renee held me and cried with me. She held me tight, rubbing my back, trying to sooth me. Once we both gained some composure, she pulled back, still holding onto my shoulders. She looked at me with loving and understanding eyes.

"Baby, I am so sorry that happened to you. But Bella, I would be lying if I told you that I agree with you"

"Mom, are you kidding me!?" I practically shrieked.

"Listen to me, Bella" she continued, "I know it might be hard to see it now honey, but Edward was protecting you. He was protecting your _virtue_ so to speak." She added quietly.

I was getting angry. I knew Edward was always trying to protect me, but this…this was taking it to a whole other level. I knew in order for her to see it my way I would have to give her some facts about Mr. Edward Cullen. They wouldn't be pretty, so I had to tame them down a bit. I never wanted my family to think poorly of Edward, even if I was angry at him.

"Mom, Edward is hardly the guy that worries about protecting anyone's _virtue_. In fact, I am sure Edward has long line of girls that would be more than willing to hand over their _virtue…_ _multiple times_." I added sarcastically.

"Bella, honey, doesn't that tell you something then?" She laughed lightly, wiping away the tears that stained her cheeks. "He _cares_ for you, Bella. I know you don't want to believe this, but Edward was trying to do right by you. Yes, he may have gone about it…_differently_ and I am sure what he was actually saying and what he meant to say were two completely different things baby." Her eyes were honest and soft. She was trying to get me to see where I may have misunderstood Edward actions.

"Don't you see mom, Edward is my friend and he has always been protective of me, so I will give you that. _Fine_. Edward wanted to protect me. But that doesn't change the fact that Edward didn't want me. Edward rejected me and only wants to be my friend, mom." The tears started to fall again and I struggled to get the last words out.

"Edward, doesn't want me mom, b-because I am not good enough for him." I said it so quietly it was almost a whisper.

Renee pulled me into her embrace. "Aw, baby girl," she said kissing the top of my head. "If Edward didn't want you because you were not good enough for him then I don't think we would be sitting here discussing this right now. Do you understand?" She pulled back slightly to look in my eyes. I could tell she was trying to decipher if I really did understand what she was telling me.

"Bella, did it ever cross your mind that Edward, even though he…has…a way with the ladies. Maybe you mean more to him? Maybe Bella, he doesn't feel good enough for you? Bella, don't be so hard on him. I know how you must feel honey, but I know how close you two are and I think his intentions were coming from good place baby." She smiled at me, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I just sat there and looked at her, probably more confused than before we had started talking. Could she be right? Could Edward's rejections just be out of friendship and respect? Had I been too hard on him? Even if all those things were true, where do I go from here? What do I do with these feelings I have for him? I am not a light switch. I can't just turn them off…can I?

"Mom, what do I do now? I have all these feelings…a-and I just don't know what to do." I shook my head is confusion.

Renee took in a deep breath. "Well baby, you will have to talk to him about it an-"

"No! No, that is out of the question!" I shouted, cutting her off in mid sentence.

"Ok, Bella calm down. If you're not willing to talk to him about it honey, then y-you really have no other choice now, do you?" She gave me a pointed stare.

She was right. I needed to get over it. I needed to find a way to stifle these feelings for Edward, in order for us to ever have a fighting chance at our friendship.

"H-how mom, how do I just get over it? How do you just stop loving someone?" I asked her. The desperation I was feeling, ringing in my words.

"Bella, you don't have to get over him…so to speak. Give yourself some time, honey. You might have to put your feelings on hold. Put them on the back burner and reconnect with him see where that leads. Bella you're a young, beautiful girl you have many options. Get out there and date honey, see if he is truly the one that holds your heart and then make your decision." She squeezed me tightly and kissed me on the head.

"Bella it's getting late. I know we have allowed you to do this correspondence schooling, right now. However, I want you to stick with a healthy routine. I called Charlie to make sure he sent out your lessons for the next few weeks."

I knew she was right. I had to be grateful to her and Charlie for allowing me to stay here longer than expected. And god only knows what strings Charlie had to pull to get Forks High to allow me to do correspondence. God bless my father for doing whatever he did, because I just couldn't face anyone at that school right now. _Especially Edward_…

Renee was just about to close the French doors when she popped her head back out.

"Baby, one last thing?" She looked slightly nervous.

"What is it mom?" I was almost afraid to ask.

"Baby, please call your friends, they are really nice girls but I'm sure they are fed up with talking to your mother." She laughed lightly but her eyes gave her away. She was done making excuses for me. It was time for me to stand on my own two feet. And she was right.

"I will call them in the morning. And thank you mom…f-for everything." I smiled at her, trying to convey the love and appreciation I felt for her.

I was gathering my things when I heard a loud thump behind me, causing my whole body to jump in fear. I went to scream but a large hand covered my mouth from behind me. I felt the hot breath against my ear before I heard the words. I was so damn scared I didn't know what to do. I closed my eyes and prayed.

"Don't shit yourself Bells, it's just me." Jacob's voice was soft in my ear. "I just didn't want you to scream and wake up both our parents." He chuckled, as he released his hold on me.

"Jake, are you fucking shitting me?!" I shrieked. "You're going to give me a damn heart attack! Are you trying to kill me before my eighteenth birthday?"

"Relax, drama queen," he chuckled. "I just came by to bring you this…an early birthday present." He beamed, handing over the card and the small gift bag.

"Aw, Jake you really didn't have to." Even though I managed to keep my voice composed, I was really excited that Jake had remembered my birthday was tomorrow.

"Well, open it Bells." He was practically jumping up and down in anticipation.

I opened up the card first. The front read…"It's your birthday do you feel older?" and when I opened it, I almost died laughing. I was laughing so hard I actually snorted! "Or do I have to feel for myself?" it read…It was so _Jake_ to get me a card like that.

I pulled out the tiny box from the small bag. The second I opened it, my eyes filled with tears, it was so beautiful. The necklace was a long silver chain and instead of a pendant hanging from the delicate chain, I found a ring. It was silver and the inscription read:

"_**Proverbs 17:17 **__**A**__** Friend Loves At All Times**_"

"Jake." I whispered, not really meaning to. I was just so taken back at the significance. I was hardly able to speak.

"This is beautiful, Jake. It's amazing. I love it." I gushed.

It was a truly wonderful gift. I knew it was Jake's way of telling me he would always be there for me and always be my friend. Although, I never needed a reminder of this but I was more than willing to accept this one. Whenever I needed Jake, he was always there. And if he was not able to physically be there, I would always have a part of him with me. I knew that going back to Forks would take its toll on me and I would need him more now than ever before.

"Jake, you are an incredible friend. I love you and my gift." I was beaming with happiness as I hugged my best friend.

"You're not so bad yourself, Bells," he chuckled. "So, I take it you understand what it means, right?" He asked, as he slightly pulled back from our embrace.

"I do. I think… It means you and I are not only best friends but we will see each other through everything because we care for and love each other, right?"

"Well, you are very close, Miss. Swan," he teased. "But I really want to tell you what the jeweler told me and why I chose this for you. Come here." Jake sat down on the chair, pulling me to him, so that I was sitting sideways on his lap. He held out his hand and I laid the necklace in it and pulled my hair up as he put it on me.

"The lady at the jewelry store said that it meant…_A true friend is the same as a blood relation – in times of greatest need, the loyalty of love is displayed_." He paused, waiting for me to take in his words.

"Does that make sense to you? I mean… it did to me. Bells, you are my best friend. You are my family." He smiled timidly and shrugged.

"Jake, it makes perfect sense. That is why it's the perfect gift. I will never ever take it off." I pulled the chain out from my shirt and kissed the ring, then held it to his lips, to return the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Jake always knew how to comfort me and how to make all the bad in my life somehow evaporate.

"Can I ask you so something?" I spoke softly into his neck still needing him to hold me.

"Sure Bells, anything"

"Why is it so _easy_ with you…w-with us?"

"What do you mean by easy?" He asked, clearly confused. He pulled out of our embrace, his eyes searching mine for clarification.

"I mean, we have been friends for how long? And we never fight, never hurt each other, we have never …_q-questioned_our actions or friendship. It's always just been _easy_…Even the times we-" I paused for a second not knowing quite how to put it. "Even after the times we messed around with each other… it never felt like any boundaries were being crossed. Do you know what I mean?" I smiled warily, fiddling with the ring hanging from my neck.

"Bells, that's an easy one for me to answer. No expectations. End of story." He smiled smugly.

"Jake, what the fuck does that mean? Can you please _elaborate _some? Enlighten me, _ol'__Wise One_." I mocked him because he made is sound so simple. Like I was the only one not seeing things clearly. As if everything was black and white and I was only seeing gray.

"Ok… thatwas completely not necessary, but I will _enlighten_ you anyways, _smartass_."

I chuckled and moved to the chair across from him.

"Well, I'm waiting." I waived my hand, gesturing for him to continue.

"Ok, how can I put this? We have been friends for as long as I can remember, Bella. Hell, we are practically family… right?" He waited for me to respond before moving on.

"Right," I nodded once.

"Well, that being said, I or we rather, never had any expectations for anything more. Sure, we might have fooled around a few times, but Bella it was innocent. There is a huge difference between being sexually involved with someone and being intimately involved with them. Intimacy and sex and two totally different things Bells. I know _technically_ we never had _sex,_ but you get my point, right?" He waited quietly for me to respond.

So, what Jake was basically trying to say to me, is that sex is purely physical. But intimacy on the other hand, is both physical and emotional. Intimacy is what my expectation was with Edward. I wanted to give myself to him completely, not only to satisfy the physical need for him but I wanted to share my emotional attachment to him as well. I believed Edward was my soul mate and longed to be his. However, with him not knowing what I felt, and us never communicating anything other than friendship to each other, I basically had set myself up for rejection.

Edward was clearly the more sexually experienced one, out of the two of us. But, he obviously had never shown any type of intimacy to me. He never even spoke to me about being _intimate_ with any of the countless other girls he had sex with. I doubt he had ever been truly intimate with anyone. Actually, I was fairly sure of this, because just how intimate could he possibly be with a different girl every weekend in the back seat of his Volvo?

_Great I was in love with the most sexually experienced, intimacy deficient guy on the planet._

"I understand," I nodded. "But what do I do now, Jake?" I asked, with desperation evident in my voice. "What do I do about Edward?"

Jake sighed, "Bells that is going to be up to you sweetie. The way I see it, you have three choices. One, you tell him how you feel and put yourself out there. Two, you work on saving your friendship and accept the fact that you will only be friends. Or three, the one you might not want to hear, get over him. Acknowledge the fact that you can't be just a friend to him and try to move on." Jake took my hand into his, rubbing tiny circles on my palm with his thumb, as if that was going to offer some comfort to me from the bomb he just dropped.

"You don't see any other choices, Jake? Are you serious? You don't think I could be his friend and maybe he would open up to me? Maybe, he will tell me how he feels for me?" I was clearly agitated at the bleak outlook Jake handed me as to where my future stood with Edward. I was offended that he believed that Edward didn't want me.

"Jake, are you insinuating that Edward doesn't have feelings for me? That he will never want me?? God Jake! Do you think I am some _ugly peasant,_ not worthy of the Sex God, Edward fucking Cullen? Do you really think I don't have it in me to make him want me? Huh Jake, answer me that!?"

"Whoa! Chill out there, killer!" he spat back at me. "I don't know if he wants you or not, Bella. I don't know what he _feels_ for you. I only know what _you_ tell me, so excuse me for basing my opinion off of what _you _said!" Jake was getting aggravated with me as well.

"Bells, I am on your side, if you choose to believe that or not. I want you to be happy. I think you deserve to be. That being said…you are the _good girl_, Bella. You're like a puppy, an innocent pup, playing with the biggest dog in the park and I don't want you to get bit in the ass, understand?!"

I rolled my eyes. "I can be a bitch you know? If you have not noticed, I can hold my own and I might not be a supermodel, but I am sure I could get Edward to notice me, Jake. I may not be a 'big dog' yet but I'm sure the hell not a pup." I crossed my arms and raised my eyes brows daring Jake to come back on that.

Jake started laughing, uncontrollably laughing at me!

_What the fuck is so funny?_

"What!" I seethed at him

"Bells, you can be a bitch, huh," he laughed. "I mean, I knew you had it in you, but damn girl if you could just turn all that hurt into… whatever I just saw, I am sure Cullen couldn't help but notice you…I'm just saying." He shrugged and continued laughing.

"Jake, I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you." Suddenly, I was feeling guilty that we were arguing over Edward after he came over to bring me my birthday present.

"Hell no Bella, don't feel bad. It's cool. I understand… but I meant what I said." He smiled.

"What do you mean, Jake? Are you saying Edward likes bitchy girls?"

"Bella, for being older than me, by a whole year" He rolled his eyes "You sure don't know much about guys, huh? Every guy loves a challenge." He shrugged "We love the chase. We can't resist it."

_Was he serious? Guys want what they can't have? Could it be that simple?_

"Come here and give me a hug. I have to get home. Some of us don't have step dads who just signed ridiculously large contracts with the Boston Red Sox's and get correspondent schooling with some fancy tutor," he teased, pulling me up into his arms.

"Oh yes, Jake. You are just a poor kid whose mother is a veterinarian and has to slum it, going to some _elite_ private school," I taunted in return.

We hugged each other tightly and I thanked him again for the amazing present and the much needed advice. Just as he was about to climb back over the wall, I asked him if he was going to be coming over for my birthday dinner tomorrow. Renee always made me my favorite, Lasagna. And never forgot to get me a birthday cake. Really, it was kind of corny but I love corny traditions. Jake, being Jake, was never one to refuse food; so of course, he said he would be here at 6pm sharp. I gathered my things and went to bed.

******

The next morning, I was awakened by my mother singing happy birthday at the top of her lungs. She swung my door open, carrying a small gift box, perfectly wrapped with a bow on top. She sat next to me on my bed as she finished with "Happy birthday to you". She held the last note much too long and completely out of tune. I giggled sleepily. It was just too funny.

"Thank you for um… _that_ mom." I giggled some more, hugging her.

"You're welcome, birthday girl. My little baby is all grown up. You're a woman today. I can't believe it, eighteen years old!" Tears welled up in her eyes. They were happy ones but still tears, something I didn't want on my birthday. No more tears so many had been shed over the past few months and I needed a fresh start.

Jake had given me a lot to think about last night and he was right. I was the one that had all the expectations when it came to Edward and I had taken it all out on him. Edward had no idea how I felt yet, I still blamed him for everything. I am sure, by now, he hated me since it had been weeks since we had any communication. I had to find the strength to pull myself out of this, turn this hurt into something else…something constructive.

Maybe, I could be his friend again. Maybe, I could find a way to get him to notice me in the way I longed for him to? Maybe, just maybe, I could finally be the girl that could make Edward Cullen _notice her_ for once. He had so many girls always throwing themselves at him and I refuse to be just another girl in his eyes. I wanted to be more. I _needed_ to be _more_. I just had to figure out _how_.

I knew Jake was on to something last night when he said guys love the chase. Just how was going to get Edward to chase me? That was the part of the plan that I was a novice in. How was I, Bella Swan, going to be sexy, tempting, or provocative? I never thought of myself as ugly but I was not alluring like Rosalie Hale …_hmm…Rose_?

"Bella, don't you want to open your present?" My mother's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, I do. Sorry, I was…j-just trying to wake up mom."

I took the small gift box from her. I was wondering what the hell she could have gotten me that was causing her to be so damn giddy for me to open it this early in the morning?

I pulled the top of the box off and to my surprise, two credit cards laid there, with my name on them. One was an American Express Platinum card and one was a Visa card that said Forks Bank on it. I was confused and shocked. Clearly, Renee saw it written all over my face so she decided to explain.

"Phil and I wanted you to have them. You deserve them. I know you have never been one to splurge or anything like that, but we really want you to, honey. You have been the perfect daughter and model student and well, its time you get some of the rewards for that." She was beaming.

"Mom, I-I don't need anything. I mean I don't even know where to start…w-why…b-but…"

I was at such a loss for words I had never gone without, by any means, but this…this was too much! These were type of cards Alice and Rose swore they could never live without. The same cards that Edward would toss on the table at ever restaurant we had ever been to. The very Amex card Edward would do all of his shopping with.

"Thank you mom, it's too much. I am just overwhelmed. I don't even know what to say?!" Finally, I was able to from a sentence to express my gratitude to my mother and Phil.

"Baby, it's your senior year. I want you to get ready for college. I know that can be quite expensive with books, clothes, and a new, safer car perhaps? I already spoke with Charlie and he agreed with us. You're a woman now, Bella and we trust that you will not spend uncontrollably. However, I think it is about time you focus on school and not have to work a part-time job. We all agreed, you have shown just how responsible you are. And the fact that Phil just signed this huge contract helped out a lot in this decision." She chuckled.

"This is just too much mom! Thank you so much!" I was touched and excited, even though I didn't have a clue at what I would buy. I was happy that my family thought so much of me.

"Mom, why do I have to two cards I mean one is more than enough." I had never had credit cards before so I had no clue what the difference would be.

"The Amex is your credit card Bella and the Visa is your bank card. We decided that we are going to deposit a monthly cash allowance in there, so you won't have to use the credit card for smaller purchases." She shrugged as if it should be obvious to me.

"Mom, I don't even know what to say. I am going to have to call Phil and thank him."

"Call your father too, Bella. It was his idea for the bank card and he added eighteen hundred dollars to your account as your birthday present, eighteen being the obvious choice for your birthday." She hugged me once more before telling me to get ready. She was making my favorite breakfast, blueberry pancakes.

I called Charlie first, thanking him over and over for the gift and then I called Phil. I barley got a 'thank you' out before he was rushed off the phone to head to practice. I showered and dressed quickly before heading into the kitchen where I found my mom cooking.

I was pouring us some orange juice when the door bell rang. "I'll get it." I sang as I practically skipped over to the door. I opened the door to find a delivery man holding a enormous vase of flowers in one hand and clinging onto a huge array of balloons in the other.

"Bella Swan," he questioned.

"That's me!" I shrieked. I stepped aside, allowing him into the hallway where he sat the flowers down on the small table and handed me the small weight that held the balloons. I signed for everything and just as he was about to leave, he turned around quickly, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

"Oh, I almost forgot this. I am so sorry Miss Swan; I didn't have enough hands for all of your gifts." He laughed and had me sign again for the box.

"Mom!" I yelled "Come look! Hurry!" I pulled the card form the flowers and just as I suspected they were from Rose and Alice, wishing me a happy birthday. The flowers were amazing. It was the largest arrangement I had ever seen and then there were eighteen happy birthday balloons.

"Wow Bella, those are beautiful, who are they from?!" Renee asked, as she gathered up the flowers and balloons for me, taking them into the kitchen.

"Alice and Rose, of course" I giggled as I followed her into the kitchen. I grabbed my orange juice and plopped down on the chair to open the gift. Rose and Alice always go overboard.

I opened the shipping box and to my surprise there was note and an even smaller box inside. I pulled out the paper and unfolded it. My heart raced as I immediately recognize his handwriting.

_Happy Birthday Bella._

_Always- Remember Never- Ignore_

_I could never forget your birthday, Bella. I miss you, your words and our music. _

_E. _

I read the note at least five times before I could even register it. Edward remembered my birthday. Edward _missed_ me and our routine text messages that we sent to each other. I knew this was his way of saying he still wanted to be friends. It was his peace offering. He wanted us to get back to normal and this was his way of telling me. Although, I didn't know what _normal_ was for me anymore, or how I would ever bring myself to stifle these feelings I had for him and try to be _only_ his friend?

_For some odd reason Rose kept coming to mind_.

I put the note aside and pulled the small box out. The navy blue box had a swan on it and Swarovski written in silver. I opened the box and found a silver charm, studded with pink stones it was in the shape of a music Clef note. It had a small pink rope and I knew exactly what it was. It was a charm for my cell phone. I chuckled to myself on how fitting and thoughtful the gift was. I slowly pulled it out and attached it to my phone. By this time breakfast was ready and Renee took notice of the gift.

"Wow, another gift from Alice or Rose?" She questioned, holding the delicate charm in her hand.

"Edward." I responded quietly.

"Oh wow, Bella! That was so thoughtful of him. Are you going to call and thank him?" I could see her getting nervous asking me this.

"I am, but later." I didn't offer much more because I didn't know exactly what I was going to say just yet.

The rest of my day was pretty much a normal Friday. After about six grueling hours of school work with my tutor, I headed outside for a swim while Renee made my birthday lasagna. I quick dip in the pool was prefect for cooling off. I went and laid down on the hammock in the shade. I pulled my phone out and thought about calling Alice and Rose but I knew at some point I would have to call Edward. I scrolled through my phone book until I came to their home phone number. I never called it. We always used our cell phones. But I thought if I called the house phone, I would leave it in the hands of fate as to who would answer. Without even thinking about what I was going to say, I hit send and took a deep breath. Hoping and praying for Alice to pick up.

"Hello." It was Edward.

_Fuck_.

"Hello?" he said louder this time.

"H-Hi…um…Edward, it's Bella." I held my breath waiting for his response.

"B-Bella? H-Hey … um Happy Birthday." He sounded just as shocked as I did.

"Yup, it's me, and ah…Thanks. T-Thank you for the gift Edward it was…um great... and thoughtful of you."

_This is not going well. I sound like an idiot. _

There was a very uncomfortable silence on the line now. I had to think quickly. Of course, I said the only thing that came to mind.

"Is…um… Alice there I was calling to thank her as well." I knew this sounded like I was rushing him off the phone, but I panicked and was at a total loss.

"Yeah, she's here" his tone turned from shock to sour quickly. "B- Before I get her, can I ask you something?" His tone was now firm.

"Sure, what's up?" I tried to sound nonchalant but didn't think I was that convincing.

"Are we…" he paused, "…still friends?" The second he asked me I felt my heart sink and something else happened, something new…I felt…angry? I don't know what possessed me to say what came out of my mouth next, but before I could stop it, the words were out there.

"Sure, friends…yes…of course we are, Edward. Were we ever anything else?" The coldness of my tone was evident; the sarcasm was literally dripping off of every word.

"Okay," he said, then a long deafening silence. "Uh, let me get Alice for you. Happy Birthday, Bella."

"Thanks." I murmured.

"ALICE. PHONE," he yelled.

"Hello?" Alice finally picked up the phone.

"Hey Alice. It's Bella, remember me?" I smiled in relief, hearing her voice.

"Oh my god, Bella!" She screamed "Rose! Get over here, its Bella! I am putting you on speaker phone, Bella. Rose is here and we are dying to talk to you! Oh my god, it's been so long! I know I should be mad at you but I'm just so damn happy to finally hear from you!" She was talking so fast I had to laugh. I heard her push a button and she was much louder. I figured I was on speaker now.

"Hey Rose. Hi Alice. I am sorry that I have not called. That was totally bitchy of me but thank you for the birthday presents and I hope you both forgive me." I had to get that off my chest because I missed my girls they were like sisters to me.

"Hey, Bitch nice of you to finally call. Fuck, if I knew I would have to send flowers to get you to call me back, I would have done it weeks ago!" Rose snorted. "Oh and yes, you're forgiven" I could almost see her snide smirk and rolling her eyes as she spoke.

"I was never that mad at you Bella, more worried than anything." Alice interjected. "I'm glad you got your presents too! When are you coming home Bella? I miss you. We missed school shopping together and you're supposed to be in two of my classes and Halloween is around the corner! Oh my god! Please tell me you're coming home for Halloween and the holidays! Bella, you can't miss the holidays!"

I kept trying to interrupt her without being rude, but trying to get her attention without yelling into the phone was almost impossible. "Alice, ALICE!" I yelled louder. She kept going….

"You just have to make it home by the time Halloween comes, Bella. We are going to have a dance at school! It going to be amazing, it's themed!" she practically shrieked.

"Alice, I am not coming home!" I yelled trying to get her attention. Finally there was silence on the line and I heard a 'click' as if she hung up. "Hello? Alice? Are you there?"

"Yes, Bella. I thought you hung up?" she sounded heartbroken. And I felt like shit.

"I mean, I am not going to come home by Halloween, Alice. I think it will be closer to Christmas time. I'm sorry, but I told my mom I would spend Thanksgiving with her as part of my deal for me staying longer."

"But Bella, you have to get back here for the dance! Everything is all fucked up and if you don't get here we are going to be stuck going to the dance with- OUCH!! What the hell was that for Rose?" she yelled. Clearly, Rose didn't want Alice to finish that sentence and I could only imagine why.

_Edward was going to the dance with someone else. _

"I don't do dances anyway, Alice. You know that." It came out more of a whisper than anything else. I could hear mumbling between Rose and Alice but couldn't quite make out what they were saying.

"Bella" Rose said harshly. "What the hell is going on with you and Edward?"

"Nothing. I have not talked to him since….since that night, except just now. I mean, I thanked him for the gift he sent me and told him we were still friends. Why?" My curiosity was getting the best of me now.

"Well, he has been a complete dick since you left and totally back to his douche bag ways. You know getting drunk, not talking to anyone and letting skanks shamelessly follow him around school." She continued, "So, since _nothing_ is going on between you two, I'm sure you won't mind that Lauren has been telling everyone that she and Edward are going to the dance together, right?"

_Fuck my life. _

Rose knew it would piss me off. She knew that would get under my skin. She knew how to get me going. _Why_ she would do this, is beyond me though? She knew I hated Tanya and her skank crew. Even though Lauren was dating Tyler when I left, making her the least trampy of them all, she obviously had her sights set on Edward now.

"Wait, I thought she was dating Tyler?"

"She was until he dumped her ass for cheating on him," she said sharply.

"S-She cheated on him with…" I couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Edward. Yes, but don't get your self worked up Bella she grabbed him and kissed him one night while she was leaving a party. I saw the whole thing. He was very drunk. We were all waiting by Emmett's truck and she just stumbled over to him and planted one right on him and walked off. Tyler was right behind her when it happened and I don't think Edward even realized what happened until Tyler took a swing at him." Rose laughed.

"Anyways, Edward was drunk and got into with Tyler. Em, had to break up the fight and basically beat the shit out of Tyler. Lauren has been Edwards shadow ever since. He hates it. You know how he can't stand it when girls chase him around. It's his own fault really. He should have just listened to me and Alice and got in the damn car." She and Alice talked some more about that night but I stopped listening. I was lost in thought.

Edward hated when girls chased him around. He would have sex with the girls that chased him and then never talked to them again after. Suddenly, I could hear Jakes words "guys love the chase". Edward loved the fucking chase! It was all making sense. He would fuck these girls and the chase was over. He was done and on to the next. Was I going to just sit here in Arizona and let Lauren be the next girl in line or was I going to give her some fucking competition?

"Hey... HEY!" I yelled again trying to get their attention.

"We are still here, Bella." Alice said, finally acknowledging me on the phone.

"So, I have question for you guys. Would you be willing to help me with something?" I was nervous to ask them but they were the only ones I could trust.

"Sure, anything you need. Ask away!" Alice sounded excited.

"Alice, I don't know if you will be interested in helping me."

"What? Why not?"

"It's about Edward," I said and waited for their response.

"I'm in!" Rose yelled "Whatever it is, I am_ so_ in" she laughed.

"Me too. I'm in!" Alice yelled.

"Thanks girls but one question first. Is it true that 'guys love the chase'? Have you ever heard that?" I asked timidly.

"Heard of it? I'm the fucking queen of it saying" Rose chuckled. "Why, Bella? What the hell is going on in that little brain of yours? Spill it bitch. I'm not a fucking mind reader!" She sounded giddy and impatient.

"Well, I know I still have a lot of explaining to do. But I need to know that you're with me on this. I am sick of being Edwards _buddy_. I am sick of watching every girl in Forks go after him _and_ get him. I am sick of taking the back fucking burner to every girl in the damn state of Washington!" I was jealous and fed up and it was time to give Edward a taste of his own medicine.

"But the problem is I don't know how to be sexy and alluring and whatever the hell else it takes to get a guy to chase her." My voice dropped to almost a whisper "I want him to want _me._ I want him to be jealous one for once. I want to be the girl that gets Edward to chase her and… I- I need your help. I can't do this alone." I held my breath and bit my lip waiting for them to respond.

"So, does this mean you will come home?!" Alice squeaked

"I think so, Alice. But I still need time with you guys to prepare and shit, I would have to find a date for the dance and –"Rose cut me off.

"You just worry about getting your ass back home. I have the _perfect _guy for you." She chuckled wickedly.

"Who!? Please don't tell me Newton. I would rather die!"

"Not fucking Newton. Gross!" Rose yelled back at me. "Please Bella, give me some credit!"

"And Bella, we are going to have to do a lot of shopping and you're going to have to trust us and wear what we tell you and do what we say." Alice was thrilled at this, but I knew I would have to do whatever it took to get this accomplished.

"I will give you ladies free reign on my clothes, hair, and makeup, whatever it takes. Just don't make me look like a skank, ok?" I teased laughing. "Alice, I think you should sit down for this because what I am about to tell you is big news! Are you sitting down?" I questioned?

"Yes! Tell me! tell me!" she yelped.

"Well, for my birthday, I got credit cards and I am going to need your help breaking them in," I laughed.

"Oh. My. God. Bella, when can you come home! EEEK! I'm so excited. I will teach you how to use them. Hell, I'm a professional shopper!" I could picture her jumping up and down in excitement.

I talked with my friends for a few more minutes before I had to go in for my Birthday dinner. I knew Renee was going to be happy that I was feeling good enough to go home but I had made a promise to her and felt terrible about breaking it. I'm sure she would love to be with Phil in Boston so I was going to have word this just right. I showered and got ready for dinner. I slipped on a cute summer dress and tried my best to fix my make up and hair like Alice did for me the night of my beach party. Looking in the mirror, I didn't do that bad of a job. But I smirked, knowing that Alice and Rose were going to make me look like a million bucks.

_Game on Edward Cullen. Let the chase began_…

**EPOV**

It was fucking _late _and once again I was not getting any sleep. This was pretty much my routine since the day Bella left eight weeks ago. I couldn't sleep. I was always tossing and turning and just fucking restless, which made me one grumpy son of bitch most days. The guilt for not saying goodbye to her had pretty much consumed me. I tried, like an asshole, for a long time, to get her to talk to me. I called her, text her and sent her songs to try to convey just how sorry I was. But she never fucking responded. Not fucking once.

I dragged my ass out of bed desperate for a cigarette. I looked at the clock; it was almost four a.m. F_uck me! _School should be interesting tomorrow. I pulled on my hoodie and grabbed my smokes off the nightstand. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and smirked at the thought that Bella had my favorite hoodie. The one that zipped up. The one I loved and never fucking went without. Only Bella would be worthy of such a possession of mine. This one was the pullover version of the one I had given to her and it gave me some comfort to know that she and I still had some sort of connection.

I pulled a cigarette out and lit it, sucking down a few long drags before exhaling. It was barely September and it was already fucking frigid outside. I flopped myself down in the over sized chair, raking my hand through my hair, asking myself the same fucking question I did almost ever night.

_How the fuck did this happen? _

How did one fucking drunken night fuck everything up so royally for Bella and me? Oh right, the _Jealous Mother Fucker_. I felt like such a dick the day Bella left. What a fucking coward I had become. I guess part of me prayed like hell that she would just call me or text me or fucking anything after she found my note, or at least the fucking hoodie. But I didn't get my prayers answered and somehow I knew I didn't deserve to.

The morning she was leaving, my house was like a fucking war zone. Alice was yelling at Emmett and he was yelling over the phone at Rose. Then and as soon as Jazz got one foot in the door, Alice started in on him as well. Everyone rushing around like chicken with their damn heads cut off. Everyone except _me._

I stayed in bed and wallowed in my own guilt like a damn little girl. Emmett kept knocking on my door, yelling at me to get the fuck up already. Alice and Rose decided they were not going to talk to me anymore and that was just fucking fine by me. I didn't feel the need to talk to anyone…anyone except the one person who wouldn't talk to me.

Emmett banged on my door again this was his third fucking trip up to my room. The fucker was going to break the damn thing down if he didn't stop!

"Fuck off Em!" I barked at the door.

"Get the fuck up Cullen or I will send Rose in for your ass!" He spat back at me.

Honestly Rose was fucking scarier then Emmett. For the simple fact that yes, Emmett could probably beat my ass, but she would probably cut my fucking balls off if I didn't get up.

"I'm up dipshit! I will be out in a minute." It was only a half lie.

I was going to get up and get ready, but I was not going to go over to Bella's house with them. I knew first hand how that was going to go down and I didn't want to fucking upset her more than I already had. I took a long hot shower and pulled on jeans and a

T-shirt, taking my time. I knew the longer I took, the less time I would have to face my family and friends. I made my way down stairs just as everyone was getting ready to head out.

"Jasper, can you please ask my brother if he will be riding with us or Emmett today?" Alice had her back to me as she asked Jasper, who was standing three fucking feet away from me. It was really fucking annoying.

"I am taking my own damn car." I said pouring myself some orange juice keeping my back turned to everyone else in the room. Alice exhaled loudly, to make it known she was pissed. I also heard Rose clicking her tongue. I could practically see her rolling her eyes and tossing her hair in disgust.

_Fuck you both. You don't know shit about what happened. _

Emmett stayed behind, acting like he couldn't find his fucking keys, which I knew better than that. He would never misplace his sacred Hummer keys. He always kept them in his pocket or on his dresser.

"Just say it already, Em. Get it the fuck over with. It's just me in here now. You can drop the fuckin charade." I pulled out the stool from the huge island in the middle of the kitchen and sat there waiting for it. F_uck, I deserved it. _

"What the fuck did you _do_ bro?" he asked, wide eyed and obviously fucking freaked out over what he had heard.

"It's none of your business" I mumbled. He leaned in closer to me

"I heard you fucked with Bella and that is my business. I have to hear it from Rose and Alice and even fucking Jazz. For fucks sake dude, it is _Bella_? You know, _your_ best friend, _OUR_ best friend?"

He was starting to raise his voice and I noticed his jaw clenching when he spoke her name. He was just as protective of her as I was…_for the most part_…

_Fuck him. _Not one of them knew what the hell had gone on. They were assuming I did something fucking terrible to her. When really, all I was really tying to do, was the right thing by her. _Ok, maybe_ bringing her back to my house to let the Jealous Mother Fucker have his way with her, to fuck her like he had been dying to do since the day he fucking laid eyes on her… was not the "_right thing_" for Bella. But I was fucking totally and hopelessly in love with her. And if…_ If_…the night would have been different and I was not such a fucking emotional disaster, I would have told her how I felt and made love to my girl all night. Then everyone would be fucking shocked this morning to find out that Bella was now mine…"_Mine"…growled the Jealous Mother Fucker_ in my head.

But this is the real fucking world and it's just my shitty luck that none of that shit happened. I was fucking pissed off and fed up with the fucking Spanish inquisition. So, I bent in, closer to him the necessary, before I shot back at him.

"I _said_ _it none of your mother fucking business. Y_ou got that dumbass?" I roared at him.

I shot up from the stool kicking it across the kitchen as I grabbed my keys. Before I could even make it out of the damn kitchen Em was on me he gripped my shoulder and flung me around like a fucking rag doll.

_Damn he is a strong ass mother fucker_!

"Look, I know your acting like a dick to hide the fact that you're fucked up from whatever happened last night too. All I am saying is if you don't make this right then you might not ever get a chance to again… you got _that_? And if you don't make this right, I better not hear you bitching like some fucking girl, that you lost her…do you hear me??" He was mad really fucking mad. I could see it in his eyes. He was holding back the urge to take a swing at me.

"Got it," I said, before storming off to my car.

"I didn't hear you deny the fact that you're fucking hurtin' too bro!" He yelled as I slammed the door behind me.

I drove around aimlessly for a long time, checking the clock every two minutes. I was counting down the seconds until I knew she would be gone. My chest felt like there were a shit ton of weights on it and I had to fight off every fucking urge I had to just call her. Calling her would be a pussy way out and I had no clue what I would even say to her. Alice, Rose and apparently Emmett were blowing my phone up with text messages, asking me where the hell I was and calling me names I totally deserved. I hit ignore for what seem to be the millionth time and pushed my Volvo to speeds way beyond what I had ever driven before.

By the time I finally made it over to Bella's house Alice, Emmett and the others were already gone. I saw her and that asshole Jacob holding each other near a car I could only assume would be his. His arm was circled around her as she clung to him for dear life. The Jealous Mother Fucker in me sprang to life. It took every ounce of strength I had to hold myself from jumping out of the car and kicking Jacobs fucking face in.

I was grasping the steering wheel so mother fucking hard I was ready to rip the fucker right off. By the grace of god himself, something happened and he let her go. It was hard to see because I was parked across the street at the vacant house with the over grown trees. I felt like such a douche bag, as well as some kind of fucking stalker, but I had to see her before she left. Even though I know she didn't want to hear from me, I had to see my beautiful girl one last time.

I looked at the clock and wondered why they had not left. Yet, as I glanced back up, I saw Bella making her way back into the house. I wondered if she was going to call me. I grabbed my phone and silently prayed. My eyes kept shooting from my phone to her front door waiting for something... anything to happen, but nothing did. My phone didn't ring nor did I get any alerts for a text message.

_What the hell was she doing in there? _

Suddenly she immerged from the house holding my hoodie.

_Fuck!_

I was not prepared for the gut wrenching feeling that hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. My heart sank and I felt the bile building up in my throat when I saw her tiny arms wrapped around it. She looked so fucking miserable; it made me want to cry. I caused the pain she was feeling and I wished like hell I could make it go away.

_I'm so fucking sorry Bella. _

She got into the car with Jake and the jealously I was feeling was agonizing. I wanted to be the one that could comfort her. I wanted to be the one to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. I wanted to just fucking get over my past and make Bella my future. But what I wanted and what was happening were two very fucking different things.

I watched Bella drive off, not knowing when she would be coming back. Not knowing if or when I would talk to her again. Frankly, it scared the shit out of me. And we all know when Edward Cullen felt anything that was too deep for him to handle, he would fucking shut down. The Jealous Mother Fucker was free to do whatever the fuck he wanted. Because little did Bella know, she had taken everything that was good about me with her on that day….

Realizing that I had just wasted another fucking night rehashing the same shit that happened two fucking months ago, I took the last drag off my cigarette, tossing it into the ashtray. I needed to get at least two hours of sleep before fucking school.

****

I pulled into my regular parking spot at school. I smirked at the fact that my friends and I had the same spots since our sophomore year. No one had enough balls to ever dare park there. Alice was with Jazz hanging out by her car and Emmett was pulling in to drop off Rose. It was fucking funny that even though he had already graduated no one ever parked in his spot. I'm sure they somehow knew Rose would be taking it over.

I got out and made my way over to them. Emmett had graduated and made the football team at the University of Washington. He was so fucking excited to be one of the 'starting Huskies'. But he fucked up his knee the first day of practice and was forced to take a year off, to get that shit fixed. I felt bad for the guy. I really did. But I couldn't help but tease him daily about being back at Forks High.

"Hey Em', didn't you already graduate, asshole?" I yelled as I approached him.

"Fuck you!" he laughed shaking his head.

Alice and Rose were talking to me now…kind of… and we said hello as I passed them. They were going on and on about some fucking cheerleader bullshit that I couldn't be bothered with. I made my way over to Jazz and Emmett pulling out a cigarette. I very much needed one before my day of hell started.

School fucking sucked with out Emmett here, and Bella had yet to come back from Arizona. The first day of class, my fucking heart broke when I heard her name being called out in three of my six classes.

_Fuck. My. Life. _

"What are you doing today, besides hitting on high school chicks?" I chuckled as I took a drag off my cigarette.

"I'm going to the gym, bro. Have to get this knee back into shape." He pointed at the knee that still had a brace on it.

"Hey, don't look now, bro. But here comes your favorite Skankettes!" Emmett snorted at me, punching me in my arm, causing me to look in their direction.

_God hates me. _

I looked up to see the three of them coming my way. Tanya, Jessica and Lauren, fuck watching the three of them walking together was like seeing a walking Planned Parenthood advertisement. Those bitches all needed a shot of penicillin, STD testing and I was pretty sure their purses were filled with fucking condoms.

A few weeks ago, we were all at a party. I was all fucking sad because Bella still had not come home. I went to the stupid party for the soul purpose of getting fucking shit faced. I don't even know how much I drank when Alice started dragging me to the car. Alice was the first of the girls to break the silence treatment to me. She kind of had no choice though, me being her twin and all. She still knew I was fucking upset about Bella, even though I had never spoken a word of it to her.

I was propped up against my car waiting for everyone to make their way over so we could get the fuck out of there already. Emmett was driving because he didn't drink and I was not about to let anyone else drive my baby. All of a sudden, I heard some high pitched yelling and a lot of damn people were out in the front yard. I vaguely remember seeing Lauren and Tyler fighting. Over what, I had no clue.

My eyes were too heavy to hold open. I was pulling a lollipop out from my pocket because the shitty taste of cheap keg beer was about to make me vomit. Before I could register what the fuck was happening, I felt someone push me back, slamming their body into me and lips were pressed against mine. Out of some sort of knee jerk reaction, I kissed back for about a half a second before the disgusting taste of peach over took me. I pulled away immediately, as I came face to face with Lauren. She smiled. I didn't. Fucking asshole Tyler took a swing at me and missed. _Stupid fucker_...The last thing I remember was Alice yelling something about 'let's go now!' I popped my lollipop back into my mouth and climbed in the back seat.

Ever since that fucking night, Lauren had been relentless about getting with me. She was making up shit about her and I having this "special kiss", making it out to be more than what it really was. I didn't really fucking care what anyone said about me or thought about me. _Fuck them_. That was my motto. They were either jealous or just fucking into gossip, because there was nothing else to do in fucking Forks. But she was taking this shit too far.

"Hey, Edward" she cooed. I rolled my eyes barley acknowledging her existence.

"Hi." Was all I could bring myself to respond, glancing over at her sidekicks that were off giggling a few feet away.

"So I-I know it's a while away still b-but I-I was..umm..." she stuttered over her words like and idiot.

My eyes locked with Emmett's. He was standing behind her, out of her sight. He was fucking laughing, mouthing to me _"I want to fuck you, Edward_" gyrating his hips back and forth. I smirked and flipped him off.

"…Sooo what do you think? Do you want to?" I heard her finish.

"What? Do I want to what?" I questioned harshly. I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. I was too busy watching my _older_ bother act like a fucking twelve year old.

"The Halloween dance, do you want to maybe go with me?" She said it so quietly, I had barely heard her.

Suddenly, the bell rang, warning us that it was time to go to class. T_hank you god!_ I took the last drag of my cigarette, flicking it at Emmett. I smirked, as he jumped out of the way. I realized she was still standing there waiting for some fucking answer.

"Oh shit, sorry, um...I don't know, Lauren," I shrugged.

I felt kind of bad telling her "hell fucking no" right there in front of everyone. I figured she had been through enough shit already making a fool of herself at the party.

Part of me wondered why the fuck she wanted to get with me anyway. I had already been with both of her friends. Jessica use to blow me on the regular back in the day, before she started blowing the rest of the guys at Forks High. As for Tanya, everyone knew she was my go to girl, when it came to a drunken booty call. Well, not so much anymore though, not for the past few months, but still. Did these bitches have no shame? Wasn't that some kind of 'girl rule' or some shit?

"I don't know, Lauren. I don't think so. But things might change." That was the best I could come up with on the fly. I had to get my ass to class. I was fucking tired and grumpy and being late would just piss me off more.

*****

It had been eight fucking weeks since Bella left and over four weeks now since I had tried to contact her. I was at a total fucking loss. Her birthday was tomorrow and even though I had sent a gift, I was really fucking scared that I had lost her forever. I went out side to shoot some hoops. It helped me get my mind straight and relax.

Basketball was something I was really fucking good at. The coach asked me to play every year. I was not only good, I was also taller then most of the guys at school. I never thought of myself as the "jock" type though. That was Emmett's department. But I did enjoy schooling him and Japers asses in some one on one.

It was late and I was lost in thought. Thinking about Bella and what she might be doing. Why hadn't she come back yet? I fucking knew why she was not talking to _me_ but she had fucking cut everyone off. My sister and Rose were totally devastated. I knew even though they were talking to me now, they held that shit against me.

The Jealous Mother Fucker in me always had a way of dragging Jacob into my thoughts. What the fuck he was doing with her…_mine_… It made me fucking sick to think that he was with her and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. He had probably taken her _virtue_ by now. The thought of that alone fucking enraged me, as I threw the ball as hard as I fucking could against the wall.

"Hey Bro, what the hell did that ball ever do to you?" I heard Em' yell across the yard, as he limped his way over.

"Fuck you gimpy!" I snorted "The ball deserved it!"

"I think it's all that sexual tension you have built up, it's not the damn balls fault you haven't got any since god knows when," he laughed.

He was right, it had been a long fucking time since I had sex, not counting that night with Bella. But we really didn't actually have sex….that was the fucking whole problem, wasn't it? It had been almost four months since I had any. Even though everyone had seemed to forgive me for what had happened that night, my _dick_ still hated me. Even after he had gotten over the worst case of blue balls in history, it was like he was out of service...

_Or should I say…since he had not been serviced?_ I smirked at the irony

"Bro, Lauren is all about getting on some Cullen cock. What's up? You don't want to seal that deal? I know you say she is a 'skank' and all, but she was with Tyler forever dude. She is definitely the cleanest one of the three," he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged, "I don't know, man," I said shaking my head. "It's just too easy. I mean, I could have just about any of the lame ass chicks at school, none of them _interest_ me…I guess?"

"Fuck interest! Its about being Edward Cullen. You're a fucking legend bro!" He chucked the ball at me, hitting me right in the balls.

"Fuck! Emmett, what the fuck was that for!?" I growled at him.

"I was just checking to see if Bella actually let you keep your balls or if she took them with her on to Arizona," he teased me.

"Fuck You!" I seethed and started to head inside.

"Wait, Bro!" he yelled. "I am just saying, I fucking hate seeing you like this. You're not _you_ anymore. And who else am I supposed to live the single life vicariously through?"

"Then fucking dump Rose and _you_ fuck Lauren, if it's so important to you"

"That is not my point Edward. I want you to still fucking live your life. She is out living hers and I know this is gonna' hurt bro, but it's not like you guys were even together. You didn't break up E. She moved back home, you lost your best friend, I get it. But you have to rejoin the living now." He was very serious and part of me knew he was fucking right.

"I'll think about it" I mumbled and went inside.

***

Today was Bella's birthday. I knew it from the second I woke up and the alarm on my phone reminded me of it. I had it stored in there since the day I found out what day her birthday was on and never fucking deleted it. School sucked and I could wait to fucking get back home. I did my usual. I got home from school and played some Xbox with Emmett. I ate about ten fucking lollipops while I was playing because I couldn't smoke in the house. Then went up stairs to get some homework done and relax.

The phone was ringing off the hook and I was fucking annoyed that no one was going to answer it. I was not going to get my paper done with that fucking noise. Alice, Emmett, and I never used the house phone, we had cell phones. So, whoever was fucking calling, was for one of my patents.

"Hello" I said trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice incase it was a family member or someone else of importance.

_Nothing_.

"Hello" I said, this time a little more annoyed

"H-Hi, um Edward, it's Bella." My fucking heart stopped. I couldn't fucking believe it, part of me thought I was fucking dreaming.

"B-Bella? H-Hey … um Happy Birthday." I sounded like a fucking idiot but I was at a total loss. The rest of the conversation was a total blur to me and I almost threw up when she asked to speak to Alice. I was fucking mad. She finally fucking calls and has nothing to say to me? I had to ask her.

"Are we still" I paused not knowing how to word it "still friends?"

"Sure, friends…yes…of course we are Edward were we ever anything else?" she responded coldly.

Well obviously she still fucking hated me and was merely trying to be nice. The Jealous Mother Fucker was fighting to spit back and ask her how the fuck she and Jacob were doing, but I fought it off. She was allowed to be a bitch to me. I deserved it. I had caused enough shit for her. I called to Alice to pick up the downstairs phone but when I heard her pick up the line, The Jealous Mother Fucker refused to hang up.

I had to fucking hear what she had to say. I know it's fucked up and wrong but I had to know what the fuck was going on with her. I hadn't had any answers for so fucking long. I was desperate to hear anything at this point. I was lost in thought and scared shitless of how I would react if Bella said something to Alice about Jacob. Alice was fucking going on and on and I wanted to fucking yell at her, to tell her to shut the fuck up already.

That is when I heard the million dollar question come from Alice. "When are you coming home?" I fucking held on to the phone for dear life. I had to sit down because I was so fucking nervous to hear her answer. My heart was racing. I was almost fucking dizzy waiting for her response.

"Alice I am not coming home!" she yelled cutting Alice off.

The pain that hit me was more than I ever could of imagined. I couldn't fucking take it. I had lost her for good. I didn't even want to hear the reason why. I was sure it had something to do with that son of bitch Jacob Black. The fucker had swooped in and stole her from me and I gave him the perfect fucking opportunity to do it. I fucking handed Bella, my Bella, over to him on silver fucking platter. She was broken and he was the one who put her back together.

_God fucking hates me. Fuck that, I fucking hate me. _

I tore ass down the stairs and out of the fucking house. I felt like I was fucking choking and had to get the fuck out already. I drove as fast as I could to the one place I knew no one would find me… my meadow. I sucked down at least five cigarettes on the way there, fucking fuming and regretting everything I did wrong when it came to Bella.

I would have to settle for being her friend now, her fucking long distance friend. I didn't even really know if she really wanted to be that, but fuck I had to at least fucking try. I was reduced to a shitty ass long distance friend that she would forget to call back, and never get to spend any time with. And soon she would forget about me totally. And it was my entire fucking fault.

I made it to the meadow and pulled out my phone desperate for some sign from Bella. I found the song I had wanted to send her for weeks now but was too chicken shit to do it. But now, I had nothing to lose right?

"_MP3: Matchbox 20- If your gone" B, please listen to this E. _

I waited _nothing._ No response. I waited for about more fifteen minutes. I was starting to feel hopeless and foolish. She had not responded in fucking weeks, what makes me think she would now? I prayed that the gift I sent her might have some impact…and as if one cue my phone fucking beeped. I couldn't push read fast enough.

"_MP3: Lady Gaga – Just dance" This is what I am listening to! B. _

_Since when does Bella fuckin listen to Lady Gaga? What the fuck? This song means doesn't mean shit. There's no message in this… _

_Ouch_. _I finally understood. _

I guess I fucking deserved it. She was totally fucking blowing me off, totally disregarding my song and the meaning behind it. My final desperate attempt of begging her to come home was a long shot, but I had lost the battle. She was not going to come home. She didn't want to talk about this with me. She wanted to act like nothing ever fucking happened, like it was all just a bad fucking memory she was glad to be rid of. Really, who could fucking blame her?

I sat there for a long time being fucking sad and lonely. But The Jealous Mother Fucker had been subdued long enough. If Bella had moved on, then why the fuck shouldn't I. Fuck, for all I know she had been with Jacob this whole fucking time.

_Fuck it_…

I picked up my phone, scrolling through the names. I found the one I was looking for and hit send.

"Hello. Edward?" she answered.

"Hey Lauren. So… you still want to go to that dance?"

* * *

**A/N- Wow that was a long one, huh? Soooooooo… What do you think? Could Bella's "Just Dance" song have a double meaning, hummm? Edwards Post interview should be up tonight! Check my profile page for the link to the blog, it also has links for songs and pictures of Bella's ****Birthday gifts**** from Edward and Jake! Show me some love let me know what you guys thought! I LOVE to hear from you!!! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- WOW! WHAT A WEEK FOR ALWAYS & NEVER! First off, I have to take the time to thank EACH AND EVERY ONE of you for reading and reviewing!! This story would just be words on a page if it were not for you ladies!! So, thank you from the bottom of my heart!! **

**First, I wanted to let you guys know that ALWAYS & NEVER has been nominated for TWO Shimmer Awards! For Newbie Award: Best New Story and for Underdog Award: Best New Author. I am so excited and humbled by these nominations!!! Here is the link for details on VOTING!**

**www(dot)shimmerawards(dot)webs(dot)com**

**Second, I want to welcome Robmusment (AKA Itsjustme) to the Always & Never team! She is the official Always & Never Banner Designer. The banners she made are amazing. She has managed to do one for every chapter! Please check them out here on her blog. **

**www(dot)robmusement(dot)wordpress(dot)com**

**I would like give a shout out to twifanfic for posting a feature blog for Always and Never. **

**As always I want to thank Krysti, for being the most amazing BETA Bitch in the world! Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N. And I cannot forget my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, Krysti and JW. I heart you girls hard for all the love & support!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward belongs to me! **

* * *

"Bella, this will work don't you trust me by now?" Alice whispered into the phone, in fear of Edward over hearing her.

It had been five weeks since my birthday and I had officially been enlisted into the Alice and Rose '_How to Get a Guy to Chase You' _Official Boot Camp_. _They were the damn drill sergeants and I was their cadet. I did everything they said, verbatim. But this…this was taking it to a whole new level.

"Alice, I don't know. I think this could be pretty mean…cruel really. I just don't get why a simple conversation like this would get under Edward skin?"

"Bella Swan, you and Edward are talking again because of what we have been telling you to do, right? Where is your faith? Do I have to call Rose on three-way?" she scolded.

Edward and I had been 'talking' again if you could even call it that. I mean we were finally texting each other again but on the phone, well that was a totally different story. Other than a few uncomfortable hellos and some mumbled polite responses to questions, asked to break the never ending awkward silence, that was the extent of our 'talking'. So if that is what she meant by it, then yeah sure we were _talking_ again. I think it was just safer to stick to texting for the time being.

Her brilliant plan today was getting Edward to drive her to school while she was on the phone with me. She wanted us to have this 'innocent' conversation that she swore would just drive Edward insanely jealous. Really, I didn't see the point.

"What will this prove exactly? Let's say he does get jealous, then what?" I asked thoroughly confused.

"Then we wait for his reaction," he stated simply.

"And then?"

"Then your job is done. Bella, don't you see the chase is about having what you cannot have. You get him thinking about sex first, then you make sure he associates sex with you and then soon his thoughts will be about you and him having sex. Then you toss in the jealously, it's like icing on the cake. He will be driving himself mad trying to do anything and everything to win you over," she squealed. "It's funny, huh?" she giggled.

I sighed heavily and agreed reluctantly. They had never been wrong, _yet_. "Ok, I trust you."

"YAY! Ok, now just act casual," she said

"Um… I'm on the phone, Alice. He _can't _see me or even _hear _me?"

_Was she serious?_

"Right," she said, obviously not even paying attention any longer.

"Edward, are you ready?" she yelled. "Ok Bella, now just follow my lead. It wont work if you don't play along, ok? We are talking about clothes get out your catalogue. Do you have it?" she whispered frantically.

"Yes, I have it. It's right here, Alice. I still don't see how this is goin-." I stopped mid sentence when I heard Edward's voice.

He was talking to her about hitting up Starbucks before school. I felt fluttering in my stomach and my heart rate increase just at the sound of his voice. _Shit._ I totally needed to get this under control if I was going to be back in Forks by the end of the week. Alice told me to hang on while she got her stuff together. This was crazy really, because I know she used her Bluetooth headset ninety nine percent of the time. But I just gave her an 'umhumm'and kept on flipping through the new Victoria Secrets catalogue she mailed me a few days ago.

"Ok. I am ready!" she yelled. I could hear the door shut and her locking it up. "Ok, Bella you ready for show time," she asked.

"Yes, Alice," I huffed. Even though I had no idea where this was going or what the hell I was supposed to say.

I didn't mind though, at least he couldn't hear me. Alice was going to have to be the convincing actress on that end not I. Before Alice got a word out I heard Edward once again.

"I hope Jazz can give you a ride home because I can't," he stated.

"And why is that?" Alice was defensive.

"I have to take Lauren to pick up her car. It's in the shop." He made it sound like it was no big deal. But I knew otherwise. It _was_ a big fucking deal because Edward would never just go out of his way for just anyone, especially someone like Lauren.

_What the fuck was going on with them?_

Once again, the jealously kicked in and I was more then ready for this conversation. I know I didn't have any right to be this angry. But I sure as hell was. He was still acting distant toward me. Hell, we don't really even talk on the phone yet. But _Lauren_ is getting chauffeured around Forks by Edward?

_I felt like I had just entered the fucking twilight zone. _

Rose and Alice had been trying to 'desensitize' me to the fact that _something_ was going on with Lauren and Edward. He had not admitted anything to them, other than the fact that they were going to the dance together but they had their suspicions. Edward kept a tight lip when it came to her and no one could figure out why.

Edward didn't "date" that was for sure. I knew of one girlfriend he had a while back. That was the only one he had told me about and that was it. The only piece of information he ever offered me about her was "it ended badly" and that was it. He never bought it up again and neither did I.

"Hey Bella! God, what took so long?" Alice asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Huh?" was all I could say because I didn't know what the hell she was talking about.

"You just left me on hold forever. Bella, that is not very nice." _Now_ I know what she meant. She didn't want Edward to know that I was on the phone while he was talking about Lauren. _Got it!_

"Oh, yeah sorry about that," I muttered, finally catching up enough to play along.

I had to think for a minute on what to say next that would give Alice the fuel she needed to ignite this conversation. "So, I have been wearing the high heels you sent me. They are totally uncomfortable but at least I am walking in them now and not practically killing myself anymore."

"Oh Bella, that is great. I just knew if you gave 'em a chance it would all work out," she giggled. "So, tell me, don't you feel all sexy when you do that," she chuckled.

I smirked knowing where she was taking this. "Sexy? Not exactly. I think I will need a lot more practice before I start to feel that way in heels."

There I gave her the bait and prayed that she would get the hint. Of course she did, how I could ever think otherwise was beyond me. As soon as the words left her mouth, I was so happy I could have cried.

"You know what they say Bella, practice makes perfect. You just have to keep doing it. It gets better." She paused, acting like I was talking to her, while all the while I was covering my mouth trying to keep my laughing to a minimum.

"I know you get sore. Trust me, I get sore too, but that is a small price to pay for the pleasure you get at the end, don't you think?" Oh my god Alice was a damn genius! Even though I felt a twinge of guilt, I knew if I wanted to get Edward back from the clutches of that slut Lauren, this was a must.

"So, did you get that email I sent you, Bella?" she continued. "I just know he is going to love you in it. I swear, there is just something about silk that guys just can't seem to resist. I'm sure he will be pawing all over you in that little number," she chuckled.

"Alice, did you really send me an email?" I questioned, keeping my voice low. "Yes, silly, go check it."

I ran over to my laptop and pulled up my email. I opened up Alice's email entitled. "Halloween Costume". I gasped when I saw what she wanted me to wear.

"Alice, you have got to be kidding me! I told you, nothing that made me look like a slut!"

"So, you like it then?" She snorted.

"No! Alice, I will look totally _desperate,_ like I am trying to draw attention to myself" I was basically pleading with her.

"Bella honey, I think that _is _the point," she retorted. "Besides, its Halloween. It's the one night a year us girls are allowed to unleash the inner _bad girl_ in all of us. Just trust me, he will _love_ it."

_Oh Alice was good…You had to give her that. _

I knew by _he_ she meant Edward. However, Edward had no clue we were talking about him. All Edward knew at this point, is that I was going to a Halloween Dance as well. Little did he know, I was going to show up at the Forks High Halloween Couples Ball. One thing Alice and Rose were still keeping from me was _who_ exactly I was going to be attending this dance with.

Before I could even respond to Alice's 'bad girl' comment, I heard her scream. "Holy fuck Edward. What the fuck was that," she yelled.

"Alice, are you ok!?" I asked panicking.

For all I knew they just got into a car accident. Edward did drive like a crazy man most of the time. He drove down the slick, winding roads of Forks like he was in the damn Indy 500.

"I am fine, Bella," she seethed. "Edward here, just can't drive worth a shit today, it seems." Her tone was as sarcastic as it gets. "What's the problem_ brother_? Why the _hell_ did you slam on your breaks like _that_?" Uh-oh he pissed her off.

"Sorry," I heard Edward mumble. That was the most pathetic 'sorry' in the history of "I'm sorry's", I had ever heard. I know he didn't mean it. That was his way of basically telling her to shut the fuck up. I laughed to myself. Well, maybe this is working. Either that or Edward just didn't want to hear about my "_inner bad girl_". Either way, I knew we pushed him too far and maybe it was time for me to let Alice go.

"Hey Alice, my tutor will be here soon. Can you call me later on?" I needed to get off the phone before Edward threw Alice out of the damn car.

"Sure B! I will call you at lunch! Talk to you later!"

Finally, some piece and quiet. I'm sure that we got a reaction from Edward, but at this point, I really don't know what to think of it.

****

Four hours later, I had just finished up one of my last tutoring sessions. _Thank god_! I took off the damn high heels Alice and Rose were making wear, and changed into my swimming suit. Yes, they really do have me wearing heels. I was proud of myself though, I think I had finally mastered them. Rose wants me to join the cheerleading squad when I get back. Her and Alice have been begging me for days now, telling me that they think Edward is going to be signing up for the basketball team this season.

Edward joining the _basketball_ team? Something about that just didn't sound right to me. Emmett was always the jock but Edward, well he had his own ways of 'working out.' If you _consider_ sex-capades a sport, then _sure _he was a damn _all star_. I grabbed my phone and beach towel and made my way out to the pool.

I had just finished up a few laps and settled into my lounge chair, pulling up Victoria secrets web site. I was checking out the new "PINK" line that Rose was going nuts over, when my phone beeped. I jumped, not expecting anyone to be sending me text message this early in the afternoon.

"_Always- Boring Never- Interesting" E._

I smiled and quickly checked the time. Yup, he was in chemistry Mr. Molina lectures were infamous for putting kids to sleep. I was supposed to be in that very class at this very minute. Edward had informed me that _IF _I had gone back to school, I would be in Chemistry with him, as well as Art and we would have been student office aids together for our final class of the day. God, I hoped I could get that schedule when I got home. But for now, I had to play my role.

"_Always- Tutor Never- Classroom" B._

"_So, what the fuck do you do all day? Just sit around the house?" E._

"_Not exactly, more like lay by the pool. LOL" B. _

"_Must be nice! It's so cold here, you could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" E. _

"_Sucks for you, I just got out of the pool. Laying here working on my tan" B._

"_Naked?" E. _

"_Wouldn't you like to know?" B. _

"_You can tan? Bullshit you burn!" E._

"_Shut up! LOL I know I am not as pale as you, Casper!" B._

"_LMAO. Ok, you fuckin' got me with that one" E._

"_Can I ask you a question?" E._

"_Anything." B._

"_What were you and Alice talking about this morning?" E. _

I froze looking at my phone. Where the hell are Rose and Alice when I need them? I didn't know what to say. My gut instinct told me to tell him it's none of your business or why are you asking? But I worried that this would be wrong. I struggled to remember what Rose had told me. I calmed myself quickly. I had to be 'on my game' as Rose would say.

She told me to go with my gut, be myself, the girl she knows I can be. Smart, quick on my feet, a total smart ass and always be one step ahead of him in conversations. When talking to Edward, she said I had to anticipate his answer and be ready to fire back. I knew I was quick with my smartass comments but she was the master at making them sound alluring, like there was some kind of double meaning in everything she said.

She and I had gone over this night after night. She would say something and have me come back at her. There were a few nights I even stumped her. So, I just had to remind myself that this was game time, practice is over. I am on the field now. My phone beeped again pulling me from my racing thoughts.

"_Hello? B, you still there?" E. _

Game time.

"_I'm here. Sorry got a phone call." B._

"_Oh ok. So, are you going to answer me?" E. _

"_Yes, we were talking about clothes" B._

"_Clothes? That is it? Are you sure?" E._

"_Yup. What else do girls talk about E besides clothes and boys?" B._

"_But you were just talking to her about clothes though right?" E._

"_Mostly, although I don't know why you would be so interested. Eavesdropping is not cool, Cullen." B._

"_Touché Swan, But she was sitting in MY car" E. _

Ok, it seemed like the right time to turn this right back on him, just like Rose said. Here goes nothing.

"_So, what are you doing after school, any plans?" B._

"_Nope, hittin' the gym with Em later on but that's it" E._

Oh my god! He was lying! Why would he lie to me? I know for a _fact_ that he said he was taking Lauren to pick up her car. Why wouldn't he tell me that? Maybe they are not going to pick up her car. Maybe _that _was the lie. He lied to Alice. He wouldn't tell his sister that he was going to fuck her in the Volvo after school. I know that for a fact. And he sure the hell wouldn't tell me that either. Edwards trying to _protect _me again, like I'm some fragile little girl that will just crumble if I find out he's fucking her.

Dream on Edward Cullen, this is the new Bella you are dealing with. A Bella that knows better now. A Bella that won't sit here and cry while you're out having your good time. A Bella that knows how to play your game. A Bella that will _beat_ you at your own game.

If he was going to do something so innocent as to take her to pick up her car then why lie? I know he has never brought her up before but this…this is him lying straight to my face! Ok, I have to think. What would I say to Rose if this was practice? She would tell me to hit him back with a dose of his own medicine.

"_Ok, well you have fun" B. _

"_Are you going somewhere? I still have 15mins of class left" E._

"_Sorry, I cannot entertain you all day E. I have to get ready myself" B._

"_So you have plans tonight?" E._

"_Yup." B._

"_Doing??" E._

"_Jacob. He's coming over later. TTYL!" B._

"_Later" E._

I chuckled at his goodbye. Edward never used "later" unless he was in a really bad mood or you just pissed him off. Serves him right. He was lying to me after all. And I did have plans with Jake tonight. We were going to pack up my stuff. Edward didn't ask for specifics so it was not technically a lie. I was getting on a plane tomorrow, back to Forks. Seven short days after that was the Halloween Ball.

I was still stressing about who I could possibly be going with. Part of me wanted to beg Jake to come with me. Hell, I would even buy his ticket. Actually, I had already asked him and he had already told me no. He said as much as he would love to see the look on Edwards's face, he didn't want to be the guy that had to kick Edwards's ass at the end of night for trying to steal his date.

God, I was going to miss Jake so much. I have spent so much time with him and he has been my rock through all of this. I was a little scared to be going home without him. The good news was he was going to be in Forks for Christmas, so it would only be a few months until I saw him again. Suddenly, I heard the door bell ringing. I jumped up pulling on a shirt over my swimsuit.

"Delivery for Bella Sawn." The UPS man was at my door, _again._ What the hell did Alice send me this time? The box was huge. I signed for the package and took it to my room.

I opened the box and new exactly what it was. My costume. I pulled out the attached note. "Now that it's already paid for, you have to wear it "Love, Rose and Alice. I should have known.

I started digging through the enormous box, pulling out the wings first. They were beautiful, not like the cheap ones you buy at the discount store. They look more like the kind the Victoria Secrets models wear. They were not too big and overbearing. They were prefect, with the white soft feathers and a hint of glitter so faint you would only be able to see it in the right light. I continued my search, pulling out a white garter belt that had tiny pink bows and white fishnet thigh high stockings. Damn, these girls thought of everything, down to the matching lace panties that also had the tiny pink bows on each side of the hips. I had never worn a garter belt before.

There was another box in there I pulled it out wondering what the hell could be in it. When I opened the box, I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I just sat there looking at them horrified. _You have got to be kidding me_. I jumped for the box to check the label. "Flirty "was printed on the label. Well, at least it didn't say something like 'Stripper '. Still, I thought only strippers wore clear high heels? I mean, I _guess_ these were cute, as cute as clear high heels could be. They were… well, clear and had pink straps with rhinestones on them.

_Well, it is Halloween after all. _

I shot a quick text to both Alice and Rose, letting them know I got the package. I thanked them for it, but begged them to call me as soon as they got out of school. I decided I should finish packing before Jake came by for dinner tonight. He was going to help me box up a few things I needed to ship back to Forks, but I didn't want him packing my clothes for me. Plus, this would give us more time to hang out before we had to say goodbye.

****

A few hours later I was in the kitchen getting the Kabobs ready for dinner when my phone rang. It was Alice. I answered with a quick "Hello".

"You got it!" They yelled in union. Apparently, Rose was on the line as well.

"Yes. I got it. But really, you guys didn't have to do all that. I would have got it myself. Remember, credit cards for my birthday?" I laughed.

"Shut the hell up, you never would have bought it. Alice told me you just about had a heart attack when you saw the email this morning." Rose snorted. Then they both started laughing.

"Where are you guys? Am I on speaker phone again?" I asked a little paranoid that _someone_ would over hear this conversation. That _someone_ being Edward.

"Yes, you are on speaker phone; I'm here at Alice's house. We have to bake cookies for the bake sale tomorrow," Rose stated. "Oh, so..um…I-I should-"I had no clue what to say next in fear of Edward over hearing it.

"Relax, Bella. Do you think we are dumb bitches? Edward is not here," Rose laughed at me. "He and Emmett went off to bromance at the gym."

"Well, that's fitting I guess, since they are brothers?" I giggled. Rose laughed "That is not what I mean smartass. Emmett and Edward have a new friend. Well, I should say Emmett has a new friend and Edward has finally met his match." I was totally lost, this was the first I was hearing about this new friend. "So, when you say new just how new of a friend is he Rose?" I asked.

"Emmett met him almost three months ago, right after you left, actually. He works in the gym and has been helping Em rehab his knee. Well, come to find out, he is new to Forks and was starting at our school for his senior year. Poor guy, I felt bad for him. Having to start off at a new school your senior year has to suck, right? So, I asked Emmett to introduce all of us since he was helping him with his rehab and all. I thought we could at least show him the ropes at school."

"He's super cute, Bella. All the girls are talking about him. But what makes him hot is just how sweet he is!" Alice was squealing. I knew what that meant.

_She had had something up her sleeve. _

"So, why doesn't Edward get along with him?" I asked

"I never said they didn't get along" Rose chuckled. "They get along _great_, they all work out together and all of them play video games 'til all hours of the night. Edward and Jazz even hang out with him at school."

"So, what's the problem? You said Edward had finally met his match? I guess I am confused?"

"Don't you see Bella, this guy _is _Edward, only on steroids? He is just as good looking, but totally sweet, he even plays basketball better then Edward. The guy just started at Forks and there is talk about making him captain of the team! He beats Edward at every single video game out there and well honestly, as far as girls go, this guy is fresh meat. Edward Cullen has competition for the first time in his life," she laughed.

"So, they are friends then, right? He and Edward get along?" I felt bad for Edward in a way. He had been the king of the jungle for so long. I don't know if he could handle someone coming in on his territory.

"Yes, nervous Nancy, they are friends. But Edward has had to step up his game to remain king of Forks High. It's guys being guys, Bella. Don't worry about Edward. All the skanks Edward dumped, are trying their luck with the new guy, while all the other girls that have been waiting in the wings, are still desperate to get with Edward."

"Gee, thanks Rose that is reassuring." I rolled my eyes. I knew everyone at Forks High and most of the surrounding schools wanted him. I didn't need a _reminder_.

"Wanna' know the best part?" Alice squeaked. She literally squeaked. Ugh, I knew what was coming before the words left her mouth.

"He is going to be your date for the Halloween Ball!" she yelled.

"WHAT?!" I shrieked.

I never saw that coming. I thought she was going to say she wanted to set me up with him or had told him about me already. Something, anything else, was better than _this_…this was not good. I never in my life expected to hear that he Mr. Wonderful was my date!

"You are setting me up with one of Edwards friends? Have you two lost your damn minds!?" I was angry because this was just _wrong_ on so many levels. Sure, I could go to the dance with someone else. Hell, _anyone_ else, but Edwards's friend? That was just fucking wrong! If Edward showed up to the dance with one of my friends, I would hate him and not just hate him until I calmed down but really hate him forever. And Edward hating me, was _definitely not_ part of the plan. I had to put a stop to this, now.

"I won't do it. I am not going to it. This has gone too far and I am done" There, I said it and now no one was saying _anything_. It was so quiet on the other end of the line, I'm sure if we were on T.V., you would hear crickets chirping. I finally heard Rose and Alice whispering to each other, then Alice finally spoke up.

"Bella, you _need_ to do this. I'm sorry sweetie, but we have kept a few things from you because…well…we didn't think you were ready yet. And we didn't want to hurt you. Our only intention is to help you. You have to know that, right?"

Alice had on her 'bad news' voice. I clung to the necklace that Jake had given me for my birthday for support. Jake was strong and not just physically strong. He was my emotional rock and since I wouldn't have him with me in Forks, I had used his gift as an extension of him, to hold me together when everything felt like it was falling apart.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered.

"Bella, remember this morning, Edward said he was taking Lauren to pick up her car after school?" Alice questioned.

"Yes, of course I do"

"Well, he didn't. They went to Port Angles together to pick out their costumes for the dance. Why do you think we are calling you so late? We were all waiting here for him to get home so he and Emmett could go to the gym. Then, when Edward walked in hours later, he looked at us like we are the assholes for waiting on him. He put his costume down and walked off. But I stopped him and asked if Laurens car was in Port Angles and he said no, that they went shopping and he was going to take her tomorrow. Of course, he reminded me it was "none of my fucking business" and then just left to the gym," she finished.

"Oh, so you guys think…that…t-they might be…d-dating?" I could barley get the words to come out.

"Fuck this!" Rose yelled. "Listen to me Bella, I am going to ask you a few questions and you are going to answer them honestly, ok?"

"Ok."

"Are you upset right now?"

"Kind of"

"Why?"

"Because, I- I don't know, Rose. Fuck, I don't want Edward with her, ok? Are you happy now?"

"Ok, that is what I thought. But you won't go to the dance with his friend right?"

"Right"

"And why not?"

"Because it's not right. I wouldn't want him going with one of my friends, Rose."

"So, you think Edward would be just as upset at you as you would be at him?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because Edward doesn't have the same feelings for me as I do him," I whispered.

"So, that means that you are still doing what, Bella?"

"I am still setting expectations on our friendship"

"And what is he doing?"

"He is living his life while I sit here and watch." We had been over this so many times. I knew it all by heart.

"So, you are going to just sit at the dance and watch him and that fucking skank play 'Doctor and Naughty Nurse' instead of going out and having your own fun, Bella? Do you think Edward will feel sorry for you and come over and whisk you away to fairy fucking tale land? Do you?"

She was harsh but she was right. This was no fairy tale. This was real life. She was right. What was I going to do, just sit there and cry and watch from the sidelines? While he is out doing what ever the hell he wants with whoever the hell he wants? He did lie to me today. He did reject me before. We were texting again as friends and now Edward had everything, didn't he? He had me, his loyal friend who he knew had feelings for him, that he never cared to address and he had all his little Edward Cullen groupies at his disposal as well.

Well Bella Swan, was not going to be at his disposal any longer. The jealously in me was being fueled by the fire from my anger, the anger that I had been holding in for so damn long. All the hurt I had felt, all the wasted tears and time! Does he have any concept of the time I had wasted, waiting for him to notice me? I felt something in me change, like a light switch had gone off. I know that I had been preparing for this, but now it was game time. I had to have my game face on at all times now. If I was going to win over Edward, I was going to have to make myself get noticed. I could no longer hide in the shadows waiting for the scraps of himself he wanted to toss my way. If I wanted Edward, I was going to have to _make_ him want me. End of story.

"Fine, I will do it. I am in. Tell Emmett's friend he has got a date."

"That's my girl!" Rose yelled.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella," Alice shouted in the background.

"Does this friend know what's going on? I mean does he know not to tell Edward I am coming home and stuff?"

"He knows what he needs to know, Bella. Em and I have taken care of it and trust me, he thinks your totally hot and cant wait to meet you. So again, he is not saying a word to Edward. I told him Edward would get all pissy about it because he's protective of you, like his own sister. He was totally cool with it," Rose said. And I trusted her. Her and Emmett had been on my side since day one.

"Ok, well I guess I will be meeting him soon, right?"

"As soon as possible," Alice said.

"Ok, girls, I better get going. I have Jake coming over for dinner and we are packing up my last few boxes."

"Wait Bella, one last thing. Did you find your song yet?" Rose asked.

She and Alice had been on me about finding a song. They had read some where, I am guessing Cosmo or something, that every woman needs her "Strength song". They both had one and were very adamant about making me finding mine. I had looked. I didn't lie. I just couldn't find one that fit just yet.

"No, I didn't but I am still looking."

"Ok, well just let us know when you find it. We are excited to see what you pick," Alice said.

"I will see you guys tomorrow I guess, huh?" I laughed realizing that I would see my best friends again very soon.

"Yes, we will! Do you want me to bring your date to the airport?" Rose giggled

"No! Hell no! I still feel weird about it being Edward friend though Rose. I have to be honest."

"Once you meet him, I'm sure you will see things differently, B," she said

"Well, I guess its better that I am going with his _friend_ and not his _brother_." I taunted. Both Alice and I started laughing.

"Listen Bitch, Emmett is my Cullen brother, if you touch him, I will stab you…in the tit…with my fucking stiletto!" All three of us were roaring with laughter.

"Hey bitches, that's not funny. That shit would hurt!" Rose choked out between giggles. We were still laughing as we said our goodbyes.

***

I spent the remainder of my night just as planned. Jake came over for dinner and hung out with me, helping me pack my last few boxes. We sat outside with Renee, enjoying the nice weather one last night, until she finally was ready to go to bed. That gave Jake and me a chance to say our goodbyes. I cried on his shoulder once again, but not for any other reason except for the fact that I was going to miss him terribly. Jake assured me I was totally over reacting and he would be seeing me in less then three months. He did however, say if I didn't text him every day, he was not going to come visit me for Christmas.

It was late but I couldn't sleep. I had my mp3 player going, listening to all the new songs Alice and Rose had sent me. We obviously had completely different taste in music. But after confessing everything to the girls, they said that I would need these songs to send to Edward at night when instructed to by them.

I had to tell them everything, and I mean everything. I had totally opened up to them and let them in on all my secrets with Edward. I told them about 'Always and Never'. I told them about our songs at night and how the whole "tell me story" came about. I had even told them what had happened that night of the beach party. I think that was the first time I had ever heard Rose cry. We cried together on the phone for hours that night. As much as it hurt to talk about it, afterwards I felt so much better. That was when my healing had really begun. That was also the night the girls had decided they were going to help me win Edward over.

I rolled over to grab my phone and saw the box sitting there. I had not tired on my costume yet. Well, now's as good a time as any. I only put on the dress and wings. The dress was ridiculously short but it was rather pretty. Crisp white silk that clung to every curve and the flowing feathers around the hem were actually kind of beautiful, with the hint of glitter matching the wings. I put on the wings and looked at myself in the mirror. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I might just be able to pull this off after all. Of course, with a lot of help from Rose and Alice. But still, I could do this.

I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of me in my costume sending it to Rose and Alice. My phone beeped immediately back.

_That was fast? _

"_Hey B, are you up?" E. _

"_Yes. Are you just getting in?" B._

"_Nope didn't go out. The guys came over and played video games" E._

"_So, did you kick ass?" B._

"_Mostly." E._

I smirked. Knowing what I know now, he lost to at least one of them. And if I had to guess I'm sure it would be…wait…what was his name? Shit…Did they even tell me his name yet? I made a mental note to ask Alice the next time I talked to her.

"_What are you doing tonight? Did you go out?" E._

"_No, Jake came over …we hung out" B._

"_Oh BTW I am trying on my Halloween costume. Just making sure I feel comfortable in it" B._

"_Why? What are you wearing?" E._

"_Really E? "Did you just ask me what I'm what wearing? You're such a perv! Next you're going to be calling me and breathing heavy in the phone! LOL" B._

"_I just might *wink* Seriously what are you going to be?" E. _

"_An Angel" B._

"_Fitting" E._

"_What's that supposed to mean?" B._

"_It's not like you were going to dress up as an ugly monster right?" E._

"_So, what are you going to be?" B. _

"_Doctor" E. _

Waves of nausea hit me as I read that, hearing Rose call Lauren his "naughty nurse" in the back of my mind. Like Rose said when talking to him make the conversation about me not anyone else. I needed to step this up a notch.

"_Are you listening to any music tonight?" B._

"_Not yet. You?"_

"_A lot actually. Probably nothing you would want to hear…Alice sent me a lot of her music" B._

"_I noticed your taste in music has changed Swan. Should I be worried?" E._

"_No Cullen. I am just not closed minded like someone" B._

"_Send it B, I wanna' hear what you're listening to." E._

"_You know what you have to say to get it." B._

"_Tell me a story?" E._

"_MP3- Pussycat Dolls- Buttons. Just listen to it E, don't give me shit ok?" B. _

"_Ok" E._

"_What are you doing while you torment me with this song?" E._

"_Sending Alice and Rose pictures of me in my costume" B. _

"_Can I see?" E._

Holy shit! I was totally not expecting that. I stood pursing my lips turning from side to side in the mirror judging if I looked good enough in this to actually send Edward a picture. My phone buzzed again.

"_Wow, you look hot girl!" R. _

"_Thank god it's you Rose! Edward just asked me for a picture of me in this!? HELP!" B._

"_Send it… SEND IT NOW!" R_

Well, she _is _my drill sergeant, right? And that sounded like a direct order.

"_And let me know what he says!" R._

"_Ok will do!" B._

My phone beeped again.

"_Hello?" E. _

"_Sorry, I had to take a new picture" B. _

"_Are you sure you want to see this?" B._

"_Positive, you in wings that's gotta' be sight, right?" E. _

I bit my lip nervously, knowing that this was not your run of the mill "Angel" costume. Edward was not going to be expecting this. Fuck it. What did I have to lose?

"_JPEG file Angel- Ok here it is" B._

I waited anxiously walking in circles around my room, biting my nails. I even kept checking myself out in the mirror as if that was going to change what the picture I had already sent. Nothing, no response from Edward. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity my phone beeped.

"_So, what did he say?" R. _

Shit it was only Rose.

"_Nothing, he said nothing! No response whatsoever!" B._

"_HAHA! Good! He probably fucking fainted and hit his head! Don't worry Bella you look amazing in it!" R. _

I checked my last message to him, sent at 12:47a.m. It was now 1:03a.m. I am going to text him again.

1:04a.m. _"Hey E did you get it?" B_.

1:11 a.m _"So maybe you feel asleep?" B._

1:18 a.m "_I going to bed goodnight E." B. _

1:20 a.m _"Bella, I am sorry. I was not expecting that." E._

"_What is that supposed to mean?" B._

"_Nothing. never mind. I'm sorry" E._

"_You're sorry for what?" B._

"_For not telling you how great you look. It was good seeing you again. I feel like I have not seen you in forever." E. _

"_Thank you. I know the feeling. Did you listen to the song?" B._

"_Yup." E._

"_And?" B._

"_And what? You want me to send you a song now?" E._

"_Sure, are you listening to anything good?" B._

"_Yup, its good, Reminds me seeing you dressed…like that tonight" E._

"_Send it. I'm intrigued." B._

"_Say it" E._

"_Tell me a story?" B_

"_MP3 Marcy Playground- Sex and Candy- Goodnight B." E._

"_Goodnight" B._

As I listened to the lyrics, I knew I had him, at least for tonight. I can do this. I can get his attention. I was sure of it. I was getting on plane tomorrow morning and I hope Edward was ready for me. Game on Cullen …

_Swan 1 Cullen 0 _

**Hangin' round downtown**

**By myself**

**And I had so much time**

**To sit and think**

**About myself **

**And then there she was**

**Like double cherry pie**

**Yeah there she was**

**Like disco superfly**

**I smell sex and**

**Candy here**

**Who's that lounging**

**In my chair**

**Who's that casting**

**Devious stares**

**In my direction **

**Mama this surely **

**Is a dream**

* * *

**A/N So what do you guys think of the new Bella? Are you excited to see who her date is? Any guesses who Mr. Wonderful could be? Incase any of you are interested Krysti, Robmsement and I (Bostongirl1212) are all on Twitter if you want to follow us! Check out the Song, Bella's costume and link to blog for Edwards post interview on my Profile page! Thanks for reading time to review! P.S. Ch 8 is EPOV. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N – Hello my lovely readers! Thank you all so very much for all of the wonderful reviews! I read each and every one of them and they mean so much to me! Thank your continued support on my story. I heart each and every one of you hard!! I really wish I could find the words express just how much you guys mean to me! The only way I know, is to keep my updates as timely as possible! **

**First and foremost I have to thank JW she was my lifeline for this chapter. Just know without her and her expertise on lemons, this would not have been possible! Thank you so much girlie for taking the time to help me out. You are the master and I am so honored that you helped me out with this. You're such an amazing friend and I am so luck to have you in my life! Luv ya girlie!!**

**Second, last week I offered you guys to follow me and the Always & Never team on twitter. But I forgot to list our names LOL Sorry! Here they are. Bostongirl1212, krystih, Robmusement (LINKS ON MY PROFILE PAGE) **

**KRYSTI's BRITHDAY! Is Friday so after you read the chapter and review, head over to her blog (link on my profile page) for the Post Interview with Edward. Leave her some love and Birthday wishes she works so very hard with me and deserves some love too!! Happy Birthday Bestie!! Love ya!**

**As always I want to thank Krysti for being the most incredible BETA Bitch in the world! Thank you to all my BTFF's for pimpin' out A&N. And I cannot forget my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, and JW. I heart you girls for all the love & support!**

**Finally, I wanted to thank "roxiesmom2009" For pimpin' out Always & Never on Random Acts of Rob "Twismut Sunday" If you are reading this, you totally rock and I heart you hard! Always & Never received RECORD breaking hits that day (for a non-post day) and I totally appreciate it!! Thank you so much!!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward and JMF belong to me, and I get to do whatever I want with them! LOL **

* * *

**EPOV**

My eyes open immediately at the first sign of light, every fucking morning. I grumbled and looked over at my clock. It was 5:15AM what the fuck was I doing up? How in the hell does it get so fucking bright here with out any fucking sun? Forks is covered by clouds three hundred and sixty days a year, yet the mornings are so damn bright, I just might have to have Esme invest in some black out curtains. When you feel like shit ninety nine percent of the time, the last fucking thing you want to do is be in the light. Because lately, that was how I was feeling. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel for Bella and me. So, why the hell would I want to be forced out into the light at all? The Jealous Mother Fucker was in reign, so there was no way I could even pretend to be Mary fucking Sunshine.

I picked up my phone to check to see if Bella had text me through the night. _Nothing_. Not one fucking message. Granted, I'm sure she was still asleep, like ever other fucking normal person on the planet. But I still longed to hear from her. We have been back on speaking terms since her birthday. I could tell she was still defensive and keeping her distance but I would take it. I would take any fucking thing I could get from her. I deserved nothing yet wanted everything. But at least this was a start.

I tried to get back into our routines. I tried my best to be the Edward I think she wanted me to be again even though The Jealous Mother Fucker was insistent about making her _mine_. Once again, the internal epic battle with him began. This time it was much harder to keep him under control. After having just a taste of Bella that night, The Jealous Mother Fucker forever longed for more. He was like a fucking junkie and she was a drug. One taste and you're hooked. Once was too much yet a thousand times could never be enough.

Running my hand roughly through my hair out of frustration, I reached over and pulled the other pillow behind me, propping myself up against my headboard. I grabbed my phone and opened my daily calendar.

_Son of a bitch._

Today was the day I had told fucking Lauren that we would go look for costumes for the dance. I really didn't want to go but I sure the hell was not going to let her pick out some crazy shit that would make look like a fucking douche bag.

Lauren and I were no where near a couple but the gossip in Forks was the driving force of the student body. That shit spread like crabs in a whore house. I didn't give a shit what they say about me and I really don't give a fuck what they say about her. If you deny it, you look like your trying to hide something, and there was no way I was going to give them any fuel for the fire. I choose to ignore those spoiled skanky bitches.

After actually talking to Lauren, on a rare occasions where she was actually talking to me, and was not trying to get on my dick. I found out that we had more in common than I would have thought. She was fucking really broken up about Tyler and told me the story of how she walked in on him and Jessica fucking. Tyler the fucking pussy told everyone that she cheated on him to make her out to be the asshole. That is how the whole fight started the night she fucking kissed me.

He was trying to justify his actions by blaming it on her. Lauren was just naive enough to still have fucking feeling for the asshole. I guess that is where I came into the picture. She knew Tyler would never fucking have the balls to say shit to me, excluding the night he was fucking drunk, stoned and trying to show off in front of everyone at the party. He learned his lesson that night, thanks to Emmett. The next time I saw him at school, I walked up and punched him right in the fucking face. I made it clear that if he was going to start shit, I was certainly going to fucking end it.

So basically, Lauren was still hung up on Tyler and little did she know Bella was the only one for me. She was the only one that I would ever want. Everyone else would merely be a _distraction_. Being an eighteen year old guy who has not had any kind of sexual release in months, I sure the fuck needed a distraction. Funny thing about that is, the only person I craved it from was Bella. Just thinking of her would get me hard. The Jealous Mother Fucker desired only one girl… _Bella_. So every fucking time I was with Lauren, I just couldn't bring myself to seal the deal. That left us both really fucking sexually frustrated and left her feeling totally inadequate.

When she called me that day, telling me that she was going to pick out our costumes and that "I didn't even have to go with her as long as I promised to show up for the dance and she would take care of everything else", it made me feel like total a dick. The Jealous Mother Fucker just didn't have a thirst for her like he did for Bella. And out of the two of us, he was the one that controlled my emotions at the moment. He, apparently, is the one that controlled my dick as well.

I was only half paying attention to her ramblings because I was more interested in downloading more music to send to Bella. Then all of a sudden, I heard her mention something about Cinde-fucking-rella and I knew I had to put a stop to this shit at once.

"What did you say? _Cinderella_? And that would make _me…_?" I questioned vehemently.

"W-Well that would mean y-you would be…I-I mean if you want to…that would make you Price Charming."

_Hell Fucking No! _

There was no fucking way in hell I was going to be dressed up in fucking tights and shit. Edward Cullen doesn't play fucking dress up. Not for her and not for this fucking dance.

"I don't fucking think so Lauren. You must be fuckin' high if you think I am going to wear that shit. I am no fucking Prince Charming and I don't dress like a fool either. If you expect me to show up to the dance then I am picking out what the fuck I wear." I was harsh but she was being utterly ridiculous.

"Fine, Edward. You pick. Just tell me what to get." Her voice was soft as she spoke in hushed tones. She knew she has pissed me off and was trying to recover from it.

"Look you can go with me if you want but I am not going to spend all day doing this shit. We can go after school next week." I knew I was treading on thin ice by offering to let her go with me. I didn't want her to think this was some kind of date. I had to keep my tone firm and emotionless.

"Thanks, Edward. Do you have any ideas on what you want us to go as?" She was still very timid and that was a good thing. I had made my point clear.

"I am going as a doctor. My dad wears a suit and lab coat every day, so I only need to pick up a lab coat and maybe a fake stethoscope." I am sure I could grab one of my dad's but they were fucking expensive and I didn't need the aggravation of having to keep track of that shit all night.

"Ok, I can work with that." She seemed to lighten up finally. "Edward? Did you want me to go Roses party with you after the dance or…" she trailed off.

_Fuck_. Rose and Alice and their fucking after parties. They had to have one for every damn event that happenes at Forks High. Not that I mind getting a little fucking drunk after a long night of putting up with the mindless Forks student body, but why the fuck did they have to invite them all back to my fucking house? The parties always end up being at my house. Alice made sure of it. She loved playing hostess and Rose was no help to my cause. She didn't give a shit, as long as she ended up in my brother's bed at the end of the night. That was all that mattered to her.

"Since I am driving us to the dance Lauren, you can just ride back with me to the party." I was defeated and really had no other choice. I was in fact the one that acted on fucking impulse and asked her to the dance. It was not her fault that The Jealous Mother Fucker had a fucking temper and when Bella said she was not coming home, he just need _someone_…_anyone_ to try to ease that blow.

My alarm started beeping; pulling me from my memory and bringing me back to reality. I had only been up for two hours and fuck, I was already tried. Just as I got up and made my way to the bathroom, turning on the shower, there was a knock at my bedroom door.

"Edward, are you up?" Alice yelled through the door.

"Yeah, come in," I shouted from the bathroom. I was too busy pulling out a towel and changing out my razor to even notice she was standing in the doorway.

"So twin, you want to take your adorable sister to school today?" She giggled at her own joke.

"Sure," I nodded. It was nice to be back in her good graces.

I know I fucked things up with Bella and I would forever have to pay the price. However, I was trying to make that shit right. Alice had forgiven me, now that her best friend was back in her life. She knew Bella and I were at least trying to get back to some normalcy and she took comfort in that as well. Alice and I were always very close. Hell, we did share a womb together. I loved her and it was great to have her back in my life, annoying the shit out of me. I smirked at the thought. She was annoying at times but you couldn't help but admire her tenacity.

"Thanks brother," she chirped. "I'm going to call Bella while I get ready." And she was off just as fast as she came in, skipping through my room.

Half of me…The Jealous Mother Fucker half, wanted to tackle her on her way out and force her to tell me anything and everything Bella had said about me since they had started talking again. But the other half of me just couldn't fucking handle the harsh reality of the situation, that she probably had said nothing at all.

I took my shower and was quickly trying to get dressed. I pulled on my favorite pair of dark blue Diesel jeans and a crisp white button down shirt. Realizing the possibility of it being pretty fucking cold out today, I decided layers would be best. I tugged on my new royal blue Armani sweater. I didn't bother tucking in my shirt underneath. I was just too tired to give a shit. I ran my hands through my hair in an unsuccessful attempt to tame it. _Fuck_, I was ready to get this day over with.

Grabbing my hoodie, phone and cigarettes, I made my way out the door. I quickly yelled to Alice that I was ready to go as I headed down stairs. I paused at the front door to put on my hoodie on and grab my keys, when my phone beeped.

"_We are still going after school right?" Lauren_

_Fuck!_

I was giving Alice a ride to school today. S_hit!_ I needed to start getting a full nights rest or I was going to keep fucking up like this. Quickly, I started to think of an excuse to give Alice as to why it was I was not going to be able to drive her home_. Car trouble. _That seems like a plausible excuse and doesn't incriminate me. I sure the hell didn't want it to get back to Bella that I was escorting Lauren Fucking Mallory around on shopping excursions. That shit would be taken way out of context and lord knows I didn't want Bella to think there was anything going on with Lauren, because there really wasn't.

"_Yeah we can go after school" E. _

I shot her a quick text back as I saw Alice making her way out the front door. Alice got into the car and I wasted no time.

"I hope Jazz can give you a ride home because I can't," I stated.

"And why is that?" Alice shot back.

"I have to take Lauren to pick up her car. It's in the shop." I should have known Alice was not going to let this go. I started the car and tried to distract her by turning on the radio, desperate not to make eye contact with her.

"Hey Bella! God, what took so long?" Alice asked. My curiosity was jolted, wondering what Bella might have just over heard. I had no fucking clue Alice was on the phone at all, let alone on the phone with _Bella._

_Fucking Bluetooth headsets!_

I kept my mouth shut, maybe if I didn't say a word or acknowledge her in any way, I could get some insight as to what Bella and Alice were talking about.

"You just left me on hold forever. Bella, that is not very nice," Alice continued.

_Thank god!_ Alice was on hold. Bella must not have heard anything. I really don't know why I felt the need to keep going to the dance with Lauren such a secret from Bella. I'm sure she and Jake were getting pretty fucking chummy these days. But I still couldn't fucking bring myself to tell her about Lauren. I just didn't want Bella to think I wanted anyone else, because I didn't. There was no fucking way of me explaining to her that every other girl that would ever be in my life would only be a distraction, until the day came that I could finally win her over.

Alice's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Oh Bella, that is great. I just knew if you gave 'em a chance it would all work out," she giggled. "So, tell me, don't you feel all sexy when you do that," she chuckled.

_What the fuck?_

"You know what they say Bella, practice makes perfect. You just have to keep doing it. It gets better," she continued.

The Jealous Mother fucker wanted to reach over and rip that headset right off of Alice's head and demand that Bella tell him what the fuck she was talking about, because on this end it was not sounding fucking good at all.

That is when I heard Alice say "I know you get sore. Trust me, I get sore too, but that is a small price to pay for the pleasure you get at the end, don't you think?"

The Jealous Mother Fucker lost it. Gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, pressing on the gas forcing my car to accelerate to speeds that were beyond reckless. As if that would help me escape the fucking agony of this conversation.

Was Bella fucking someone in Arizona? _No fucking way_? This could not be happening? _Mine_. The Jealous Mother Fucker growled. I clenched my jaw and tried to still my jagged breathing. The fucking thought of any mother fucker touching her was crushing, a fucking devastating blow I was in no shape of handling. I couldn't contain The Jealous Mother Fucker any longer. He was rattling with jealously and dying to get out and fucking stake his claim. _Mine! Fucking mine!_ He was fucking screaming in my head.

Alice kept running her fucking mouth, each sentence that escaped her lips worse the one prior.

"So, did you get that email I sent you, Bella?" she continued. "I just know he is going to love you in it. I swear there is just something about silk that guys just can't seem to resist. I'm sure he will be pawing all over you in that little number," she chuckled.

"Bella honey, I think that is the point. Besides, it's Halloween. It's the one night a year us girls are allowed to unleash the inner bad girl in all of us. Just trust me, he will love it."

_Fuck this shit!_

The Jealous Mother Fucker was envisioning crazy fucking things like clamping his hand over Alice's mouth, demanding she shut the fuck up or get the fuck out of the car. And that last line sent him over the fucking edge. He glanced at Alice out of the corner of his eye, seeing she was applying lipstick. She was looking at herself in the sun visor mirror so she would never fucking see it coming. How could she sit there and talk to Bella about this shit with him right here? Did she not know the lengths he would go to when he was pushed? How _dare_ her talk to Bella about some other fucking guy in the presence of The Jealous Mother Fucker. Bella was his and no one would be able to stand in his way.

The Jealous Mother Fucker smirked and then quickly slammed on the fucking brakes and then hard on the gas, causing the car to jerk back into acceleration. It caused Alice to lunge forward and then back into her seat, totally fucking up her lipstick The Jealous Mother fucker chuckled in victory.

_Serves her fucking right talking about that shit in my fucking car. _

"Holy fuck, Edward! What the fuck was that!?" She yelled at me at the top of her lungs.

"Sorry," I mumble, only to pacify her. I was _not_ fucking sorry. She totally deserved that shit. The Jealous Mother fucker smirked.

Finally, we had made it to school. I practically jumped out of the fucking car and sucked down two fucking cigarettes trying to clam myself down. I pulled out a lollipop as the warning bell rang and made my way into class.

School was fucking boring. I missed Bella even more when I was in school than out of it. I would look over at the empty desk that she should have been sitting in and it fucking broke my heart every day, knowing that she should be here with me in three of my fucking classes. The fact that she was not, made me fucking sick and really fucking bitter.

Her absence was every fucking where. In the parking lot where she parked her beast of a fucking truck. In first period art class that she was supposed to be in with me. Here in fucking chemistry class that we had talked about last year, making sure we were in the same class so I could help her with homework. At the lunch table, where we sat every fucking day, looking at that empty chair fucking reminding me just how alone I was. My days were filled with reminders that Bella was gone. Even though I was a student office aid for my final class of the day, Bella was supposed to be there with me. Part of me wanted to ask to have my fucking schedule changed but that would mean I had given up on Bella ever returning. And I was just not willing to do that.

So, I sat here in Mr. Molina's fourth period Chemistry class listening to him drone on and on about some shit… I was not even paying attention. It was like watching a Charlie Brown cartoon when the teacher was talking. All you could hear was waha waha waha…I sat alone. I wouldn't fucking allow anyone to sit with me at the familiar black lab table. Bella and I sat together in Biology last year and I just couldn't fucking handle anyone else being my lab partner in her absence this year. And just in fucking case she did come back for any reason, I wanted her to know that I saved her a seat, right where she belonged, next to me.

I pulled out my phone and text her. I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I fucking missed the shit out of her and if this was the only way I could have her, then fuck it. I need it. I needed to see her words. Texting Bella was nothing even close to being able to see her or even talk to her but it was the one way I could at least reach her, considering the large distance between us now.

"_Always- Boring Never- Interesting" E._

"_Always- Tutor Never- Classroom" B._

And there it was. The smile stretched wide on my face. All it took was a simple text from her to make it all go away. She was like the air I breathed. A necessity for survival.

We were able to text through most of the class, making this period actually enjoyable for the first time since school had started. We joked and I shamelessly flirted, asking her if she was fucking naked. She completely ignored it and I chuckled. I knew she thought I was joking around but I was not. I longed to flirt with her and tell her how fucking beautiful she was. I would give anything in the world to have her know how I felt. But I knew better. She made it pretty fucking clear once we started talking again that we were only friends. And who the fuck was I to argue? I was grateful for the second chance. I was not going to fuck it up.

I asked Bella what she and Alice were talking about during the drive in this morning. She gave me some lame ass answer about clothes.

_Right... _

I figured that was her way of telling me it was none of my fucking business. I didn't want to push, even though The Jealous Mother Fucker was dying to drag it out of her. I tried to change the subject but things progressively got worse. When I asked her what she was doing that night and she answered

"_Jacob. He's coming over later. TTYL!" B_.

_She did not just fucking tell me she was doing Jacob. Did she?_ I knew it was best to end the conversation because The Jealous Mother Fucker was seeing red just at the sight of his fucking name.

****

After school, I did my fucking duty as Lauren's date and we made it out to Port Angles and back in just a few hours. I picked up my lab coat and mock stethoscope. I even grabbed a mock hospital badge that I planned on manipulating, to have my name put on it. I still had to get to the gym because I promised Emmett that I would work out with him today. I was running late and knew Em would be a little pissed off. But fuck it, what could I do? At least I'm not going to the dance dressed up like a fucking asshole.

I made my way into the house and Alice and Rose were fucking waiting to pounce on me. I brushed passed them as they demanded to know what the fuck I was doing with Lauren after school. I dropped my bag on the table so they could see for their fucking selves that I was just getting a costume. Besides, it really was not any of their fucking business where I was. I don't ask them shit about where they fucking go.

The rest of my Friday night was pretty fucking lame. I was really tired. It had been a long fucking day. After the work out, the guys and I decided to pick up some Chinese food and play some _Call of Duty_, Emmett's new game that he was dying to play. After hours of shooting and blowing up everything on the fucking screen, I had it. I was ready to call it a night.

I headed upstairs kicking off my shoes and pulling off my shirts. I flopped down on my bed wearing only jeans. Just in case one of those fuckers decided to come up to my room. I was too fucking tired to have to put them back on just to let them in.

I grabbed my phone, deciding to text Bella and see how her night with that prick ended up.

"_Hey B, are you up?" E. _

"_Yes. Are you just getting in?" B._

"_Nope didn't go out. The guys came over and played video games" E._

"_So, did you kick ass?" B._

"_Mostly." E._

"_What are you doing tonight? Did you go out?" E._

"_No, Jake came over …we hung out" B._

So, she was still not giving up the fucking goods on what was going on with her and Jake but my mind was put to rest at least for tonight. They hung out at her mother's house. That seemed pretty harmless, right?

"_Oh BTW I am trying on my Halloween costume. Just making sure I feel comfortable in it" B._

I couldn't help myself. I had to know what she was going as. So I asked. I asked her what she was wearing and she fucking called me a perv. I laughed because if she thought that was fucking perverted, I'm glad she couldn't read my mind to know what I _wished _she was fucking wearing.

_Fuck. I needed to stop that shit._

I had to remind myself once again that we are friends. We are only friends. I couldn't let myself think that shit about Bella. It was just wrong. She didn't want me and I had to fucking respect that. I couldn't let my fucking hormones get the best of me. She mentioned she was going to be an "Angel" and that brought everything back in to perspective. It was fitting that she would be an angel because she was _my angel,_ so pure and innocent and full of life. She would look beautiful in a long white dress and little wings I'm sure she would even wear the damn halo headband thingy. I chuckled at the thought of how innocent she would look, yet so damn tempting to me.

She said she was sending pictures to Alice and Rose and I asked if she would send them to me as well. She waited a long fucking time to respond. I am sure she was blushing a beautiful shade of crimson and biting her lip nervously. I know Bella didn't like being the center of attention but she was so damn beautiful, she really didn't have a choice. Finally, she fucking agreed to send it to me. So I waited.

I knew picture messages usually take a while to send, so I asked her what she was listening to. She said something Alice had sent her. I knew right away it was some pop song. I asked her to send it anyway because if she was listening to it, I wanted to be as well. Somehow, that would make me feel like we were actually spending time together tonight.

I was pretty fucking shocked that my "Angel" was listening to Pussycat Doll's "Buttons". I know that is not my type of music but I was not a total fucking idiot. Emmett and Alice love that shit and I was forced to listen to it all the time. This song was pretty fuckin _dirty _and I smirked at the irony of it all.

Finally, my phone beeped with the message that I had been waiting for.

"_JPEG file Angel- Ok here it is" B._

I quickly pushed read. This was going to be the first time in for-fucking-ever I was going to see Bella. I was fuckin' excited.

What. The. Mother. Fuck?

I stared at my phone in fucking shock. I don't know what kind of game the formerly innocent Miss Bella Swan thought she was playing with me...but this had to be on purpose, right? There's no way she sent me something like this without any hidden agenda. _Right_?

Because _FUCK! _This picture sent my mind racing to a pretty fucking _dirty_ place

It had been a long fucking time since I'd actually done _anything._ Sure, by now everyone assumed I was getting it from Lauren on the regular - and trust me, she tried, practically crawling onto my dick every chance she got. But while I touched her, I refused to let her touch me. I just didn't want anyone else touching _me_. That is what this was attributed to. It had to be, right? I looked at the picture once again and I groaned, closing my eyes tightly and clenching my jaw as I felt all the blood in my fucking body rush to dick. Just _fucking stop thinking about it_ I hissed to myself.

_Fuck_! I growled banging my fist against the wall. Would this fucking torture never end? The last thing I needed was _that_ fucking picture of Bella. I tossed my phone to the side trying to gain some kind of fucking control. It was fucking useless. I had that fucking picture already burned into my brain.

As if things couldn't get any fucking worse it suddenly dawned on me that Bella was going to be at a dance wearing that hard-on inducing costume. She was most likely going to be at the dance with a date and that date was not going to be me. No, I was fucking going to be stuck here, helpless, with Lauren fucking Mallory. In fucking Forks that was about two fucking thousand miles away from where I wanted to be… _fuck… _where I _needed_ to be... And in turn that would leave Bella…free.

Free for any sick fuck who wanted to inevitably drool and paw all over her in this ridiculous get-up. Immediately, the Jealous Mother Fucker was back. And if I thought my dick couldn't get any harder, at that second it did. What the fuck was WRONG with me? Why did the idea of other guys looking at her make me relish the thought of pulling Bella into a dark corner of the gym? Where I could conceal her. Where no asshole would be able to even lay there filthy fucking eyes on her. Where she was _mine_ and _mine_ alone.

Despites my best fucking efforts, I couldn't stop the fantasy from continuing. I would push her into the locker room where we could be entirely alone. I would feel her perfect tits through the flimsy material; slide my hands underneath that silky looking skirt, slipping my fingers inside of her. This thought triggered a memory for my dick of how wet she'd been that night and suddenly, my dick was twitching, throbbing against my stomach, aching to be released from the confines of my jeans. I could feel the liquid starting to seep out from the tip. _Fuck_! I was basically in pain at this point.

My phone beeped again, making me pause. Bella was looking for a reaction_. Well fuck_, she was getting a _reaction, alright_. She had no fucking IDEA what kind of reaction she was getting. What the fuck could I say to her? _Hey, Bella just seeing you dressed in that drives me fucking insane with jealousy and oh by the way, when I first saw the picture I didn't know if I should fucking smash my phone or try to fuck it_. Yeah. That would go over _well_...

_You could send her a picture of your reaction and see what she has to say to that. _The Jealous Mother Fucker laughed.

_Damn he was a sick fuck. _

I decided to ignore my phone. It didn't feel right talking to her right now and my dick forced my imagination back into that locker room. _Oh God_. The locker room. I imagined smirking at her and watching her licking her lips in return, willingly accompanying me as I pulled her under the showers. Raising my eyebrows in challenge, seeing her raise hers back, encouraging me to just fucking do it already. I turned the shower on, the water drenching her, turning that already half-transparent dress entirely see though and me, finally being able to see _everything_. The outline of her tits, her nipples pressed hard and cold against the fabric. Begging me to suck them, bite them, fucking consume them. And below her hips, in my fantasy, Bella wasn't wearing panties. _Fuck_. I groaned again, my dick jerked again, causing my hips to thrust up. My dick was demanding some fucking attention.

My hand was clenched at my side, itching to move.

But I couldn't, I couldn't do...that...I couldn't think about Bella and do THAT. It was so fucking wrong. I was sick, just fucking sick. I was supposed to be her friend. And I'm pretty fuckin' sure that friends don't fantasize about each other while fucking masturbating. I fucking feared the images that were flooding my brain but I was powerless to stop them. The Jealous Mother fucker called me a fuckin' pussy and completely took over.

_Mine. _He roared.

My dick began throbbing again, as The Jealous Mother Fucker reminded me what Bella looked like under that shower. Pushing the wet, dark locks off of her forehead and sticking her tongue out to catch the water as it poured over her face, twisting toward me. The fabric from her tiny fucking dress was clinging to her perfectly tight round ass as she taunted me.

Suddenly, my hand was moving, rushing to unbutton my jeans. I fucking moaned as my knuckles bushed against it as I unzipped my pants. I slipped my hand inside before I could think about it further. I just needed...I just needed a minute. I just needed a touch. I needed to _relieve _some of this fucking _tension_, not just in my body but fucking everywhere these days, things as fucked up as they were between us.

I rubbed the pad of my thumb over the tip just once, with my eyes tightly closed. I licked my lips and lowered my hand to my dick, wrapping my right hand firmly around the shaft. I groaned immediately at the contact. My breath quickening slightly…I fucking groaned again as I gave it one harsh stroke. _God that felt fucking good_! I allowed myself one more time. I closed my eyes and pictured wet Bella inside the shower. Pretending it was her hand. More liquid leaked onto my fingertips and this time I _did_ moan out loud. Shit. This was getting out of hand. _Literally_.

Thinking about Bella this way, dressed in that God damn angel costume was making it even...better. I mean, she could have been dressed as the Devil that would have been more _appropriate,_ the way she was torturing me these days. But looking all innocent and clean and pure and shit in that sexy angel get-up, _well FUCK_. My balls were aching.

My hand was moving faster now I couldn't seem to STOP myself. I found a natural rhythm. I worked my fist over the tip, twisting and running the pad of my thumb over it every so often, before stroking all the way down and back up with a squeeze, repeating the ministrations.

I clenched my eyes shut and was back inside that locker room with Bella. I pushed her out of the shower, and pressed her cold, wet body up against the lockers, and shoved myself hard against her, my dick pressed against her stomach. This made her moan, and again, I heard an actual groan escape from my own mouth as I pictured it. Fuck, I could practically HEAR her. My hands slid the skirt up, my fingers darted quickly inside and she thrust her hips toward me, needy, fucking begging for a release.

I grabbed her by the hip and pulled her determinedly against me. I reached back, slowly running my hand across her lower back and gently tracing my fingers down before sliding my hand on to her ass squeezing it firmly. She pressed her palm flat against my stomach before slowly sliding it down, over my boxers. My breathing hitched and I fucking tensed up as she palmed my rock hard dick and squeezed it gently.

_My fucking god she felt good. _And I continued to pump myself causing my fucking dick to twitch in my hand.

I got down on my knees and I licked my lips, grabbing her hips and tugging her towards my face. Our eyes locked and she drew her bottom lip in to bite it. I kissed and sucked on her thigh never taking my eyes off of hers. "Touch yourself, Angel," I whispered against her skin, causing her to tremble. She slowly ran a hand down her stomach, slipping it between her hips, and finally to her fucking gorgeous, pink pussy. She dipped her middle finger inside, pumping it in and out of her a few times and panting in pleasure as her hips rose to meet every thrust of her hand. Once her finger was slick with her juices, she slowly began to rub her clit—she was already practically fucking dripping wet, just waiting for me to lap up all of her juices.

It was too fucking much. I needed to taste her. Grabbing her wrist, I pulled her hand away; sticking the finger she'd fucked herself with inside of my mouth. I groaned she tasted mother fucking fantastic. I grasped her hips and dipped my head, thrusting my tongue inside of her. She gasped and her hands fisted into my hair, holding me in place as I teased her entrance with the tip of my tongue.

I sucked gently, trying to get as much of her taste in my mouth as possible, before slowly trailing my tongue up her slit. I teased her, licking slow fucking circles around her clit but never making direct contact. She writhed against my face, desperately trying to get my tongue to the place she needed it most. Finally, when her whimpers were practically cries for mercy, I pressed my tongue firmly against her clit sucking and nipping at it with my teeth. I stuck two fingers deep inside of her, curling them up; gently rubbing and pressing against her walls that were starting to clamp down on me

I knew she was close, but I didn't want her to come just yet. When I felt her walls begin to clench tightly around my fingers, and her moans increasing to levels I had never heard before, she pulled my hair pressing my face harder against her as if that were even possible….and then I –

"Fuck!!" I practically yelled, stiffening as I came and I fucking came hard, All over my hand and stomach in spurts. I came harder than I had ever come before, even during the actual act of sex there was no comparison.

_I was so totally fucked. _

As I tried to regain some kind of fucking composure and catch my fucking breath, The Jealous Mother Fucker was fucking singing that he had finally got the release from Bella he was craving. I knew this would not be the last time either, he fucking wanted her.  
More than that, he fucking _desired her_ and there was going to be nothing anyone could do stop this monster.

My phone beeped and I jumped. It was Bella. FUCK! I had missed at least five messages from her

_Fucking Christ how long has it been? _

I felt pretty fucking shitty for leaving her like that but there was no fucking way I could let The Jealous Mother Fucker text her back. I needed to text her to let her know I was still here, for the most part at least. The Jealous Mother Fucker had his feast and that would keep him at bay for a while at least. I quickly started to text Bella.

"_Bella, I am sorry. I was not expecting that." E._

"_What is that supposed to mean?" B._

"_Nothing. never mind. I'm sorry" E._

"_You're sorry for what?" B._

"_For not telling you how great you look. It was good seeing you again. I feel like I have not seen you in forever." E. _

"_Thank you. I know the feeling. Did you listen to the song?" B._

"_Yup." E._

"_And?" B._

"_And what? You want me to send you a song now?" E._

"_Sure, are you listening to anything good?" B._

"_Yup, its good, Reminds me of seeing you dressed…like that tonight" E._

"_Send it. I'm intrigued." B._

"_Say it" E._

"_Tell me a story?" B_

"_MP3 Marcy Playground- Sex and Candy- Goodnight B." E._

"_Goodnight" B._

Fuckin' _Sex and Candy was right_. Her sex tasted like fucking candy to me…at least in my fantasy it did. The Jealous Mother Fucker smirked.

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**A/N- JMF you're such a dirty boy! I think the girls are starting to fall for you!! Well Ladies are you? Reviews are love so show me some love! **

**Edwards post interview is up along with the incredible banner for this chapter. Go leave them some love too! **

**Also, with Christmas just around the corner, I wanted to warn you now. I am working very hard on getting the next chapter out by next week. However, it's a very busy time of year and Krysti and I do have RL obligations. I know totally sux, huh? LOL! I promise I will do my very best! You can follow me on Twitter for updates. Also, if there is going to be a delay we will post it on Krysti's blog. I will tell you ladies this, in the next chapter we will find out who Bella's date is…and the chapter after that will be at the DANCE WITH BOTH POV's ! That will be a long one! If for some reason I don't get to post next week, I hope to do a double post the week after Christmas! Thank you for reading and if I don't talk to you before Christmas. MERRY CHRISTMAS & Happy Holidays!!! Luv to all my readers!! **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N – Hello my lovely readers! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday! Thank you so very much for sticking with me the past two crazy weeks waiting for this post. I did put in both BPOV and EPOV to make it up to you! **

**I wanted to express to you just how much all the reviews mean to me. I'm sorry I have not responded to each and every one of you. But just know I read all of them and hang on your every word! I adore all of you for taking the time to read and review!**

**As always I want to give my love to Krysti for being the most unbelievable BETA Bitch in the world! Thank you to Robmusement for another amazing banner you are the best! Thank you to all my Girls for pimpin' out A&N. And I cannot forget my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, and JW. I heart you girls hard for all the love & support!**

**Finally, I wanted to remind you that Always and Never was nominated for two Shimmer Awards. For Best New Story and Best New Author. ****VOTING IS NOW OPEN**** so make sure to vote for your favorite stories and authors! Just sayin' Here is the link… shimmerawards(dot)webs(dot)com**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward and JMF belong to me -smirks- **

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**BPOV**

"Bella, if you don't stop moving around I am going to burn you with this damn curling iron," Rose warned.

I stilled immediately, because with Rose, it was hard to tell if that was a warning or a threat. Truth be told, I was a nervous wreck. I was sitting in Alice's bathroom and Rose and Alice were franticly working on my hair and makeup, primping me for my date tonight. It was strange to be back in the Cullen's house without Edward here. Part of me was glad he was going to be gone for a few more days, but part of me still longed to see him.

Edward was away with dad, back east visiting collage campuses. Carlisle was a Harvard Alumni and was desperate for Edward to follow in his footsteps. I knew Edward dreamed of going to Dartmouth and I wondered if they would visit both while there.

"So, what do you think?" Alice's voice chirped. I glanced at her in the mirror, a smile tugging at my lips at the look of pure excitement in her eyes. Alice loved the fact that I had given her full reign on my appearance today. My eyes wandered over to my own reflection and I was shocked at what a remarkable job her and Rose had done.

They had curled my hair in large loose ringlets and gathered them in a twist so they hung perfectly from the top of my head. My bangs swept to the right, falling seamlessly into the hair style. My makeup was flawless and I found myself actually excited about what she had picked out for me to wear for the day.

"I love it Alice!" I grinned. "You're going to have to teach me to do all this myself, you know?" I laughed.

"Of course I will, but not today. We only have about twenty minutes before the guys get here," she said. She dragged me from the bathroom to her bedroom, where my clothes for the day were already laid out.

I looked down at the charcoal gray sweater and a pair of dark blue boot cut jeans. It was fitting, considering we were going ice skating in Port Angles today and then out to lunch. I thanked god that she took that into consideration. I started to dress while Alice was digging through her closet and jewelry box. I finished getting dressed and was standing in front of the full length mirror tugging slightly at the fitted sweater.

"Stop that shit, it's supposed to be fitted Bella," Rose scolded me smirking.

"But don't you think it's a little...um…_tight, _Rose?" I ask through pursed lips.

Rose walked up behind me and adjusted the sweaters scooped neckline. "No Bella, it's perfect. Now stop fidgeting with it."

Alice handed Rose a pair of boots and some jewelry. "Here put these on her" she said quickly, before heading back to the bathroom for some final touch ups of her own.

I pulled on the black boots that had four inch heels. I silently prayed that all that practicing was going to pay off, despite my nerves today. Rose handed me a few silver bracelets and a silver necklace with round gray and silver Swarvoski crystals hanging from it. I motioned for her to help me put it on.

"You know, you should really take this one off," she stated, tugging on the necklace Jacob gave me for my birthday.

"No, absolutely not!" I practically shouted, clinging to the ring that hung from my neck.

Rose raised a questioning eyebrow and placed her hands on her hips. "And why is that?"

"It's from Jake. He gave it to me for my birthday…I-It's _special_ to me, Rose. Jake gave me the strength and courage I needed to help me get over… that night w-with Edward. I just can't take it off." My voice was almost a whisper as I looked down at the ground, hoping that Rose would understand.

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't know. And I get it," she said, placing the necklace back into jewelry box. I offered a small smile and a "thanks" before the door bell rang and Alice came barreling out of the bathroom yelling, "IT'S TIME!"

Rose winked at me and gave me an encouraging smile. Alice grabbed my hand, pulling me out of her room and down the stairs.

Emmett was the first one through the front door. "You ladies better be ready!" His voice boomed throughout the house.

"We're ready!" Alice squeaked as we pulled on our jackets and gathered our purses.

I walked up to Emmett and held my arms out to hug him. I had missed him and it was great to see him again. He picked me up crushing me into him swinging me slightly.

"Bambino! I missed you! You look great!" He pulled back slightly, grinning at me. I couldn't help but laugh as I dug my fingers into his dimples.

"I missed you to Em', but shit, your about as gentle as a grizzly bear," I laughed as he finally put me down.

"Sorry B," he shrugged. "I guess I don't know my own strength sometimes." He smiled. It was cute to see Emmett act so shy. He was like a giant man/boy, built like a house, but as sweet as a teddy bear.

I managed to give Jasper a quick hug as he rushed past me heading straight for the bar. He pulled out a flask and started filling it. He looked back at me with a shit eating grin on his face. "Hey B, sorry. I just had to make sure we were properly prepared for the day."

Laughing at him. I checked my watch. "Japer, you do realize it's only eleven o'clock in the morning?"

"Indeed I do, but soon it will be noon and we can start drinking," he stated as if it was something obvious.

"He thinks if you drink after noon, it's more socially acceptable," Rose said as she rolled her eyes.

"He's here!" Alice yelled, pulling me towards the front door.

I froze. I was suddenly terrified at meeting my "date". It had been so long since I had an actual date. Whenever we planed days like this, I made it a point to go alone in hopes that it would give Edward and me some time to hang out. But most times, Edward stayed behind and I of course, would hang out with him in his room, where we chatted and listened to music or even watched a movie.

On the rare occasions when he did decide to partake in the activities, he kept a safe distance from me while in public, thus making me feel like shit. I would watch him from afar, chatting up the girls that flocked around him. I was sure he kept his distance to make sure the girls knew he was single. He never treated me any different, it was not like he as an asshole to me. It was just clear that I was strictly his friend, as he allowed every other girl in sight to shamelessly flirt with him. Needless to say, I preferred the times we stayed home.

"Bella, that's him." I heard Alice whispering to me, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked up and saw him. _WOW!_ Alice and Rose had done the guy no justice in saying he was 'hot'. This guy was much more than that. He was _fuckhawt_, hands down. He was making his way around the silver Mercedes and I watched in awe.

He had short blondish hair, cut much like Emmett's, but that was not the only common factor between the two. _Hello biceps!_ The guy was almost as big as Emmett. He was quite tall, had broad shoulders and had enormous biceps. I could clearly make out the outline of his chiseled chest. He was wearing a light gray sweater and weathered jeans, that hung perfectly on his hips. He was talking on the phone but the minute our eyes met, he offered me a generous smile from his amazing full lips.

As he approached, I could see his eyes. They looked almost gray from here. He had a goatee that was trimmed to perfection and match his hair color perfectly. I couldn't even bring myself to speak. I did however feel my stomach doing flip flops as I turned to Rose and mouthed ".God."

She nodding and whispered under her breath, "No shit, B. I told you so," as she grasped my elbow and pulled me toward him.

Alice quickly flanked Rose as we approached him. He ended his phone call and slid his phone into his pocket.

"Sorry about that. My dad let me drive his car today because mine is being serviced but he wanted to make sure I was not taking it all the way to Port Angles," he smiled shyly.

"That's alright. Em' insisted on driving anyway," Rose stated. "Bella," she said as she pulled me in front of her, "I'd like you to meet Riley. Riley, this is Bella."

"Hello Bella. I'm glad to finally meet you." His smile was genuine as he offered his hand.

"Hi Riley. It's nice to meet you as well." I took his hand and shook it awkwardly.

I was still nervous but not for the same reasons as before. I was nervous because of the fact that I found myself actually excited about today. It was all new to me. I was here, not as someone's friend. But as someone's _date_, and well, it felt _good_. We made our way to Emmett's Hummer and piled in. Riley helped me in just as Jasper and Emmett always did for Alice and Rose.

Rose sat up front with Emmett, of course, and Alice sat sideways on Jasper's lap. Riley and I sat side by side. We all settled easily into conversation. Mostly, it was about the dance and what everyone was going as. We were all talking and laughing and I was feeling more at ease with Riley.

"So, were you the one that decided on the whole 'Angel and Devil' costumes?" I asked him. He nodded once and smirked at me. "How were so sure that I would want to be the angel and not the devil?" I teased. _Oh my god, did I just flirt with him?_

"Well, I figured if I showed up with wings on, you might not want to go to the dance with me," he chuckled, causing everyone else to laugh.

"Good point. However, you did _consider_ wearing them?" I teased and Emmett and Jasper snorted.

He raised an eyebrow at me and leaned in closer, "Bella, you would make for a much more beautiful angel than I. I can assure you of that," he smiled.

I felt my blush creeping up cheeks, but smiled in return offering a quite, "Thanks."

We finally pulled into the ice-skating rink parking lot and just like a perfect gentlemen, Riley once again, took my hand and helped me down. However, this time, he did not release my hand. He entwined our fingers and shoved his other hand into his pocket as he lead me to the door.

Riley paid, of course, and even carried my skates for me. His hand only left mine to exchange money with the cashier. My heart was pounding out of my chest in excitement and I couldn't keep the smile off of my face. Alice and Rose noticed it too as they kept shooting me looks of encouragement. Even as I struggled with my ice skates, he knelt down in front of me and helped me lace them up.

_This was a real date_.

As we took the ice, Riley stepped out first and held out his other hand to me smiling.

"Its ok, Bella. I've got you. I won't let you fall," he encouraged.

I was well aware of the look of terror that must have been on my face. My eyes flashed from the ice back up to Riley's. He pushed off the ice and closed the distance between us, sliding one hand around my waist and tilting my head up as he cupped my chin. The pad of his thumb gently stroking my jaw line.

"Hey sweetie, why do you look so scared?" A smile tugged at his lips as he asked.

_Clearly he didn't know me very well. _

"I-I just don't feel like ending up in the emergency room today." I chuckled. Trying to keep it light but also giving him fair warning of my clumsiness.

He licked his lips and grinned, "Bella, if you can trust me enough, I will hold you and I promise not to let you fall."

With a heavy sigh, I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and bit down. "Ok, you promise, right?" I questioned.

"I promise," he confirmed.

He held me close to him, as he turned me around, pressing my back into his chest. He kept one arm wrapped securely around my waist and held my other hand in his. My heart was pounding and not only out of fear of falling down and making a complete fool of myself. It was pounding because of something else…something that was becoming more real to me with every passing moment, I Bella Swan was on a _real date_, with a great looking guy, who was more than happy to accompany me on this date, who was _proud _to walk beside me holding my hand, making it known to everyone who passed by us, that I was his, even if it was only for this one day. He wanted _me._

I felt his hot breath against my neck as he whispered. "See, you're doing great," as he placed a very small kiss on my cheek.

It was exhilarating. I was so happy. For once, I was not the third wheel. For once, I was not there as 'Edward's best friend'. For once, I was being noticed and looked at as a woman not a _sister_. This…this is how Alice and Rose get to feel all the time with Jasper and Emmett. This is the way I wanted to feel with Edward. This was the very thing I could _never _feel with Edward. I shook my head slightly, pushing Edward to the back of my mind.

No! I was not going to let Edward take this from me too. I have worked so hard to be here, in this moment and I was not willing to give it up. I needed to be happy. I wanted to be happy. Fuck, I deserved to be happy. I leaned back further, relaxing into Riley arms as he wrapped his other arm around my waist. I allowed myself this moment. Even though Riley would forever be runner up to Edward, I allowed myself this moment to be happy.

Riley and I circled the rink countless times laughing and joking with the others. He and I got along great and it was easy to be myself around him. I relaxed and trusted him enough that we were even swaying to the music as we glided along the ice. We all decided it was time to take a break. Who knew it was even possible to work up a sweat while ice skating? We all needed something to drink and my ankles were in much need of a break.

Alice, Rose and I all sat at the table while the guys went to get us some soda's. Alice was beaming at me.

"You two really seem to be getting along great, Bella!" She squealed with excitement.

"Yes, we are." My tone sounded shocked "I mean… I never expected to end up actually liking him, ya' know?" I shrugged.

"Bella, would we really hook you up with some loser?" Rose teased. "I told you so…that is all I am going to say… _I told you so_" she smirked.

Suddenly, Alice yelped "I love this song!" She started humming and bobbing her head to the music as she dug into her purse pulling out some lip gloss.

I listened closely to the words and lost myself in them…

_**I can't stand by the side. And watch this life pass me by, So unhappy. But safe as could be… So what if it hurts me? So what it I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge. My feet run out of ground. I gotta' find my place. I wanna' hear my sound. Don't care about all the pain in front of me. I'm just trying to be happy I just wanna' be happy.**_

_This is it! This is my song… the song I have been searching for!  
_

"Hey listen, listen to the words. They are perfect!" I practically yelled at Rose and Alice.

"This is it! This is my song! You know the 'strength song 'you both have been up my ass for me to find? This is it. It's perfect!" I was grinning from ear to ear because ever word of it was true. I was just trying to find my way. I was playing my role. I was not going to be the victim any longer. I was going to try to be happy. I wanted to be happy so desperately, for so long. And well, after today, I think I was on my way.

After we sat around and drank our sodas, we all decided we were starving and ready to eat. We tuned in our skates and made our way back out to Emmett's truck

Before getting into the truck I tugged on Riley's hand that was still clasped with mine to get his attention, He turned immediately around and smile.

"What's up sweetie?" he asked.

"Thank you for today. You know, for keeping me safe out there on the ice," I giggled.

_I giggled? I fucking giggled? _

He took a step closer and gently brushed my bangs out of my eyes. "I promised I would keep you safe, Bella and I never break a promise. That is one thing you will learn about me," he smiled. "And don't thank me yet, our date is not over. I still have to get you fed," he smirked and I laughed, nodding as he once again helped me into the truck.

****

We were all sitting around the table at our favorite pizza parlor eating way too much pizza for our own good and hysterically laughing as Emmett serenaded us with "Nelly's Ride Wit Me". He so obviously didn't know the lyrics, but it was so funny, I was dying with laughter.

"_If you wanna" go and take a ride with me, with three women I flow with and they have gold teeth_" he sang, very loudly I might add.

We were roaring with laughter when Rose finally spoke up. "That is _so not_ what he says! He says… _If you wanna go and take a ride wit me_, _We three-wheelin in the fo, ' with the gold D's_… _That_ is what he says, Emmett," she choked out in between giggles.

"She is right, my man," Riley snorted, patting Emmett on the back. "Gold teeth? Really Em', where did you come up with that shit?" He started laughing all over again.

"No fuckin' way. We are totally listening to that again when we get back into the truck," Emmett pouted. Rose rubbed his back, as some kind of attempt to comfort him.

"BELLA?"

The whole table turned to see Jessica and Lauren standing right behind me.

"Yes?" I spat at her. It was a knee jerk reaction at the sight of Lauren and Jessica. Riley quickly placed his hand over mine on the table, narrowing his eyes at the girls.

"I thought the sign said no dogs allowed," Rose chimed in, pretending to look at her nails. "Clearly some _bitches_ made it in anyway," she seethed at them.

Neither one of them _dared _to say a word to Rose.

"Um, Bella, I spoke to Edward on the phone today and he never mentioned _you_ coming back," Lauren stated. You could just hear the disgust her voice.

_The feelings mutual, bitch_.

My heart ached at that blow. Edward and I had not talked, or should I say text, since the night I sent him the picture of me in my costume. I found out second hand from Alice, that Edward was going to be away with his dad for a few days. And here he was, calling and checking in daily with Lauren. Besides the fact that I was not going to tell him I was back in town, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

"Well, Edward wouldn't know she was back yet anyway. She's been with me," Riley spoke up, saving me from the embarrassment, as he tightened his grip on my hand.

"So, does that mean you two are going to the dance together or something?" Jessica questioned.

"Not that is any of your business, but yes we are," Riley smiled at me and narrowed his eyes back at them.

Jessica and Lauren looked down at our hands and then at each other. I knew instantly this shit was going to be all over school before my first day back.

"Well, I guess Edward and I will see you there," she smirked wickedly at me.

I don't know what the hell her problem was or why she felt the need to stake a claim for Edward when it came to me. Everyone knew he and I were only friends. I was no threat to her. Yet, I'm sure if he was here right now, she would have pissed on his leg to mark him.

Rose rolled her eyes and held her crossed her fingers up in the air. "Well, one can only hope we see you there."

Alice and I couldn't hold back our snickers. Rose was such a smart ass. God bless Rose and her bitchiness. With that, the skanks turned and left, whispering to each other.

"Well that was fuckin' fun. I need a drink!" Rose declared.

"I'm down," Emmett said, reaching for his wallet.

"FINALLY!" Jasper shouted, tossing some money on the table.

I pulled out my wallet and suddenly Riley covered my hand with his. "What are you doing?" He chuckled, as his eyes searched my face in astonishment.

"I was going to…um… get some money out for lunch?" I spoke quietly, realizing that yet again, I made the mistake of acting like a friend. I guess old habits are hard to break.

"Bella, you're out with _me._ I will take care of anything you need. Now put that away," he said while his eyes motioned to my wallet. He pulled a few twenties out of his own wallet and threw them on the table. He stood, holding out his hand to help me up. I paused before getting up.

"Riley, I really have to thank you for sticking up for me with them. I was kind of caught off guard. I really don't know why they came over in the first place."

"Bella, no need to thank me. Emmett and I have talked…a lot …and even though I really don't know all the facts of everything that happened with you and Cullen, I got some minor details… enough to know that if he would rather that hang out with that slut, I say let him. That's his problem now. But I won't let those chicks talk to you like that. You're so much better then them, Bella. I hope you see that." He ran his hand softly down my face and then took my hand and brought it to his lips kissing it.

Once again, I had nothing to offer him but another bright smile. He seemed to know how to make me smile. This time, he didn't hold my hand on our way out the door. This time, he slipped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him as we walked passed Jessica and Lauren. I couldn't even bring myself to care enough to look their way. They were not worth my time.

Once we were inside the truck, Jasper pulled out his flask , passing it around. We all took turns drinking until it was gone. Everyone drank except Emmett, who was driving and much too busy looking for his "Nelly" song on his mp3 player to care. Once he found it we listened to it over and over all the way back to Forks. We were all feeling slightly buzzed, laughing and signing at the top of our lungs. I think by the fiftieth time, we finally had the words down.

By the time we were back at Cullen residence it was getting late. We all had school in the morning and I knew Charlie was going to be expecting me soon. After saying our goodbyes to everyone, Riley walked me over to my truck. He asked me over and over again, if I was ok to drive the whole three miles back to my house. I assured him that I was. I didn't drink that much. We exchanged phone numbers and I thanked him again for the wonderful day I had.

He pulled me in for a long hug and then placed a single kiss on my forehead. But I didn't want to end it like that. I wanted to give him a little bit more. I tilted my head up, as if to give him permission. His soft full lips brushed against mine and lingered just for a few seconds. Neither one of us attempted to deepen the kiss but still, it was perfect. He leaned down resting his forehead to mine and promised to see me at school in the morning.

***

The next few days went by at lightning speed. I spent most of my time getting settled back into school. At school I hung out with Alice, Rose, Jasper and Riley as usual nothing changed on that front. I was shocked to find out that Riley and me, and soon to be Edward, all had Art for first period. They never changed the schedule that Edward had told me about, so that meant I was going to have Edward in three of my classes. Part of me worried just how awkward that would be. I went shopping with Alice and Rose on Tuesday after school.

And now, here it was, Thursday morning already. Alice was on her way over to help me get ready. I was going to have to face Edward today. I can't imagine what his reaction is going to be seeing me back at Forks High. I was expecting him to be shocked at first and then after me explaining to him that I just wanted to surprise him he would understand.

_Wouldn't he?_

Alice came rushing in causing me to jump.

"Shit Alice, a knock would have been nice. You scared the crap out of me!"

"Sorry Bella, I am running late. I need us to get to school before Edward and he was holding me up."

She threw some bags on my bed and started pulling out the hot rollers she instructed me to put in earlier this morning. She was quickly at work, shaking out the curls and pulling half my hair up in a small clip. Then she went to work on my makeup, using different shades of earthly tones. It made me look more natural, but the eye shadow had a hint of shimmer to it. She pulled out the outfit she had picked for today and I almost fell over.

"This?" I picked it up. "This is what you want me to wear to see Edward for the first time in months? Jesus Alice. Sweats? Thanks a lot!" Maybe she was in such a rush she forgot the _real_ outfit for today?

"You _are_ going to wear it and trust me, Bella. I _know_ what I am doing. If you would like we can call Rose?" She threatened crossing her arms over her chest.

"Ok, Ok. I _trust_ you. I just don't see what the big deal is about a pink sweat suit." I shrugged. Oh well, at least I would be comfortable today.

I pulled on the pants and they were low… _very low_ cut. They were barley hanging on to my hips. And they had the word 'PINK' in huge white letters right across my ass. Next, was the tiny white t-shirt that read 'Love PINK' in pink lettering across my chest. The shirt was not quite long enough for the low rise pants so a sliver of my stomach was showing. And finally, yes you guessed it, the pink matching jacket that had 'love pink' down the sleeve and 'PINK' across the back in the same white lettering as my pants.

"Alice, I feel like a huge bag of cotton candy," I groaned. Tugging at the pants wishing they were a tad bit higher on my hips.

"Don't tug at them, Bella. They will only get loose, not longer." She smirked and handed me a pair of while sneakers to go along with this ridiculous get up. She emptied the entire contents of my purse into a small white purse and handed it to me. I reached for a jacket and she swatted my hand away in a rush telling me that there was no need it was going to be warm today.

We rushed out the door and Alice dove like a crazy person. Well, I guess she just drove like a Cullen, all the way to school. We whipped into the parking lot when I heard Alice finally say two words. "Oh shit."

I giggled because Alice never swore and I mean never.

"Wow Alice, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"He's here already…_why_ he is here so early?" She nodded in the direction of the silver Volvo parked in the same parking spot that he had been parking in for years. My eyes quickly surveyed the parking lot that is when I saw him. How could anyone miss him? His bronze hair was glistening in the sun, as he pulled the cigarette from his lips. He was wearing his signature jeans and a gray t-shirt with a plaid purple, green and tan shirt the sleeves rolled up and pushed up even further on his arms. His gray back pack was slung over his right shoulder as he stood there, cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

_The breakfast of champions_.

It didn't hurt to see him as I anticipated. I actually had to fight against every cell of my being to contain myself in the car. I wanted to jump out, run over to him, throw my arms around him and ask him to ditch with me today so we could catch up. I wanted to talk to him. Suddenly, I was missing him. As he stood before me, I was missing him more now than ever before.

All of a sudden, I heard his name being called out. My eyes shot across the parking lot to find the female that was attached to that voice. Of course, it was her…_Lauren_…I watched her practically skip over to him. His body stiffened as she approached. They were talking and he was smiling. I heard his familiar laugh echo through the parking lot as she leaned in to tell him something. His hand rested on her hip so comfortably and I knew I had to look away.

"Bella, are you ok?" My eyes met Alice's. She was turned facing me in her seat. Her eyes were searching my face in worry. But I was ok. Yeah, I was jealous but that was nothing new. I had seen him with other girls before. But this time, it was different. I had someone of my own. Someone who looked at me like the way Lauren looked at Edward.

I had someone that made me happy to be around and I was comfortable with. Admittedly, there were no fireworks with him like there was with Edward, but there were smiles, and laughing, and enjoyment of each others company.

Suddenly, my song popped in my head **"**_**I gotta' find my place. I wanna' hear my sound. Don't care about all the pain in front of me. I'm just trying to be happy I just wanna' be happy". **_And I was happy. I felt excited to see Riley and I knew everything was going to be alright. I just had to keep on course. I had to stick to the plan. I had to remember all the things Alice and Rose and I talked about over the past few months. I had to be strong and I had to do everything possible to make myself happy, whether Edward Cullen chose to be a part of that or not.

"Yes Alice. I'm fine." I smiled at her and gave her a reassuring nod. I was sure I could do this.

Edward and Lauren were walking into the school as the warning bell rang. I took a deep breath and opened the car door. Rose pulled in just in time and we walked into school together….

**EPOV**

I finally got the fuck away from Lauren, as I walked into my homeroom class. Art class. What a fuckin' joke this class was. I tossed my backpack on the table and sat down. Lauren came up to me in the parking lot tell me how Jessica was trying to get Newton to go to the dance as Ken and Barbie and that shit was fucking funny. But as usual, she couldn't just tell me and be on her fucking way, she had to fucking linger.

She had been up my ass for days now. Even while I was away, she blew up my phone until I finally answered it and demanded that she not call back. I was out of town with my father checking out colleges. She said she just wanted to make sure I would be back in time for the dance and I had to reassure her I would be.

It was like every time I gave her an inch she wanted to take a mile. Just like this morning, she couldn't just leave well enough alone. She had to tell me the story and then lean into me like she was telling me some fuckin' epic secret. I had to basically hold her back form fucking touching me. Then she followed me to my locker and then to my class like she was some lost puppy dog.

_Thank god we didn't have any fuckin' classes together. _

"Cullen, what's up man?"

I looked up to see Riley holding out a fist. He and Emmett were too fuckin' much alike. I gave him a nod and a fist bump, turning my chair to face him as he sat on the table behind me.

"I saw Lauren following you around this morning," he laughed. "Do you even talk to her or does he just follow you in silence?" I laughed because he was fucking right. I didn't say two fuckin' words the whole time.

"I don't say shit but she just doesn't get it," I shrugged.

"That's gotta' be tough man. I don't envy you at all." He chuckled as he checked his watch then glanced to the door. I looked over my shoulder to see a few more guys walking into the classroom.

"Waiting for someone?" I questioned he was acting a little fucking weird.

"Not anymore my man." he said as he stood up and slapped my shoulder grinning like the fucking Cheshire Cat.

"Hey sweetie, your late," he called out and I whipped around to see who the fuck he was talking to. Riley didn't have a fucking girl at school, not that I knew of anyway.

_Bella!? .Fuck._

My eyes raked over her body from head to toe. Bella was pure fucking perfection. She looked absolutely beautiful. I knew my fucking jaw had to hit the ground by now and I was obviously ogling her. But I couldn't fuckin' help myself as she sauntered into class heading my way. Her lips pulled into a beautiful smile and I couldn't resist smiling back at her. I was fucking shocked to see her and I wanted to know why the fuck she didn't tell me she was coming back home. But it didn't matter. I was fucking happy to see her. I was more than happy. I was fucking thrilled.

She walked right up to my table and set her purse down and without even glancing my way she wrapped her arms around Riley. That mother fuckers hand rested just above her ass. His fuckin' fingers lingering, too fucking close to her ass, Her ass, that I was suddenly all to aware of, that had huge fucking letters that spelled PINK on it? _What the fuck was going on here? _Did I fucking sleep through my alarm? Was this all just some fucking nightmare?

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse they did. Bella stretched up on to her toes and brushed her lips against his cheek. And I fucking lost it. The Jealous Mother Fucker voice was thunderous. _Mine!_ He was seeing red and there was no stopping him.

_Mine!_

Finally, my fucking brain started working with my fucking body. I leaped up. I was just about to reach out and drag her out into the hall and ask her what the fuck was going on but she turned around facing me. And she fucking smiled. I heard her voice say my name and I fuckin' froze.

"Edward? Are you ok? Are you surprised?" she smiled at me. By the mercy of god, the Bell rang and everyone took their seats. Bella sat right fucking next to me with Riley right fucking behind us. I didn't give a shit I needed answers. The morning announcements were loud through the schools shitty speaker system and I took that as my opportunity.

I scooted my chair closer to Bella's and her sweet sent assaulted me. I shook it off for the time being because I needed to know what the fuck was going on. I leaned into her.

"What the fuck, B? When did you get back and why didn't you even tell me you were coming back?"

"Well it's good to see you too, Edward" she shot back.

This was not working out too well. I took a deep fucking breath and tried to clam The Jealous Mother fucker down enough to talk to Bella.

"Look, I'm sorry that I was rude. But shit B, you show up out of nowhere and then totally ignore me and go straight to fucking Riley. How the fuck do you know Riley?"

"Saturday. I came back Saturday and I wanted it to be a surprise. I guess it worked," she smirked as me through the corner of her eye.

"And Riley?" I pushed.

"We have been hanging out all week."

She was not giving up much and The Jealous Mother Fucker was not in the mood to fuck around.

"So that's how you _hang out_ now? Kissing on a guy you've known for less then a week?" I spat at her.

"Excuse you, Edward?" She turned to face me and leaned in closer. "I'm not some cheap whore you can talk to like that. Save it for Lauren. And just so you know, Riley and I had a date and we are going to the dance together tomorrow as well." She turned back around quickly, tapping her pen against her note book.

"So are you two like…fucking dating now?"

"I don't know, Edward. we _did_ go _on_ a date and we _do_ have two more dates planned. Call it what you want."

"I see." I conceded because I didn't know what the fuck else to say in the final two minutes before the class started that would possibly change anything. I sat back in my chair seething.

"Good."

If I thought I hated Riley before, I fucking _loathed _him now. The Jealous Mother Fucker wanted to turn around and fucking choke him. _Mine!_

Class started and Bella and I sat silent the rest of the hour. Finally, at the end of class we got the last few minutes to talk amongst ourselves. Riley was talking to some of the guys about Basketball so I made sure to capitalize on this time with Bella.

"Bella, I'm really sorry I was such a dick. I was just… shocked."

She finally turned to face me. "So are you done now? With being a dick?" she smirked and I smirked in return.

"Well, I can't make any promise." I played it off as my usual smartass self but really, I couldn't make her any promises. The Jealous Mother Fucker wanted her and this shit with Riley was fucking getting in his way. He would stop at nothing to make sure that no one came between him and Bella. _Mine!_

We finally stood and I pulled Bella into my arms. I needed to hug her. I needed to feel her to make sure she was fucking real. This whole morning was so fucked up but the one thing I was certain of was that Bella was home.

I suffered through the rest of the day. I don't even remember the classes I had without Bella in them. The classes I had with Bella were a blur too because I was so fucking caught up at staring at her or her _ass_. How could you not? She was practically wearing a flashing neon sign on her ass that said "look here, look here, look here". _Fucking, PINK!_ I was watching her walk down the hall and all I could see was fucking "PINK" on her ass. When she turned to talk to me, she was saying something about lunch and parking lot and Emmett but all I saw was fucking "PINK" across her chest. Down her arm on her back _what the fuck was wrong with me?_

I was pretty fucking sure I responded to her about lunch as I walked into my next class. I sat there the whole time fighting with The Jealous Mother Fucker who now fucking loved "PINK". Since he was in total control, all I could see was PINK and Bella's ass and then PINK and Bella's tits. _Fuck, _I was starting to get hard. I struggled to pay attention, willing my dick to stay still as it twitched in my pants every time I thought of Bella and fucking "PINK".

What the fuck did that stand for anyway? P.I.N.K. 'Penis In Need of Kontact'? Well, P.I.N.K. backward could be 'Keeping Nuts in Pain' _that was more fucking like it_.

_I was really fucking losing it today. Did I really just make up fucking acronyms for PINK? _

The Jealous Mother Fucker couldn't help himself, the minute I saw PINK written on her _ass,_ it made me think of every fucking PINK place on her body. I was out of fucking control. The Jealous Mother Fucker was in full force today.

***

By the time lunch came, I was really fucking ready to go the fuck home. I slowly made my way through the parking lot where I saw everyone gathered around Em's Hummer. I pulled out a cigarette and took long drags in hopes it would clam me down some. I finally walked up to the back of the truck and joined in the conversation the best I could. Bella and girls were chatting on one side and the guys on the other.

"Man, you look like shit. You ok, bro?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." We nodded to each other and left it at that.

I raked my fingers through my hair and was just about to say something when all of a sudden they all started yelling and shit. The girls were fucking jumping up and down, yelling at Emmett to turn up the radio. They were all taking turns singing various lines to some shitty fucking rap song. _Fuck you, Nelly and your song_. I had no fucking clue what was so great about this song but they were all in hysterics by the time it ended.

How fucking long was I gone for? Bella was back, she was fucking _dating _one of my friends and they all had bonded some how to the point where they had inside jokes and shit? I was fucking disgusted to say the least.

***

Finally, the end of the day was near and I was heading towards the office where I could finally fucking talk to Bella. We checked in and we were handed piles of mail that had to be put into the teacher's mail boxes. Bella and I headed to the teachers lounge and I couldn't hold back any longer. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into an empty class room, locking the door behind me.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing?"

"We need to talk"

"About?"

"Why him, Bella? Why Riley? Why my friend?" The Jealous Mother Fucker was beyond jealous. He was fucking furious.

_MINE!_

"He asked me, Edward. I said yes. It's just a dance." Her voice was soft. So I tried desperately to control my own.

"So, you're going as friends? If you want to go with a friend Bella why not go with me?"

Her eyes flashed to mine and the anger in them caught me off guard.

"NO! No, Edward. We are not going as _just_ friends and the reason I'm not going with you is because I have a _date_, Edward. A real fucking date. I don't _need_ to go as someone's _friend_." Before I could even speak she was out the door.

_Fuck. _

_***_

As exhausted as I was from the whole day, I still laid wide awake in bed. I had not talked to Bella since she stormed out of the room and I didn't fucking like that. I needed to at least try something, anything, to get back in her good graces. I was really going to have to try to get The Jealous Mother Fucker under control because as much as we wanted her, Bella was not _Mine_. She was _his_ for now. I had to fucking change that and there was no way she was going to keep putting up with my shit if I kept going like this.

I pulled my phone off my nightstand and sent her a text in hopes she would reply.

"_Tell me a story?" E. _

"_MP3 Leona Lewis – Happy- Goodnight Edward. Tell me a story?" B._

"_MP3 Aerosmith- Pink- Goodnight Bella." E._

* * *

**A/N - SOOO Riley… Shocked? Surprised? Want to see who Riley is? All links for this chapter are on my profile page songs, pictures and the link to Krysti's blog for post chapter interview with Textward! Just so you know I am back on schedule chapter 10 will be the dance FINALLY huh? That will be posted next Tuesday! Reviews are love show me some love! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- Hello again my amazing readers! Thank you all so very much for all of the fantastic reviews! I was shocked at how many of you loved Riley! YEA! I want to make sure you know I read each and every one of them and they are my driving force to continue this little story! Thank so much for your support! I still can't find the words to express just how much you guys mean to me! The only way I can think of, is to keep my updates coming! **

**First and foremost I have to thank JW. She is not only one of my BFF's she is a brilliant author who I am so lucky to have in my life! If you did not get a chance to read JTO my heart breaks for you. However she continues updating her one shots and they are HOT! Its Rob lemony goodness need I say more? Please go check her out and leave her some love. www(dot) twilighted (dot) net search for penname Just_Write, "More Than Once - the JTO One Shots." JW you are not only a gifted writer but you are the QUEEN SMUTRESS. I am forever grateful that you help find the words when I simply cannot! **

**KRYSTI, what can I say that I have not said a million times before. Thank you so much bestie for being my BETA Bitch. I really don't think anyone know just how much time you put forth freely to help me! Remember people she has a RL and kids; she does this for me out of the kindness of her heart! You guys really don't understand the amount of work she does LOL. My chapters are pretty shitious when she gets them and it's only because of her you can read them! **

**I wanted to take the time to say Thank You to everyone who voted for Always & Never at the Shimmer Awards. We didn't win nor did expect to. However it was such a great honor to be nominated! Thank you again! **

**As always thank you to all my BTFF's and all my girls out there on Twitter for pimpin' out A&N. THANK YOU again to Robmusement for yet another amazing banner! I am so lucky to have you girlie! And I cannot forget my bestieeeeees Stoli, T. I heart you girls for all the love & support!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me, and he is in my office ****right now! (winks) **

* * *

**BPOV**

_Always- Angel Never-Nurse_

_Save me a dance? E. _

I looked down at my phone for the hundredth time today. I couldn't control the way my stomach did flips each and every time I read it. Edward wanted to dance with me over her. I didn't give a shit about setting expectations. This was a fact. Edward _wanted_ to dance with me and I couldn't wait to get to there.

I busied myself with making sure I had everything packed for the night. I was going to be staying at Alice's house tonight. There was no way I was going to drink that much and attempt to come home. I was very careful to make sure I packed the pajamas that Rose had picked out. Again with the PINK Victoria's Secrets attire, but it seemed to be working, so who am I to question it.

I looked at the clock. I had about fifteen minutes before everyone would be here. Alice and Rose came over earlier to help me get ready. I was careful to make sure my hair stayed in place. All I had to do was put on my wings and I would be ready to go. I gathered my things and headed down stairs.

Charlie gave me a once over and sighed. "So, that's your costume? Is there anymore to it than that," he questioned.

"Dad, of course there is. I am an angel. There are wings to go with it." I smiled innocently.

"Ummhumm," he nodded.

I knew he was not too happy but wouldn't say much more about it. I struggled to get my wings on without tangling them in my hair. Rose and Alice curled every inch of it into perfect ringlets. It took forever. I didn't want to mess it up and find myself back in the bathroom for round two.

The door bell rang, saving me from further conversation concerning my costume with Charlie. I took a deep breath and glanced at myself in the hallway mirror as I made my way to the door. I opened it and had to hold in a laugh. There stood Alice, dressed as a very naughty Snow White and Jasper was dressed as Prince Charming. He wore the tights, the frilly shirt and not to mention the hat with the huge feather in it. To complete the outfit, he had a long sword hanging from his hip.

I was about to bust out laughing so to save myself the embarrassment, I turned my eyes and noticed Rose and Emmett dressed as pirates. Rose, of course, looked amazing. She had on the cutest but smallest red pirate dress I had ever seen. Her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. She had a matching red and white striped, silk bandana wrapped around the top of her head. She was holding the rather large black pirate hat in her hand, adjusting the red bow on the side. The fishnet stockings and long black boots gave her that _edge_ that was very fitting for her. She looked amazing as always. Emmett had the whole "Jack Sparrow" thing going on with the black boots, brown pants and a white dress shirt that was opened much wider than I had seen in the movies. He had the long black jacket, Jack Sparrow's signature hat and of course, a sword of his own, to complete his ensemble.

"You all look great!" I said, finally speaking up, grinning at my friends.

"Bella, you look incredible!" Alice chimed in, as we all started hugging and chatting, greeting each other.

Charlie made his way to the door with camera in hand. I gave him a look that must've had confusion written all over it, because he shrugged and said, "This is what I am supposed to do, right? It's the parent's job to take the pictures the night of the dance."

"Yes, dad." I laughed. "You just took me by surprise, that's all."

Just then I heard a car pulling into the driveway. I turned immediately to see Riley pulling up in a white Cadillac Escalade. As he stepped out, I was stunned at just how _good _he made that devil costume look. He was wearing black slacks and a black, silk, dress shirt. The blood red vest he was wearing appeared to be some kind of crushed velvet. He wore a black and red satin cape that hung perfectly across his broad shoulders. He had somehow darkened up his goatee to fit the part and had small red devil horns on top of his head.

_My god! William Shakespeare new exactly what he was talking about when he said "The devil has the power to assume a pleasing shape." _

My smile grew larger, as if that were even possible, as he approached. I could see a smile tugging at his lips and he shyly looked over my shoulder at Charlie. This was their first meeting. However, I knew he was going to blow Charlie away with his confidence and propriety. He was always the gentleman and it was genuine. Charlie always had the ability to see through anyone's bullshit, so I was certain he would approve of Riley.

I took a few steps closer to him as he approached, closing the distance between us. I could feel all five sets of eyes burning into the back of my head, so I was careful with my greeting.

"Hey, your costume is great." I greeted him quietly. I could feel my blush, burning bright on my cheeks.

"Hello, yourself," he beamed, as he leaned down to give me a friendly hug.

As he withdrew from the embrace, he held my hand loosely and continued, "For an angel, you look absolutely sinful." He winked teasingly, as we started our walk back to the porch.

"Dad, I would like you to meet Riley," I stated, as we stood before my apprehensive father.

"Riley," He nodded and offered his hand.

"Chief Swan, it's nice to meet you. Bella was gracious enough to accompany me to the dance and I will make sure she gets home safe and sound." He smiled, as he shook my father's hand. "I want you to know that Bella will be in good hands tonight, sir."

Charlie seemed to relax some and gave him a wary smile. "Thank you, son. However, I expect those 'good hands' of yours to be kept to your self tonight." He gave him a pointed look.

I heard Emmett snort and Rose cough, making what seemed to be the most uncomfortable moment in my life thus far, even more humiliating.

_Great!_

"Dad!" I shot him a look of panic.

_How fucking embarrassing!_

He held up his hands in defense, "Ok, let's take some pictures so you kids can get to your dance in time," he said, finally changing the subject.

_Thank god!_

After taking numerous pictures, we all piled into the limousine that Rose and Alice insisted on and we were on our way to the dance.

"Shit Bambino, the Chief is fuckin' scary when he needs to be, huh?" Emmett chuckled as he toyed with his sword, pointing it directly at Riley.

"Cut your shit, Emmett." I mumbled as I swatted the sword away from our direction.

Riley squeezed my hand and laughed. "It wasn't so bad. At least he wasn't packing his gun," he joked.

I watched Rose. She was digging through her bag and pulled out two pints of liquor. One was tequila and the other one was Rum. There was no way in hell I was going to touch the tequila, so it looked like rum was going to be my poison tonight.

"Drink up, bitches!" Rose declared with a smirk, as she took a swig of the tequila and passed both bottles to Emmett.

The bottles were making their way around the group, everyone taking a drink and passing it along. I held Riley's hand during the drive and clung to the necklace Jake had given me with the other. I knew being at the dance with Riley was going to give me the confidence I needed to face Edward and Lauren tonight. But, I also desperately needed the strength that only Jacob could offer. I had seen them together over the past few days and it never seemed to get easier. I continued to struggle inwardly, but told no one just how much it killed me to see him with her.

Alice and Rose continued to praise me on how amazingly cool, clam, and collected I acted around them, never giving into the jealously I held. I forced myself to push the feelings deep down and live in the small moments of happiness that I found with my friends and Riley.

I was pulled from my thoughts as Alice yelped, "We're here!"

Riley looked over at me and smiled. "Are you ready for this?"

With a deep breath, I gave him the best attempt at a confident smile I could muster up and nodded. "Yes… yes, I think I am."

We made our way out of the limo. All of us girls inspected each other's outfits, making sure we looked perfect before heading to the line where we were supposed to get pictures taken. Standing in line, I chatted with Rose and Alice about the after-party and Emmett and Jasper were mock dueling with their swords.

_Boys will be boys, I guess?_

Emmett kept bumping into Rose and mocking Jasper about the 'size of his sword.' Rose huffed as she whipped around, glaring at them. She looked like she had just about had it with him constantly running into her.

"First off assholes, the fact that you're are playing '_sword fighters'_ makes me fucking question the both of you. And second, if you run into me again, I'm going to shove those swords so far up your ass, surgery won't even be an option. You got that?" she spat.

The horrified looks on Emmett and Jasper's faces were priceless. Riley and I were leaning on each other in effort to hold ourselves upright in fit of laughter. And even though Alice was trying to spare Jaspers feelings, she quickly turned and covered her mouth as her shoulders shook. She laughed harder than I had ever seen her laugh before.

Emmett and Jasper immediately stopped, returning their swords back to their proper place on their hips. We finally made it to the front of the line for our pictures. Each couple posed for their pictures. I stood nervously, still clutching my necklace. When it was our turn, Riley placed his hands on my hips and I let my hand drop from my necklace, for picture purposes only.

It was decided that we would all take a group picture and that is when I felt the most uncomfortable so far tonight. Jasper had his arms wrapped around Alice from behind, placing kisses along her neck. Rose and Emmett were facing each other. She had one hand draped around his neck and the other one on his chest. He was holding her around the waist with one arm while his other hand was holding her knee up to his waist. They looked like they should be on a cover of some cheesy romance novel. They were beaming at each other, lost in the moment. It was as if her telling him she was going to shove something up his ass just a few moments ago never happened.

Riley and I stood there awkwardly for a moment before he pulled me to him and whispered. "Hey, I have an idea."

He walked us up to the group and stood us beside Alice and Jasper. He took me by my shoulders and turned me slightly to the side. He chuckled at my hesitation and comforted me with his words.

"Trust me, Bella. It's going to be completely innocent." The honesty in his voice reassured me and I did trust him.

He faced me, taking his cape and slightly holding it open. "Ok, all you have to do is shake your finger at me and act like your telling me no, ok? " Instantly, I got where he was going with this. I smiled and nodded in agreement. After a few pictures were snapped, I returned to clutching onto my necklace. I prayed that it would give me the strength to make it through the night. It was show time. In just a few moments, I would be walking into the gym, unsure of what I was about to face.

Once we made our way into the gym, I quickly surveyed the crowd. I didn't see Edward anywhere. Riley placed his hand on my lower back, guiding me through the crowd to our awaiting table. We took our seats around the table, as we sized up everyone's costumes. My eyes darted around the room searching for him. Alice leaned over and whispered to me.

"He's not here yet. Just relax, Bella. You look great and everything will be fine," she smiled.

Although I felt some sense of relief, knowing that Edward was not here yet, I still dreaded seeing him walk in. I had no idea if I was going to be able to control my emotions. I was regretting the fact that I had not taken a few more drinks of that rum. I was much too nervous right now. I had to find a way to calm myself. I took a few deep breaths and sang a few bars of my song in my head.

I was not going to let this moment pass me by. I didn't put myself through all of this to let myself sit here on the sidelines, pining over Edward all night. I needed to make myself happy. I couldn't let my happiness depend solely on the hopes of Edward making good on his promise to dance with me tonight. I needed to be strong and allow myself to enjoy tonight. I deserved it just as much as anyone else here. And with that I turned my attention back to the table.

"So, are we here to dance or what?" I smirked. Everyone stood instantly and we moved to the dance floor.

It seemed like we had been dancing forever. I had danced with Riley, and both Jasper and Emmett. When the guys snuck out for a drink, the girls and I never left dance floor. When they returned, Riley decided to show us just how great of a dancer he was. He was dancing like a pro. A crowed even gathered around him. Even though I had taken all those dance classes in the past, I was no match for him, but I was proud to be his date. Finally, about an hour later, Alice, Rose and I decided our buzz was wearing off and it was time for us to sneak in a few drinks as well.

Of course, us being women, we made our great escape to the bathroom, where we could fix our hair and touch up our make up. Rose locked the door securely behind us, so we wouldn't be caught. She pulled a flask out of her purse and we all drank the semi cold rum that was in it. I was applying some lip gloss when Rose finally spoke up.

"Ok Bella, you know Edward will be showing up any minute. Are you sure you're ready for this?" She raised her eyebrows at me, looking at me in the mirror.

"Pretty sure," I nodded.

I mean how much more coaching could I take? If I didn't have it down by now, I was never going to have it. She snapped her compact shut and turned to face me.

"Let's face it Bella, you look fuckin' hot tonight and Edward loves the chase. Are you _sure_ you can handle this?" Her tone was firmer this time.

"I know the drill, Rose. Act nonchalant. Make sure my attention is focused on Riley, not on Edward. Show him I don't need _him_ to be happy. I got it… see?" I sighed.

"There is more to it than that, Bella. I want you to _really_ be happy. Not just putting on a facade for Edward. Riley is great and this is about your happiness too. I have seen you actually be happy when you're around him. This is to show Edward that he fucked up. This is your time to shine. Do you understand?" Even though her voice was firm, I could see the concern in her eyes.

"I know Rose, and I am …I am trying to be happy. And I do like Riley but he will never be Edward. H-He just can't _replace_ Edward. I do have fun hanging out with Riley and he is great. He makes me feel comfortable and even happy sometimes. I hate that I feel that if I do decide to date him, that I would be settling…settling for second place, Rose. Do_ you_ _understand_ that?" My voice was quite and I couldn't even make eye contact with her during my confession. I knew she would see me as weak and I did the only thing I could do. I grasped my necklace for dear life.

"Bella," Alice's voice broke the silence. I looked up meeting her sad eyes.

"Bella, I'm so sorry you feel like that. But I have to be honest with you, as your friend." She took a deep breath. "Edward is my brother, my _twin_ brother, and I can admit that he can be a complete ass at times. And I think this…this is one of those times. I just don't want you waiting for first place Bella… when there might not a first place waiting for you." Her lips pursed and I could see the tears starting to fill her eyes.

No, there were not going to be any tears tonight. I was not going to have it. They were right. Riley was great. I knew I had said too much. Was I over Edward? No, not by long shot. However, he was with Lauren tonight and I was going to be with Riley and my friends. That was all there was too it. I was not going to let this night be ruined over my inability to get over Edward Cullen.

"Ok, that's enough of that shit," I smiled, pulling Alice to hug me and Rose joined in as well. "I have you girls to help me get through this and I need you to believe in me. I will be honest, I am not over Edward, but I am not going to let this ruin our night, ok?" I gave them both a hopeful look.

"Ok, I believe in you, Bella," Rose said.

"Me too!" Alice was shaking her head in agreement as she took another drink.

"Here, drink up, you might need some liquid courage tonight," Rose laughed.

After we each took one last drink, Alice handed each of us a piece of gum and we headed back out to the dance.

We made our way back to the table where the guys had cokes waiting for us. Riley took my hand as I sat down. He leaned in, kissing me on my forehead.

"You ok, sweetheart? You were gone for a long time. I was kind of worried you were going to leave me here," he teased.

"I'm more than fine." I gave him a reassuring smile." We're girls. We are supposed to take forever in the bathroom, right?" I teased back. And just like that, everything was comfortable again.

"Would you like to dance?" Riley asked me, holding out his hand. I smiled bright and nodded. We took the dance floor. It was a slow song and he guided me around the dance floor with easy. We laughed at some of the costumes we saw and chatted freely. It was about half way through the song when I felt it. Even though my back was facing the door I knew it. I could feel his presence. Edward was here. My eyes darted frantically around the room. When I finally found Rose's eyes, I knew I was right.

Rose's worried eyes moved from mine toward the door. It took everything in me not to turn and look. I continued dancing with Riley and tried desperately to hide my nerves. Finally…finally, the song was ending and I let my hand drop from his shoulder. He smiled and thanked me for the dance as we headed off the dance floor hand in hand.

I couldn't help myself, I had to look. I looked slightly to my left and saw Edward standing there with Lauren hanging on his arm. They had barely made it through the door before Jessica and Mike were in front of them. I took my seat and thanked god that I had picked one of the chairs that faced the door. He looked gorgeous. He was wearing a black suit, with a white lab coat over it. The lab coat was casually left open, just like his father usually wore his. Hanging around his neck, was a stethoscope and he had a name tag of some sort hanging from the pocket of the white coat.

His hair was in perfect disarray tonight. I could tell by the darker bronze color that he must have used some sort of gel or other hair product. He had not shaved tonight. I could see the soft hairs on his face reflecting in the light. He was flashing that lopsided smirk of his that made you melt, as he walked confidently through the room, pausing to talk to random classmates.

Edward has _something_ about him, that _something_ that just commands attention. All eyes were on him, especially mine. My god, I couldn't even force my eyes away. I was watching his every move. I could tell when he was ready to move on to the next group of people because he would run his hand through his hair or tug at this bottom lip with his fingers. And even from here, from across the room, when the light hit his eyes just right, it set the brilliant green ablaze. It took my breath away.

_I was so totally screwed_.

Suddenly, Edward headed straight for our table. I pulled my eyes away and quickly turned to Rose. My eyes begging for a distraction. She complied quickly.

"Don't look now, but I think fucking Jessica Stanley is coming this way," she rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"The bitch has balls," Jasper muttered.

Thank god for Rose. When she talked everyone listened. The whole table grumbled as they saw her quickly approaching.

"She better not even think of coming to my house for the party," Alice spoke up.

Emmett laughed, "Don't worry Ali, if she shows up, she will regret it." He winked at Alice and placed his arm around Roses shoulders.

"Hey man, glad you finally made it!" I turned to the direction of Riley's voice.

"What's up guys? Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?" Edward nodded in the direction of the guys. I guess this was his way of greeting them. Edward and Lauren took the seats directly across from Riley and me. He never even bothered to look at me.

_Great!_

I noticed that Lauren was sitting there silently at the table. No one even greeted her. As much as I hated to admit it, I felt bad for her. Everyone starting chatting about the party but I was sitting here staring at her. I could tell by the look on her face, she was uncomfortable. She kept her head down as she fiddled with the napkin in front of her.

"Hello, Lauren." I finally said.

Everyone at the table turned to me immediately. I could feel Edwards's eyes on me but I didn't dare move mine from her. She slowly lifted her head and gave me a wary smile.

"Hello, Bella. You look really pretty tonight."

_Why, thank you, and you…you look like a slut. _

I kind of felt like an asshole for thinking it, but she was still one of them. She was not one of us. Those bitches tormented me daily out of jealously and petty shit. Of course I was going to have animosity because of it and now she was here with Edward? I am a nice person, but don't push your luck, Lauren. I was not in the mood for charity. I was simply being polite.

"Thank you," I smiled. That was the best I could offer her.

As I turned away from her, my eyes were pulled towards Edwards. We froze, our eyes locked with each others. I tried to read into the look of confusion on his face. Why would he be so shocked? Was I not always polite? Did he except me to be some over dramatic jealous girl that was going to act immature and rude all night? Sorry, Edward. That is not me. Not tonight. Not ever again.

I pulled my eyes from his first. I was not going to let him get the best of me tonight. I knew if I held his stare much longer, my eyes would give me away. I turned to Riley and asked him if he was ready to head back out to the dance floor.

"Are you asking me to dance?" He chuckled.

"Of course, that is what we are here for, right?" He pulled me from my seat. Just as we were getting read to walk away Jessica made it to our table.

"Hey, Lauren. Hello guys!" She yelled over the music.

Rose narrowed her eyes at her and leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table, clasping her hands together.

"What the fuck are you supposed to be?" Rose shot at her, looking at her in disgust.

It was a fair question. She was wearing some kind of half bra, half shirt looking _thing_, that had "Barbie" embroidered on the pocket. She also had on a very short plaid skirt, with long white socks and back shoes that completed her outfit.

"Um...School girl Barbie," she said quietly.

Rose started laughing so hard, she threw her head back and clapped. Emmett just shook his head in disgust. I smirked at what an idiot she looked like. You know the saying 'what goes around comes around'? It looks like it was finally coming around for Jessica tonight.

"Come on Bella, lets get out of here," Riley said while pulling me to the dance floor.

It was nice to finally get away from the table. For the first time since Edward walked in, I felt like I could breathe again. Riley was so wonderful at making me feel at ease with everything. We danced and joked about the whole "School girl Barbie" costume. Riley made me laugh when he asked me why her skin was so 'orange'. I explained how she must have used some sort of spray tan and we wondered how long she was going to look like that.

After a few songs, we ran into Angela and Ben out on the dance floor, giving us a chance to chat with them. They walked back to our table with us, to say hello to everyone else. I noticed Edward was gone before we had even reached the table. Lauren was a few tables down talking to Tanya but Edward was no where in sight.

I bit my bottom lip nervously, tugging on my necklace. My eyes were urgently scanning the room for Edward. I don't know why I suddenly felt so desperate to find him but I had this sinking feeling that something was just _off_. Suddenly, through the crowd I saw him. Well, I saw his hair first. There was no mistaking that. The bronze disheveled hair practically shimmered from the lights on the dance floor. He was coming this way. I turned my body slightly back to the table. I needed to get my emotions under control. I reminded myself that I needed to stay calm and focused around him.

I tried to center my attention on the conversation around the table, really I did. But I couldn't. I couldn't think of anything other than Edward was on his way over. Why was I suddenly so _aware_ of his presence? As if I had totally lost control of my body, my head impulsively turned back to Edward's direction. He was much closer, only a few steps away when our eyes met. His eyes were intense and determined, causing my heart to spring to life, pounding rapidly in my chest. Something was definitely _off._

Our eyes were locked as he made his final advance closing the distance between us. I was so lost in his, I couldn't even tell you what mine were saying in return. Without even realizing it, I unclasped my hand from Riley's and I turned to face him.

"Bella." His voice was thick and calm, as the tip of his tongue slowly traced his bottom lip.

"Edward, a-are you ok?" I questioned, unsure of just how shaky my voice was.

He flashed me my favorite lopsided grin and spoke softly.

"Everything is perfect, Bella. Would you like to dance?" He asked holding his hand out to me.

All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was being led back away from Edward. I only moved about two steps before my back met Riley's chest. He was speaking to Edward but Edward's eyes never veered from mine.

"So, you want to dance with my date, huh?" Riley teased. I could literally feel everyone's eyes on us as he spoke.

"I do." Edward retorted, never moving his eyes from mine.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't make out what anyone was saying, their words sounding jumbled. I couldn't move. It was like I was paralyzed in this moment, unsure of what was going to happen next. I was lost in Edward's eyes but they were darkened with _something_ I couldn't make out. It was like someone else had entered Edwards's body. I could feel it. I could feel it the pit of my stomach. It felt like I had been here before, in this moment, like DejaVu, but I couldn't place it for some reason.

"Bella, did you hear me? Go dance, sweetie," Riley's voice broke through the dream like state I was in and grounded me once again.

I clasped Jacob's ring tightly. Edward's eyes shot quickly to my necklace, looking at it quizzically. I extended my other hand to Edward.

"Umm…of course…yes…let's dance." I struggled to find my words and pull myself together.

Edward took my hand and muttered a "thanks" in Riley's direction. As we made our way to the dance floor, Aerosmith's "Angel" started playing. I turned instantly in Edwards's direction and I couldn't help the smile that was stretched wide across my face.

"Did you have something to do with this?" I asked, as he pulled me to him, sliding his hand around my waist then placing it on my lower back. He moved his other hand up and laced his fingers with mine, smirking the whole time.

"I might have," he shrugged.

I wanted to say something but I really didn't know what to say. If I were to tell him just what I thought of him requesting this song, I would be giving away too much. I feared that I would say the wrong thing and expose my feelings for him that I had worked so hard to conceal.

So, I said nothing. I allowed myself to just dance with him. I relaxed into his arms and he pulled me close. I rested my head on his chest. Edward led us around the dance floor at a slow pace. I enjoyed being in his arms and breathing in his scent. He smelled just as I had imagined he would, _soap, cologne, cinnamon_ _and a hint of smoke_. I inhaled deeply basking in all that was Edward.

"You look beautiful tonight." Edward spoke softly into my hair.

I was taken back by his sudden compliment. I pulled back slightly to gauge the look in his eyes. And I was greeted by his amazing smile.

"Thank you," I grinned, unable to control my reaction. I knew I was blushing. I could feel the heat on my face. Only Edward could cause such a reaction.

"You're blushing," he chuckled and he slightly tightened his grip on my lower back.

My breathing caught softly as he did this. Once again, my body betrayed me in his presence. I knew Edward heard it. He tilted his head slightly and his eyes flashed with _something_ I couldn't make out and I didn't keep contact long enough to decipher it. I turned my eyes quickly to the couples dancing around us in attempt to calm myself. I felt my pulse increasing. I listened for the words of the song so I could gauge just how much longer I had to keep up this impossible façade. It was just too hard being this close to him, in his arms, touching him, smelling him, and feeling him. I just couldn't… I just couldn't control myself in this kind of proximity.

"Bella, what's wrong," he asked. "You're heart is racing."

His voice held some kind of… _eagerness_ to it. It confused me. It was not like Edward. Not like him at all. He was always so concerned, so protective, so _brotherly_…No, something was not right here.

I knew he would be able to tell something was wrong, but I couldn't control it. My body stiffened further as the song finally came to the end. I finally found the strength to meet Edward's gaze. All I had to do was thank him for the dance, make my way back to the table and pray that I didn't give away too much.

"Nothing is wrong. I guess I just over did it tonight with the rum and all the dancing." I lied. "Thank you for the dance, E." I gave him the best smile I could conjure up, considering the state I was in.

_Nice save Bella! Or so I thought. _

Edward didn't release me. Instead, I felt his hold tighten, pulling me back to his chest, captivating me with his intense eyes.

"Where are you going, Bella?" he murmured. "Doesn't being your best friend earn me more than one measly dance?" He questioned. His eyes searched my face for some sort of response.

I was so enthralled with the soft way Edward was speaking to me and so entirely lost in his eyes, it took a minute for everything to register. Suddenly, it became clear. We were dancing, but we were dancing away from the crowd, not with them. We were on the other side of the gym. It took me a minute to gather my bearings. Then it all came crashing into me at once. The song "Closer" by Kings of Leon. Edward and I dancing. Our bodies close. Moving together in sequence. The darkness sounding us.

_Oh my god! _

This dancewas just like _that_ night on the beach! I drew in a large breath, trying to find some composure. Unsure of what to say, I didn't know if all this was registering with Edward as well. The only thought screaming through my head was 'escape'. I needed to find my way out of this and fast. I was scared, scared of what feelings this situation was going to invoke, scared of my lack of self control, scared of exposure. Everything in my body was telling me stay, so I knew I had to run.

"Edward," my voice was small, much smaller than I intended.

"Yes, Bella?" He whispered.

I looked up, my eyes meeting his. I was taken back by his emerald eyes that were focused right on mine. I suddenly lost all concentration.

Edward's eyes darkened and we stopped dancing all together. We never let each other go though. We were just standing there, holding each other, searching each others faces for _something_. Then we were moving. Edward slowly started backing me towards the dark corner of the gym. My heart was racing and I'm pretty sure my breathing was shaky, as I held his stare. We stopped as if we had reached our destination. We were completely out of the light now, on the side of the bleaches, near the exit door that lead to the locker rooms. Finally, I found the courage to speak. I needed to know what was going on here.

"Um…" I started, not sure what to say next. But he didn't give me the chance to recover.

"So, Bella," he murmured in my ear. He continued to slowly move me back until my back was pressed up against the gym wall.

"Are you enjoying your date," he continued.

His hot breath was making me shiver. I was getting lost in the sensation of him being pressed up against me and his smell was consuming me in the confined area. I struggled to find the words he was waiting for.

"Um… yes the dance is…um great and Riley… he is great too." I could hardly form a sentence. I was never that good at lying to begin with, but now... now I was weak. My body was begging me to give into him. I had lost full control of my breathing and my heart rate was so high, I could literally feel my blood pumping through my veins.

"That's interesting, Bella," he said, as leaned in closer, dragging his nose slowly across my neck. I bit down on my bottom lip, fighting back the whimper that threatened to escape.

"Bella, you can dress up as someone you're not," he continued. I felt his hand drop to my thigh, his fingers lingering at the hem of my dress, brushing lightly against my skin. My body shuddered when our skin made contact.

"Fuck Bella, your bodies fucking trembling," he whispered into my neck. I could feel his hot breath move up my neck to my ear.

"You can show up with someone new. You can try to be someone else. You can lie to me. Bella, you can stand there and look me in the eye and lie to my face. Every time we talk anymore, I feel like you're telling lies and I fucking hate it."

He gently slid his hand up between my thighs. I knew this was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to stop him. I was frozen, my back pressed tightly up against the wall. We were concealed by the bleachers, out of sight from everyone at the dance. My body was reacting to him. I had absolutely no control over it. I was so wet already. I knew if he moved up much further, he would feel it.

"But you know what, Bella? Your body can't lie to me. And it's telling me what you want. It's telling me you want the same fucking thing I do. The thing we don't talk about."

Suddenly, Edward's hand was pressed firmly on my hot, wet center. The thin material of my g-string was the only barrier between us. Edward's touch was causing every repressed emotion inside me to resurface. I gasped, as my body instinctively pushed into his touch.

Edward's mouth was at my ear. His breathing was just as jagged as mine. His lips were ghosting along my earlobe. I could feel a smile spread across his face, in response to my reaction.

"Stop lying to me, Bella," he whispered.

_Fuck me. I wanted him._

My eyes flew open at the sound of the whimper that escaped me. That is when I saw them. Alice, Rose and Riley were walking in our direction. They had not spotted us just yet. I instantly knew I had to do something to stop this. My mind was drawing a complete blank so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Riley!" It shot out of my mouth loud and frantic.

Edward's body recoiled from mine at once. "Excuse me?" He seethed. His voice was venomous, and frankly it scared me.

I adjusted my dress and smoothed my hair struggling to catch my breath. I caught a glimpse of Edwards's eyes as his head turned slowly and purposefully in their direction. I swear I heard him growl.

"Alice !" I yelled exposing us at once. Edward's head whipped in my direction, his eyes giving away the shock and disgust he possessed.

"Bella, we have been looking all over for you!" Alice yelled over the music as she came closer.

"Sorry, Edward and I were just here talking."

Alice shot me a look of confusion. Rose looked at Edward then to me and rolled her eyes. I knew I was busted. Thankful Riley reached his hand out to me and broke the eerie silence.

"Come on sweetheart, we are going to head back to Cullen's house now. So we can help Alice get things set up," he smiled.

My heart sank. I felt terrible. I felt bad for Edward because I knew whatever he had started we were not going to finish. And I felt worse for Riley, because all I wanted to do was stay with Edward and find out what was going on with him.

In the end though, my head beat out my heart and I took Riley's hand. With one hand attached to Riley and the other attached to my necklace, I somehow found the strength to pull myself away from Edward. I turned around to ask Edward if he was going to go with us, but all I caught was his back as he pushed his way through the exit door.

***

We left the dance together, in the limo. The guys were having a great time talking and laughing. While I on the other hand stayed quiet and distant. I could feel Rose's eyes shooting daggers in my direction. I never looked up to face her though. I silently thanked god that Riley lived far enough away that he drove his own car to my house to meet us for the dance. Once we reached my house, I hopped out of the limo, so I could ride to Alice's house with him.

Driving with him really helped me a lot. I felt like it pulled me out of my dream state and back amongst the living. We helped Alice get things set up for the party. The guys pulled out chairs and got the music set up while the girls and I busied ourselves in the kitchen, setting out chips, dips and drinks. There was enough liquor here for ten parties.

Finally, everyone started arriving and I was on my third rum and coke. The liquor had relaxed me and I was finally feeling back to normal. I knew I was going to have to talk to Alice and Rose about what had happened at the dance sooner or later. I decided to pull them aside, promising to talk to them about it when Riley was not around. This seemed sufficient enough for them, for the time being.

The party had been going on for a few hours now. I stuck close by Riley the whole time. Because lord knows, I could obviously not be trusted around Edward. It was fine for me, we were laughing and playing beer pong with Emmett and Rose. Even though I was enjoying myself again, and even though I was laughing and talking, acting like nothing had happened, I couldn't get Edward off of my mind.

_Where the fuck was he? _

I ran into Lauren and Tanya in the back yard at one point, as I retrieved more beers from the ice chest. I took a quick look around and Edward was no where in sight. He was not in the kitchen or the living room. I had been watching for him like a hawk. I needed to talk to him. He obviously called me out and he knew something was going on. I didn't want him to find out from anyone other than myself. If Edward was going to find out anything he had to hear it from me.

"I can't believe she fucking showed up!" Rose shrieked looking at the front door.

My eyes darted to the door and in walked Jessica and Mike. I shook my head knowing that Jessica was in for one hell of a night. Rose and Alice specifically said Jessica was not to come to the party. I saw Emmett and Alice leading Rose out back. She was pissed.

"Hey, we should go check on Rose." I whispered to Riley, not wanting to cause a scene.

"You're right. Let me get Jasper. I'll be right back," he smiled down at me.

I waited nervously for him and Jasper to return. I even contemplated going out back alone, but I didn't want to chance running into Edward, not with all these people around. I had to get him alone later so we could finally talk all this shit out.

I could hear Jessica and Lauren talking amongst themselves and I couldn't help but listen.

"So, where is your date?" Jessica questioned her.

"He's around here some where," Lauren said, her tone flat.

I moved closer to the kitchen so I could hear them better. It's not like I really gave a shit what else they were talking about. I just had to know where I could find Edward.

"Last thing he told me was that he needed to change. He was heading up to his room and that was the last I saw of him. He never came back down," Lauren finished.

_Bingo__. Thank you, Lauren. _

Now, I just had to figure out how to make my own disappearance.

"Come on B, lets go stop Rose from making prison shanks out back," Jasper laughed as he pulled me to the back door.

All of us were gathered around the back yard, far away from the house. Rose was still furious about Jessica showing up here. Alice was freaking out about how last time Jessica got so drunk she threw up all over the bathroom and passed out on the kitchen floor. Even though they forced Mike and Lauren to clean up and get her the hell out of the house, she had been told to never come back.

"I bet fucking Edward told Lauren her friends could come!" Rose yelled. "You fucking wait 'til I get my hands on him," she said firmly, clenching her fists.

"Babe, calm down. I have the perfect plan!" Emmett grinned.

"Really? Lets hear it?" Rose gave him a questioning eyebrow.

Emmett wrapped his arm around her shoulder and cleared his throat like he was about to give some sort of heroic speech.

"I say let the bitch stay," he grinned. Rose pulled away from him swiftly punching his arm.

"_Great_ fucking idea babe!" She shrieked.

Emmett pulled her to him, wrapping his huge arms around her and kissed her on the nose.

"Let me finish _babe,_" he chuckled.

"Let her stay for a while. You know to give us time." He grinned wickedly.

"Give us time for what?" Alice questioned.

"Time to fuck up her car. I say we tepee it _then_ kick her ass out!" His voice boomed

Riley and I looked at each other like we just hit the lottery. I couldn't hold back the laughter that escaped me.

"It's like a dream come true." I giggled. Riley nodded, unable to respond from laughing so hard. Because really, being able to get back at any of those bitches was something I dreamed of.

"I've got some shoe polish!" Alice squeaked

"I'll get the condoms." Riley laughed.

"Condoms?" I questioned.

"Yes Bella, condoms. You blow them up and tape them all over her car." He chuckled as if this was something I should've known about.

"Sorry, I'm not a _professional_ at this like you are," I teased back, winking at him.

We all went our separate ways to find the items we were told to get. The plan was to meet out front. I put myself in charge of the toilet paper. I knew Esme kept it in the hallway closet upstairs. I knew this was my only chance to sneak away long enough to tell Edward I needed to talk to him later…_alone_.

I was stopped by a few classmates who needed to know where to find more cups in the kitchen. I helped them out first before making my way to the stairs. My heart was racing and I was probably more nervous about having this talk with Edward then anything else in my life. But I had to say something, right? I had to know what _happened_ to us out there on the dance floor. I finally found the courage and started up the stairs.

I finally made it down the hallway but I froze in my tracks as I saw Riley and Edward in his bedroom door way. Riley was all smiles, _of course, _but Edward looked like he was going to be sick. His hair was tousled in such a way that I knew he had been running his hands through it over and over again. He changed into jeans that hung loosely on his hips. He was still wearing the white button up shirt and tie that went with his suit. A few buttons on his shirt were undone and I could only guess that Riley had interrupted him while he was changing.

My eyes moved to see what Edward was holding his hands, _a box of condoms_. My face flushed immediately. I focused my eyes on Riley and made my presence known.

"Hey, did you get them?" I asked trying to sound casual.

Riley turned and smiled at me. "Sure did. I knew Cullen would be the man to see for them."

Edwards hold on the box turned into a death grip, making me wonder why he didn't want to part with them.

_Oh yeah...Lauren._

I suddenly felt sick and needed to get away.

"So you got them, now lets go." I told Riley

Edward shoved the box of condoms at Riley and slowly turned in my direction. Looking at me through hooded eyes, hurt, confusion and irritation flashed through his eyes before he fisted both hands in his hair.

"You got what you came here for," he said, before stepping back into his room.

Riley and I looked at each other confused but I knew I had to brush it off. I couldn't talk to Edward now, it would have to wait until later. So I just smiled at Riley and shrugged.

"Let's go." I said quietly

"Yes, lets go make your dreams come true." He laughed, as we turned down the hall. The last thing I heard was Edwards's door slam shut.

**EPOV**

I needed two things. I needed a drink and to be left the fuck alone. My room was the only place in the whole damn house that I could think. My room was my safe haven. I was pissed and I needed to sort some shit out.

_What the fuck was I thinking?_

Oh that's right, _I _was not thinking. The Jealous Mother Fucker was. I tried …I really fucking tired to take every precaution to keep him at bay for the dance. Bella had only been back in my life for two fucking days but she was tormenting me to no end. First, with the whole fucking 'Riley' situation, I was still trying to figure that shit out. Then she was wearing that PINK shit all the time. It felt like it was never going to end.

Before the dance, I knew what I had to do. I pulled up the picture Bella sent me of her in the costume, the one that had my dick jumping for joy. If seeing her in a picture caused such a reaction, I could only imagine what The Jealous Mother Fucker would do in person. I stripped down and headed for the shower.

I made sure I took all the proper precautions, _twice._ The Jealous Mother Fucker just couldn't get the thought of Bella, in costume, in the fucking gym, so fucking close to that locker room, out of his head. I had to push this shit out of my head. It was time to pick up Lauren.

On my way to her house, I fucking took a detour. I needed some extra time to clear my head. I finally picked her up, feeling kind of like a dick that I was forty five minutes late. But this was a must, I had to make sure that The Jealous Mother Fucker was not going to make a scene at the dance.

_Obviously, I was fucking wrong. _

The moment I saw Bella with Riley I lost total fucking control. Seeing her with him in her Angel costume was fucking torturous. _Mine._ That was all it took. One fuckin' look at her and him, hand and hand, and all my efforts were dismantled.

Shaking the visions of her and him from my head, I started to change. I took off my slacks and loosened my tie. I pulled on a pair of jeans and decided I needed a fucking drink and a cigarette. I grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels and my smokes and headed out to my balcony. I lit my cigarette, taking a long drag before I opened up the bottle and took a long swig, burning my fucking throat. I didn't give a shit. I needed it.

I was thinking about my dance with Bella and how well she hid her emotions at first. But when provoked, her body betrayed her. And The Jealous Mother Fucker rejoiced. The knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts. I took one last drag of my cigarette before snuffing it out in the ashtray. I pulled the bottle back to my lips for one last long drink.

_Fuck, I drank too much tonight. _

"Cullen, hurry up. I need something from you." I heard Riley's fucking voice at my door.

_And I need someone from you, said The Jealous Mother Fucker, wickedly_.

I pulled my door open. He stood there, all fucking smiling and giddy.

_What the fuck?_

"Hey bro, do you have any condoms?" he asked.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me?!_

"No," I spat.

"Bullshit dude! I know _you_, if anyone, has a shit load of them. There is no way you are getting that much ass without wrapping your shit up," he chuckled. "Stop holding out on me man, I only need a few"

The Jealous Mother Fucker was freaking the fuck out. _Mine_! He growled my fists clenched and my jaw locked. _Who the fuck_ did he think he was? Was he trying to get in Bella's pants? I wanted to fucking kill him. The Jealous Mother Fucker was seeing red. And Riley was appropriately dressed like the devil, because I was going to send that mother fucker to the deepest pits of hell, where he fucking belonged.

_Mine._

"Dude, why are you making such a big deal over this?" he questioned.

Riley then had the balls to try to enter my room. I stopped him. I told him to hold the fuck on and grabbed the box of condoms out of my nightstand drawer. Fine the fucker could have the condoms but he was _never_ going to fucking get the chance to use them. I was pretty fucking sure that Bella didn't know what his little plan was for this evening, but _I _was going to stop it.

I had to get to her. _Mine._ I had to warn her. I had to expose him for the fucking asshole he was. It was my job to protect Bella and was not going to fucking fail her. _Mine_.

I made my way back to the door. I was just about the hand over the box, when I heard Bella's voice.

"Hey, did you get them?" she asked

_What. The. Fuck. She knew?!_

"Sure did. I knew Cullen would be the man to see for them." Riley responded.

Now…Now I fucking _regretted _getting the box. Why didn't I just say no? Why didn't I just fucking punch him in the face when he asked? I fisted the box so tightly trying to reign in my rage in front of Bella.

"So, you got them, now let's go," she told Riley

I fucking shoved the box into the mother fucker's hands. I was fucking disgusted. I slowly turned to Bella trying to convey with my eyes something to her, anything that would let her know she was fucking killing me with this decision. The Jealous Mother Fucker pushed through, forcing back my emotions. I fisted my hands in my hair in frustration. This was too fucking much. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get away from her before The Jealous Mother Fucker did something rash.

"You got what you came here for," I said furiously and stepped back into my room.

I shamelessly left my door ajar so I could eavesdrop on their conversation. Maybe just by some fucking miracle, _maybe_ I was wrong.

"Let's go," she said to him quietly.

"Yes, let's go make your dreams come true." He laughed

The Jealous Mother Fucker slammed the door with all of his might.

_Maybe not. _

I immediately grabbed the bottle and drank until it burned. I don't think I ever drank that much Jack in my life. But I was fucking miserable and didn't know what the fuck else to do.

_STOP HER!_ The Jealous Mother Fucker roared.

Could I though? Could I stop her from having sex with him? I had already cockblocked her once before. And even though it was technically my dick that I stopped, she was pretty fucking mad at me for a long ass time.

I stood there debating this for a few more minutes before I decide.

_Fuck it._

I was going to go to Bella and just fucking tell her. Tell her I know how her body was reacting to me during the dance. I was going to tell her that I knew it was all act. Her pretending like I had no affect on her was bullshit. I was going to tell her even though I had fucked up before, I was now begging for a second chance. I had to lay it out on the line for her, for us.

I pulled off my shirt and tie and tugged on a long sleeved T shirt. I was fucking scared shitless that I was actually going to do this, but this was the only way. I had to stop her but I had to make it right. I had to at least offer myself to her. I was still fucked up as far as emotions went but maybe she would be willing to put up with my shit while I tried to work through it with her.

I ran down the stairs and started frantically searching the party for her. First the living room, no Bella. Then I scanned the kitchen, no Bella. I finally made my way to the back yard, no fucking Bella. I was beyond fucking angry.

_Where the fuck was she?_

"Edward!" I heard Lauren yelling my name.

_Fuck! _

"What?" I asked

"Where have you been? I have not seen you all night?" She whined.

"Busy," I retorted.

"Have you seen Bella?" I asked her, my eyes never meeting hers. I was too busy looking for Bella.

"Yes, just a few minutes ago. She and Riley said they were leaving, why?" she asked

"Bullshit!" I yelled at her, moving through the living room to Ben and Angela. They would know where Bella was.

"Hey, have you guys seen Bella?" I asked nervously because if Lauren was right, I was fucked.

"Yeah, she and Riley just left. Why, what's up? Maybe you can get her on her cell?" Angela asked.

I felt fucking sick. I couldn't even fucking form a sentence. I just nodded and left them standing there.

I needed to get the fuck out of here. I was in no fucking mood to party. The Jealous Mother Fucker was in total control and all he wanted to do was get in the car and chase her down. That was not an option. Clearly, Bella had made her choice tonight. And I was the fucking asshole who gave him the fucking condoms.

In my rush to get to my room, Lauren chased after me, finally catching me at the stairs.

"Edward! Are you ok?" Her eyes searched mine.

"No," I said pushing past her.

"Where are you going?" She yelled to me.

"My room," was all I could say.

I went straight to my balcony and sucked down three cigarettes. That didn't help. Nothing was going to calm the rage I was feeling. I was beyond upset, beyond mad, beyond jealous. I was fucking devastated. Maybe Bella and I were never meant to fucking talk about this. Every fucking time something or someone got in the way. I slowly made my way back into my room, pulling the bottle off the nightstand. I flopped myself down on my couch.

I sat that for a long ass time, slowly drinking my way through the bottle I held. I was fucking drunk. I was feeling like shit and I was fucking lonely. I had been lonely for so long now. But tonight…tonight was different. Knowing Bella was out somewhere, doing god knows what, with Riley was just overwhelming.

"Hey, Edward, can I come in?" I heard Lauren's voice at my door.

_Fuck my life. I couldn't even handle this right now. _

I sat there silent. Hoping she would just go the fuck away.

"Edward? I know you're in there. Are you ok?" She asked again.

_Fuck!_

"Come in," I yelled.

My door slowly opened.

I said nothing. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair, leaning my head back.

"Is it ok that I am in here?" She asked.

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself before answering.

"It's fine."

"Edward, do you want to talk about it?" She asked, taking a seat next to me.

"No."

"I know how you feel, Edward. Remember I am kind of going through the same thing with Tyler."

I nodded once.

But she didn't know. She didn't fucking know shit. She didn't know what just happened. She thought I was mad about Bella having a date with another fucking guy. She didn't know what I knew. My Bella was going to have sex for the first time tonight. My Bella was fucking going to give her virginity to fucking Riley! It practically fucking killed me to stop that night, but I did. I did it for her. I fucking tried to protect her, protect her virtue and she fucking goes and throws it away?

I closed my eyes and got comfortable reclining back into the couch. I had to calm the fuck down. The Jealous Mother Fucker was pissed and vengeful. I sat there, my thoughts only on Bella. How did this happen? At the dance when her tiny body was fucking pressed tightly between me and the wall, I could fucking _feel_ it. She wanted me. That's the reason The Jealous Mother Fucker continued. I could fucking feel her body vibrating to my touch. I could hear her panting into my chest. Fuck, I felt her, she was fucking _wet_. I summoned those reactions from her body. Not him. _Mine._ I could feel my dick stiffening at the thought of her.

I fucking jumped when I felt a hand on my leg.

"Fuck, Lauren you scared the shit out of me." I had totally forgot she was sitting here.

_Wow, I was fucking drunk._

"Edward," she said all breathily and shit as her hand slid up my leg and palmed my dick.

_Not this fucking shit again._

I was not in the fucking mood to deal with this tonight. I grabbed her hand and pushed it away.

"Stop it."

"I bet she is not saying 'stop it' to Riley right now," she spat at me.

_Fucking bitch. _

She was probably fucking right but what the fuck was wrong her? She needed to get fucked that bad that she would go there? I didn't even have the fucking energy to fight back.

"I don't have any condoms anyway." Saying it made me fucking sick. I had not even fucked Lauren and I was not going to start tonight so this seemed like an easy out.

"You don't need one, Edward," she said.

_The_ _fuck I don't!_

I shook my head "I don't fuck without one, Lauren. So drop it already"

But she didn't. Lauren moved off the couch and sat right between my fucking legs.

_Oh, that's what was on her mind._

The Jealous Mother Fucker grinned "_fuck it"_ he said. If Bella was fucking doing whatever the fuck she wants, why shouldn't I?

She looked up at me, her mischievous eyes shining up at me in hope?

"Fine," was all I said.

I was either too drunk or too shocked to stop her. The Jealous Mother Fucker was ecstatic. _He was a vengeful fucker._

She wasted no fucking time. She slid down the zipper on my jeans and fished out my dick with her hand. I was not even hard. I fucking just sat there, knowing how this was going to go down, and it was not going to be good. There was no way I was getting hard tonight. But here I was, sitting on my fucking couch, drunk and fucking depressed with Lauren fucking Mallory holding my fucking dick.

Lauren was looking down at my dick with no clear expression on her face. I assumed she has seen many dicks in her day and mine wasn't much different. This was going down hill fast. All this shit everyone talked about her and she didn't even know what the fuck to do with it. I was not in the mood to be her fucking instructor.

As she looked at me with a little nervousness in her eyes, she took my dick into her right hand and slowly slid down to her knees, never breaking the stare. I swallowed thickly, hoping I wouldn't fucking embarrass myself. I was pretty fucking sure there was no way this was going to happen tonight.

Lauren suddenly was not into wasting time. She lowered her mouth over my dick, swirling her tongue around the tip while keeping her hand moving up and down the base. I was fucking upset but I was still a fucking guy with his dick in chick's mouth. I groaned and laid my head back.

Lauren became bolder, bobbing her head up and down, keeping her hand manipulations at pace with her mouth. I was still not fucking fully hard. I was fucking done with this already, this was not going to happen.

"Lauren, you need to stop" I said, but she didn't fucking listen to me. She kept on going.

She pulled my dick out of her mouth and began moving her tongue up and down the shaft, asking me what was wrong?

_You fucking disgust me._

That didn't seem like an appropriate response, so I tried another.

"I'm too fucking drunk. C'mon, you have stop now."

Even that was a fucking lie. For the fucking first time in my life, my heart was controlling my dick instead of my dick controlling me.

She was not fucking listening to me. Her tongue was moving back up my shaft and over the head of my dick, slowly tonguing the head in a circular motion.

I sat up. I was going to have to pry her locked jaw off my semi hard dick.

"Lauren, this is not working, you have to stop," I said, placing my hands on her face, trying to get her to meet my eyes.

Suddenly, the fucking door flew open.

"Edward, I really need to talk to you, it's important," Bella's voice rang through my bedroom.

_Fuck my fucking life!_

It was as if time stood still. Bella's eyes grew wide and panicked and I'm pretty fucking sure mine did the same. I was fucking sitting on my couch with Lauren's fucking face in my lap.

_God fucking hates me._

"E-Edward… I-I'm s-so sorry… oh my god!" was all she said before running out of my room.

Lauren stood instantly as I tucked myself back into my jeans. I needed to fucking get to her. What the fuck was she doing here? Why did I have the worst fucking luck in the world?

"Edward, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to talk to her?" Lauren asked.

"No, it's not your fault. This is my entire fucking fault, Lauren." I said, as I darted for the door.

"Bella! Bella, please!…Bella, stop!" I called as I chased her down the stairs.

Once again, I was chasing Bella through my house, at top speed, cursing my dick. Talk about fucking DejaVu.

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**A/N- *peaks out from behind desk* I know I am a very mean author for stopping there. But I was at 30 pages I had to stop somewhere right? Haha. I promise you next chapter will pick up right were we left off. All links for this chapter are on my profile page songs, pictures and the link to Krysti's blog for post chapter interview with Textward! Reviews are love ladies show me some love!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- Hello my lovely readers! Thank you all so very much for all of the wonderful reviews! I read each and every one of them and they mean so much to me! Thank your continued support of my story. I heart each and every one of you hard!! I really wish I could find the words express just how much you guys mean to me! **

**The past few weeks RL has been crazy and that is the reason for the delay on this chapter. I have to be honest this was a very hard one for me to write and there were a few rewrites as well. I hope all that work paid off for you guys!**

**First and foremost I have to thank JW AKA "My dearest co-cappy of Team Wallfuck" LOL Thank you for your never ending supply of words when I cannot come up with one!! This chapter would lit'rally have been completely different if it was not for you!! Thank you BFF I heart you hard! **

**Krysti, you are an amazing BETA Bitch! I don't know how you put up with me sometimes, but I love you for it!! Thank you for taking my calls at any hour of the night while I write! LOL Luv ya girlie!**

**I have to give a special shout out to my girls over at RAoR (Random Acts of Rob)**

**Shellgoesgaga, Spunkransomlover, Susie, Lynda from Philly, Itsange, Nora, and roxiesmom2009. Whew, I think I got all of you! Thank you so much for pimpin me out every Sunday! I bet you guys thought I didn't know. LOL I am a regular lurker over there always looking for something to read. I don't think I will ever get use to seeing my story up there. But I heart you girls hard for doing it!!**

**A special THANK YOU goes to Robmusment for another amazing banner. I don't know how you do it every single week you come up with something amazing for me! Love ya girlie! **

**As always thank you to all my BTFF's and all my girls out there on Twitter for pimpin' out A&N. And I could never forget my bestieeeeees Stoli, T. I heart you girls for all the love & support!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me**

* * *

**EPOV**

"Bella, STOP!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

I didn't really give a shit if I was drawing attention to us. No one seemed to be paying attention anyway. The music was fuckin' blaring and they were all too damn drunk to give a shit. Bella's pace slowed some as she was trying to make her way through the crowed living room. She was making a bee line for the front door.

_Son of a bitch, not again! _

I really didn't give a fuck about being polite as I pushed and shoved my way through the hordes of people, finally catching up to her. Just as I got close enough, I lunged at her, wrapping my arms around her waist. I was out of breath as I pulled her to the secluded side of the foyer.

"Bella, please don't leave. Let me explain." The words came rushing out of me. But from the look on her face I knew she didn't want to hear one fucking word of it.

Bella's eyes were locked with mine but in such a way I had never seen before. They were not the doe eyed open windows to her soul that I knew. They were dark with anger and hurt. The windows to her soul were closed, like some kind of Fort fuckin' Knox lock down. I wondered if I would ever be able to get back in.

Her eyes narrowed as she spoke slowly, her voice thick with resentment. "Let me go _now,_ Edward Cullen. I have a date to get back to."

That fuckin' _stung_ but I fuckin' deserved it. But I couldn't just give up and risk losing her again. I had to make this shit right and I was not going to put it off this time.

"I know you have your _date_ to get back to, that doesn't change the fact that we need to talk about this, Bella." My voice was surprisingly calm.

She said nothing, pulling away from me and heading to the front door. She flung the door opened and paused.

"Don't make a scene Edward, just fucking drop it for now, ok?" She didn't look at me as she spoke. My silence was apparently a good enough answer for her as she hurried down the stairs.

I followed close behind her. I could hear Emmett and Rose laughing in the direction Bella was headed. I could really fucking use a cigarette right now, but there was no fucking way I was going to chance going back inside to get one.

I patted down my pockets knowing I would have the next best thing. I pulled out the lollipop and was having a hard fucking time opening it in the fucking dark, and well, I _was_ drunk too. I finally got the fucker open and popped it into my mouth just as I heard the voices getting closer.

_Why the fuck was everyone out here? _

We rounded the corner of the long drive way and that is when I saw it. Jessica fuckin' Stanley's car covered with condoms. _My fucking condoms._ I was such a dumb fuck. I should have known better. Bella was not going to fuck him. What the hell was I thinking? Why didn't I just ask what the fuck they were for? I was disgusted and on the verge of fucking losing it. I needed to do _something _to try to calm myself.

I headed to the back of the car where Emmett and Rose were admiring their work, never taking my eyes off Bella as she headed straight for Riley. She was smiling as if nothing had happened. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I passed them. I couldn't be trusted to pull her away from him and try once again to get her to listen to me.

"Hey Edward, come check this out! Hurry up man!" Emmett yelled.

I made my way around the car, trying to focus on the thick white lettering on the back window. Even though everything with Bella was fucked up once again, and even though seconds ago I was about to lose my fucking mind, I couldn't hold back the smirk that escaped me when I read it. '_THE HORN BLOWS & SO DOES THE DRIVER_'. The slogan and the inflated condoms taped all over her car, was a fucking sight to see.

_Fuck her, she's a slut and a bitch to Bella. She deserves it_.

"So, what do you think?" Emmett questioned, gesturing to the car.

"It's fuckin' perfect," I chuckled.

"Thanks! It's my line," Rose smirked.

_Of course it was_.

Everyone started picking up wrappers and other shit they used to vandalize Jessica's car. I only had moments before Bella would try to escape for the night. I turned in the direction they were just standing, but they were gone. My eyes were frantically searching for her. Finally, off in the distance, I could see her and Riley. She was nestled into his chest looking up at him. They seemed to be deep in conversation.

_Son of a bitch. _

Jealously ripped through me and The Jealous Mother Fucker was furious. Fuck him, he's was the asshole that got me into the fucking mess to begin with. I was going to have to battle him back tonight. I needed to talk to Bella and he needed to keep his fucking mouth shut for once.

Everyone was making their way back towards the house. We all ended up hanging out on the porch instead of heading right back into the party. Jasper pulled out his pack of smokes extending the pack to me and I eagerly took one. I tried to block out the mindless chatter surrounding me. I could do nothing but watch every fuckin' move Bella made while I smoked my cigarette down to the fucking butt. Riley finally fucking left her side to go grab a few beers with Emmett. This was my chance to talk to her.

Bella was quiet and turned, leaning against the railing looking out into the night. I wondered what she was thinking about. I secretly hoped we were on the same page. We needed to get this shit straight, once and for all. I made my way over to her. No one seemed to be paying attention to what we were doing. They were too busy constructing part two of their plan, which involved kicking Jessica out of the party.

I swallowed thickly and licked my lips, preparing myself to convince Bella into talking to me.

"Do you want to talk about this Bella?" I finally asked.

"No," she continued looking forward.

"No, as in not now, or no, as in not ever?" I questioned again.

"No, as in there's_ nothing_ to talk about, Edward," she stated.

_She's lying_. The Jealous Mother Fucker whispered. I struggled, willing him away.

"I am not giving up that easy, B."

She turned, glaring at me. I was pushing my fuckin' luck and I knew it.

"No one asked you to try in the first place. You don't owe me an explanation. You don't owe me anything, Edward." She stated her case and turned back, looking aimlessly into the night.

I heard Riley's voice approaching. There was no time to convince her now, I was just going to have to talk to her later.

"I won't let this go, Bella. I will meet you in your room later. I can promise you that."

Before she had a chance to protest, I turned to walk away. But I was stopped by Bella pulling on the back of my shirt.

"Why would you bother coming to my room Edward, when _clearly,_ you have someone to occupy your time in _yours_," She spat out and walked quickly over to Riley before I could respond.

_She's jealous. _The Jealous Mother Fucker whispered to me. I shook my head at the ridiculous thought.

"Hey guys, I am really wiped out. I think we're going to head out now," I heard Bella say as she made her way around the group saying her goodbye's to everyone, except me.

She didn't want me to cause a scene so I knew she wouldn't either. I made my way over to her and hugged her casually. She didn't pull away. I knew she was trying to save face in front of the others. Before releasing her, I whispered "I will be there tonight." And I pulled away quickly, before she had shot at a rebuttal.

**BPOV**

I was quite on the ride home. Riley must be wondering what it was that I wanted to talk to him about. I knew the moment I saw Edward with Lauren my mind and my heart were in two totally different places, and it was only fair for him to know.

Seeing Edward with Lauren was devastating. Possibly too devastating. I didn't know if I was ever going to recover from this one. This time was different. This time, I was beyond sad, beyond hurt, beyond anything I had ever experienced before. I was numb. I was too numb to feeling anything that involved my heart. I felt like I had no heart left to feel anything. It was like a huge hole was left in its place. I felt nothing anymore except the emptiness.

What I could feel…what I_ did_ feel …was anger, more anger than I had ever experienced in my life. I was angry at him for dancing with me the way he did. I was angry at him for fucking _touching_ me the way he did in the gym. Who did he think he was? Better yet who did he think _I_ was? I was not one of his little tramps that he could use and play with at his disposal. I never in my life thought Edward would treat me like trash until tonight. He proved me wrong.

"Hey sweetie, are you sure I didn't do anything wrong tonight?" Riley's voice broke through my thoughts.

"No!" I turned to look at him, "No, its not you at all…you were...um…perfect tonight." I smiled at him because he truly was the perfect date tonight.

I on the other hand, was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I was the worst possible date in the world for him. I didn't deserve him.

Riley just smiled back at me and rubbed my shoulder for some kind of reassurance. I'm sure he could sense the tension radiating off of me. Whenever Edward was around I was a walking disaster.

We pulled into my driveway and I knew I had to at least try to talk to him about this. It was only fair. I couldn't leave him out in the dark. We had only spent a few days together leading up to this dance. But he did make me feel good about myself and as selfish as it sounded, I just really needed that right now.

"Hey, can we talk? Or do you have to get home?" I asked.

Riley chuckled "Of course we can talk Bella, it's like twelve thirty. It's really early still", he shrugged sheepishly.

"Ugh! I know I'm like the worst date ever, huh? I am so sorry, Riley. That is why I wanted to talk to you," I said nervously, tugging at the feathers along the hem of my dress.

"I think I know where this is going," Riley said as he sunk back into his seat.

I immediately felt terrible for him. I knew he thought I was going to give him the old "it's not you it's me" speech. I guess in a way I was, but it was not to let him down gently, it was only to ask for more time and I hoped he would be willing to do so.

"Hey, look at me." I said softly, adjusting myself in the seat to face him.

Riley turned and offered a small smile moving to face me as well.

"Ok, I am just going to give it to you straight. I just don't see any reason to beat around the bush."

"Ok," he said, taking a deep breath, preparing himself for what I was about to say.

"I trust whatever I say to you will stay between you and I, correct?"

He nodded. "Of course Bella, I would never tell anyone."

"Thank you," I smiled.

"Edward and I were best friends and I know you have heard most of the story from Emmett but I am going to give you the short version. Some where along the line, I started to have…um…_feelings_ for him. I know it was totally ridiculous."

This was harder than I thought it was going to be. I took a deep breath, stalling, as I collected my thoughts.

"Well anyway, I never told him and God knows he didn't feel the same. I mean, because he maintained his 'reputation'. Basically screwing Tanya any chance he got and I was the lucky one that got to hear all about it." I pursed my lips. Saying it out loud made me realize what a fucked up situation it was.

"I've already heard most of what you have said Bella. I mean it's not a huge secret that Cullen has a way with the chicks in this town," Riley snorted. "And as for your feelings, um , Emmett told me Edward hurt you." He lowered his eyes.

"Yes, he did hurt me but it really was my own fault, Riley. I was foolish and stupid and drunk. I mean we got really drunk one night before I left for Arizona, and we were dancing on the beach, and one thing lead to another." I paused, cringing in disgust. I had not thought about that night for a while now. I repressed it for so long.

"One thing lead to another and I was stupid. And well honestly, I think part of me always thought that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same," I chuckled grimly. "Wow, I could not have been more wrong."

"That fucker, did he um…eh…ya' know…and then left you?" Riley questioned angrily.

I laughed at the thought of how very wrong he was.

"No, it didn't get that far. I mean it got close, _too close,_ then I told him …um…" I paused feeling foolish suddenly, telling Riley I was virgin. Not knowing quite how to go on, I just sat there quietly, biting at my nails.

I decided I would skip the gory details. I'm sure he could fill in the blanks.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway… because after he found out, he stopped everything and I left for months. We didn't talk before I left and only barely started talking again before I came back," I shrugged. "He didn't want me and I had just had these crazy 'expectations' that maybe he did. I was wrong."

Riley pulled my hand into his, clasping both of his hands around one of mine.

"Bella, I think I can guess what you told him that made him stop. But don't you think that was best? I mean would you have wanted it any different if you were going to end up being a one night stand?" The worry in his was apparent, even in the darkness.

"I-I mean I guess it was for the best? It doesn't matter anymore though. It took me a long time to try to get over him. I really thought I could come back and be his friend. And I thought I was doing a good job at it…and…then…tonight… "I had to pause again, fighting back the tears. Angry tears where welling up and I was not going to allow them to fall. Not tonight. Not for Edward. I had wasted enough tears on him.

"Tonight, I thought I should talk to him about it, Riley. I really did want to lay it out on the line for him and just get off my chest. So, I went to talk to him and I walked in on him and Lauren …um she was… well she was giving him a blowjob." I snorted and rolled my eyes at the irony.

"I mean here I am once again thinking one thing and we are on polar opposites. It's just crazy already! I don't even know him anymore. And that hurts me too. I lost everything when I lost Edward. Riley, he was my best friend, I loved him and now…now he is a stranger." There it was all out, well for the most part anyway. I pulled my lip in between my teeth biting down on it waiting for his response.

"I see. So, is this the part when I should bow out gracefully, Bella?"

"I shook my head slightly, not really sure of what to say next. "I-I just don't see it any other way. I don't want to lead you on, because obviously he can still hurt me. There are just so many things I need to try to get over. I don't know if I will ever truly get over him, Riley. I do enjoy spending time with you. It's the first time in so long that I have actually felt some sort of happiness. I know how very selfish this sounds but it helps me." I could not even look at him as I spoke. I was ashamed of what I was saying. This was not fair to him.

"I know, I mean, I think I need someone right now, even though I don't have anything to offer in return. I should have been up front with you from the beginning. But I just needed you, or something, I know I still do. I don't know what that even means. But maybe if you would just give me some more time-" Riley cut me off, determination flashing through his eyes.

"Look, Sweetie we just met. I'm not expecting anything, Bella. I'm a guy so I am great at causal. I can _do_ casual. From what I can tell, we've had a good time together, right? You do seem to enjoy my company, correct?"

I nodded in agreement.

"I enjoy hanging out with you, Bella. I'm willing to be the shoulder that you can lean on, if you let me. And maybe, who knows, in time, you might see things differently. All I'm asking for, is for you to be open to the possibility that someday you might actually see that something new could be good for you."

I looked up, meeting his pleading eyes. Part of me wanted to push him away but part of me wanted to pull him close, to find the comfort I was becoming so accustomed to. Perhaps, if I wasn't so scared of being destroyed again, destroyed as entirely as I had been by Edward, maybe I could believe that someday, I could be open to that possibility. Clearly, that day had not come.

Part of me wanted to believe that I could be casual with Riley and that my heart could start to care about someone else again. Someone decent and worthy. But the other part of me knew better. I felt like I was trying to push two magnets together. It would feel forced and unnatural. I was trying desperately to keep my heart and my head separate and was failing miserably. I was more confused now than ever. I tugged on my necklace, trying to invoke some insight from Jake.

I could practically hear him telling me to at least try. Maybe that would be enough. Maybe I could try to do casual. I needed to make it clear to Riley that I didn't want him to read too much into it. I didn't want to give him false hope. But I knew I needed him in order to have the strength to face Edward. I may be selfish and it was probably wrong of me but I agreed to casual. I could do casual, right?

After Riley and I agreed to our casual arrangement, Riley smiled and said, "Thank you for being honest with me. I never wanted to bring this up because honestly, it wasn't my place."

"Thank you for listening and being…well _you_." I laughed.

Riley helped me with my bag and walked me to my door. We hugged for a few minutes. I needed it. I felt safe and comfortable and well even though he didn't know, Riley was quickly becoming my happy place where I could escape all the hurt and anger and disappointment I felt. Even if it was only for a few hours, it was a more than I would have if he was not in my life at all.

He kissed me on the top of my head and said he would call me tomorrow. I was lucky to have met such a great guy. I made a mental note to thank Rose and Alice again.

****

I entered the house and instantly reminded me of how alone I felt. Charlie was working another overnight shift. Everyone I know was at the party and the one other person in my life I could lean on was thousands of miles away. I clung to my necklace as I made my way upstairs.

I didn't even make it to my room, I headed straight for the bathroom. I needed to wash my face and get out of this costume already. Obviously, it was cursed, so I decided I would take it to Alice tomorrow and let her do with it as she saw fit. I washed off all my makeup and pulled the pins out of my hair. Alice and Rose had the sides pulled up high on top of my head and it felt like heaven to take it down and run my hands through it.

I took out the pajamas I had packed from the bag and quickly changed into them. It was basically a gray tank top that said 'Pink is where the love is' and pink boy shorts that had white polka dots on them. I didn't really care at this point, I just wanted to be comfortable. I pulled on the long gray socks that came up just past my knees and made my way to my room.

I finally flopped myself on my bed. I pulled my phone out and checked to see if I had any calls or message. Ok, that was a lie I was checking to see if Edward had called or text me. He had not. I figured as much. But once again, I somehow allowed a part of myself to believe his lies and once again, I was let down.

I tossed my phone back on my night stand and closed my eyes. I needed to try to relax and get focused. I really needed to talk to Alice and Rose and let them know exactly what had taken place tonight. They needed to know about the dance they needed to know on what I walked into. I had no idea what the events of tonight would do to their so called 'plan' but I'm sure it was going to throw a huge wrench in the works.

Why couldn't I just get over Edward? How did he have such a hold on me? He never once told me anything that would give me any hope. He never once said he felt anything more for me other then friendship. But his actions were speaking louder than his words tonight at the dance. I had _not_ made that up. I was sure of it. How did he manage to steal my very soul? No Bella. he didn't steal it you gave it to him. You gave it to him knowing he was the town's player, knowing he didn't _'do'_ relationships, knowing he didn't feel anything for you other than friendship, you still willingly gave it to him.

_Shame on me. _

**EPOV**

I fucking drove 85mph all the way to Bella's house and now that I was here I was sitting in my car looking up at her fucking window like a damn coward. I had to admit I was really nervous about her locking the window or possibly pushing me out of it. Fuck knows I would deserve it. I still can't believe she walked in right before I pried Lauren off my dick. Regardless, she needed to know the truth. I fucking owed her that much.

I finally made my way up the bitch of a tree. _Fuck. _I was out of practice. Just as I was about to reach for her window, I stop to contemplate texting her first. Figuring if I gave her a warning she would probably get up and lock it so I decided against it. The window was cracked about three inches as usual. As I started to lift it, I noticed Bella was lying on her bed with her eyes closed. She was not sleeping. Her feet were fidgety and there was no way anyone could sleep moving around that much. I paused allowing myself to take in the sight before me.

There she was laying on her bed, my _angel._ She looked absolutely fucking beautiful. Her long, thick mahogany locks were sprawled out over the deep purple pillow case. Her flawless ivory skin still sparkled slightly from the glitter from her costume. She looked fucking amazing. She was wearing that PINK shit again that was driving me fucking crazy the past few days. I swear I am going to write a letter to Marvel comics and let those fuckers know kryptonite was PINK _not_ fucking green. I don't know what the fuck kind of socks she was wearing but the long gray socks that stopped at her thigh made my dick twitch. Just the sight of Bella has my body reacting in ways that Lauren couldn't manage with her mouth.

_I was so fucked. _

My nerves kicked into high gear as I watched her. I had to do this and keep The Jealous Mother Fucker locked up where he belonged. I finally found the strength to open the window and willed my dick back into submission.

Bella's eyes flew open the second my first foot hit the floor. She pulled the blanket around her slightly and I figured that was best for the both of us. There was no fucking way I was going to be able to concentrate on what I needed to say when the mere sight of her was making me hard.

The minute I stepped into her room, I was assaulted by her scent. It was everywhere. Her fruity, floral scent. It was Bella, my Bella and my chest fucking constricted with fear that I was going to lose her. That this would be the last time I get to come through her window or smell her scent. This was exactly why I was here. I had to make sure none of these possibilities ever came true.

Bella broke the silence first. "You're here. I can't believe you came."

"I told you I would be here. I promised you I would. I will never break a promise to you B, and you should know me better than that." I smirked slightly and she rolled her eyes jokingly.

"Can I sit down?"

"Sure."

I made my way over to the foot of her bed and paused deciding it would be best if I sat in her chair by the desk. I didn't want to push my luck. I knew I was walking on thin ice here. I had to choose my words and my actions carefully.

Bella positioned herself on the bed so she was facing me, still sitting too far away from me for my fucking liking, but I had to take what I could get for now.

"I came to explain to you what exactly it was that you walked in on tonight, B."

"Edward, don't…just …" I cut her off.

"Don't tell me that B, that is bullshit you were coming to talk to me and you walked in on that …_mistake._" This time she interrupted me, cutting me short.

"_Mistake_!? Sure seem like you have been making a lot of those lately, huh? Does Lauren know you talk about her like that, Edward? Does she know you refer to her as a '_mistake_'?"

She totally fucking confused me with this. I had not been with anyone since her. I know everyone was talking shit about me and Lauren but no one knew what the fuck was going on with us.

"I was telling her to fuckin' stop. I was trying to get her off of me, Bella!" I retorted in my defense.

"Please Edward, this is _exactly _why I didn't want to talk about this. Last time I checked a mistake is 'something that happens accidentally'. I'm sure blowjobs don't count as an accident, Edward." She said dryly.

"Actually if you want to be technical about it, Bella a mistake is an incorrect act or decision caused by bad or poor judgment," I shot back.

_Why the fuck was I arguing with her? This was a sure fire way NOT to get her back._

And then it happened, I looked into her eyes and I saw what I feared most. She had shut down on me. The walls were in place and I had to fucking try to break through them now since my smartass mouth got the best of me.

"Call it whatever you want B, I didn't want to be with her tonight. I didn't want to be with anyone. I was alone in my room drinking and she came in. I was practically passed out and she …"

"Drunk? Are you using that again? Really Edward, maybe you should stop drinking then because it really causes you to have a lot of fucking _mistakes_," she spat at me.

And that is when it made sense. She was not fucking talking about Lauren, she was talking about her and the night of her party.

_Fuck me. _

"Bella, if you're trying to tie what happened tonight, in any way, shape or form, into what happened with _us_ the night of your party, you are _wrong. T_hey are _not_ even on the same scale. You mean so much more to me Bella. That night, yes we were drunk. However-"she fucking cut me short again.

"Stop Edward, I don't even want to fucking talk about it. What's done is done. I-I j-just can't, not tonight." She shook her head frantically, looking down, refusing to meet my eyes.

_She's lying keep talking_. The Jealous Mother Fucker said. But I couldn't fucking trust him. Every fucking time he was involved it ended worse for Bella and I.

"I couldn't even get hard," I blurted it out like a dumb ass. For the life of me, I couldn't tell you why I did it, but I felt like she had to know just how fucking much I did _not_ want Lauren.

Bella's eyebrows just about reached her hair line with shock. I waited; she said nothing just staring at me like I had ten fucking heads. So I kept going.

"I couldn't get hard. I knew I was not going to cum. I didn't want to be with Lauren in the first fuckin' place. She wouldn't fuckin' stop. I mean, no means no, right?" I ran my fingers nervously through my hair, unable to meet Bella's eyes, knowing if I did, I would never have the balls to finish talking.

"I mean, I wanted to talk to _you_ about what happened at the dance, and then Riley came and asked me for condoms. Then I went looking for you to warn you that he got them from me, and then everyone was telling me you left with him. So I assumed-"I shrugged and kept going.

"Then, I went back up stairs to drink, _alone_. That is when she came in and she was all over me and I was telling her to stop and you came in." I paused ,knowing I was rambling but I was just trying to fucking take her step by step through the nights events. Trying to cover everything, letting her know that in the end she was the one that was on my mind. She was the only one I wanted. She was the only one I would ever fucking want.

I finally ran my hands roughly over my face before looking up at Bella. I was wondering if she was going to say something or if I should just keep going. But when my eyes met hers, I was met with a murderous glare. I knew I had fucked up before her lips even moved.

_Honesty is the best policy, my fucking ass!_

"You _assumed, _Edward? Really? That's interesting that my "best friend" would assume I would just go fuck some random guy. K_nowing _what you know about _me_ Edward, you would still assume that? Do you not know me at _all_? Because right now, I feel like we don't know each other at all anymore, Edward!" she shouted.

"Just leave, Edward. Just get out. We don't even know each other anymore." She practically whispered. She laid down in her bed and turned he back to me.

I fucking wanted to cry. How the fuck did I manage to fuck this up again. I wanted to go to her and tell her just how much she meant to me. I wanted to right all my wrongs and I couldn't even fucking do that right. I didn't deserve her.

_She's lying. Listen to me goddamn it!_ The Jealous Mother Fucker shouted.

He really needed to shut the fuck up, right now. If this got any worse, I was sure to lose Bella forever.

I slowly got up and laid beside her on the bed. I couldn't bring myself to leave, not again. I was not going to walk away with nothing. I had to try. I was not willing to risk losing her again.

"Bella, please look at me. Please Bella, I am begging you." I spoke softly and scooted a bit closer to her. I extended my hand out to touch her shoulder and she quickly shrugged me off.

"Bella, I have to _try_ to fix this. I will take whatever you want to offer me but I just _can't_ live in world were we don't exist to each other. I did it for months and I hated every minute of it. I can't risk that again. Bella, _Please_." I begged. I would fucking grovel if I had to. I knew I didn't deserve her but I was selfish and I knew if I got the chance, I would just have to prove it to her and show her what she meant to me.

And then by some fucking act of God she turned around and faced me. We were inches away from each other and not one fucking dirty thought ran through my mind. All I wanted to see was her eyes and I looked into them and saw that the walls were down.

_Finally._

I didn't breathe a sigh of relief just yet. I just waited for her to speak.

"Edward, I feel like we are not even friends anymore. I feel like we don't know each other anymore. Even being this close to you, I feel like we are still miles apart. I know we technically didn't have sex but that night…it …changed things between us. I don't even want to get into right now. Just know that everything is different now. I am different, Edward. Incase you have not noticed, I am trying to be a happy normal teenage girl. I am trying to be your friend and sometimes its feels impossible." She paused for what seemed like forever before starting again.

"I told Riley tonight that I would try to do some kind of casual dating with him, Edward. I don't know what that means exactly, but I do know that I feel like I should tell you that. I don't know if you will care or not, but I just wanted you to know."

She didn't know if I would care or not? How could she not see how her fucking words just killed me? How could she not tell the desperation in my voice? I fucking wanted to punch Riley right in the fuckin' face…_repeatedly_.

I knew I couldn't fucking protest or ask any questions, not now. Not when I didn't even know where the fuck she was going with this.

"That being said Edward, I cannot just throw away our friendship over the past, over what might have been or what could have been. What's done is done and we can't go back. Shitty things just happen sometimes and we have zero control over it. I do miss you, I miss _us_. So, I am willing to _try_ to rebuild our friendship. You have to know Edward, that right now, you're just offering me too little too late."

_She is fucking lying! Look at her. Look into her eyes. Ask her if that is all she wants!_ The Jealous Mother Fucker roared. And I couldn't help but listen to him this time.

"Bella, just look at me in the eye and tell me that is what you really want. And you can have it. Like I said B, I miss you too and I will take whatever you will offer me. I am in no position to argue that."

She met my gaze for less then a second before shutting her eyes tightly, closing me off completely, so I couldn't see the truth or the lies in her eyes.

_She is lying! Can't you see it? _The Jealous Mother Fucker yelled.

"Yes, this is what I want Edward. This is all I can offer you right now. I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Ok, then I will take it. I'm so sorry, Bella. I will fix this. I promise you."

At least this was a fucking start, a fresh fucking start. No, it was not what I wanted, not even by a long shot, but at least I was given something that I didn't think I was going to get. I was given the chance to make it right. I would make this right for her, for us. And Riley, well _fuck him_. He was going to be a casualty of war, because I was not going to lose her again, Not this time and especially not to that fucker.

I pulled Bella onto my chest and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around me and we just stayed like that for what felt like forever, but yet not long enough. When her breathing started to slow, I knew it was time for me to go.

"B, I better get going so you can sleep."

I didn't want to fucking leave I wanted to lay here and sleep with her on my chest and kiss the top of her head and stroke her hair while she slept. But I would have to work my way to that point.

"Yeah, I need to get some sleep and so do you, Its after three, E."

My fucking heart leapt when she called me E. That was the first time all night she did so. I know she probably didn't fucking notice, but I sure the hell did.

I reluctantly got up and made my way over to the window. Bella sat up and the look on her face broke my fucking heart. My Angel was scared shitless. The worry and hurt she hid so well before, was clear now, in her tired state. I fucked up and I was a lucky fucker that she even gave me another chance. I promise you, Bella I won't fuck up again.

Instead of saying that shit to her and risk upsetting her, I said nothing at all. I couldn't just fucking talk anymore. I had to show her.

"B, I will text you when I get home. Do you think you will be up?"

"Edward, you live fifteen minutes away and the way you drive, you will be home in five," she rolled her eyes.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward."

****

The second I walked into my room I sent her a text.

"_I'm home. Are you up?" E._

"_Yes. I am but not for long. Tell me story?" B._

"_MP3 Nickelback- I'd come for you. I mean it B, I'd come for you. Tell me a story?" E._

"_MP3 JoJo – Too little too late. Goodnight E, call me tomorrow." B._

Too little too late seemed to be the fucking theme tonight. However, I still had a chance to turn that around. Maybe The Jealous Mother Fucker was right. If I was indeed too late I wouldn't have got that chance, right? No matter what the case may be I was not going to fuck this up. I was going to be a different man, _a better man_, to her, for her…because of her…

* * *

**A/N- As promised I picked up right where we left off. I hope it was worth the wait! Next chapter will be up in a week! PLEASE take a listen to the Nickleback song I really think it gives you insight to what Edward is trying to tell Bella with it. All links for this chapter are on my profile page songs, pictures and the link to Krysti's blog for post chapter interview with Textward! Reviews are love ladies show me some love!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- Hello to all you beautiful ladies that read my little story here! Thank you all so very much for all of the fantastic reviews! Yes, I do read every single one of them and try to respond to most. If you have your DM's blocked I cannot respond…Jus sayin' I heart each and every one of you more than you know!!**

**Krysti, you are an amazing BETA Bitch! Thank you for everything you do for me I can never find the words to tell you just how much you mean to me! And just so you guys know before Krysti BETA'd chapter 12 Charlie was eating BEGALES and Riley had one EYE and Bella was speaking like a leprechaun LMAO so you better give her some love she deserves! LOL (Krysti I think only you and I will be laughing at that one for a LONG time my dear) **

**I have to give a special shout out to the ladies over at RAoR (Random Acts of Rob) Ladies Thank you for all the support and I did in fact get called out and I posted my very first comment aren't you proud of me? LOL**

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**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me but I do happen to lend him to a really hot Mama' from time to time ...you know who you are! **

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**BPOV**

I had been tossing and turning for two hours now. Finally giving up on sleep, I rolled over to face away from my clock that I had been watching most of the night. Five fifteen in the morning, who the_ hell_ is awake at this hour? Oh, that's right, _I_ was.

It had been two weeks since the dance, two full weeks since Edward and I decided that we were going to _try _to be 'friends' again. Two weeks since I had selfishly told Riley that I would _try_ to date him..._casually_.

I had thought at the time everything would just 'work out' boy was I _wrong_. I was so very foolish to think I could pull this off. Any of it, it was just too hard. I felt more isolated from Edward now then I had ever been before. Aside from our routine text messages, everything else was just _off_.

The first day back to school after the dance was painful to say the least. Edward would barely even look at me. I dressed head to toe in all the crap the girls had picked out for me. The jeans that hung low on my hips were not my favorites. However, Alice insisted on them and paired them with one of the notorious "PINK" Victoria Secrets line long sleeved T- shirts and matching hoodie.

The shirt was pretty tight and I was constantly tugging it down because if I moved my arms in the slightest it exposed my stomach. The low cut jeans didn't help matters either. I was pulling the jeans up and the shirt down, I was a fucking mess all day.

Edward didn't seem too impressed with the new clothes. In fact, the few times we did speak that day his eyes where everywhere… everywhere expect on me. He didn't even so much glance my way. We chatted about school or our next class, but nothing of any significance. During these brief exchanges, he would busy himself with his cell phone or looking down the hall over my shoulder, asking where Alice or Jasper were. I just couldn't seem to get his attention.

That was how most of our days where, awkward and forced, very unnatural, very unlike _us_. Sometimes he would surprise me and sit next to me in art class. Other times he would walk in and when our eyes met, he would look at me with this intense stare. His eyebrows would pull together as if he were having some kind of internal battle with himself. Finally, he would offer me a small smile and walk quickly past me to take a seat near the back of the room.

I was so busy trying to keep my distance from him emotionally, trying hard not to show him how I felt. Meanwhile, he was making it pretty easy by keeping the physical distance from me. Honestly, I don't think he came closer than three feet away from me in days.

This was not _us_ being friends; I didn't know what the hell _this _was. But I knew I hated it. Yet, I didn't say anything. I was the one that made the rules. He was only playing by them. I was foolish enough to think easing our way back into the rut we called friendship would work.

_This was my fault. _

The days passed and I didn't know if I was coming or going. My emotions were out of control, and the only way I could deal anymore was to shut down completely.

I shut everyone out, Riley, Edward, Alice, and Rose. I went through the motions of daily routines. I dressed how I was supposed to. I talked and laughed and hung out with my friends like nothing was wrong. I never let on to what was really going on inside me. I was confused, exhausted and frustrated with it all…I was… _torn_.

I had Alice and Rose up my ass about 'The Plan.' Oh _yes_, the great _'plan'_ that was quickly turning into an _epic fail_. The day after the dance, I called the girls and had them over for lunch. Charlie was at work and I needed to tell them what the hell had happened the night before. I can still hear Alice shrieking.

"You said WHAT?" she shrieked.

Yup, that was it. That had become _the_ most popular phrase that afternoon. First, Alice would say it and then Rose would follow up with something along the same lines but when Rose said it, it somehow _stung_ more. Rose just had that way about her, her overall _tone _was much more vicious.

"Bella, I cannot _believe _you agreed to any of that!" Alice paced frantically around the room.

Rose sat there nodding in agreement, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Mostly, she was quiet while Alice went on and on about 'the plan' and how I had come full circle with Edward and now I was forever going to be stuck in "_the friend zone_". Which apparently is when you are stuck being _only _a friend to that person for "the rest of your life," as she so eloquently put it.

Finally, after a good half hour of scolding me, Alice sat down on the couch. I was sure she had worn a hole in the carpet where she paced back and forth the entire time. That was when Rose finally decided to speak up. Let me tell you one thing about Rose, when she talks _everyone_ listens. She makes damn sure of it.

"Alice, maybe Bella really _wants_ to be Edwards's friend." The tone she used was beyond sarcastic.

"Maybe that is enough for her." She shrugged nonchalantly. "You know what I think? I think that she just can't help herself. She would rather take the fucking _scraps_ he offers her, rather than stand the chance to lose him altogether." Her eyes shot to mine daring me to deny it.

I hung my head unable to hold her gaze. "You're right," I mumbled, shamefully.

She was right. I couldn't deny the fact that I would rather have him in my life as his friend, then not at all. The alternative was not even an option at this point. I was disgusted with myself. Had I no boundaries at all when it came to him? Just how many times would I allow him to hurt me? How many times would I be willing to allow _myself_ to get hurt?

"That's bullshit, Bella and you know it!" Rose retorted. My head snapped up, my eyes meeting hers, Rose leaned forward glaring at me.

"Are you really going to sit there and tell me you can just sit back and watch him be with other girls? Are you going to _deny_ the fact that you want more and are too chicken shit just to tell him?" Rose's voice was rising quickly. She paused, waiting for me to respond.

"I can't deny any of it, Rose, and I am going along with the plan. It's just…it's _hard_ to hide from him, he knows me so well." I looked down unable to face them as I continued.

"I'm trying you know." My voice was practically a whisper. "I am trying so hard to keep a safe distance from Edward…emotionally anyway. I am trying so hard to be happy. I know it's not fair to Riley and I told him. I _was_ honest with him. I told him about Edward and how… _complicated_… it was with him right now." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I blinked a few times trying to hold them back.

Rose leaned forward in her seat. "Speaking of Riley, what the fuck, Bella? You are going to _date_ him now? That was _so_ _not_ part of the plan. We said flirt and make Edward jealous. We said go on 'a date' make it seem like you were 'interested in dating him' not agree to date the guy, _Jesus Christ, _Bella! Do you listen to anything we say!?" She sat back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest, clearly frustrated.

"I know," I said and hung my head shaking it in disbelief. "I just feel a little happier when I am with Riley. I feel like…well, how _you_ must feel when Emmett treats you like a…woman…not just a friend." Wow, I'm sure that sounded pretty pathetic.

_Damn Bella, could you sound more fucking desperate?_

"Bella, honey," Alice spoke up again her tone soft and comforting. "We are only trying to help. This whole situation with you and my brother it is pretty crazy right now. I don't know if we are going about this the right way or not," she mused. "And who is to say what is right or wrong right now. You have been in town for only a few days, just please,u give yourself some more time." She smiled at me taking my hand in hers trying to reassure me.

I looked over at Rose to gauge her reaction to Alice's statement. Rose rolled her eyes, but offered me a small smile. "Just please, next time before you make a decision like dating someone, please call me first. Fuck, at this pace you will be married by next week!" She snorted.

Alice and I giggled, but I did agree to make sure not to do anything drastic again. I had enough on my plate and I had dug myself into a hole that was pretty deep right now. I just hoped I could find my way out of it, without getting hurt or hurting anyone else in the process.

My alarm went off, pulling me from my thoughts and scaring the crap out of me in the process. I guess sleep deprivation can cause one to be pretty anxious. It was still much earlier than I would regularly get up however, I didn't want to think about any of it any more. I was so sick of _thinking_ and over thinking the decisions I had made.

I decided it would be best for me to get ready for school. I could leave early and stop by Starbucks and get a hot chocolate on my way in. I took a quick shower trying out my new honey and nectarine shampoo. I needed a change. After peaking out the widow to see another rainy day in Forks, I went with the hot rollers. My hair had a natural wave to it and it would be pointless to straighten it on such a damp day.

I was going to change everything up today. I dug into my closet and pulled out the bag from Bath and Body works. I found the freesia lotion I had yet to use and applied it all over while I waited for my curls to set. I put on a small amount of makeup today just so I wouldn't have to hear it from Rose and Alice as soon as they saw me walk into school. I knew I was already going to get a lecture about what I was wearing but I didn't care I needed to be comfortable today. I needed to feel like I was _me_ again. I needed to start this week off right.

I pulled out the hot rollers that were now cooled and tossed my hair lightly, running my fingers through the curls losing them up a bit. Heading back into my room, I tugged on my favorite dark blue jeans and a scoop neck black sweater. I pulled on my black boots. They were cute and looked more like a loafer with a wedge heel, but they were boots nonetheless. I zipped them up my calf and pulled my jeans down over them. Stealing a final once over of myself in the mirror before heading down stairs. I didn't look that bad, I think the outfit actually looked attractive. I pulled out my necklace from Jake that was tucked into the sweater and kissed it once for good luck, before making my way down stairs.

****

I grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen and stuffed it in my purse. I was gathering up my books and stuffing them into my backpack when I heard the front door open. Charlie walked in looking very tired. He has been working the overnight shifts for a few weeks now. He did this so he would be able to spend time with me after I got home form school. We got back into our routine of eating dinner and then he would head off to work. It was pretty nice to have him around, but I knew the night shifts were taking a toll on him.

"Good morning Bells," he yawned. Walking over to me, he placed a kiss on top of my head and started taking off gun belt.

"Morning dad, you look exhausted," I said. "Are you hungry? It's still early, I can make you something?" It was early enough I could easily make him some eggs and toast.

"No thanks, sweetheart. I had a bagel on the way home." He yawned again, causing me to do the same.

"Dad, stop! You're making me tired," I laughed.

"You do look a little tired, Bella. Is everything alright?" He stared at me, making me feel a bit self-conscious.

I bit down on my bottom lip avoiding his gaze. "I'm fine, dad, just got up a little early this morning," I lied.

"Alright kid-o, if you say so." He was obviously too tired to argue. I gathered my things and was just about to head out the door when I heard him say my name.

"Bella, I did want to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?" He called from the kitchen.

I made my way into the kitchen. "Sure, dad what's up?' I asked nervously. I had no idea what he was going to say to me.

"It's about your truck. Your mom called and asked if I had taken you to look at new cars yet. She is being very adamant about you getting something new and safer." He pursed his lips a bit

"I couldn't lie to her, Bells. I just have not had the time with my schedule." His tone almost sounded _guilty,_ for what reason was beyond me. Charlie didn't have anything to feel guilty about.

"Dad, you're working around the clock and I am eighteen years old, I think I can go check out a few cars on my own, ya' know, to see what I might like." I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Thanks honey, why don't you take Edward with you. He seems to know a lot about cars."

Thank god my father's back was to me because I'm sure my face was giving away what mouth was not saying. Just hearing my dad talk about Edward and me, like we were perfectly normal, broke my heart. But I sure the hell couldn't let my father know just how bad things were.

"Um…sure dad, I will ask him today. Maybe we can go this weekend." I lied…_again_…I was finding myself doing that a lot lately when it came to Edward Cullen.

Charlie turned around and flashed me a smile. He was satisfied with my answer.

"Ok honey, well you have a good day at school. I will see you when you get home."

"Thanks dad, sleep well!" I yelled as I headed out the door.

****

When I pulled into the school parking lot, I noticed there were only a few cars there. I glanced down at my cell phone for the time. I was at school thirty minutes early. Oh well, there was no going back now. I decided I would finish my hot chocolate and granola bar before heading into school. Praying that the sugar would give me the energy I desperately needed to get though the first part of my day.

After about ten minutes, I noticed more teachers were pulling into the parking lot and a few students. I decided I was going to get to class. I just really didn't want to deal with anything this morning. I didn't want to hear it from Rose and Alice that I was not dressed properly. I didn't want to be ignored by Edward as he and Jasper chatted with the girls. And I really didn't want to have a run in with Riley this morning in front of all of them.

Its not like anything was wrong with Riley and I, it was just always so uncomfortable to talk to him coherently with Edward around. I was always so focused on the fact that Edward was _not_ talking. It was really not fair to anyone. So, yes my best bet would be to wait in class. My heart sank a little knowing that they would both be walking into that very same class soon enough.

After sloshing my way through the parking lot, I pulled the heavy door open and headed straight for my locker. After depositing my books, I headed to art class. When I walked in I was taken back by the way the tables had been rearranged. They were all separated with two chairs at each table. Before, they were all pushed together, making long rows of at least eight chairs per row. I hoped that we were not going to assigned seating. I walked to the rows by the windows and strategically placed myself in the middle of the room. I was getting settled taking off my jacket and pulling out my note book when my phone buzzed.

"_Always- on time Never- early? Where are you?" E._

My heart pounded faster at the sight of the familiar text. This was the only time I felt close and connected to Edward. This was the Edward I had known and loved. Not the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde he'd become. I quickly responded.

_Always- hot chocolate Never- Coffee. In class where else? B._

Edward and I use to make plans at least three times a week. He would come pick me up early for school so we could grab our morning drinks. It was always the same argument over which was better coffee vs. hot chocolate. So I knew he would understand that text. Or at least I _hoped_ he would remember.

"_You're never gunna give that argument up, huh? Get out here! Alice is looking for you too. Just a heads up." E. _

"_Never! Hot chocolate is the best! Not going out, its freezing! & what does Alice want?" B. _

"_Fair enough. You stay warm lol. Alice said she will text you later." E. _

Suddenly, I felt very nervous that Edward and Riley were going to be walking into class. I was still so torn between the two, torn in so many ways. My heart and my head were working against each other. I struggled more now than ever. Especially when it came to Edward. Like I said, he was Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He was one way on text messages and a completely different person to my face. His mood swings were giving me whiplash.

A few students started trickling into the classroom and I finally gave into my heart and said I would let the chips fall where they may. I had to let down my guard this morning and just let myself react to each of them. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable just this once and go with my gut. I had to allow myself to _feel_ no matter what the repercussions are. I was going to leave it to fate to help guide me today.

_Hell, what did I have to lose? _

Riley walked in first. He was with some of the other basketball players that had class with us this hour. The minute our eyes met, his lit up. His smile grew wide across his face and he was no longer paying attention to the guys he had just walked in with. He headed straight for me and knelt down beside me.

"Good morning. early bird," he beamed, pulling my hand across the desk into his.

"Good morning to you," I giggled. It was _very_ hard to not be in a good mood around Riley.

Riley was always able to put me in a good mood. I felt happy, and relaxed, and natural around him. But still there was _something_ missing that _spark_, that _intensity,_ that _pull_ that you get when you're with someone you simply cannot resist.

"Do you want me to sit here with you today?" he asked, as he glanced to his friends in the back of the room.

I pondered this for just a moment. I had to be careful of my answer, if I was going to let 'fate' be my guide.

Finally, I shrugged, "It's up to you." I offered a small smile.

The worst part was, something inside of me was praying to God he would decline. Praying for him to say he wanted to sit with his friend and leave the seat beside me vacant so I could test this theory with Edward. Damn it why had Riley been the first one to class?

Mr. Molina came in just as the warning bell rang. "Alright everyone, lets find a seat," he stated.

"Riley come here man," one of the guys yelled from the back, saving my life in the process.

Riley looked at me as if to get permission and I was all too willing to grant it.

"Go, sit with the guys, really I don't mind."

"You're a doll. I'll meet you after class." He winked and got up making his way to the back of the room.

Well that went over well. I mean I didn't find out anything too surprising with Riley. I was aware of the way he made me feel and all too aware of the things the _didn't_ make me feel.

Just as I went to turn back around I saw Edward walking into class. My heart started to race at the mere sight of him. He sauntered into class with his Ray Bans on and his bronze hair in perfect sexy disarray, looking alluringly disheveled, as a few loose locks hung haphazardly across his forehead. I swear to god it was like he was moving in slow motion.

_Did he always move like that or was I just that tired that I was hallucinating?_

Today he was dressed 'classic' Edward, a white long sleeved T shirt that was just tight enough to see the outline of perfectly sculpted chest. The black jacket fit flawlessly on his broad shoulders and black jeans hung perfectly from his hips. Of course, the ensemble was not complete without his classic black Nike's.

"Mr. Cullen, nice of you to join us. Will you please remove your sunglass and find a seat sir?" Mr. Molina scolded.

Edward pulled his sunglasses off and tucked them into his jacket pocket as his eyes moved around the room in search for a seat. My eyes followed his and there were a few empty seats scattered around. I bit my lip nervously anticipating the moment our eyes would meet.

Finally, after what seemed like forever Edwards's eyes caught mine, holding me with an intense stare. His deep, piercing, emerald eyes made me momentarily weak in the knees. I knew I was supposed to be letting go and allowing myself to _feel _but this…this was out of control. I literally had zero control of the way my body was reacting to him. I was powerless over the thoughts that were running through my head.

Edward finally released me from his eyes and glanced at the empty seat next to me. His lips twitched, fighting back a smile and ended up with a devilish smirk. That typical Edward smirk that drove me mad wondering what he was thinking. He finally made his way over to my table and dropped his back pack on the floor next to him, just as the final bell rang.

And just like that… there was my sign. It was more like a huge flashing neon sign that you would find on the Las Vegas strip, but still a sign. Not that it surprised me any, I had known since the first time I laid eyes on him that Edward _owned_ me.

I was so lost in thought I hadn't noticed just how close Edward was to me. He leaned in even closer his lips close to my ear. "Good morning, Bella," he whispered. His hot cinnamon flavored breath assaulted me, causing me to shiver before scooting his seat back on to his side of the table.

I swallowed hard and tried to regain some kind of composure. I had to put my walls back up. I couldn't let Edward see me _reacting_ so foolishly to him. I couldn't allow myself to be in this close of proximity to him and not have full control of the situation. This was so reckless of me. I should have known better then to allow this to happen. I would have to revert back to the only defense that came natural to me. I'd have to completely shut down. Turning quickly to face him, I smiled and said good morning. Then I pulled my signature Bella move, tossing my long hair over my left shoulder, creating a shield between me and my greatest weakness.

Thank God for Mr. Molina and his never ending note taking today. I had three full pages of notes on photography and 'its place in the art world'. My lord, that man could talk, and talk, and talk. Finally, he took a break as he looked for what I could only assume was going to be our assignment on this lecture.

We were about forty minutes into the sixty minute class. So far so good. I had managed to get lost in my work and pull myself back together. Do I dare move from this safe position and risk it all again by talking to Edward? Damnit, I didn't even have to talk to him to risk giving myself away. Just looking at him sometimes was enough to send my heart galloping. I had to be aware at all times of my facial expressions. I had to remind myself to breathe and think of mindless things to say and just how to say them. It was quite the job for me to be 'casual' with Edward.

I heard Edward clear his throat and my knee jerk reaction was to turn and face him. To my surprise, he was sitting at the furthest end of the table away from me. I'm sure my facial expressions left nothing to question. I was positive that the look of shock on my face was evident. But Edward didn't see it. I surveyed his demeanor sitting next to me, clenching and unclenching his fists, looking everywhere but at me. Did he really find me so revolting that he couldn't bear to look in my direction? Did I miss something here?

_Oh yeah, Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, that's right_. _Well fuck you, Mr. Hyde_

Just as I was about to turn around, back into my safety bubble on this end of the table, Edward's head snapped in my direction.

"Bella, are you wearing some kind of new perfume or _something_?" he demanded, his square jaw was clinched tightly.

_That was fucking rude? _

"No why?" I shot back.

"Nothing…nevermind then," he spoke so low I could barely make it out.

"I don't wear perfume, Edward. I am wearing some new lotion, and I used a new shampoo this morning but –" he cut me off.

"What kind is it?" he retorted.

"_What kind_? I don't know just this stuff I bought at the mall, what is _with_ you?"

Edward took a deep breath and swallowed thickly before responding.

"I meant _the scent_ what _kind_ is it?" he said flatly.

_What the hell was wrong with him? Had I fallen asleep at my desk at some point? Was this a dream??_

"Um, the lotion is freesia and the shampoo is nectarine." I had no clue what the hell was going on so I just answered him.

Edward nodded once and then slowly turned in my direction our eyes meeting for the first time since he had sat down. He leaned in my direction placing all of his weight on his right forearm bring his face within inches of mine. I think I forgot to breath or maybe _how_ to breathe at this point.

"It's very…._distracting_," he enunciated every syllable in a low velvety voice. His tongue peaked out and slowly licked his bottom lip and then turned his head back down to his notes. And then he moved back to his position at the other end of the table.

I was still trying to form a coherent thought when I heard Mr. Molina speak loudly, bring the class back to attention.

"Ok, listen up, guys!" he called in a very authoritative tone, "Look at the person next to you."

_Oh god no. I can't look at him. Not again. _

I peaked at Edward out of the corner of my eye and he mirrored my glance.

"That person is going to be your partner for the rest of the semester." He gave us all a pointed look.

"You two will be working on this photography assignment until after the New Year. You will be spending a lot of time with your partner, getting to know their family and holiday family traditions, documenting them with photographs and videos. This will hold a substantial amount of your grade for passing this class. So, I will give you these last few minutes to get to know your partner and I will be passing out the guidelines for this assignment."

There was some grumbling amongst the students and some happy squeals as well. As for me…I was still in shock. The one day Edward sits next me, we get stuck with each other for the next three months.

_This should be interesting_.

I drew in a deep breath and turned to face Edward. Who to my surprise was chuckling and shaking his head.

"What's so funny?" I demanded.

"Nothing," he said, trying to compose himself. He finally turned to me and smirked.

"Looks like it's you and me Sawn, until _January_." He chuckled again as if he was laughing at some inside joke. I narrowed my eyes at him, but before I could get a word out the bell rang, causing too much of a distraction to get into this with him right now.

"Bella, wait up," I heard Riley calling to me as Edward and I silently loaded up our backpacks. Riley made it to us before we could say a word to each other.

"Hey Cullen, what's up man?" Riley and Edward did some sort of fist bump as Edward put on his coat. "How's it going, Riley? You ready for gym?" Edward was talking to him very normal.

_Hello Dr Jekyll welcome back. _

We started to make our way out of the class room and into the hall way. They were talking about some new weight machine that the school just received and I tried to act as normal as possible, looking for Alice and Rose through the crowded hallway. We had come to a stop in front of Riley's locker. He tossed some books in it and turned back to face Edward and myself.

"So Cullen, any chance you want to switch partners for the holiday project?" Riley asked looking at Edward first then at me.

Edward smirked, "Not a chance in hell, buddy," he chuckled again before turning and leaving us standing there in the hallway, watching him walk toward the gym.

****

The rest of the day was mostly a blur. I was dragging my ass before lunch. I was so beyond tired and after Edward denied any chance in "hell" for us to switch partners, I was completely lost in my thoughts. So much so, that I didn't bother to really listen in on any conversations going on around me.

At lunch it was pretty routine. Alice and Rose had pulled me aside in the line before we made it to our table.

"I hear you have a _new _partner, "Rose cooed and then snorted.

"Great, is there anyone that doesn't know yet?" I moaned.

"Emmett doesn't know yet, unless he checked his voicemail on his break," She laughed.

Alice giggled. "Stop it you two, someone is going to hear you," she said quietly.

We all looked up to see Edward, Riley and Jasper walking our way. We made it through the lunch line and sat at our regular table. Edward sat directly across from me today.

_This was different_.

Edward and I didn't say much to each other, but the one thing that was unusual today was every single time I looked up his eyes met mine. This was making me anxious, and if I had to be honest with myself a little turned on. It was just the _way_ he was looking at me.

His eyes held mine powerfully, they were darkened slightly with some sort of _longing_ or perhaps _desire_? I swallowed thickly and licked my lips. My pulse was thumping at an accelerated rate. Still, I couldn't pull my eyes away from his. Edward's lips twitched and I could see he was holding back a smile. I felt as if he was reading my mind and he could hear all my secrets about him, the way he made me feel, and the way my body was reacting to him.

I couldn't help but blush. Edward had to have seen it. I mean I could feel my face burning and that is when he let out a soft chuckle, not in a mocking way but it the same way as before. As if he was laughing at some kind of inside joke only he knew, which was hardly fair.

_How desperate I was to know his secrets. _

_****_

Finally, it was the end of the day. I had somehow made it through this day without falling asleep and without giving too much of myself away. I don't even know how I was going to drive home, but I knew the second I got there I was going to take a nap. By the time I made it out to my truck, everyone was already outside.

"Hey zombie, move your ass. We have been waiting for you!" Rose yelled.

I sighed, finally making it to my truck, I tossed my backpack and purse into the cab then turned back to the group.

"Sorry, I really didn't get any sleep last night. I feel like shit and _all_ I can think about is jumping into bed," I moaned a little more breathily then I intended.

Edward started coughing uncontrollably and Rose was the first one to interject.

"What's wrong, Edward? Smoke much?" she smirked.

"Fuck off, Rose. I can smoke just fine thanks," he rolled his eyes and took another drag off of his cigarette.

"Umhumm, I see that," Rose retorted and turned her attention back to us.

When I looked up, finally realizing what Rose was implying, Edward was just looking at me as if he were evaluating me.

"Are you ok to drive?" he asked me, his voice laced with concern.

"I'll be fine. I'm just tired, that's all," I smiled at him. But the concern didn't leave his face.

"Oh speaking of driving…wow, I must really be out of it. Charlie wants me to go car shopping this weekend!" I was actually pretty excited about getting a new car I had never been car shopping before.

"I'm in!" everyone said at once. I laughed. "Well, that was easy enough."

Riley was the first to comment on what kind of car I should get.

"Bella, I think you would look smokin' hot in a small sports car," he smiled as he came closer. "Just think about it –"

"Are you fucking stupid?" Edward cut him off mid sentence. "Do you not live in the same Forks, Washington we do? She could get killed in a car like that. Do you not consider her safety at all?" he growled moving closer to Riley.

"Fucking chill out, Cullen!" Riley came right back at him. "Of course I want Bella to be safe. I was just talking, tossing out ideas. I will make sure she finds a suitable car for weather and style," he smiled back at me.

Edward stalked over to him, flicking his cigarette in mid stride. "Oh, you will, huh? I _believe_ the plan was we were _all_ going with Bella this weekend," Edward spat at him.

Riley looked upset and I had never seen Riley get upset before. He and Edward were glaring at each other and thank god for Jasper for being the only one to speak up.

"Edward, let's get going." He grabbed Edward by the arm and tugged. Edward ripped his arm out of his grasp and turned to look at me. His eyes softened and were apologetic.

"Bella, I'm going to follow you home to make sure you get there safely," he stated and turned on his heels, making a bee line back to his car with Jasper.

Riley turned to me, confusion the only emotion I could see. "What the fuck was that? What did I do?" he shrugged.

"Well, that was fucking interesting" Rose chuckled.

"Nothing, Riley. You know how he is with Bella, all protective and stuff. He is like that with all of us girls," Alice lied trying to console him.

"Bella, you should get going they are waiting," Alice motioned to Edwards's car.

"Um, yeah, ok I will call you guys later." I gave all three of them quick hugs before getting into my truck.

****

_Home at last! _

The second I pulled into the driveway, all I could think of was _sleep_. I needed to sleep. Today had been so crazy. And even with everything that had happened, I was just as confused as I was when I started the day. I guess Alice had been right after all, I did need more time, time to sort through this mess I had created for myself. I really didn't have time to mull things over. Edward was at my door waiting for me to get out of the truck.

He helped me take my bags in, while Jasper waited in the car. "Thank you, Edward. You really didn't have to follow me home," I smiled, still grateful for his consideration.

He sat my bags down and raked his hands though his hair, pursing his lips. "I'm sorry for acting like such a dick about your new car, B. It's not my place, I know. However, I really do want you to be safe," he said quietly.

"I know, Edward." I smiled and before I could even process what I was doing I moved to him and wrapped my arms around him. Edward didn't hesitate for a second before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to him.

"I have to make sure my partner makes it to school the next three months. You know how fucking anal I get about my grades," he joked, chuckling, as we stood there embracing each other.

"Can I tell you something?" I mumbled into his chest.

"Anything."

"Charlie wanted me to ask you to go with me to look for a new car."

Edward pulled back slightly, looking down at me. "Really?" he questioned in a serious tone.

"Yes, really," I nodded looking up at him.

Edwards expression changed, as if he were contemplating something what I had no clue.

"And you?" he asked softly.

"And me what?" I was too lost in his eyes and arms to even try to put this puzzle together.

He smiled. "And who do you want to go with you, Bella?" he asked.

I couldn't even try to lie, not right now, not in his arms, not with that beautiful smile on his face.

"You." It came out in almost a whisper.

Edward pulled me back into his chest. "Then we will go to Seattle on Saturday. And since we are partners, I do believe I need to look for a camera as well."

"But you have a great camera, Edward." I pulled back, looking at him confused.

He stood there smirking at me for a moment, allowing my tired brain to catch up to what he was getting at.

"Oh." was all I could say as I felt the heat creeping up my cheeks.

Edward pulled me into one final embrace before releasing me. "B, you really need to get some sleep, ok?"

"I know and I will. Actually, I will be in bed before you get home." I laughed, even though I was very serious.

"Well, I will text you when I get home." Edward smiled one last glorious time for me, a real smile, one that reached all the way up to his eyes. A smile I had not seen in such a long time. The smile I missed desperately.

I headed straight up to my room and changed into pajamas and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Just as I finished up, I heard my phone buzzing on my nightstand.

"_Are you sleeping yet?" E._

"_Not yet. I was just about to lie down." B._

"_Tell me a story? I will be the one losing sleep tonight without it." E._

"_MP3 Leona Lewis – "Happy" B._

"_Tell me a story a great one I need to get some rest tonight" B._

"_MP3 Tesla – "Love song" this should help put your mind to rest B. You get some sleep now. I will see you tomorrow." E._

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**A/N Ok guys I hope you can see where I am going with this now….Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? Reviews are love ladies… show me some love! **

**I know you waited a long time for it and I do my very best to post every 7-10 days but the past few have been at the 14 day marker. I just want to say thank you for sticking with me and please trust me that I would never just abandon this story! **

**All links for this chapter are on my profile page songs, pictures and the link to Krysti's blog for post chapter interview with Textward!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- Hello to all my readers! Thank you all so very much for all of the wonderful reviews! Thank you for sticking with me another two weeks. I guess we can see a pattern here. I have been constantly posted every two weeks and for now I am going to have to stick with this time frame. JSYK.**

**First and foremost I have to thank Krysti, you are an amazing BETA Bitch! I don't know how you put up with me sometimes, but I love you for it!! Seriously I love the shit out of you girlie!**

**I have to give a special shout out to my girls over at RAoR. I have a special recommendation for your Ladies. Xlavendermoonx is a new author and a friend from RAoR. Please go check out her new story "Blinding" Show her some love!!**

**A special THANK YOU goes to Robmusment for making my banners. Love ya girlie! **

**As always thank you to all my BTFF's and all my girls out there on Twitter for pimpin' out A&N. And I could never forget my bestieeeeees Stoli, T, Brina and JW I heart you girls so very much for all the love & support!**

**JW, thank you so much for your words for wisdom and honesty when previewing luv ya!! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me**

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**BPOV **

Another Friday night, another weekend that Edward was acting like Mr. Hyde and isolating himself from the rest of us. We were all going to Cosmic Bowl in Port Angles tonight. Bowling was not one of my favorite things to do. However, the music was great and they turned the lights off so the pins and bowling balls glowed in the dark. The darkness worked in my favor, because no one could see just how bad I was at it.

Alice had insisted Rose and I meet at her house for dinner and the guys would meet us there. I really didn't see the need to eat dinner before we went out. Every time we went bowling we would end up ordering cheese fries and fried mushrooms. The mushrooms were my favorite, especially with ranch dressing. I made a mental note to save room for them later.

I glanced over at my clock and it was only 4:45pm. I still had plenty of time to get ready. I was due over at the Cullen's house by "six sharp" as Alice put it. Deciding I would get ready now, I popped on my MP3 player to the song Edward had sent me on Monday. It had been such a shiteous day but it ended with Edward giving me an extremely long hug. The first hug I was able to obtain from him since we had decided to be 'friends' again… it was also the last one.

The song was bitter sweet. Every time I listened to it the words _"I'll be right there for you if you need a friend"_ stuck out the most to me, cutting me like a knife. Once again, Edward making it clear to me that he will be my forever _friend_. I was always so careful to pick songs that didn't use that irritating "f" word, hoping that he would understand that he was so much more to me than that.

I looked out my window, trying to gauge the weather. It looked like the weather man was right this time. Not one sign of rain tonight, so I decided I would straighten my hair. It was a rare opportunity. I wanted to take full advantage of it.

After getting my hair pin straight, I started applying makeup. It was going to be dark in the bowling alley so I went with very neutral tones all around. Light shimmery, brown eye shadow and brown eye liner would be sufficient for tonight. No need for blush, I did enough of that on my own.

Emmett would yell crazy shit about our asses being cute, or he would make disgusting farting sounds every time one of us girls was getting ready to roll the ball down the alley. He said that was his way to 'psych us out'. '_Gross us out' was more like it_. I'm guessing it was his 'strategy' since we mostly played guys against girls. Either way, I would end up beet red most of the night from sheer embarrassment.

I was just finishing up applying my lip gloss when my phone started ringing. I figured it would be Alice making sure I was going to be there on time.

"Hello!"

"Hey Bells!" Jacob's voice rang on the other end.

"Jake! Oh my god! How have you been? I've missed you!" I assaulted him excitedly with my words.

Chuckling, Jake finally continued.

"I've been great and I have missed you more than you can imagine. That is why I am calling." I could practically hear his smile though the phone.

"What's up? What do you mean?!" I squealed.

"I am coming home for Thanksgiving! I will be there in five days." Jake's voice sounded just about as excited as I feel.

"Oh my god Jake! Are you serious?" I yelled into the phone.

"Yes, and from all the yelling, I take it that you are just as happy about this as I am?" He laughed.

Instinctively, I grabbed on to my necklace and did a little happy dance around my room as Jake and I discussed his flight information. God, I have missed him so much. We chatted for a few more minutes about me picking him up at the airport but I didn't mention getting a new car. I wanted to surprise him when I got there.

"I really can't wait to see you, Bells," Jake said softly.

"Me either, Jake. I have so much to tell you. So much has gone on."

"Well, I have to get going but I will call you on Wednesday before my flight. We will have all weekend to catch up."

"Ok, but promise me, you and your dad will eat at our house for Thanksgiving?" I said sternly.

"I promise," Jake chuckled lightly. "I can never turn down your cooking, Bells."

We said our goodbyes and just like that I was in the best mood I have been in, in a long time. With Jake being here with me, maybe he could help me shed some light on the current situation I managed to get myself into with Edward and Riley.

I hurried to finish getting ready. I was so excited to get to Alice's house to tell the girls the news about Jake coming for Thanksgiving. I grabbed my jeans and a red, v-neck, long sleeved shirt. We were going bowling after all, no need to get all dressed up. I pulled on my favorite sneakers and since this was Forks, I decided to pull on my gray hoodie. It said F.H.S in red letters across the front with our schools Spartan logo underneath it.

I was not one for flashing my school spirit across my chest. However, it was either this or Edward's Hoodie, _which is my favorite_. But I didn't think it was appropriate to wear that when I was going on a date with Riley.

I tossed a few things into my purse and ran downstairs. Charlie was already at the station. So, I made sure to leave him a note, telling him I made up some sandwiches earlier, and they were in the refrigerator for when he came home for lunch. I grabbed a Snapple and was out the door in a flash.

****

I pulled into the Cullen's circular driveway. With a quick observation of the almost empty driveway, I noticed only Emmett and Edward were home. I checked my phone for the time. It was already 5:45. I shot Alice a quick text message asking her where she was before I got out of the truck.

I was going to knock on the front door when I heard a hallow thumping echoing from the side of the house. If I had to guess, it was probably Emmett playing basketball. But that didn't make sense because even though he was not expected to use his crutches any longer, I knew he had a full length brace he still had to wear for the next eight weeks.

I decided to go check out where the noise was coming from since Alice was not home yet anyway. It was just dark enough outside to cause the huge lights above the garage to come on. I quietly made my way around the side of the house and to my surprise, I saw _Edward _playing basketball, _alone._

He looked incredible. Edward was wearing navy blue jogging pants and a light gray long sleeved t-shirt with the sleeves shoved up to his elbows. It clung tightly to his muscular chest as it was drenched with sweat. His hair was damp from sweating as well, and in more of disarray then usual. I watched in awe as he bounced the ball and ran in for a lay up.

Edward was a great basketball player. He was tall and muscular enough to be on the team. Part of me wondered why he never tried out. I leaned against Emmett's Hummer admiring my view, but still far enough way where he wouldn't see me gawking at him.

I was so enthralled watching him. All I could hear were the sounds of Edwards pants swishing as he ran and the hypnotic way the ball thumped when he was getting read to make a basket. But what caught me off guard, was the way I reacted when I saw him jump up for a shot and his shirt came up, just enough to expose his perfectly defined abs and the light, soft hair trail that dips right into his waist band. Even the slightest glimpse of it commended my attention. It took everything I had to fight back the moan that threatened to escape my lips.

_Holy shit Bella, get a hold of yourself! _

Just then I heard a door slam. Both mine and Edward's head snapped in the direction of the pool house, as Emmett limped his way over to where Edward was standing.

"Hey gimpy, how was the swim?" Edward asked.

"Fucking sucked, Dude. I hate this rehab shit," Emmett groaned.

I stood up straighter and walked a little bit closer tying to seem casual. But just as I approached Emmett asked Edward if he had changed his mind about coming with us tonight. And I froze desperate to his hear response.

"Nope." Edward said simply, popping the 'p' at the end.

"Why not dude? Everyone is going to be there. _Bella_ will be there," Emmett pleaded.

_Why in the hell did he say my name like that? _

"Yeah, she will. With her _date,_" Edward retorted and started to bounce the ball.

"Then what the fuck are you going to do tonight? Just sit at home?" Emmett asked.

"I'm going to meet up with Lauren. We um…eh…need to talk." Edward stammered and continued bouncing the ball through his legs now.

The jealousy I felt, stung as I narrowed my eyes at him. How could he fucking still be hanging out with those skanks? He _knows_ just how shitty they are to me.

Just then my phone started ringing. I jumped about twenty five feet in the air as I started rifling though my purse. Edward and Emmett both turned quickly to me. Thank god I had to answer my phone.

"Hello?" I said breathlessly.

"Bella, I am so, so sorry I will be there in ten minutes," Alice said quickly. "I am just waiting on the Chinese food. They are taking for- eve-r." I could hear the annoyance in her voice.

"I-its ok, Alice. I-I um…just got here," I lied.

"Finally!" She chirped "Ok, I will see you soon. Foods ready."

She hung up before I could get another word in. I looked up to see Edward and Emmett still staring at me.

"Hey guys," I said, as causally as I possibly could.

"Hey, Bambino. I'm going to take a shower before Rose gets here. I'll catch you inside." Em' said, as he limped towards the house.

I slowly made my way towards Edward as he bounced the ball.

"Hey." Was all I managed to say.

"Hey."

I wondered briefly who I was going to be talking to tonight, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde? Edward was sweating and still breathing heavily.

"Give me a second, ok?" he said as he turned and ran toward the garage.

I watched him run into the garage and put the basketball away and grab a towel. He was wiping the sweat from his brow, and then ran the towel over his hair, and across the back of his neck, where he left it draping.

"Sorry I am such a fucking mess," He said finally, with a sheepish grin.

_Ok Dr. Jekyll, nice to see you're here. _

"You look great." The words… the damn words left my mouth before I could even think twice about them.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at me, smirking.

"I mean, I-I mean you look like you. Just _really_ sweaty," I stumbled with my words.

_What the fuck was wrong with me? _

Edward chuckled. "Yes, I guess your right. I feel pretty fucking disgusting," He said as he pulled at his shirt.

And then I said it. I couldn't even believe it, as the words came rushing out of my mouth.

"Are you going to shower?" I instantly could feel the heat scorching my face. I must have turned fifty shades of red.

I was mortified and Edward looked amused. He just stood there grinning at me.

"Of course I am going to shower, B. Why do you ask?" his voice was lower and huskier then usual. He licked his lips and took a step closer.

I was frozen in place. My eyes were glued to his lips, as I tried to form a coherent thought. I was struggling to breathe. My heart started pounding against my chest. I took a deep breath and finally started to speak.

"I mean if y-you're going out with us tonight, you should…shower…because we are leaving right after dinner." Finally, I chocked the words out.

Edwards's eyes were locked with mine. And the corners of his lips were twitching as if he were holding back a smile. He was searching my eyes for something. I didn't know what my expression held but it seemed to soften his intense stare right before he spoke.

"I'm not going out with you guys tonight. But I do have something I wanted to show you… if that's ok?" he said, taking a small step back.

"Ok," I agreed quickly. I needed something to distract me. I needed a minute to reign myself in. I was acting like a _crazy person._

Edward led me into the house and headed straight for the living room. He grabbed his laptop that was sitting on the coffee table as he sat down on the couch. He looked really excited, patting the seat next to him for me join him. I sat down as close as I thought was acceptable for 'friends' to sit.

Edward flipped open his laptop and started pulling up a webpage. He looked over at me, sitting a few feet away and rolled his eyes.

"You won't be able to see from over there, B." He laughed as he leaned over and hooked his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. So close that the left side of my body was flush to his right side.

"Better," He said, turning his attention back to the screen.

I watched him type in Volvo in the search engine. I knew instantly he had been doing research for my new car.

I laughed "Shocking. You want me to get a Volvo, Edward? Wow I would have never guessed," I giggled.

"B, they are the safest cars on the road and they hold their value," he stated.

"Ok, but I don't want some fast race car like you have, E. I am use to driving the beast. I need a big one."

Edward bit his bottom lip and focused his eyes at the screen. He let out this half laugh half sigh.

"Ok, B. I'll make sure you get a _big one_," he chuckled this time.

My eyes widened at the realization of what I had said.

"Oh my god! Edward, you know what I meant!" I laughed, hitting his arm playfully.

"I'm fucking with you, B. Now here, look at this," he said, still laughing, but I could see the excitement in his eyes.

"I have done a lot of research and I think this is the perfect SUV for you," he said proudly. "It's the new XC60."

"Is that the name of it?" I questioned looking at the truck on the screen. "What's so great about it?"

"Yes, that is the name of it," he sighed. "And everything is fucking great about this truck. It has all wheel drive, which is perfect for the weather around here. And there is an optional safety package. It has GPS, alloy wheels and it gets 22mpg." He was listing off everything about this truck and nothing that sounded remotely familiar to me.

"Edward, I have no clue what any of that _means,_" I laughed. "Do I _have_ to get it in silver?" I teased, because the picture he pulled up was in fact silver.

"Um… no….I think, this truck in black is the best…but it's up to you," he shrugged.

_I think I embarrassed him. _

"So, is that where we are going tomorrow?" I asked.

"You want to test drive it?" He turned to face me, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Well, I thought that was the plan right? Tomorrow we were going to go pick out my new truck," I said quietly.

"Fuck yes, that's the plan. B. But you really like it? You want to go check it out?" Edward was grinning from ear to ear, as he jumped up standing in front of me now.

"I do," I nodded. "If I like it, do you think they will let me drive it home tomorrow?" Edward's excitement was infectious. He had me excited about driving home in my new car.

"Of course they will," he laughed. "Are you sure you don't want to look around some more though?" He looked concerned.

I shook my head. "No, You know I don't like shopping and plus if you say it's the best. Well I-I trust you." My voice dropped to a whisper at the end.

I looked up and saw that beautiful smile that reached all the way up to his eyes. Edward ran his hand through his hair and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, biting down on it, as if he was contemplating saying something.

Just then Alice, Rose and Esme came bursting into the house.

"Foods here boys!" Esme yelled.

Edward's head snapped in his mother's direction and then back to me.

"I'm going to go take that shower now." He smirked and turned, leaving me sitting in the living room.

"I'll be down in five. I need to shower," Edward said to his mom as he kissed her on the cheek and took off for the stairs.

"Bella, there you are! Come on let's eat!" Alice said, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

I helped Alice and Esme set the table as Rose unloaded the food from the large boxes. There must have been at least twenty different things to choose from. Just as we were getting seated around the large dinning room the door bell rang. Riley and Jasper were already here.

_Shit. _

Lately, every time Riley was around, Edward completely shut down around me and Mr. Hyde came out to play.

Nonetheless, Riley was my date tonight, so I got up to greet him.

"Hey, gorgeous," he smiled, as he pulled me in to warm embrace.

"Hey, I see you came just in time for dinner," I teased. Seriously the boy could eat just as much as Emmett. No wonder Esme bought so much food.

By this time, Emmett had made it down and we were all starting to eat. Alice was chatting with Jasper. Rose and I were talking about finding a way for the guys to let us use bumpers tonight at the bowling alley. Emmett must've over heard us.

"No freaking way, Rose! If I have to bowl with this damn brace, you can't use bumpers," he snorted.

"Well, maybe if you didn't make _disgusting _noises when we would get up to bowl, we wouldn't need bumpers," she shot back.

"Emmett Cullen, you make disgusting noises in front of these girls? Now why on earth would you do that?" Esme scolded.

Everyone at the table busted out laughing and Emmett just shook his head in embarrassment.

We had finished eating and were getting ready to go. Edward never came back down. Even as we were gathering up our purses and coats I kept my eyes on the staircase.

"He's not coming down, Bella." Emmett whispered quietly to me, and then turned and walked away.

Riley grabbed my hand and led me out the door. I felt a twinge of jealously as I took one last look at the stairs, wondering if he was on the phone with Lauren, making plans for tonight.

****

We had been bowling for a few hours already and the girls had given up. The guys slaughtered us all 3 games. They were playing against each other now while we munched on junk food and chatted.

I went to go get some Skittles and just as I was about to sit down, Riley pulled me into his lap.

"Can I have some of those?" he smiled.

"Of course you can. You paid for them," I laughed.

Riley and I fell back into our comfort zone with each other easily. We always had a great time together and it was just so easy to be myself around him. I never worried about what he was thinking or stressed over how I was going to act around him.

"Are you having fun?" Riley asked me.

"Do you even need to ask? I don't think I have laughed so hard in weeks," I said honestly. "You and Emmett are hilarious together."

"Good, I like to see you smile," He said, as he rested his forehead against mine.

"Bella! Your purse is vibrating again!" Rose yelled over the music. "I told you to keep that shit at home!" she laughed.

"_Great_." I mumbled. Riley laughed at me as I got up.

"You know she is joking, right?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I don't know, Bella. Girls carry _crazy _shit in their purses," he teased.

I walked over to Rose as she handed me my purse, smirking. "_Thanks_ Rose." I rolled my eyes jokingly.

"Anytime," she chuckled.

I pulled out my phone and it was Edward.

_Edward has sent me a text? _

"_I'm going to bed soon. What time do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?" E. _

"_Bed already? It's like 11:30. Are you ok?" B. _

"_Yes. Fine. What time is good for you?" E. _

_Well hello, Mr. Hyde. _I wondered what happened tonight with Lauren. but didn't dare ask.

"_Whatever time is good for you, is fine for me." B. _

I can be snippy too Mr. Hyde. I was really getting sick of his damn mood swings.

"_How about 10? If you're out too late, let me know if you need it to be later." E. _

"Bella, Is everything ok? " Riley voice startled me. I turned around quickly.

"Yes everything is fine." I smiled

"Who are you texting?" he asked.

The expression on my face must've given away my shock. Why was he asking me who I was texting? Was it any of his business?

"Edward." I said flatly.

"Oh, I-I didn't mean to be nosey, its j-just you seemed… upset. That's all." He legitimately looked concerned.

I must have not even realized how the messages were affecting me.

"No, everything is fine. We are going shopping tomorrow in Seattle for some new cameras for our project." I lied.

I have to admit I was a little shocked on how easy it was to lie to his face. My phone buzzed in my hand again, causing me to jump slightly.

"_Hello? Is 10 ok, B?" E. _

"_Yes, perfect. We are leaving here shortly, anyway." B. _

I don't know why I felt the need to tell him we were leaving, but something inside me didn't want him to think I was going to be out all night with Riley.

"_Great, I will see you in the morning. I'm heading to bed now, goodnight." E. _

What? He was going to bed and he had not even asked me to tell him a story? He was breaking tradition on me tonight?

Riley sighed heavily and mumbled something about going to change his shoes.

_Shit! _

I had left him standing there like an asshole while I was texting Edward. I instantly felt guilty. So I shoved my phone into my pocket and went to sit next to Riley.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you standing there. We were just getting a time set for tomorrow." I said quietly. "I really am sorry, Riley."

"Hey, its cool. I get it," he said coolly, as he changed his shoes. "It was really not my place to ask you who you were talking to anyway, Bella." I could hear the irritation in his voice.

"I don't mind. I mean you were concerned. I understand."

He still was not looking at me so we finished changing our shoes in silence. Finally, after he was done, he turned to face me.

"Bella, I was worried. Your whole _demeanor _changed. I was just making sure you were ok. I was not being intrusive," he offered me a small smile.

I believed him. I didn't think he was trying to be overbearing. Riley was just not 'that' guy.

"I am sorry. You know with Edward sometimes things are just… _weird _between us. I really don't know how else to explain that to you."

He nodded. "I understand and you don't have to explain yourself to me. If you say you are fine, then that is all that matters to me."

He pulled me up and gave me hug and kissed the top of my head.

"I'm going to get a coke you want one?" he offered.

"Water would be great thank you," I smiled, as he headed for the snack bar.

I quickly pulled out my phone and sent Edward one last message.

"_Goodnight E. You might not need one but I still do…Tell me a story?" B. _

"_MP3 - He's everything you want - Vertical Horizon. Goodnight B." E. _

What in the hell? Why would he send me this song? Was he implying Riley was everything I want?

_Was Edward Jealous?_

I shook my head in disbelief. That couldn't be it, could it? Worry overtook me. I was not going to sit up all night wondering what another song meant. I needed to know. I quickly shot a text back.

"_What is that song supposed to mean?" B. _

"_Just listen to it B. I will see you in the morning. Be safe driving home. Goodnight." E. _

I looked up and saw Riley carrying our drinks and shoved my phone back into my purse.

****

The next morning didn't feel like morning at all. The clouds were so dark it still looked like night outside. I turned on the TV while I poured myself some orange juice and towel dried my hair. I stood in front of the TV awaiting the weather. Finally, the weather man came on, saying we were going to have heavy rain and snow today, with the accumulation up to eight inches.

_Great. _

I ran upstairs. I needed to text Edward to make sure we were still going. Or else he was going to be driving me around for the next few days, because there was no way I was going to make it in my truck with that kind of snow.

"_Hey, we are still going today. right?" B. _

"_Yes, we should get going soon. I already called a dealership in Port Angles." E. _

Well, there goes my day with Edward. I had hoped we could still make it to Seattle at least that drive would have given us a few hours together. Now, we only had about thirty minutes at best. Edward drove like we were at the Indy 500 raceway most of the time.

I made my way back into the bathroom and silently thanked god that I had already done my make up. I wanted to look great today without having to rush my way though it. Spraying a lot of leave in conditioner into my hair, before I used the diffuser, was the only way I was going to be able to manage my hair today. I had to leave it wavy since the weather here left me with no choice.

After what seemed like forever drying my hair, it was time to pick out some thing to wear. I sighed when I opened my closet. I struggled to decide if I was going to take Alice's advice or just throw on one of the sweat suit outfits that would be comfortable and warm. I bit my lip looking at the outfit Alice and I had discussed earlier in the week and decided it would be best if I went with the more sophisticated look. Alice and Rose, of course, were the only ones I had told exactly where Edward and I had intend to spend our day.

I made sure to apply the freesia lotion that seemed to get Edwards attention the first day I wore it. I slipped on the strapless bra and of course I stood there fidgeting with it for a few minutes even though Alice had told me that was the way it was supposed to fit. To me, it felt like it was going to fall down at any second, but she assured me it would not.

I tugged on the very dark blue jeans and finally tackled the task of putting on the, off the shoulder, long sleeved shirt that Alice had picked out. I really liked the dark teal color and the way it gathered at the top. But it was very snug and totally not something I would have picked out on my own. It exposed my whole neckline all the way down to the collar bone. Thank god she had given in to my suggestion on the long black cashmere warp I chose to go with it. I tucked my necklace from Jake into the blouse before putting on my shoes.

I was not going to wear the heels she had paired with this outfit. One, they were not practical on a day like this. And two, I didn't think I was going to survive wearing them to begin with. I pulled on my black ankle boots that had a very modest heel, nowhere near the height of anything Alice would have chosen.

Just as I was heading down stairs, I heard the knock at the door.

_He was here. _

I opened the door and was taken back immediately. Edward was wearing a baseball cap.

_Edward never wears a baseball cap._

But here he stood, in my door way grinning, with a lollipop stick hanging out of his mouth and his hands shoved into the pockets of his black jacket. He was wearing blue jeans that looked pretty worn. They had a small worn hole on the right side by his pocket and a tear just across his left knee. I'm sure they were probably two hundred and fifty dollar jeans that Alice had picked out, that had that "weathered" look, as she would say.

"Hey, what's up with the baseball cap?" I questioned as I finally stepped aside to allow him in.

"Its going to be raining pretty hard today and we are going to be stuck out on a car lot." he shrugged. "It just seemed appropriate," he finished as he used his tongue to move the lollipop around his mouth, smirking at me.

"Shit, I need to grab an umbrella," I said, finally drawing my eyes away from his mouth.

Edward grabbed my arm as I went to turn around pulling me back toward the door way where he was standing.

"I already have one for you in the car, B." he smiled.

"Oh of course you do, Edward," I giggled. "Always the boy scout, huh?"

"B, I was never a fucking boy scout," he winked, joking with me.

Suddenly, his eyes moved to where he was still holding onto my arm and he released me instantly. He shifted uncomfortably as he twisted the lollipop between his lips. Just watching him do that made my mouth water. I meant to look down, to try and pull my eyes away from gawking at his mouth, when I suddenly found my eyes darting straight to his crotch.

_What the fuck was going on with me? _

I blame it on him and his damn button fly jeans. Every time he moved, his pants shifted drawing my eyes to the silver buttons that peaked out from behind the material that was supposed to be covering them.

_God help me. Today was going to be a long day. _

Without even thinking about it. I turned on my heel and headed into the kitchen.

"I just need to grab a few things," I yelled back at him.

I grabbed my purse off the kitchen table, stuffing my cell phone and checkbook into it. Suddenly, I heard Edward clearing his throat behind me. I instinctively turned around. He was leaning against the door way just staring at me.

"What?" I asked. I could feel the heat flashing on my cheeks.

"Nothing," he shook his head. "You just look really beautiful today," his voice dropped to almost a whisper.

"Thank you," I blushed and silently thanked Alice for her advice.

"We should really get going," Edward said as he stood up straighter pulling the lollipop out of his mouth and tossing it in the trash.

****

We were finally on the road and we had not said much. Edward seemed a little uncomfortable once we were alone. I worried that even though Dr. Jekyll showed up at my front door this morning that Mr. Hyde was gong to emerge at any second.

Edwards's eyes were hidden behind the dark lenses of his Raybans. I noticed how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel. His whole body was tense and I wondered if it was me, my presence in his car alone for the first time in what seemed to be forever.

I wanted to ask him what was wrong, I really did. But I held back, in fear of what he might say. I just couldn't take it if it was me that was causing such a reaction from him. Instead I turned on the radio.

I was trying to find a decent song to listen to when Edward finally spoke.

"Fuck B, are you wearing that lotion again?" His voice sounded strained as he pressed the button to roll down the widow slightly.

My head snapped in his direction. "Yes, why? What's wrong with it? Its just lotion, Edward?" I said defensively.

"I told you it was…distracting," he said, as his jaw clenched. "Its fine. I will just fucking deal with it," he mumbled.

_Hello, Mr. Hyde._

I sighed and rolled my eyes turning back to the radio. What the hell was his problem? He was so moody lately. And I was getting pretty fed up with Mr. Hyde. Just then the song came on and I smirked to myself as I turned it up. It was very fitting for Edwards mood swings lately.

_Cause you're hot then you're cold_

_You're yes then you're no_

_You're in then you're out_

_You're up then you're down_

_You're wrong when it's right_

_It's black and it's white_

_We fight, we break up_

_We kiss, we make up_

The song was loud as I hummed along with it. Edward slowly turned his head in my direction with my favorite lopsided smirk on his lips.

"Are you trying to tell me something, B?" he said as he lowered the volume.

"Maybe," I shrugged.

"Look B, I'm sorry I acted like a dick. I didn't mean to offend you. He moved his eyes quickly back to the road then back to me. His tongue slipped out and ran across his bottom lip.

"It's just that lotion…it…. makes you smell fucking delicious." He smiled and turned back to the road. His hands gripped the steering wheel tight "That…that is why it is so distracting," he said firmly, never looking back at me.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I just sat there in shock. Not really knowing what to say to that. I never would have imagined those words were going to fall from his lips. The rest of the car ride was silent.

*****

"Edward, how long does it take to buy a car?" I moaned.

We had been here for about two hours already. We took the XC60 for a test drive. The sales man went over every single detail of the car with Edward and me. After that, I had made a few calls to my mother and Charlie and I decided I was going to buy it. Edward was beaming.

"B, would you relax. These things take time," he chuckled, watching me pace around the finance office.

"But I'm starving," I whined.

"_Shit,_" Edward mumbled and sprang to the window. He turned back around to face me his eyes were pained slightly

"B, I was going to take to you to lunch, you know to celebrate you new car?" He said as he pulled his hat off and raked his long fingers through his hair quickly, before putting the hat back on.

"But of course, the fucking shitty weather here never complies," he said, nodding to the window.

I looked over his shoulder and saw the snow was starting to fall harder now.

"You were going to take me to lunch?" I smiled totally disregarding the weather.

Edwards smile spread across his face, making his striking green eyes sparkle.

"Of course I was. I knew we were going to be here for a long fucking time today, I had to make sure you got fed, B. You know how fuckin' cranky you get when you don't eat." he chuckled. "I promise I will make it up to you though," he ended with a sheepish smile.

"You better," I winked jokingly.

"But what about now. I'm still starving aren't you?" I groaned.

"I'll be right back," he said, as he hurried out the door, leaving me in the finance office alone.

_Where the hell was he going? _

"Bella Swan?" I heard my name being called, causing my head to snap up in her direction.

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Hello Bella, I am Chelsea. I will be helping you with the financing of your vehicle today." She smiled as she seated herself behind the desk.

She was stunning. She looked only a few years older than me. If I had to have guessed her age, I would have said about twenty four. She had long wavy blonde hair and strikingly beautiful blue eyes. She was dressed in black pinstriped business suite. Just being in the same room with her made me feel inadequate.

We started going over some easy paperwork stuff, just my name and address and insurance information. She had me filling out all the mundane details as she typed away on her keyboard.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and I knew it had to be Edward. I bit my lip nervously as I saw the beautiful woman answer it. I heard Edward speaking but I couldn't bring myself to look up. I didn't want to see his face when his eyes fell upon this model in front of me. I shifted in my seat and continued filling out he paper work.

"Is Bella Swan still in here? I just went next door to get some coffee." I heard him say.

"Yes, of course please come in," she replied.

I could feel Edwards's eyes on me and I looked up to meet his. He was carrying a tray with two cups in it and a small bag from Starbucks. He greeted with me a smile and mouthed 'sorry' to me as he took his seat.

He placed the drinks and the bag on the desk and turned to me.

"How's it going, B?" His eyes lit up with excitement as he glanced down at the paperwork I was filling out.

"Good, we were just getting started," I offered a timid smile.

Edward and I continued filling out the paperwork. I was shocked to see him not even glance up at the incredibly pretty woman that sat only a few feet away from us. I, on the other hand, was unable to pull my eyes away from her as I watched her virtually drooling over him. She was watching his every move as she ran a pen across her bottom teeth.

_I know Chelsea, trust me… I know._

We handed over the paperwork and she busied herself typing everything into the computer.

"So, how long have you two been dating?" she asked, apparently tying to make conversation.

Edwards's eyes flashed to mine. I didn't know what the hell to say, so I shrugged at him, taking a sip of my tea.

"Um…we are not dating. We are friends." Edward spoke directly at her until the word 'friends' fell from his lips, that was when he turned to me and cocked a eyebrow.

"Yes, friends," I said quietly, clearly annoyed with his manner.

"Oh really?" her voice went up an octave as she looked at Edward.

_Jesus lady, hold it together. He's only eighteen for fucks sakes. _

Edward flashed that panty dropping smile of his at her. I wondered if he even knew the power it held. Nonetheless, I wanted to slap him. That was _my_ smile, _my _favorite smile.

_Jealous much? _

"Yes, she is my number one priority. That's why I brought her here today to make sure she was taken care of…_ma'am_," Edward smirked as he leaned back in his seat, placing his arm around the back of my chair.

He emphasized the word "ma'am" and I wanted to fucking kiss him for it.

_Take that Chelsea, you old bitch. _

He turned and smiled, _my_ smile, at _me._ I couldn't help return it as I grinned at him. Just watching him smile at me like that was infectious.

Chelsea shifted back in her seat, clearly getting the hint and continued working. She was typing quickly and Edward and I ate the muffins he had bought us. Finally after about twenty minutes she excused herself and said she would be right back and we would be finishing up.

"You know that was really mean," I said giggling.

"What was?" Edward looked at me shocked.

"The way you were dazzling her with that smile, only to shoot her down seconds later," I laughed.

"What the fuck does _dazzling_ mean, B?" he said smirking at me.

"You know _exactly_ what I am talking about, Edward. Don't even try to act innocent. That smile you use to get your way with the ladies," I teased.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," he chuckled. "_Dazzling_? Are you serious, B? That makes me sound like a fucking fairy," he shook his head in disgust.

I was nearly in tears form laughing. I felt bad though for making him feel so emasculated. I grabbed his hand and held it in mine.

"E, look at me," I pleaded.

Finally, he looked up at me through his lashes. And I had to remember how to breathe for a second.

"Your smile….it's well, its great Edward, and girls really love it. That's all I meant by it," I said quietly.

He sat there for a moment looking at me, searching my eyes again for something I couldn't quite place. He then gripped my hand tighter in his and leaned forward. When he spoke the hot cinnamon of his breath enveloped me and I couldn't even focus any longer. I was lost in all that was Edward.

"Do you," he paused and licked his lips. "Do I have that affect on you, B?" he asked his velvety voice was soft and intoxicating.

"Yes," I whispered without even thinking about it. "Sometimes, yes." I confirmed again.

All of a sudden the door opened and Edward and I jumped back obviously startled. Chelsea walked in holding keys in her hand.

"Well, Miss Swan, you are now a proud owner of a Volvo XC60. Congratulations!" she smiled at me this time. She was almost too obvious the way she tried to ignore Edwards presence.

I jumped up to get my keys, and to my total surprise, Edward scooped me up into his arms and hugged me, congratulating me as well.

_I loved being in his arms._

We made our way out of the office and once we were outside the snow was now sticking to the ground. About three inches had accumulated already. Edward looked worried.

"Maybe I should just drive us home, we can come pick up your truck tomorrow, when the roads are clear," he said.

"Edward, you spent the last twenty four hours telling me how this was the safest vehicle on the road and best equipped for the snow," I teased. "I will be fine, I will be right behind you the whole way," I promised him.

Reluctantly, he agreed and we were heading back to Forks in my new truck.

****

The ride home was quite and I missed the smell of being in Edward's car. I kicked myself in the ass for not taking him up on the offer. The roads were not bad at all, however, I lost time with him. I saw Edward pull into the Wendy's parking lot and I wanted to cry. I pulled up next to him and rolled down the window.

"I will order us food just wait here, ok? We can eat at my house," he yelled to me.

"Sounds great," I smiled.

"I take it you still get the spicy chicken sandwich and root beer right?" he asked.

"Yes," I beamed at the thought of him knowing exactly what I order from just about every restaurant in town.

"B," he yelled, to get my attention as I was rolling up the window.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You look great in your new car," he winked and pulled away.

I was on cloud nine.

****

We made it back to Edward's house and no one was home. I knew Alice and Jasper were going to the movies with Em' and Rose. But I would have expected them back by now.

Edward and I ate at the huge island in the kitchen and went over some of the features of my new SUV. He teased me about getting the metallic gray, saying how it might as well have been black, just like he suggested. Soon, we were done eating and I helped him clean up and I realized how tired I was.

"Wow, what time is it?" I asked yawning.

Edward pulled his phone out of his pocket. "It's almost three," he said, "Hey want to come up to my room with me?" he asked.

I kind of just stood there contemplating this. I had not been in his room since…the night. The night I walked in on him and Lauren and the memory made me sick. He must have picked up on my hesitation.

"I just want to have a cigarette B, if you don't want to, I understand," he said softly.

"Um, sure," I said finally and we headed upstairs.

When I walked into the room I just stood there. It was surreal being back here. Normally, I would have sat on his couch and watched him smoke on his balcony. This time…this time I couldn't bring myself within ten feet of that couch. So I just stood there.

Edward went straight for the balcony and lit a cigarette. He didn't notice me standing awkwardly in his bedroom.

"Have a seat, B. You must be fucking tired. Making a fifty thousand dollar purchase can take a lot out of you," je smiled nodding to the couch.

My eyes followed his and all I could picture was him and that slut, Lauren on her knees in front of him. I shook my head and hugged my arms around myself. My sad eyes met his.

"Um, no thanks. I'm fine here," I said softly.

Edward must have finally put two and two together as he snuffed out his cigarette and came closer to me.

"B, I'm so fucking sorry, I-I was not even thinking. _Fuck_. I'm such an _idiot,_" he stammered.

He gently took me by my hand and led me over to the bed. I said nothing. I sat down on the bed as I clutched to my necklace for support. I had not thought about that night in so long. It was like it had not happened. What a fool I was to be in here right now. What a fool I was to think that any of this with Edward was anything more than friendship.

"Bella, B, please relax," Edward spoke softly as he kneeled down in front of me. slowly taking off my shoes.

"Bella, just stay here with me, let me make it up to you, lets make new memories," he said so quietly I barley caught it. "You know a fresh start?" he pleaded. And I nodded.

I scooted back further onto his bed and offered a small smile.

He smiled back at me and stood up quickly. "Look, I have something for you." He went to his closet and pulled out a box.

He came over and handed it to me. I looked down at the box finally realizing what it was. It was a new Nikon digital camera.

"What is this?" I asked clearly shocked.

"It's a camera," he chuckled.

"I can see that but…why?"

"Well, we did say we were going camera shopping, right? I picked one up for the both of us, you know for our project?" he smirked.

"Edward this- this is too much!"

"It was nothing B, really." He smiled as he flopped onto the bed next to me.

He closed his eyes and laid his arm over them. I sat there for a few minutes watching him rest peacefully. Finally, giving in to what I should have known better than to do, I laid down next to him, looking over the specifications of the camera.

I rested the box on my stomach, while I fingered my necklace. Finally relaxing at the comfort it gave me. My mind was still reeling from all that had happened today. I keep my eyes focused on the ceiling making sure not to let them drift to the couch.

_That fucking couch. _

"B, stop worrying so much," Edwards voice broke the silence.

I turned my head to see his eyes still covered.

"How did you know? Your eyes are closed" I asked him.

I saw his lips twitch and he flashed that lopsided smirk as he removed his arm from his face.

"Bella. I don't need to be looking at you to know that something is brothering you," he said, as if it was just that simple.

"What are you some kind of mind reader?" I joked.

"No B, I just _know_ you." He propped himself up on his elbow.

His eyes fell to my hand that was tugging at my necklace. I closed my hand around the ring and tucked it back into my shirt. Edwards's eyes followed but his face grew pained and his eyebrows frowned.

"Anyway," he said, never taking his eyes off my chest where I secured the ring. "I think I should still drive you to school tomorrow," he continued, finally meeting my eyes.

"Why?" I asked. "I made it here safe and sound," I protested.

Edward licked his lips and pulled off his cap, running his fingers through his hair that was uncharacteristically flat today. One of the downfalls to the baseball cap.

"I just want to be the one to make sure you get there safe ok?" he said firmly.

"But I wanted to drive my new car," I propped myself up on both my elbows this time meeting his eyes.

"I can meet you at your house and we can drive in together," he compromised.

"Deal," I smiled at him.

"Bella! Are you up there!?" I heard Alice yelling from downstairs.

"Yes!' I called back.

"We should go show off your new wheels," Edward smiled, offering me a hand, helping me up from the bed.

"We should," I nodded. I grabbed my shoes and we headed downstairs.

_Maybe Edward and I could make new memories after all. _

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**A/N- Aww I just love me some Textward. How about you? NEXT POST IS EPOV and ONLY EPOV. I know it's been a few chappies since we have heard from him but TRUST me when I say it was necessary. **

**PLEASE take a listen to the Vertical Horizon song. I feel that it will give you insight into what Edward is thinking and get you ready for the next chapter!**

**All links for this chapter are on my profile page songs, pictures and the link to Krysti's blog for post chapter interview with Textward!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N- Hello to all my readers! Thank you all so very much for all of the wonderful reviews! Thank you for sticking with me!! I am SO very sorry it's been such a long wait but I think I really delivered on this chapter! I promise you will never have to wait this long again! RL just sucks sometimes but please know I will NEVER abandon my story!! **

**I have to give a special shout out to ROSEARCADIA!! She made me a Blinkie for my story and also started a thread over at Twilighed! I have both links on my profile page so go check them out!! Love you BB thank you so much for everything!! **

**As always special THANK YOU goes to Robmusment for making my banners. Love ya girlie!**

**Much love for all my girls over at RAOR and of course I have to thank my BESTIES Stoli, T, Brina!!**

**JW, thank you so much for your words I just couldn't have written that scene without you girlie! Luv ya!**

**Kristi I know I say it every day but I love you for putting up with me and for kicking me in the ass when needed! LOL I seriously don't know what I would do without you BB!!**

**As always thank you to all my BTFF's and all my girls out there on Twitter for pimpin' out A&N**

**I will shut up now so you can read!! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me**

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**EPOV**

As I pulled my hood on over my head, there was only one thought that came to mind.

_It was fucking freezing outside today. _

The air was bitter cold as the wind whipped snow in every direction. After a snow fall like this, it's always eerily quite outside, especially this early in the morning. The only sounds I could hear was the echoing of the snow shovel scraping against the sidewalk and the light panting of my breath as I worked to clear the driveway.

One would think after growing up in Chicago and living in Forks the past few years, I would be used to this weather. Let me tell you something, you never get use to freezing your ass off. My father would make sure our drive was plowed out, however that meant our cars were plowed in. Thus, causing me to get up at the fucking crack of dawn to make sure mine and my mothers cars were cleared off and ready to go.

I never really had to worry about Alice. I would just drive her to school because I was not going to risk letting her drive in this type of weather. This really sucked today. I was planning on getting to Bella's house early to spend a little more alone time with her. Then we were going to driving her new car to school. I was so fucking excited about this, I had totally fucking forgot about Alice, now I have no choice in the matter.

_Fuck my life._

The past few times Bella and I had hung out were fucking amazing. Clearly, she was flirting with me and couldn't help the fuckin' grin that was now a permanent fixture on my face. The Jealous Mother Fucker was getting easier to control around her. He was one horny mother fucker, but I had seemed to be able to keep him and my dick in check. The one thing I can't seem to get a hold on is his fuckin' jealously, partly because he and I seem to see eye to eye on this matter.

The Jealous Mother Fucker wanted to claim her body and I wanted to possess her heart. The complicated part of this internal battle was finding a way to do both. I had to give The Jealous Mother Fucker credit, he was teaching me a lot these past few days. I was learning how Bella's reaction to my presence was affecting her. At first, it didn't seem plausible. I had myself totally fuckin' convinced she wanted nothing from me other than friendship. But The Jealous Mother Fucker was teaching me how to understand the way her body was telling me things that her words were not saying.

Just as I had finished brushing all the fuckin' snow off of my car, I felt something hard hit my back, stunning me for a moment.

_What the fuck?_

"Hey bro, how long have you been out here?" Emmett grinned, dusting the remainder of snow off of his gloves.

"Fuckin' snowballs, Em'? What are you, eight?" I scoffed.

"I've been working my ass off out here for two hours while your lazy ass was sleeping," I stated as I continued to clear off my windows.

Emmett chuckled as he started up his truck and got to work on the daunting task of cleaning off the snow.

"Why are you up this early? Heading to the gym now?" I questioned.

Because really, Emmett has been doing nothing except sleeping, rehabbing his knee and well _Rose_. I shook my head fighting off the image of Rose and my brother having sex. It was pretty fucking hard to do since I could hear them half the time. My room was right across the hall from his. _N__asty fucker_.

"Naw, I'm taking Rose to school. She would never make it there in her car. Plus, Riley and I are meeting at the gym after he gets out of school. If you want, I will wait for you?"

_That's not fuckin' likely_.

"I can't. Bella and I have our project to work on," I smirked.

Emmett's eyes narrowed at me. "Project huh?"

"Is that what you are calling it these days?" he asked, wagging his eyebrows.

"It's for a class fucker!" I spat at him "And I wouldn't want to impose on your _man date_ either," I chuckled, grabbing a large mound of snow and balling in it in my hands.

Em' never saw it coming. He whipped around to come back at my 'man date' comment and I chucked the snowball at him hitting him square in the chest. I couldn't help laughing as the ball exploded covering his face with the freezing white powder.

"Now who the fuck is acting like the eight year old?" Emmett yelled at me as I ducked behind his huge SUV.

I was packing another snowball when I heard Emmett's fucking monster feet stomping through the hardened snow. Just as he rounded the corner I was ready to whip another one right at his giant head. But the concerned look on his face stopped me.

"What's up, can't take a dose of your own medicine?" I questioned.

"You know it's not that, bro," he shook his head looking a little nervous.

"It's about you and Bella. I just don't know what's going on with the two of you these days. One minute I hear you are only going to be friends and the next I see you spending all of your free time with her." He paused pursing his lips.

"I don't want to have to kick your ass bro, because the last time –"

"It's not like last time!" I shouted over him, quickly cutting him off.

"You don't know what the fuck is going on with us so please-" I glared at him. "Please don't act like you do," I stated, tossing the snowball to the ground.

He quickly grabbed the back of my jacket, jerking me back from stalking off to my car.

"Then why don't you tell me what's going on then dude? What makes this time around so different?" He questioned me in a very accusing tone.

"I'm going to come clean. I-I'm going to tell her," I said quietly, not meeting his stare.

"You are?!" I could hear the shock evident in his tone.

"Yes, I am." I confirmed. "Then maybe, _maybe _she will understand and give me…give _us _a chance" I finished before marching away leaving a stunned Emmett there to contemplate that.

I slammed my door out of complete frustration. Who the fuck was he to questions my motives behind hanging out with Bella? He and Alice both knew I was completely in love with her, even before I did. They also both knew about my past. My fucking past that has been haunting me for years now. What ever happened to let a fucking sleeping dog lie?

I had so much to tell Bella. The list seemed like it was getting longer by the day. I had to fess up about my past. That would only help in explaining The Jealous Mother Fucker. And then I would have to confess my feelings to her and hope she felt something for me. Something strong enough to give me a chance at being the man she would want me to be.

_A Good man, a better man, a man good enough for someone as amazing as she was. I wanted to be someone who deserved a woman like Bella. _

I pushed these thoughts from my head. I had to make sure I was in the best of moods for Bella's big day with her new truck. This day was about her and how proud she was of her new SUV. I couldn't help but smile, remembering how fucking nervous she looked buying that truck. Even though Bella's step dad just signed one of the largest contracts in the MLB this season, I knew she was worried about the money. I had to convince her for at least an hour that her mother wouldn't care about the money as long as she was buying something safe.

Bella had credit cards now and a hefty allowance coming in weekly from her mother. However, she never once splurged. She would go on and on about how she was saving it up for college. Then she would blush profusely and I would grin like a fucking idiot at how fucking cute she looked.

I pulled into Dunkin' Doughnuts and ordered two large hot chocolates and two blueberry muffins. They were Bella's favorite, so I made sure to make the special stop. Soon, I was back on the road and racing to Bella's house. The faster I got there the more time I would have to spend with her before we got to school.

****

"Bella! B! Open up!" I called over the blaring music coming from behind the door. I glanced again at the driveway making sure Chief Swan's patrol car was not there. I was carrying the tray of drinks and the bag of muffins as I basically banged on the door with my foot. _Still nothing. _

_What the fuck?_

Out of pure curiosity I tried the door knob. It was unlocked.

_Thank god!_

I sat the tray and bag down on the table in the entry because my hands were fucking freezing. I had been standing outside for five fuckin' minutes. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Bella in the kitchen. I didn't want to scare the shit out of her so I called her name as I approached.

" Bell- "

I couldn't even get her name out as I stood in awe taking in the view before me. There was Bella in jeans that clung perfectly to her long slender legs and _my_ hoodie. It was way too fuckin' big for her small frame and it was hanging off of one of her shoulders exposing a black strap.

_Oh god, please tell me she only wearing a bar under my hoodie_?

Just as I was taking in the sight before me, Bella started to sway her hips from side to side in rhythm with the music that was thumping so loudly she never heard me enter her house. This looked like some fucking fantasy my perverted mind had come up with, but it was far better than anything I have ever pictured. Watching Bella dance seductively while she washed dishes was beyond anything even_ I_ could have dreamed up.

I leaned against the doorway to the kitchen making sure that if I was caught, I didn't look like some fuckin perv who was trying to hide in the shadows. Plus, I wanted a fucking front row seat to this show. I watched completely entranced as she wiggled her hips to the beat and mouthed the words to the Christina Aguilera song "Dirty". The songs base was thumping throughout the house so heavily I could feel it in my chest. Watching Bella's hips swaying side to side to the thumping was completely hypnotic.

I quickly palmed my dick and adjusted myself, trying to hide my arousal if caught.

_So much for keeping my dick in check. _

Bella's luscious ass was right there in front of me, practically begging me to touch it. I clenched my fists and willed myself to try and turn away from her. But the Jealous Mother Fucker was not going anywhere. He shamelessly ogled her and _her ass_.

Just then the music picked up, just when I thought I couldn't possibly take anymore, Bella's hands reached out and grasped the sink. She popped her little ass out and started rotating her hips in a circular motion, slowly grinding her way downward, stopping only when she reached the floor, where she let her knees fall open and pumped her hips provocatively at the imaginary person in front of her. She repeated the moves all the way back up until she was standing once again.

I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I had to make myself known or I was going to be dragging Bella up the fucking stairs in about two seconds. The Jealous Mother Fucker called me a pussy just as I was ready to make her aware of my presence. But I didn't get the chance.

"Edward what the fuck!" Bella yelled, jumping about three feet in the air and rushing to turn off the music.

"I didn't even hear you come in. Why didn't you say something? How long have you been standing there?" The questions came firing out of her mouth as I stood there in total shock.

_Fuck!_

Nothing, and I mean nothing, was coming out of my mouth. I was so embarrassed and shocked that she caught me. I stood there motionless and dumbfounded.

"Hello, Edward? Why are you just staring at me," she said.

"Huh?" Was my brilliant fucking response as I continued to gaze at her. She blushed profusely and started fidgeting with the towel she was holding.

"How long where you standing there?" she asked looking at the ground, shame covering her beautiful features.

"Oh, sorry. I-I was not here long. I-I just …It's just…wow," I managed to choke out.

_I needed a recovery, quick!_

"Are you wearing my hoodie?" I smiled at her, quickly changing the subject.

"Yes, I am." Bella smiled meekly, finally raising her eyes to mine. "It's ok that I am wearing it, right?" she blushed.

I closed the distance between us, unable to control my need to be close to her. I reached out and took her in my arms holding her in a tight embrace. I buried my nose in her hair at the top of her head and inhaled deeply taking in her fruity scent.

"Of course it is, B. That is why I gave it to you." I smiled, pulling back slightly to gauge her reaction. Also, I needed to keep my dick at a safe distance from her for the time being.

She brought me out of my panicked thoughts and looked a little smug now as she spoke.

"Well, it is mine now," she smirked. "I have to go get my shirt out of the dryer. I will be right back," she called over her shoulder as she made her way to the laundry room.

I headed back to the entry and retrieved the hot chocolates and muffins. I set the table and checked the clock. We still had about fifteen minutes before we had to leave. It only took Bella a few minutes to change as she was still tugging on my hoodie as she walked back into the kitchen.

"Breakfast is served," I beamed at her, knowing I had her favorite things awaiting her.

"You know me so well," she smiled and took a seat across from me.

"Where is Alice?" she asked as she took a bite of her muffin.

_Holy fuck! I forgot about Alice!_

I was so fucking mad at Emmett and his fucking accusations this morning I completely forgot about Alice. Well I'm sure she was going to ride with Emmett now.

"She is going to get a ride with Em'," I shrugged.

"Oh, I thought she wanted to ride in my new car," Bella frowned.

"She did …I mean she wanted to. But I was in such a hurry to get here on time and you know how long Alice takes to get ready…" I tried to offer some kind reassurance. This was not working. I just had to come clean.

"Look B, she was taking for fuckin' ever getting ready. I was out cleaning off the cars when Emmett came out and started fucking with me. Then I just took off. So, it's my fault she is not here." The words came rushing out of my mouth as I stared at my cup.

Bella started laughing. "I figured as much. You looked pretty guilty Edward when I asked you. You looked like you had totally forgotten about her," she laughed harder.

"I better text her," I mumbled as I pulled out my phone.

After texting Alice, I noticed I had not received a text from Bella this morning. I raised a questioning eyebrow at her before turning my phone to face her, basically shoving it in her face.

"What is missing here?" I asked showing her my empty inbox.

"Um a text?" Bella bit down on her lip nervously.

"And why is that Miss Swan?

Bella's eyes dropped from mine and she pursed her lips. That action alone made me feel like an asshole because I was only joking with her.

"I was talking on the phone this morning," she said so quietly, I could barely hear her.

"To who?" I responded almost as quietly as her.

"Jake," she said, as she sat there picking at her muffin.

_Why god? Why do you hate me?_

"Jake is coming here for Thanksgiving. He and his father will be eating with us," she stated.

_What the fuck?_

I finally manage to spend some time with Bella and now another person is going to get in my way. Since when does she spend Thanksgiving with Jacob? What the fuck happened between them when she was in Arizona?

"That's cool," I said flatly, as I stood from my chair, pulling my sunglasses out of my jacket pocket.

"We should get going," I stated, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"Edward what's wrong?" Bella said, not moving from her chair.

"Nothing, we are going to be late, Bella. Get your things together. I will go warm up your truck," I said and quickly walked out of the house.

I took the snow brush out of my car and cleaned the remaining snow off her windows. It looks like Charlie was an early riser like myself and made sure the driveway and his daughters car was ready to go.

Soon Bella came out of house looking at me attentively. I cursed myself for acting like such a dick but like I said, _sometimes_ The Jealous Mother fucker still won when it came to being jealous over Bella's attention.

"Will you drive?" she asked as she approached me.

"B, I really think it should be you driving up in your new car." I smiled at her trying to ease the tension in the air.

She shook her head. "I don't think I can drive in this weather. I have never even tried, Edward. You were always the one to drive me safely to school when it's like this outside." She blushed as her eyes met mine.

Her blush was so fucking beautiful. I reached out and ran my finger down her cheek. Bella offered me a smile and I couldn't help but grin back her.

_My Angel._

"And I will make sure you get you to school safely again. Do you want to take my car?" I asked.

"No, no, I want to take mine. I have some shopping to do after school, if you want to go with me?" she offered.

"Of course I do. Now get it in before you turn into a fucking popsicle out here!" I chuckled as I opened the passenger door for her.

During the ride to school we mostly talked about our upcoming project and pictures of our different family traditions that might be good to take. Just as we arrived to school, Bella turned to me and said something, that for the life of me, I didn't know where it came from.

"Jake is going to have Thanksgiving with us, Edward. But he is just a friend, ok?" She smiled at me and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Friends," I nodded. "Got it." I smiled.

****

I pulled Bella's new car into my parking space. Emmett and crew had already arrived. They were in the spot right next to mine. Alice and Jazz were in their own little world, obviously too busy to notice us pulling in. Emmett and Rose were talking with Riley, Ben and Angela.

I put the truck in park and turned to Bella who was practically jumping out of her seat in excitement to show off her new truck.

"You ready, B?" I smiled at her.

I was just as excited as she was. Bella deserved this more than anyone I knew. She was not materialistic like some of the plastic bitches that attended our school. _Stanley._

Bella would never take anything for granted. And even though she deserved the best in life, she never longed for it. She was practical and cared only for people, not possessions.

"Yes, I can't wait to show Angela!" Her beautiful brown eyes grew wide with excitement as she bounced out of truck over to our friends.

I took my time getting out as I dug through my pockets for a fucking cigarette, I so desperately needed. I inhaled a few long drags before rounding the corner. Only to be met by Riley.

_Perfect._

"What's up, man? Did daddy buy you a new ride?" he joked smugly.

_Mother fucker._

I took a long drag before smirking up at him shaking my head.

"No, its Bella's. _We_ picked it out this weekend," I shot back him before taking another pull from my cigarette.

I heard the papers being crumpled before I looked down at his hands. Riley was holding a few pamphlets on different SUV's. I couldn't help but chuckle at him as I saw the anger in his eyes.

_Fuck you. She is Mine. _The Jealous Mother Fucker roared.

Without another word, Riley was stalking away from me making a bee line for Bella.

My pace picked up as I approached. I could see Bella and Alice talking to Rose and Angela about her new truck as she was smiling and pointing to it. Suddenly, Riley was right behind her. He looked like he was going to fucking snap. I quickly flicked my cigarette and ran over to the group.

He had already turned her around to face him when I heard him shouting.

"You fucking went with Cullen to get a new car, Bella? Are you fucking kidding me? First, the shit you pulled at bowling alley and now this?" He pointed in the direction of her truck.

The Jealous Mother Fucker raged inside me. I fisted my hands tightly feeling the adrenaline pulsing rapidly through my veins. _Mine. _

"Don't fucking ruin this for her, Riley." I warned.

Everyone's eyes were on me. Everyone's except Riley's. Fucking coward could yell at Bella but couldn't face me? Emmett moved swiftly to Riley's side and tried to grab his arm to pull him away. Bella stood there speechless with tears in her eyes as she looked at Riley.

"Edward and I went this weekend. My dad suggested we go since we were going to be out shopping," she defended herself.

My fucking heart clenched at the thought of her having to defend her actions to this piece of shit.

"Don't justify it to him. Bella. It's none of his fucking business what you do," I practically growled.

Riley pulled his arm from Emmett's lose hold and whipped around, glaring at me.

"Oh, it's not is it?" he seethed. "Just like it's none of your business what I am talking to her about right now, Cullen?"

"Bella is _my_ business. You're fucking disrespecting her and ruining this for her, _fucker_. So that _is_ my business," I yelled, stepping closer, daring him to hit me.

Riley's expression changed immediately when Emmett's booming voice came out of nowhere.

"Don't even fucking think about it, Riley," Emmett warned.

Riley narrowed his eyes at me and then turned in Bella's direction, tossing the crumpled papers at her.

"Fuck it. He is not worth it," he snorted, before turning back in my direction, glaring at me.

"Just let me warn you, Bella," he yelled. "He might be keeping shit from you. Shit that would make you change the way you think of your _hero_ here." Riley spoke to Bella but his eyes were locked with mine. I heard Alice gasp and I was sure that the fucking shock was evident of my face.

_How the fuck could he know?_

Riley leaned forward and spoke to me in a hushed tone. "Everyone has skeletons in their closet, Edward. It's only a matter of time before they make their way out," he chuckled.

_And I fucking lost it._

I grabbed him by the fucking throat and pulled him toward me so I was right in his fucking face.

"Fuck you, Riley. You don't know the first fucking about me. And if you ever threaten me again, that will be the last fucking thing you do. Do you understand me? You stay away from me and you better stay the fuck away from Bella," I seethed, releasing him.

I didn't bother looking back as I made my way over to Bella.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Edward, yes, I'm fine. A-Are y-you ok?" Bella stammered.

"I'm fine." I said walking away in the opposite direction of the school.

There was no fucking way I was going to be able to sit through class this morning. Without having my car here, I chose the next best thing. I was heading to the woods just across the parking lot. I needed to fucking figure out what the fuck just happened.

****

I paced and tore my hands through my hair repeatedly. I was fucking fuming. How the hell did he know? What does he know? Who the fuck would have told him? I flinched at the thought that Emmett, my own brother, would betray me like that. I mean he was not the fucking smartest fish in the sea but I was sure he knew when to keep his fucking mouth shut.

I pulled out a cigarette and took long pulls from it as I paced around the woods. I was the only fucker in the whole state of Washington that was sweating right now. Despite the frigid temperatures, I was burning with anger and couldn't seem to calm myself down. I was still getting waves of adrenaline each time I thought of Riley. I wanted to go back down there and rip his fucking head off. I tossed my cigarette and pulled out one of my lollipops. Nothing was calming me.

Out of nowhere, I heard her calling my name.

"Edward? Edward! Are you out there? Please answer me!" Bella's voice rang through the dense forest.

_Son of a bitch!_ I knew I had to get to her before she ended up lost in the fucking forest and it would be my fuckin' fault.

"Over here!" I called out to her as I made my way in the direction of her voice.

I really fucking tried to pull myself together to face her. I ran my fingers through my hair trying to make myself look presentable. I took deep breaths in and out in attempt to calm my racing heart. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply for a few moments before calling out to her again.

"Bella can you hear me?!" I yelled in the direction her voice came from.

"Yes, I can but I can't find you, Edward! I need you to come to me. I-I'm scared of getting lost," she yelled. I could hear the nervousness in her voice.

I ran towards her voice yelling, "Just stay there I will come to you, ok?"

"Ok!" she yelled back.

It took me a few minutes to get to her. I was much further into the woods than she was.

"Bella?" I called from behind her. She swung around to face me.

"Edward! Thank god I was so worried about you. What are you doing out here?" she asked closing the distance between us.

"I'm fine, B. I just needed to get the fuck away from there…_from him_. Now that you see I am fine you should go back to class. I will walk you back to school."

"No! I'm not going back there without you, Edward," she stated, crossing her arms over her chest.

I looked up at her and couldn't help but smirk. She looked so fucking beautiful. Her eyes were wide and cheeks were bright fucking red from the cold. She stood there silently. Her full red lips were opened slightly as she panted lightly. Her hot breath was causing steam to escape her lips as it hit the frigid air. She was a fucking vision. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and kiss her deeply.

Bella licked her lips and with a shaky voice she asked, "Edward, are you sure you are ok? Please let me help you. Please let me in," she begged.

At that moment, I fought with The Jealous Mother Fucker who was begging me to take her right then and there. The Jealous Mother Fucker wanted nothing else than to close the gap between our bodies and ravage her completely. He was begging me to tear off her clothes and claim her body.

I had to find the will to fight him back and make sure it was me that stayed here in this moment with Bella.

"I'm fine, Bella." I struggled with the words because I was anything but fine.

"You don't have to lie to me, Edward. You don't have to hide from _me_," she said softly.

"Riley is nothing, Edward. He is just a friend, who obviously is not that good of a friend…" her voice tapered off.

There was that fucking word again. 'Friend.' Jacob is her friend, Riley is her friend. I am her friend. Exactly what the fuck does that mean to her?

"Everyone is your friend, Bella." The words came rushing out before I could even think twice about them. "Me, Riley, Jacob, who else should I add to your list?" I spat at her.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "That's not fair Edward and you know it!" she exclaimed.

"Then why don't you enlighten me, B." I asked, my tone clearly defeated as I leaned back against the tree.

"You're all different to me. I have known Jake my whole life, E," she spoke quietly.

_She called me E_. I couldn't help the smirk that escaped me.

"But you have _a past_ with Jake," I countered.

"Edward, that was such a long time ago. We were kids," she said, taking a step closer to me.

"And Riley? You are 'dating' him so that makes him much more than a friend, Bella." I choked out the words.

Openly acknowledging them dating was crushing my very soul.

"We went on a few dates, Edward. That is all. Does it really matter to you…who…I-I am dating?" she stumbled over her words.

I refused to answer her. I couldn't bring myself to declare my feelings to her. Not now. Not before she knew the truth.

"And me?" I asked.

"Edward, I-I really don't know how to answer that." She bit her bottom lip nervously.

"You are my very best friend. I am closer to you, more so than anyone in my life. You mean more to me than anyone else….ever…could." Tears started welling up in her eyes as she struggled to hold them back.

I couldn't control myself. I needed to comfort her. Every fuckin' thing in my body was telling me to go to her. I slowly reached out and grabbed her fingers gently pulling her to me. I laced my fingers with hers and brushed her cheek softly with my other hand.

I could feel the heat radiating off of her body. I could see the blush creeping up her neck and fanning across her cheeks. She licked her lips as she glanced down at our hand and swallowed thickly as she brought her eyes back to mine.

Her attraction to me was becoming more evident and this realization was making my heart race and The Jealous Mother fucker was practically begging me to fucking kiss her already. I struggled for control before I spoke.

"Bella, do all of your _'friends'_ make you feel like this?" My voice was thick and my words came out more like a whisper.

She didn't speak. She only shook her head ever so slightly. Her eyes never leaving mine.

I pulled her closer to me, unable to control the need to have her as close to me as possible. I cupped her face with my free hand and leaned in slowly, while gauging her reactions before I continued.

"Because Bella, _I know_ I don't have _any friends_ who make me feel the way I do when I'm around you."

I gently raised her face towards mine and all I wanted to do was kiss the fuck out of her. I desperately wanted to throw all my desire, lust and love for her into a heated kiss that would leave us both breathless, but I knew that was something that would have to wait _for now_.

Bella licked her lips and her eyes flashed from my lips back to my eyes, silently begging me to do _something._

"Are you sure?" I whispered. I was asking her permission to advance. When she closed her eyes, I knew that was her silent acceptance.

I finally leaned in and gently kissed her forehead, and cheeks. Her skin was so fucking soft against my lips and her smell was completely fucking intoxicating. I couldn't resist any longer. I licked my lips as I watched hers. Then I closed my eyes and I moved my lips to gently brush against hers. The kiss only lasted a second. And I knew I had to stop. It took every fucking ounce of my self-control. I had to pull away from her lips.

The Jealous Mother Fucker was pissed and I was ecstatic. Bella deserved better than The Jealous Mother Fucker wanted to give her. I knew right then and there that my heart had won the battle over my dick.

Bella's eyes flew open as she tried to from a sentence. "No…n-no one has. I mean no friend of mine…"

"Shhh, Bella," I whispered, placing my finger over her lips. It's ok, you don't have to say anything," I told her honestly. "I just wanted to tell you. I thought you should know how you make me feel. I don't expect anything in return."

And with that I turned to walk away. Nothing more needed to be said right now. We both said more with that kiss than any words could ever say.

Bella followed closely behind me, finally catching up. She laced her fingers with mine and walked back to the parking lot. Emmett was still waiting there with Rose.

"Where the fuck did you two go?" Rose yelled at us.

"I needed to cool off," I said, as I pulled a cigarette from my pack.

"Give me a ride home?" I asked Emmett.

"Sure," he nodded.

"So, what? You're just gunna' ditch?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, I can't be here today. Please try to understand that, B?" I turned to face her pulling our adjoined hands up to my lips and kissing her knuckles.

"I'll call you later, ok?"

She smiled and nodded.

****

I spent the rest of the rest of the day doing nothing but fucking being pissed off at Riley and wishing I would have kissed Bella like I had wanted to. I prayed that she would understand what that kiss meant and how much fucking emotion was behind it.

When Riley came to the house to meet up with Emmett to go to the gym, he got the door slammed in his face. Which added to my paranoia that maybe Emmett did fucking tell him and he was pissed at him for letting the cat out of the bag. Rationally, I should have been thinking that he was being my brother and taking my side in the matter, but I was far from being rational right now.

I called Bella that night and we talked on the phone for about an hour. She was catching me up on assignments I missed in school and told me how Rose told Riley off at lunch.

_God, I fucking love Rose._

Neither one of us brought up the kiss. We were both obviously trying to talk about anything but the kiss. I didn't want to over think it. I didn't want to pick it apart and dissect it until it was shit. I just wanted it to be what it was, pure, and hopeful, and real. It was the first time I, Edward Cullen, kissed Bella without any interference from The Jealous Mother Fucker.

After Bella and I got off the phone, I was able to sleep better than I had in weeks.

****

The next day, school fucking sucked. Bella and I sat there in Art class talking about Thanksgiving and making plans to eat at both our houses, since they ate earlier than we did. Riley, that pussy, didn't show his face at school that day and I was pretty fucking happy about that.

Everyone was talking about the party Rose and Jasper were going to have that night. Of course I had planned on attending but now that fucking Jacob was going to be joining us, I couldn't bring myself to go. I didn't want to see him with her I couldn't fucking help the jealously that ripped through me when Bella told me how fucking excited she was to pick him up at the airport in a few hours.

_Thank god today was a short day at school._

All day, I fucking sulked. I was supposed to be spending this long weekend with Bella not fucking Jacob. I tried my best to smile around her and keep my emotions in check. I didn't need to bring her down with me.

Once school was out, I went straight home and directly up to my room. I was out on my balcony smoking a cigarette when I heard Alice at my door.

"Edward, can I come in?" she asked.

"It's open," I yelled.

Alice stood in the doorway between my room and the balcony.

"Are you _really_ not going tonight?" she asked.

"I'm really not going tonight, Alice," I chuckled.

"But everyone is going to be there! How could you not want to go?" she yelped.

"Well "everyone" will not be there because I am not going," I stated as I flicked my cigarette over the railing.

"Is it because Riley is going to be there?" she asked tugging at her bracelet.

"He is?" I growled. "Who the fuck invited him?"

"No one really, I mean the whole damn senior class will be there, Edward." Alice looked at me nervously.

"If he fucking touches her- no fuck that if he fucking talks to Bella, I want you to call me Alice. Do you understand?"

"Yes." she said quietly.

I knew I had fuckin' scared her with the harshness of my words. That much was easy to see.

"Look Ali, it's just ….I think he knows… something… about my past and he is trying to use it against me. I just want to be the one to tell Bella, ok?"

Alice's eyes grew wide and I could tell she was about to ask a million fucking questions.

"I don't want to get into right now. I will tell Bella this weekend and I will let you know how it goes, ok?" I smiled at her hoping that would be sufficient enough for now.

"I understand," she nodded. "I will call you if anything happens," she promised before leaving my room.

****

The night felt like it dragged on for fucking ever as I waited by my phone. I never heard from Alice so I figured everything was fine. Bella had text me a few times asking me to just come down to the party, telling me it was not the same without me there.

The Jealous Mother Fucker and I struggled against each other on what I should text back. He wanted me to beg her to come to my house and hang out with me for the night. I finally ended up winning, telling her I was tired and didn't feel up to a party tonight.

Most of the night, I listened to music trying to decided on the song I was going to send Bella. I wanted to prepare her somehow for the talk we needed to have. I had no choice. She was either going to find out from me and I would earn some kind of fucking brownie points for telling her the truth about my past. Or Riley was going to tell her, in turn, making me look like a fucking liar. That was just not fucking acceptable.

I knew I had to tell her soon either way, because I desperately wanted to be with her. I need her in my life and not as some fucking 'friend" but as what she really was to me.

_The love of my life. _

My phone buzzed pulling me from my thoughts.

"_Heading home now. You didn't miss much." B._

"_Are you alone?" E._

"_No, Jake is driving me home. I only had two beers but he insisted." B._

"_Good, at least he is looking out for you." E._

"_I missed you being there tonight. Iit was not the same without you." B._

"_I missed you to B." E._

"_Did Riley bother you tonight?" E._

"_No, he ignored all of us and hung out with the basketball team" B._

"_How close are you to your house?" E._

"_Pulling into my street now. Why?" B._

"_Are you going to bed now?" E._

"_No! LOL it's only midnight. Why?" B._

"_I have something I needed to talk to you about." E._

"_Sure, call me in five?" B._

"_Maybe you should listen to your song first." E._

"_Tell me a story?" B._

"_MP3 Linkin Park__ – "What I've done" E. _

"_Tell me a story?" E._

I waited for about fifteen minutes before Bella finally responded.

"_MP3 __Melissa Etheridge__ – "Come to my window" B._

"_Is that an invitation?" E_.

I raked my hand nervously though my hair as I awaited her response………

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A/N- I know! I know don't hate me for the cliffy!! I will be posting again next week. I have some of it written already so it's not an empty promise! And YES it will be EPOV!

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	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- Ladies! Sorry for the delay. I had to break this chapter up and well sometimes the creative process is a bitch. LOL**

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**EPOV**

I was fucking pacing around my room like a maniac. The last forty five seconds of my life felt like an eternity as I waited for Bella's response. The song was "Come to my Window", that _had_ to be an invitation, right? I really fuckin' hoped I had not jumped to some asinine conclusion, in turn making myself look like an idiot. I cringed at the thought of being rejected. It seems like it had been so very long since Bella and I were hanging out in her room into the wee hours of the night. Fuck, how I missed that and silently prayed tonight would end that long streak of estrangement between us. The vibrations of my phone stopped me immediately in mid stride.

"_Yes, see you soon". B._

"_On my way."_ _E._

I was so fucking happy when I finally got her text. Then suddenly…unexpectedly, my nerves kicked into high gear as I stumbled across my room in attempt to find my keys. Rushing into my closet I pulled on the first sweatshirt I could find as I stuffed my phone and cigarettes into the shallow pockets of my sweatpants.

I practically flew down the stairs, the keys cutting into my hand as I gripped them tightly. Once in my car, I took a few long, deep, calming breaths. This was happening tonight. I was going to tell Bella the secrets I had been keeping form her for so long now. Pulling out a cigarette from my pocket I struggled to light it, my hands still slightly shaking.

"Fuck!" I yelled out slamming my fist on my steering wheel.

_Get a fucking grip Cullen_

I need to calm the fuck down already, this was Bella after all. I could trust her. She would not to judge or criticize me. However, she could possibly be hurt and I knew she would be fucking shocked. I hated the fucking thought of having to look into her eyes and see disappointment. I was so sick of disappointing her, sick of fucking _hurting _her.

All I ever wanted was to bring her comfort and happiness. I promised her I would. I promised myself that if ever given the chance I would do right by her. It was now my life's mission to make up for all the fucked up things I have done. Hopefully, after tonight…after I lay it all out for her, I can start to make good on these promises to her….to myself.

******

Finally, after conquering that bitch of a tree, I was making my way across a long branch that extended to Bella's window. As I approached, I could see Bella brushing her hair in front of the full length mirror across her room.

_Holy fuck!_

The Jealous Mother Fucker was quick to respond, paralyzing me where I stood. I felt like some kind of creepy, fucking peeping tom just standing here, watching her in this voyeuristic fashion.

Well_ fuck_, since I was incapable of moving, I might as well enjoy the view. Tightening my grip on the branch above my head I allowed my forehead to rest on my arm. She looked so fucking beautiful, her hair still slightly damp from the shower. Remembering all the nights I use to sit on her bed anticipating the moment she would emerge back into the room smelling like fucking heaven and looking like an angel. She was my both my heaven and hell.

I continued to watch as Bella was gathering her long soft curls up off the base of her neck as she pulled her hair into a high ponytail. I watched as she bit down on her bottom lip while she looked over her hair, smoothing every last hair into place. Once she seems satisfied with how she looked, she stepped back slightly and started to pull off her robe.

_Son of a bitch!_

I groaned to myself, pulling my eyes away and quickly looking around the yard trying to give her some sort of privacy. I cursed The Jealous Mother Fucker, I was feeling so fucking guilty watching her like this. Who am I kidding, I was fucking ogling her. How could I not? I fucking loved her. Beyond the person she was, beyond how amazingly prefect she was for me. She was perfect physically too. Everything about her was perfect, her face, her eyes, her hair, her lips.

_Her body_

_Shut the fuck up_! I growled at The Jealous Mother Fucker. Christ, was I ever going to be able to control that? I shook my head in disgust, _probably not_. Not around Bella, not when she was able to make me think things and feel things I had never felt in my life. Not when everything inside me was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of movement. My head snapped back in the direction of her window. I watched a _fully dressed_ Bella hanging her robe on the back of her closet door.

_Thank god. _

She had been wearing clothes all along. I was not as fucking perverted as I had felt moments ago. That was until I allowed myself to take in just exactly _what _she was wearing. My eyes slowly took in the sighted before me. Bella was wearing a fucking tiny, hot pink, tank top with thin straps that draped over her soft shoulders. They were clearly not sufficient for the frigid November weather.

_Had she worn this on purpose?_

My eyes continued down her body taking note of the tiny sliver of her stomach that peeked out just above her waist. I drew in a deep breath as I struggled to keep The Jealous Mother Fucker at bay. On her hips, hung black cotton pants with a wide pink waistband that read 'Victoria Secrets", matching her top.

There was a large white heart drawn onto the black pants. I was sure that Victoria Secrets bitch had strategically placed on her hip to torture me. I raked my hand through my hair and prayed to God that "PINK" was not written across her perfect little ass.

As if Bella could read my fucking mind, she abruptly turned around, walking to her desk. And that's when I saw they didn't say 'PINK'. Oh yes, my prayers were answered.

However, I think God was playing a cruel joke on me. I could almost see him sitting in his thrown, looking down at me laughing as I read the word across Bella's ass. There in big, fucking bold, pink letters read the word 'LOVE'. That is what I get for being a fucking peeping tom.

_Thanks God, its official, you hate me!_

I had to get into her room now, before I let my mind get ahead of me. I was about to have a pretty fucking serious talk with her and I had to stay focused. I moved forward and pulled her window up. Instantly, I could feel the warmth from her room thawing my cold skin. Bella sort of jumped, startled slightly, as I entered.

"Hey, sorry you scared me," she said, as she hugged herself, rubbing her arms from the cold burst of air that whipped through the room.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to… Maybe I should have knocked," I replied, feeling like an idiot for just busting in on her.

"No Edward, its fine, really. I left the window unlocked for you. I knew you would be here soon." She blushed as she smiled up at me.

"Come here," she continued, as she took my hand and pulled me further into her room.

"Hang on," I said as I turned around quickly to shut the window with my free hand.

We made our way over to her bed where sat down tucking one leg under her. I couldn't help but smirk at her, she looked so nervous and so fucking cute.

"Are you ok?" I questioned, raising my eyebrow at her suspiciously, as Ishrugged my coat off.

"I'm good," she answered quickly.

I walked over to the chair at her desk, allowing myself to take in the smell of her room. Freesia, and fruit, and a sweetness that could only be Bella, calmed me as I tossed my jacket onto the chair. I pulled the chair closer to her bed and sat down.

"So,…how was your night?" I asked in attempt to break the silence.

She shrugged, "Ok, I guess," Her eyes fell to the floor as the blush crept up her cheeks. She wasn't hiding anything from me. She was so easy to read.

"B, you don't have to down play it. I really didn't want to go tonight, but I am glad you enjoyed yourself."

She looked up at me, her shoulders pulled forward slightly, the blush scorching her cheeks. "That has nothing to do with it," she said with a shy smile.

"Then what's up?" I questioned, confused. I leaned forward in attempt to meet her gaze. I could fucking help it, I reached out and brushed my thumb over her heated cheek.

"You're making me a little nervous here, B. Did something happen?" Why was she blushing like this? Did something happen with Jacob that she was not telling me?

_Mine_. The Jealous Mother Fucker growled.

Finally, Bella's eyes met mine as her blush meeting her ears. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at her shyness around me.

"I-I just missed you. That's all," she whispered. "And I'm happy, happy that you are here," she finished, biting down on her lip.

I cupped her chin and gently rubbed her lower lip, pulling it from her teeth. It took everything in my not to pull her to me and kiss her. Instead, I opted for the more acceptable thing to do. I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.

"I missed you too," I whispered into her skin.

I sat back in the chair and gave her probably the fucking goofiest smile she had ever seen. I was so fucking happy that The Jealous Mother Fucker was once again defeated. Once again, I was able to place my lips on her without any inference from him.

"What are you all smiles about?" she asked, looking much more relaxed.

"This, us," I motioned with my hand. "Hanging out here in your room, I missed it," I said honestly.

"Me too."

I licked my lips and tried to steal myself for what was to come next. I had to fucking tell her about my fucked up past.

"B, I'm really fucking sorry for this afternoon. I-I should have went shopping with you." I swallowed hard. "I promised you I would." I paused locking my eyes with hers. "I should have kept my promise."

Bella pulled out that fucking necklace that was tucked into her top. She started tugging at it like she always did, holding onto it like it was some kind of life line. I hated that necklace. What the fuck was on it anyway? Who the hell gave it to her? Why was it so dear to her? The questions came quicker and faster the angrier I got. So this is what it comes down to, The Jealous Mother Fucker was now fucking jealous of an inanimate object.

_This was a new low._

"E, its ok Rose and Alice went with me and it actually turned out to be a good thing. I had to make the pies before going out, so the girls helped. Rose even took pictures," she said quietly.

My fucking stomach lurched. I felt so fucking bad. Again, I served her with a huge helping of disappointment. Once again, I let her down. And Bella just took it like a fucking trooper. I didn't fucking deserve her.

"Don't make excuses for me, Bella," I spat. "Don't ever say it's ok for me to fuck you over." I narrowed my eyes at the ground. "Because its not. You don't deserve that shit. You deserve so much fucking better…than…me." My last words were barely audible.

Bella started shaking her head. "Don't say that, Edward. Please…just don't say that," she said as she pulled the blanket up around her shoulders.

"Its true, I don't deserve you. I always fuck up and you always tell me how it's ok. And it's not, B." I shook my head.

"It's not ok. This is why I am here tonight maybe-" I drew in a deep breath.

"Maybe, once you know, it will help you understand me more…I want you to understand me more. I want you to know that I _try _to be good to you. You deserve that, you deserve someone…_good,_" I finished, searching her eyes to see if she was following me.

She looked scared. I could see it in her eyes that look of fear and rejection. The same look she gave me that fucking night of the beach party. I needed to make this better and fast. She was taking it all wrong.

I quickly got up and moved from the chair. I kneeled down in front of her on the floor. I took her small hand in mine and laced them together. My eyes moved from our hands to her eyes.

"B, I want to be the good guy. I'm so fucking sick of being the bad guy in your life. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"I do," she nodded, relief washing over her face. She rubbed her free hand through my hair. It felt so fucking good, so comforting and reassuring. I let my eyes fall closed for a minute taking it in.

"I get jealous." The words spilled out of my mouth. My eyes flew open meeting hers. I swallowed thickly. She didn't look surprised to hear this. She looked pretty fucking at ease at with my confession.

Her lips pursed. "I know," she said quietly. "I mean, I didn't know, I was told," she admitted.

"By who?"

"Jacob." She looked at me nervously. "I told him that you were angry with me and he said that I was wrong. That it was not anger it was jealously." She bit down on her lip again.

"I didn't believe him at first… I-I mean why would you be jealous?" She left her final words out there…hanging. She was calling me out.

I got up and sat next to her on her bed. She turned to face me still awaiting my answer.

"It's not that easy Bella. It's not something simple I can just answer you without telling some other…_things_," I said.

She shifted around timidly. 'If y-you're not comfortable…I-I understand," she said, her eyes soft and truly understanding.

_My angel always says the perfect fucking thing. _

"No, B that is why I came over tonight. I have wanted to talk to you about this for awhile now. You….deserve to know, I _want _you to know."

I knew I had to fucking tell her before that son of a bitch Riley got to her and filled her head lies, and bullshit, and with God knows what else.

"Do you know why I moved here Bella?" I asked..

"Because, Carlisle got a job here," she answered.

"Yes, that's true. But I was the reason he had to find a job here." I gave her a moment to process this.

"Things got really fucked up back in Chicago my sophomore year. Even worse half way through the year, and that's when my parents decided I…we…needed to move."

Bella's mouth opened and closed a few times. She was debating on saying something. More likely she wanted to _ask_ something.

"You don't have to worry, B, you can say what on your mind," I assured her.

She didn't say anything she just sat there for a moment… _contemplating._

Finally she decided, "I will just listen for now. And ask questions when you're done," she nodded once.

I smiled at her. "If that's what you want that is fine with me."

"I met her when I was in the eighth grade. We were just kids," I shrugged. "She had this long curly red hair and bright blue eyes. We started hanging out when I parents allowed. She and Alice quickly became friends. My parents and her parents hung out in the same social circles. We spent all of our time together." I paused as I watched Bella reach up for her necklace again. She wouldn't look at me.

"Anyway it was inevitable that we ended up dating, like really dating, once we got into high school. We were each others first…_everything._ First kiss, first date, first dance, first fight, first-"

"First person you had sex with," Bella said so fucking quietly that I might not have heard it if I was not paying such close attention to her.

Her eyes met mine. With the saddest fucking look on her face I had ever seen. It fucking killed me to see this _misery_ written all over her face. Her eyes were wide as she blinked slowly tears bubbling up in them. Her lips vaguely curved down. I wanted to do anything and everything to make this go away. I wanted her to smile at me. I wanted her to feel something around me other than sadness. I wanted to fucking stop hurting her.

_This was the only way._

Telling her this, I was offering her another plate of shit, but maybe afterward she would see that I was baring my soul to her. And then finally_…hopefully,_ she would see me for who I was, the person she made me want to be… _the good guy_… someone_ worthy of her_.

I wanted to be worthy of Bella. I wanted to finally be able to tell her how I felt and fucking pray to God she would still give me the chance to be with her. I wanted to keep my promise to her, form the day we got her car, up in my room, when I promised her a fresh start.

_New memories, good memories_

I gently took her hand in mine, rubbing small circles with my thumb in the palm of her hand.

"Yes, she was my first and I was hers," I admitted.

She nodded and went to pull her hand from mine. But I quickly grabbed on to it, not allowing her to pull away.

"Don't pull away, B… Please let me hold your hand," I asked.

Her muscles relaxed a silent permission from her. As she sat there staring down at her lap.

"Did you love her?" she asked, still not look at me.

I wanted to throw up. This is not where this conversation was supposed to be going. I wanted to tell her how fucked up that relationship got and how I was completely fucked over and how I took it out on every other girl since. I was trying to tell her how I became this Jealous Mother Fucker and now here we are.

_This is not where I wanted to be._

I didn't know how to answer this, not to Bella. I didn't want to say I thought I loved someone before her and once I had met her I knew I was wrong, that I was so fucking delusional to believe that I could have ever loved anyone the way I loved her.

I couldn't say all that right now. Not before she knew, not before I gave her the chance to try to take in all my shit and process it. She deserved to know the truth before I could tell her that.

"Bella we were only kids. We were like fucking fourteen years old when we met. We didn't know any better. I was young and stupid enough to believe at the time that perhaps it was love." I paused again. I needed to fucking try to convey to her that this was not the case anymore.

"Come here," I tugged gently on her arm. I scooting backwards until I was able to lean back against the headboard, pulling Bella into my lap. She made herself comfortable between my legs as I wrapped my arms around her.

Bella leaned back into me, relaxing up against my chest and ran her fingers lazily up and down my arms. I pressed my nose into the top of head and closed my eyes and just held her. In a feeble attempt to show her how much she means to me. How much more I care about her then anyone else I know or have known.

We sat like that for some time before she broke the silence.

"What's her name?" she asked, shifting slightly so she could look up at me.

I was so fucking wrapped up in this moment with her, I almost asked 'who'. but caught myself.

"Victoria," I choked out.

I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I had not said her name in such a long fucking time. I wouldn't even allow her name to be said around me. I fucking hated her and her name.

"Vict-"Bella started to say her name. My first and only instinct was to stop it. My hand shot over her mouth cover it just as she started to speak.

"Don't… she doesn't even deserve the air it takes you to say her name, Bella. She is a selfish and evil bitch and I don't even want to have the memory of you saying her name," I hissed.

She nodded and slowly removed my hand from her mouth.

"I'm sorry if that was rude of me. I-I just can't even stand the thought of you saying her name," I shifted her to my right so I could look directly into her eyes.

"Did I upset you?" I questioned.

"No, I-I mean obviously she did a number on you, Edward. I mean you loved her right?" she asked.

"No," I shook my head at her. "I was young, Bella. I said I thought it was love. It wasn't. I never knew love until- I never felt that strongly about anyone in Chicago," I stammered.

_Fuck! _I wanted to tell her so badly but I couldn't. The words just wouldn't come out. How hard is it to say? All I had to do was finish the fucking sentence …_Until I met you Bella. _How fucking hard is that?

_Really fucking hard. _

"She fucked over my family and me. She cheated on me and well…. that ended up costing me a lot, and my family too. Carlisle spent thousands of dollars all because of that bitch. And she turned me into…into someone I didn't even know anymore," I stopped to take a breath praying that the new direction this was going would spark different questions from Bella.

She sat there quietly waiting for me to continue. This is where I had to make a decision do I tell her just how fucked up Victoria was? Do I tell her exactly what she did to me, to my family? Or do I tell her about the Jealous Mother Fucker and why I was such a fucking prick all the time?

I chose The Jealous Mother Fucker. I knew eventually I would have to tell Bella what Victoria did. And I would, just not tonight.

"I completely changed, Bella. I started partying a lot. Drinking and staying out until all hours of the night. I was totally fucking reckless. I stopped playing the piano. I never even tried out for the basketball team, like I planned on doing. And as for girls, well I treated them like shit." The last words were almost a whisper. "I took it out on every girl that ever crossed my path. Every girl I knew, except… _you_.

Bella's eyes grew wide then shot to mine. I could feel her body tremble faintly in my arms. She was shocked to hear my confession.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"I mean I used them all, Bella. I was a complete dick. I had sex with them, at parties, in my car, at school, basically anywhere and anytime I felt like it. I never called one of them. I never gave them a chance. I knew I didn't want anything from them but yet I would use them. Use them to take all my fucking pain out on them as if that were ever going to make anything better."

I felt like such a fucking asshole right now, telling Bella all my fucking disgusting past secrets. It's not like she didn't know I had a reputation. Everyone in fucking Forks loved to gossip, but she never heard it from me. She never knew just how fucking heartless I was for such a long time.

"I was a fucking monster Bella. I became a monster. Fuck, this is really fucking hard to say this shit to you.

"Edward, If you need to stop-" she said timidly.

"I want you to know Bella," I replied.

"Then tell me. If you trust me enough to tell me all of this, then I am here to listen. I want to know." She lay back against my chest taking my hand hers waiting patiently for me to continue.

"Thank you," I whispered into her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"The day I met you, everything changed. I changed. You made me laugh. I couldn't fucking stop thinking about you humming 'Brown eyed girl' in class. I wanted to get to know you. I wanted you to know me. Everything with you has always been so…easy." I looked down at her and she turned and smiled up at me.

"You remember that day?" she asked.

"Of course I do," I smiled back at her then she eased herself back into my arms.

"Then we became friends and slowly I started to-" I stopped mid sentence.

I was unsure how to go about telling her about The Jealous Mother Fucker without sounding like a total fucking lunatic. I knew if I told her that I had this 'inner voice' that was totally fucking jealous and possessive of her, I would sound like I had some disorder. She would think I was bipolar or had multiple personality disorder.

Obviously, I had neither.

"Bella, I feel very protective of you," I started. "You need to know why I act the way I do. I know I can run hot and cold, but I always thought it was best for me to keep you at arms length. I have tired to hide this side of me from you and failed so many times."

"Bella, I need you to look at me. I need you to try to understand what I am going to tell you."

She sat up and turned around in my lap. "Its ok, Edward. I'm here, whatever it is. I will try to understand." She was trying to comfort me.

_God, I love her._

Bella, do you ever hear that inner voice inside your head?" I asked nervously.

"Yes," she nodded.

"Ok, good," I sighed. Well I have an inner voice too. Let me try to explain this to you."

I took in a very deep breath wishing I had a fucking cigarette right now.

I pulled Bella's hand to my lips and kissed the tips of her fingers one at time, in attempt to buy sometime as I gathered the courage to tell her.

"You know that inner voice, your gut instinct? That person you are inside yourself that thrives off all your most deep ceded emotions? The voice that tells you right from wrong, yes or no, go or stop? I have always been able to control that voice. Except with you. Bella, my inner voice is always telling me everything is yes, go, this is right, even if it was wrong. Do you understand what I am trying to say to you?"

It was hard for me to get a read on her. She was nodding but she seemed deep in thought.

"Bella? B, are you ok? Please tell me you understand what I was saying?"

"Yes, I'm fine…I think." She paused again, biting on her bottom lips. She was biting down so hard I could see the pink leaving her lip turning it white.

"Don't do that, B." I pulled her lip from her teeth. "You're going to draw blood soon."

"Oh sorry, I didn't even realize…" she trailed off.

"Dr Jekyll," she murmured to herself.

"Excuse me?" I questioned.

Her eyes flew to mine, shock and nervousness evident in them.

"I didn't mean…Did I say that out loud?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"Yes, yes you did. What the hell are you thinking in that head of yours?" I teased.

"Bella, I don't have some multiple personality disorder," I stated firmly.

I could see the blush rising up her neck, creeping it way into her cheeks.

"I know that much, Edward. It's just sometimes you acted like a totally different person. Sometimes, it was right in the middle of a conversation or–," she stopped herself.

"And that's what I would call you." Her eyes dropped to the bed and her face was glowing red now.

I couldn't help but fucking laugh. She called The Jealous Mother Fucker, 'Dr Jekyll'.

"See, I told you I was a monster," I teased still chuckling, trying to lighten the mood. I could tell my poor fucking angel was completely embarrassed and she had no reason to be.

Bella smiled and then got up from the bed and paced slowly around her room tugging at her long ponytail twisting it's around her fingers. I could tell she was trying to take it all in. She was processing the information I had just given her. I was going to give her sometime.

I walked over to my jacket and pulled out my cigarettes and then went to open her window. I straddled on the ledge one leg in and one leg out making sure to hold my cigarette out the window. If the chief knew I was up in his daughter's room at fucking one thirty in the morning smoking a cigarette he would definitely get the wrong idea.

I took a few long pulls form my cigarette allowing the smoke to fill my lungs. And the nicotine made its way into my bloodstream slowly relaxing me. Bella walked up to me placing one arm on my shoulder.

"Can I have a drag of that?" she asked.

"Absolutely," I smiled at her. And handed over my cigarette I'm sure she needed it just as much as I fucking did.

"When is Charlie going to be home?" I asked.

"Around seven. I told him to wake me up when he gets home so I can put the turkey in," she said as she passed the cigarette back to me.

"Fuck, Bella it's almost two, you need to get some sleep." I totally fucking forgot about Thanksgiving in the morning. I was such a fucking mess tonight.

"I'll be ok. After we made the pies I took a little nap," she said as she straddled the ledge across from me.

I saw her shiver when I passed the cigarette back to her. I couldn't help but notice as her nipples grew hard pressing tightly against her shirt. She was obviously not wearing a bra. Fuck, Bella why do you have to be so _fucking tempting_. I could feel myself growing hard and I quickly pulled my sweatshirt over my head and handed it to her.

"Here put this on you look…cold," I said as I took the cigarette from her hand.

Bella took my sweatshirt and put it on.

_Thank god._

She paused for a second, just looking at me, staring me down was more like it.

_What the fuck?_

"Dr Jekyll," she asked, well it was more like a statement then a question as a smile pulled at her lips.

"The Jealous Mother Fucker," I nodded chuckling. Then I took another drag.

"Is that what you call it?" She started to giggle. She was fucking _giggling_ at The Jealous Mother Fucker.

Well she might have known why I acted like a fucking crazed person but she didn't know the fucking extent of it. Not yet anyway.

"Don't laugh B, it's not funny." I tried to act as serious as I could. "And by the way, you're really perceptive, much more so than I had given you credit for." I looked up meeting her eyes.

"Can I ask you something?" she said, as she exhaled the smoke out of the corner of lips.

"Of course."

"Everything you told me tonight, about Vic-, I-I mean her and the break up and The Jealous Mother Fucker, why tonight? What was the point?" she asked as she gently tugged on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

I have to be fucking honest. Hearing her say 'The Jealous Mother Fucker' was pretty fucking hot for me. Part of me wanted to fucking pull her to me and crush my lips into her kissing her fucking senseless.

I flicked my cigarette out the window and stood up taking Bella's hand and taking her with me. I closed the window once again, before pulling her into my chest. I needed to fucking hug her. I wanted her to be in my arms, I needed her to be as close to me as possible.

"I wanted you to know about my past. I wanted you to know that I was not being a dick to you, just for the sake of being a dick. I wanted you to know that you were different and made me feel different you are not just some fucking girl to me, Bella. Every time I pulled away from you, every time I hurt you, I was only trying to protect you from… me," I finished, pulling back slightly so I could see her face.

"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for telling me and being honest with me. But I want you to be_… you._ If you have to listen to your inner voice then don't fight it. I miss you, Edward," her voice was a little shaky and she was biting down on that damn lip again.

"Bella, you don't know what you are saying. You don't know what you are asking me to do. You don't want… me to listen to him all the time. Trust me."

I didn't know how else to fucking say it to her. Unless she wanted me pawing at her all fucking day, _every fucking da,y _she didn't know what she was asking of me.

Her eyes grew a little darker and I could see the blush growing on her cheeks. She lowered her head slightly looking up at me through her eyes lashes, licking her lips gently before pulling her tongue back into her mouth.

My body responded immediately as I swallowed thickly, feeling myself stiffen a little. I pulled my hips back from hers. Why was she looking at me like this? Then she spoke.

"Trust me, Edward, I know _exactly_ what I am asking from you," she smiled sheepishly before walking away from me toward her bed, rendering me speechless.

_She wanted me to be The Jealous Mother Fucker. MINE. The Jealous Mother Fucker roared._

I watched Bella climb into bed and set her alarm clock before I was even able to move from my stupor.

"I –I should go…You need to sleep," I stammered.

"Where did you park?" she asked.

"Around the corner, why?"

"Will you lay down with me, like we used to?" she asked smiling at me.

"Sure, of course." I walked over to the bed and took off my shoes.

Bella scooted over and pulled back the blankets. I laid down in the familiar position opening my arms to her. She cuddled herself up against me, laying her head on my chest, draping her arm over me. She placed her leg in between mine and I wrapped my arms around her.

We laid quietly for a long time. I could feel her relaxing in my arms. And there was nothing fucking like it in the world. I could really fucking get used to sleeping with her again like this. I hoped that is what she wanted too.

I could hear Bella's breathing slow down as she nuzzled herself into my chest as if she could get any closer. I didn't mind, I just held her tighter. Trying to show her I couldn't get close enough either. I pulled the tie from her hair and ran my finger softly through her curls.

"Mmm that feels good," she moaned lightly into my chest.

I fucking had to bite down on my own fucking lip now stifling the groan from escaping. Her leg was hitched over my lap and there was no fucking way I was going to embarrass myself tonight with a fucking hard on. So, I decided to change the subject.

"What kind of pies did you make tonight?" I asked.

Honestly, I really fucking wanted to know because I loved Bella's cooking and I was pretty fuckin' excited about eating tomorrow.

"Pumpkin, apple and yuck…pecan," she said sleepily.

"You don't like Pecan pie?"

"No, I _hate_ it, but Billy likes it so I made it for him," she yawned.

"Pecan is ok I guess, but apple is my favorite," I yawned back because that shit was contagious.

She didn't respond right away. I figured she had fallen asleep on me.

"I know, that is why I made it for you," she said right before she drifted off to sleep.

I didn't fall asleep right away. Even though the night had fucking drained me, even though I was tired as hell, I wanted to watch her sleep. She was so beautiful and tiny in my arms. She was my angel. I gripped her more tightly in my arms, kissing the top of her head. I inhaled her. I linked my fingers with hers.

There was still a lot of shit I had to say to her, so much more she had to know about Victoria and I, but that could wait. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and I was spending it with her. I had told her some of my darkest secrets and told her about the Jealous Mother fucker and that was huge start. A _fresh start_…just like I promised her.

I would tell her the rest of it soon I would make the time. I wanted to take care of her tomorrow. I _would_ take care of her, because she was worth it. She was perfect and deserved to have a perfect day.

I leaned forward and found the shell of her ear kissing it softly. "I love you," I whispered, and she shifted in her sleep. There would be time to talk tomorrow. For now, I wanted to watch her sleep.

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**A/N-**

**Whew there you have it ladies… NO he was not bipolar BTW LMAO! I know a few of you asked. I hope you got some questions answered. I know you probably have more questions now. Next chapter we will get into Thanksgiving BPOV and some Black Friday Christmas shopping for these two!! **

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**Until next time! BGirl. xoxoxox**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N- Ladies! Sorry for the delay today. I know I am posting late but I hope it was worth the wait. This is my longest chapter to date! **

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**BPOV**

"Bella," I hear my name being called from afar.

"Bella wake up." I can feel my body being nudged causing me to rock lightly.

"Bells, its seven twenty, wake up!" I hear my father's loud voice pulling me from my slumber.

I stretched out gently across my bed before opening my eyes, allowing myself one last moment of sleep before surrendering my eyes to the harsh morning light. And that is when it hit me.

_Oh. My. God!_

Edward was in my bed. Edward had slept over last night and now Charlie was standing in my room hovering over the bed Edward and I were occupying. My heart started to pound rapidly against my chest and my eyes flew open. My body, acting on its own impulse, jolted up, sending my blankets flying to the floor as I sat there in a panic, scanning my bed for Edward or any trace of him.

There was none.

_Thank you God. _

"Are you ok, Bells? I didn't mean to scare you," Charlie chuckled. "I was just trying to get you up before I go to bed. I only have time to get a few hours in before we eat."

"Yeah, dad I'm fine. I just-" I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. "I just thought it was later than it is," I smiled at him.

Charlie left my room and I threw myself backwards into my pillows in relief.

_Ouch! What the hell?_

Something was digging into my back as I lay sprawled out on my bed. I rolled over, pulling back the sheet and found one of Edward's cinnamon lollipops. Just the sight of the square pop made me smile. I went to grab it and noticed there was a paper scrolled around the stick.

My heart soared as I quickly rose up sitting crossed legged on my bed. I bit down on my bottom lip, still slightly nervous as to what the note might say. Edward and I had quite the night. I knew he had confessed a lot to me more than I ever expected him to. I also could feel there was more he wanted to say but I didn't dare push him.

I could tell in eyes he was trying so very hard to put himself out there. Edward always had this confidence about him that I had never seen in anyone else…_ever_. He was always cool, calm and collected. His grace and charm were skills far beyond his years.

But last night…last night, I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. I could feel a shift in him that made him seem vulnerable and exposed. I did everything I could just to listen and show him that no matter what he told me, I was still going to be there for him, love him and try to understand everything he had to say.

I slowly unwrapped the scroll from around the stick and pulled it open.

_B, _

_Thank you for last night. I'm sorry I am not there with you this morning. But I figured your dad has good aim, as he is the police chief. I feel like a new person today. Telling you was hard but I am so glad I did it. I know this should be tied to a rose or something like that but there was no way in hell I was going to risk coming back up through your window. I can't wait to see you later. This is going to be the best Thanksgiving we have ever shared together. _

_Always,_

_E. _

_P.S. Do you know you talk in your sleep? _

I was mortified and thrilled. I didn't know which reaction to act on first. I had no clue as to what I could have said in my sleep. However, Edward leaving me a note made me want to dance around my room. I decided not to worry too much on what I had might have said in my sleep, _for now_. I sprang from my bed and ran into the bathroom.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth and put the hot rollers in my hair. I tugged on some clean yoga pants and left Edward's sweatshirt on. There was no way he was ever going to pry this from my hands. I grabbed my phone off the desk and made my way downstairs.

I pulled the turkey from the refrigerator. Alice and I prepped it last night before heading out. I turned on the oven and while I waited for it to preheat, I started to peel some potatoes. Thank god for Alice and Rose. They helped me out so much last night. Besides making the pies, we prepped the yams, stuffing and turkey.

I had to make dinner for Charlie, Billy, Jacob and whoever else might stop by from La push. I didn't mind though, I loved to cook. I also love hosting the holidays. I was terribly sad that my mom and Phil were not going to be here for Thanksgiving but they were coming down for Christmas.

This was going to be my first Thanksgiving without my mom and I tried my hardest to push that to the back of my mind. She and Charlie always made sure the holidays were a family event. They never had an issue celebrating the holidays together. They told me it was best to keep traditions in our family alive and I loved them for that.

After peeling the potatoes and cutting them up, I added them to the pan of water. They needed to boil for about forty minutes before I could actually make them into mashed potatoes. The oven was preheated now so I placed the turkey inside and set the timer. Satisfied that I had started all I could for now. I poured myself a bowl of fruit loops and plopped down on the couch to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

About twenty minutes into the parade, I decided to text Edward. I'm sure he was still fast asleep but I had missed our 'Always and Never' routine yesterday, and didn't want to miss it again.

"_Always- Lollipops Never – Roses"_

_Good morning sunshine. We eat at 1:00pm sharp. Don't forget your camera. B. _

I couldn't help the grin on my face as I hit send. Edward's cinnamon lollipops in my bed were definitely better than any roses. I tugged his sweatshirt up and inhaled his scent. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to indulge on all that was Edward, smoke, cinnamon, cologne and masculine. _Yummie._ Edward smells absolutely delicious.

I checked on the food quickly before heading upstairs to do my hair and makeup. I wanted to make sure I was ready by the time company arrived. After applying my makeup I pulled the rollers out and tried to loosen the long curls without tangling them. I finally decided I would try Roses "sweeping the bangs" technique but I was failing miserably.

Finally, when they looked about right, I couldn't seem to keep them in place. I ran into my bedroom and pulled out the cream colored hair band I had stashed away in a drawer. The wide band was perfect and it held my bangs in place. Once I was satisfied with my hair, I gave it one last sprits of hairspray and I was done.

I heard my phone ringing from downstairs and I practically flew down them to answer it. It was Jake.

"Happy Thanksgiving," I answered.

"Is the food ready?" he laughed.

"I have fruit loops and need help. Are you in?" I teased.

"Do I get to be your taste tester? he questioned.

"Of course! You are the perfect man for the job," I laughed.

"I'm on my way, Bells. Be there in twenty," he said before we hung up.

****

I can't believehow time seemed to speed up once Jacob arrived. One minute we were watching the parade, and the next we were setting the table and he was helping me finish cooking. I was so busy in the kitchen, I didn't even hear Rose walk in. I knew she was going to be stopping by to pick of a few of the pies we made to take to the Cullen's house. Time was definitely getting away from me today.

"Bella my, my, don't you look so _domesticated_ today," Rose smirked.

"Shut it, Rose. I have to get dinner finished before I change. There is no way I am risking getting food all over my dress _before_ dinner," I rolled my eyes. "Thanks by the way, a cream colored dress is just _perfect _for a klutz like me to wear on the one holiday where all you do is eat all day," I retorted.

Rose laughed and made her way to the basement where our second refrigerator was. Charlie used the freezer part to store all the fish he caught and since the rest of it was empty I used the bottom portion to store all the pies we made yesterday.

"Jake," I yelled. He was in the living room making sure the picture and picture on the big screen was working correctly so they wouldn't miss any of the football games today.

_He was such a guy._

Jake came trotting into the kitchen, smiling, like he just hit the lottery. "I got it all set," he beamed.

"Fabulous, now help me with this. I handed him a bag of mini marshmallows so he could help me finish off the yams. He popped one into his mouth and just stood there eating them from the bag.

"Jake, those are not for eating," I heard Rose say as she sat the pies down on the counter. "They are for topping off the yams." She winked as she pulled a few out of the bag and tossed one up in the air and caught it in her mouth.

We all started laughing and I got back to work on the vegetables.

"Back up further," Rose was giggling. I turned to see what those two were up to.

Rose was tossing marshmallows into Jakes mouth now from across the kitchen.

"I am never going to get this dinner on the table you two." They totally ignored me.

"Ok Rose, throw two at time! I bet I can catch them," Jake continued.

"No way, I bet you ten bucks you don't," Rose taunted.

"Make it twenty blondie," Jake teased.

"You're on!" Rose laughed

I can't believe I was standing here watching this when there was so much to get done still.

"Bells, I'm getting in the shower now," I heard Charlie call from up stairs.

"Ok!" I answered.

I looked at the clock it was already noon.

_Shit._

I still had to get dressed and put the damn marshmallows on the yams so they could melt.

I busied myself in the kitchen around Rose and Jake, mind you while they fought over how many marshmallows Jake had caught.

Suddenly, I heard Rose shrieking "Oh my god this is my song!" She ran over to my ipod doc and turned it up as loud as it could go.

She started dancing around the room singing "_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_

_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!" _Lady Gaga's Bad Romance apparently was "_her song_".

She was swaying her hips like some kind of Shakira impersonator. As she continued singing "_I want your ugly, I want your disease, I want your everything, As long as it's free I want your love, Love-love-love._ "

"Dance with me Bella!" she yelled over the music.

There was no way in hell I was going to be caught dancing around my kitchen again. I could feel my face heat up just at the thought of Edward catching me yesterday.

I grabbed my camera and proceeded to shake my head no at her while I took pictures of the table and some of the food.

_Rose didn't give up._

Jake decided it would be fun to join in as he and Rose danced around the kitchen pretending to do the tango to Lady Gaga. These two were totally cracking me up. I had to take some pictures. I called for different poses as I shot pictures of them dancing around the kitchen. I guess I didn't even realize it but my hips were swaying to the beat of the music as I laughed along with my friends.

I saw something move out of the corner of my eye and turned my attention to the doorway. Edward's eyes locked on mine. Like some kind of magnetic force I couldn't turn away if I wanted to.

His head was tilted forward slightly, his eyes were dark, lips parted, jaw slack. I could barely make out the tip of his tongue as he slowly moved it across his bottom lip. I stared unabashedly at him. The way he was he looking at me becoming all too familiar. I searched my mind trying to pinpoint the look on his face. I know I had seen it before, as I shuffled through my memories at a rapid pace, trying to place that _look _with an event.

And then it happened. I saw his face…_that face_, we were dancing on the beach, and then the memories started flashing before my eyes at lightning speed. Dancing on the beach melted into Edwards's bedroom the night of the beach party. In a blur, I saw him standing in front of me in that dark corner of the gym during the Halloween dance. My first day back at school walking into class I saw those same eyes.

It was all coming back to me and for the first time since I had been back, it made _sense_.

_Mr. Hyde._

Edwards's words from last night becoming clear as I stared into the eyes of JMF. My breathing caught in my throat and I felt my blush hot on my cheeks. The way my body was reacting to him, my heart racing, breathing faltered, feeling this _need_ to be close to him _…to touch him_. It all made sense. I, Bella Swan, was in fact in love with Edward Cullen but my body…_my body_ was absolutely controlled by JMF.

"Hey Edward," Rose's voice pulled me from my trance.

I don't know how long I was standing there staring at him. It seemed like an eternity. I hoped that was not the case. Edward's eyes were still on mine and saw him blink a few times shaking his head slightly as a smile pulled at his lips. His eyes roamed over my body one last time before he turned his head in the direction of Rose's voice.

"Hey Rose," he greeted her.

I shook myself from my stupor and moved to set my camera down on the counter as I turned down volume on my ipod. I couldn't bring myself to look back at him... not just yet. I stirred some of the dishes on the stove as I struggled to find the courage to face my friends that were chatting quietly by the table.

"Bella, this is going to make a gorgeous center piece," Rose cooed.

I turned around and I don't even know how I missed it, but Edward was cradling a large orange colored glass vase on his hip. It had the most breathtaking flower arrangement I had ever seen. Orange Asiatic lilies, peach, orange, and red roses, all set perfectly in the vase. The yellow Viking daisy mixed in with the autumn leaves made it complete. It was incredible.

"These are for you," Edward smiled. "My mom helped me pick them out. She said something about it completing the table," he shrugged.

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I took the flowers from him.

"Edward, they are amazing. Thank you." I moved some things around the table and placed the large vase in the middle.

"Oh, we need to get some pictures."

I grabbed my camera and snapped a few pictures of the table. Esme was right. It really brought the table to life.

"Oh, shit I forgot," Edward paused. "I'll be right back." He rushed out the front door.

Rose, Jake and I looked at each other confused for a moment and then Jake shrugged and walked back into the living room.

"Rose was helping me transfer all the food into serving dishes when I heard the guys talking in the living room. I didn't even hear Edward come back in. Rose and I finished up and I helped Rose carry her pies to the door.

We both stopped in our tracks as we watched the sight before us. Edward and Jake were standing in the living room talking and… _shaking hands_?

"Oh look, it's just like the first Thanksgiving, Bella," Rose laughed. "The Indian and the Pilgrim are making peace," she teased.

"Rose!" I scolded.

"What?" she shot back. "Look at Edward all dressed in black. The only thing he is missing is the buckled hat," she laughed.

I took a minute to take in Edward. He was wearing black slacks, and matching black button up shirt. His black sports coat was hooked on his finger, slung over his shoulder.

_My god he looked hot. _

How did I not notice what he was wearing when he walked in?

_Oh yeah that's right….JMF._

"He looks great." The words fell out of my mouth before I could even process what I was saying.

Both Jake and Edwards's eyes flew to me. Jake's eyebrows shot up and I could see him trying to stifle a laugh as his hand covered his mouth. Edward cocked an eyebrow at me as a small smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth.

"Thanks," he murmured, placing his hand into his pocket.

"O-Okay," Rose broke the silence. "Well you look like your going to the fucking gym. I suggest you get ready Bella," she said to me with a wink.

_Gee thanks Rose._

Rose left and I made my way back into the kitchen. Edward followed me. He place a large white box tied with string in front of me.

"For you," He stated.

I looked at the box and back up at him, confusion evident of my face.

"Just open it," he chuckled.

I pulled the string that was tied into a bow on top of the box and then lifted the lid.

"Oh my god, you remembered!" I practically yell.

In the box sat about a dozen chocolate chip cannolis. Earlier in the week, I had told Edward about my mom not coming for Thanksgiving and how I was going to miss the cannolis she made especially for me every year.

_He remembered. _

"Of course I remembered, just like you knew to make me apple pie," he winked.

I gave him a hug and whispered thank you into the crook of his neck. Edward just squeezed me tighter in response.

"I need to get ready," I said softly as I pulled back slightly from the embrace.

"I really like you in this," he said quietly, not releasing me quite yet.

"It's yours," I blushed.

"I know, it looks great on you," he smiled, giving me one last squeeze before letting me go.

****

I rushed around my room touching up my make up and getting dressed. I heard Charlie and the guys downstairs yelling at the TV. I'm sure the football games had started.

I was putting on the cowl necked sweater dress Rose and Alice helped me pick out. It was really cute but it was cream colored, almost white. I tried to argue with them about the color but they insisted. I pulled on the matching leggings just as I heard the door bell ring. I was sure it was Billy and a few others that Charlie had invited from La Push.

I slipped on my chocolate colored boots and gave myself a once over in the mirror. Satisfied with what I saw I made my way back down stairs.

****

Soon, we were all sitting around the table. Billy had brought Sam and Emily with him. They were very close friends with Charlie as well. Jacob had invited his best friend since birth, Seth, along. Edward sat next to me and gave me a wink as Charlie started to carve the turkey.

"This all looks amazing Bells," he smiled up at me from across the table.

Everyone chimed in with praises as I sat there blushing.

"Really it's not a big deal. I enjoy cooking," I shrugged.

"Nonsense, this is quite a spread," Billy interjected. "You are going to make some lucky guy very happy one day, Bella. You really are talented in the kitchen," he smiled at me as he passed the yams to Jake.

Jake nodded at me as he took the dish. "_Really lucky,_" he winked serving up a huge helping onto his plate.

"We already are _lucky_," Edward spoke up. His tone seemed annoyed.

My head shot in his direction. Edward looked around the table and noticed all eyes were on him. He nervously pushed his hand through his hair before continuing.

"I mean…we are lucky… that you cooked for us today," He said clearing his throat.

"Amen," Charlie said breaking the silence and everyone nodded agreement.

The rest of dinner was great. Everyone ate and chatted about the food and the football games. Emily and I talked about recipes, and took a few pictures of my family and extended family eating. Finally, when we all had our fill, everyone made their way to the living room to watch some football.

The first game had come to an end and the second game was going to be starting soon. The room was filled with chatter and I loved it. This is what holiday were all about, being with the ones that matter to me most.

"Pie anyone?" I asked as I started to get up.

"YES!" all the guys answered at once.

Emily and I looked at each other and laughed.

"Let me help you, Bella," she said, getting up from her chair.

We had just plated all the pie when the door bell rang.

_Who in the hell?  
_

I checked the clock it was only four. Edward and I were due back at his house in about an hour. So that ruled out Alice or Rose. I looked over at Emily and she nodded for me to get the door.

"I got this," she smiled as she piled plates into her arms.

"Edward," I yelled for him as I made my way to the door. "Can you help Emily, please?" I called.

"Sure," he winked and rushed to her side to help her carry the plates.

I giggled as watched the two of them juggle the plates. I pulled the door open, not even noticing who was standing there.

"I hope I am not interrupting," the familiar voice spoke.

My head whipped in his direction. It was Riley. _Riley was standing on my porch._

"Uh…um… no we were just eating desert."

"Well, I wanted to come by and give you this and these," he pushed a box at me and small bouquet of flowers. I took them from him and just stood there gaping at him.

"I needed to apologize for acting like such and ass," he said, as he softly kicked at the door frame. He was obviously uncomfortable.

The voices in the living room carried and the TV was even louder as everyone was still enjoying their Thanksgiving. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there looking at him in disbelief.

"Thanks," I finally found my voice. "You really didn't need to do all this," I gestured to the box and flowers in my hand.

"Yes, I really did need to, Bella. I was acting like an idiot and I this," he motioned with his hands to mine. "This is not even close enough to make up for the way I have been acting."

His eyes looked sad and sincere. And part of me knew this was not only his fault it was mine as well. I was the one who led him on, I was the one who told him I would date him when I knew for a fact I was in love with Edward. _I used him_ when I was trying, foolishly, to get over Edward.

"It's not only your fault, Riley. It was mine as well. I-I was wrong to treat you like that…to lead you on," I said.

"It's ok," he nodded. "Its not like I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Yet. I still tried to make it work. I tired to force it even when I knew I shouldn't," he dropped his eyes from mine.

"Hey B, are you sure you made enough pie? Everyone wants second-" Edward's voice fell as soon as his eyes met Riley's.

"What's going on here?" Edward demanded. His tone irritated and stern. He looked from Riley to me and back again.

"I just came over to apologize," Riley held up his hands surrendering to Edward.

"He brought over flowers and this," I motioned to the box.

Edward looked down at the small bouquet of flowers and I saw his eyes fly quickly to his huge arrangement that stood tall on the table. He chuckled darkly and shrugged smugly.

"I guess it's the _thought_ that counts," he said bitterly. "And this?" he pulled the box from my hands, looking at Riley for an answer.

"It's a pie, my mom made it. Its pecan, I hope you like it," he offered me a weak smile.

I hated pecan pie, but I nodded to be polite. "Thank you, Riley. I'm sure everyone here will enjoy the pie," I said.

"Yeah, you _really_ know what Bella likes," Edward's cocky smirked was plastered all over his face.

"Bella everyone is waiting for you," Edward finished, taking a protective stance next to me in the door way.

"Um, well I should get going," Riley said. "Bella, I really am sorry and I hope we can still be friends," he finished.

I didn't say anything. I just smiled at him and thanked him for stopping by, before he turned around to leave.

"Bells, who's here?" Jakes voice came from behind me as I shut the door.

"Riley," Edward answered and I saw him and Jake exchange a knowing look.

_What had these two been talking about in the living room?_

"Oh," was all Jake said before taking the pie from Edward's hands "Is this more pie?"

Before either one of us couldn't answer Jake was in the kitchen cutting himself a slice.

*****

Three hours later, I was sitting around the Cullen's huge dining room table with all my other friends and their families. The Hale's had made it to dinner this year. Usually they go on some exotic cruise for the holidays while Rose and Jasper chose to stay here with Emmett and Alice.

The dining room was buzzing from everyone eating and chatting. I was starting to feel my body hit the point of exhaustion. Maybe it was all the excitement of the day, maybe it was from eating two Thanksgiving dinners, or maybe it was because I had only slept a few short hours the night before.

"Bella, it's a shame your father couldn't make it," Esme said.

"He was sleeping in the recliner when we left," I giggled. "I'm sure he will be sorry he missed this spread," I gestured to the table.

"Thank you, Sweetie. You know you are more than welcome to take him some leftovers," she smiled.

"What?!" Emmett voice echoed across the table. "But I freakin' love the leftovers!" he whined as he shoved a huge piece of a dinner roll into his mouth.

"Emmett dear. don't talk with your mouth full," Esme scolded "And don't swear at the table either," she warned.

"I didn't. I said freakin'," he said, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Son," Carlisle warned.

Edward and I glanced at each other trying to hold back the laughter that threatened to escape us.

****

After dinner, Edward and I were taking pictures of his family. The adults gathered in the formal living room and all of us made our way to the family room.

"I'm so tired," I moaned, resting my head on the arm of the couch.

"C'mere," Edward pulled me to him, allowing me to lie on his lap. I curled my feet up onto the couch and Alice brought me a blanket.

"We are going to watch a movie Bella, you can rest," she said as she covered me.

"You're going to need to rest for tomorrow, you know," Alice said as her eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. "Tomorrow is the _real_ holiday," she giggled.

"Black Friday is not a holiday," Rose laughed. "But its close," she winked at Alice and me.

Every year Esme took us to Port Angles for hours of shopping on Black Friday. Even the guys went. Although, I think they only went to pick out exactly what they wanted to receive as presents. Other than that, they spent the rest of the day in the food court or at The Game Stop playing whatever new game was out that year.

"Don't worry Alice, I will be there with my 'shopping shoes' on," I giggled.

Edward was stroking my hair and Jasper put the movie in the DVD player. That was the last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep.

****

I will still half asleep when I heard Edwards's voice soft in my ear.

"Bella you're home wake up B," he said.

_I was home???_

My eye flew open and I was lying in Edward's car.

_How in the hell did I get here?_

"What happened? H-how did I-" I sat up confused.

"You slept through both movies. I tired to wake you up but you were out of it," he laughed.

"So I carried you to the car and brought you home. I would have let you sleep but your father called," he finished.

I was embarrassed. I didn't even get to thank Esme and Carlisle for dinner.

"Oh god," I moaned. "How embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed B, you worked your ass off. You needed to rest," he smiled at me.

"C'mon let me help you inside."

Edward helped me out of the car, as I found my bearings, and walked me to the front door.

"Thank you for everything, Edward," I smiled up at him.

"No B, thank you." He gave me my favorite smirk before pulling me into his arms and hugging me close to his chest, resting his chin on my head. "Thank you for spending Thanksgiving with me," he said softly into my hair. He kissed the top of my head and told me he would text me when he got home.

I was in bed, waiting for Edward to text me before I even realized I had not checked my phone all day. With all the craziness of the holiday, I had not even so much as looked at my phone since this morning.

There was one text waiting for me. It was from Edward.

_Always – You sleeping in my arms Never- Sleeping alone_

My heart clenched and suddenly I was very lonely in my room. I thought back over the day, the stolen glances between Edward and myself, the time _he… JMF_ looked at me, and how my body reacted to him. The laughs we shared with our families, his thoughtfulness that only Edward could posses in bringing me the cannolis.

_I missed him. I wanted to sleep in his arms again tonight_.

I bit down nervously on my lip trying to find the courage to ask him to come back. I could pull the 'I'm all alone here 'card, but I wanted to be honest with him like he was with me. Edward had shown me so many different sides to him the past few days. I loved him even more for it. Charlie was at work and I would be gone before he even came home in the morning. I was to be at Alice's house by 4:00am

_That girl is nuts _

"_Are you home yet?" B._

"_Almost what's up?" E._

I decided I would test the waters with him first. I didn't want to push. I knew I was the one that said we would take things slowly, work our way back into our friendship.

"_Tell me a story?" B._

I waited patiently for him to respond.

_"MP3- Lifehouse- Fist time" E. _

I quickly downloaded the song and listened. My heart broke when the words repeated themselves in my ears over and over again.

_Looking at you, holding my breath,_

_For once in my life, I'm scared to death,_

_I'm taking a chance, letting you inside._

After listening to the song a few times, I knew exactly the song I was going to send back him. I needed him to know I loved that he was sharing himself with me, opening up to me finally, after all this time. My phone beeped while I was searching for the song.

"_I'm home B, Tell me a story?" E._

I hit reply as soon as I found what I was looking for

"_MP3 - Cyndi Lauper – True Colors" B. _

I played the song I had just sent him, waiting for him to respond. It was as honest as I had ever been with him. Everything about Edward was beautiful, his face, his heart, his soul. I loved every part of him. Not to mention the JMF part of him. That was a side of Edward I was determined to get know.

"_I miss you, B" E._

"_I miss you too. I can't sleep now" B. _

"_Why not?" E._

"_I'm lonely." B._

"_You want more company? lol" E. _

"_No, not company, only you__" B._

"_I'm on my way." E. _

As soon as Edward made his way into my room, we took our usual positions in my bed. And once again, I feel asleep in his arm, right where I wanted to be.

****

It was 4:00am and we were all piling into the cars as the snow started to fall. You would think it would be much darker out then it was, but the bright snow clouds illuminated the sky.

Alice was bouncing around the front yard. _Someone_ had wayyy too much coffee already this morning. I was still exhausted from yesterday so I handed Edward my keys and climbed in the passenger seat of my truck. Esme, Alice and Jasper rode together in Esme's car and Edward, Rose and Emmett rode with me.

As we were arriving into Port Angles the snow was falling harder now and I was glad that Edward had been driving.

"It's getting pretty bad out," Edward stated as he pulled into the one and only parking space we could find. It was on the upper deck of the parking garage at the mall.

"Maybe I should drop you and Rose off first," he said looked up at the falling snow.

"No, that's not necessary," I said smiling at him.

We met up with the rest of our group and made our way into the mall. The only thing I was coming to get today was Edwards present. I had been looking online for weeks now trying to decide what to get him. When I came across the local jewelry store that had recently opened up in the mall I knew this was where I was going to get it. They only did custom jewelry and I needed his present to be made.

The guys and the girls split up upon deciding to meet at Johnny Rockets for lunch. It was my favorite place in the mall to eat. They had the best cheese burgers and their chocolate shakes were to die for. It was a 1950's setting and they played 50's music on the jukebox. I couldn't wait for lunch.

Soon, Alice was dragging us into every single store that had a "Sale" sign in front of it. Which I think was just about every single store in the mall. At one point Esme ended up picking up a kid's stroller just to put all the bags in.

Finally, I convinced Alice that I needed to order a present and she allowed me to wander off alone. I walked into the small jewelry store and was thankful that only a few others were in there.

I walked up to counter and the sales woman approached me.

"Is there something I can help you find?" She asked.

"Yes, I saw online that you guys made custom bracelets for men?" It came out more like I question but I wanted to be sure.

"We do, let me show you, please follow me." She walked around the store and led me to large glass case. I shrugged off my jacket and sat on the stool in front of it.

She pulled out a large display that had many different kinds of bracelets on it, sliver, gold, titanium, and leather. When I saw the wide black leather strap I knew this was the right place.

"May I see that one?" I asked pointing to it.

"This is Italian leather and the buttons are made of titanium…very _masculine,_" she said with a sly smile.

It was perfect. But I needed to make sure they could make the 'Cullen crest that I wanted to go on top of the leather band.

I wore Edward's hoodie to make sure I had something to show her. "Do you see this crest?" I asked.

She nodded in response.

"Can you make this out of silver or something and add it to the bracelet?" I asked.

The woman looked at the bracelet in my hand and pursed her lips. "I'm sure we can do something like that, let me check, ok?"

She caught the attention of the other man and called him over. She explained what I was wanting and he turned to me.

"That is definitely something we can do. However, I think pewter is the way to go, not sliver," he said. "It's going to take me a few weeks but I can make this for you," he smiled.

"That's great!" I'm sure the grin on my face was a mile wide right now.

"I just need to take a photo copy of your jacket there and we will fill out the paperwork." The lady finished.

Once everything was filled out and I paid for the bracelet. I sent a text to Alice to see where she was at.

_Where are you? Are we meeting up for lunch soon? B. _

_No lunch today. My dad just called and said we need to get home there is already about six inches of snow on the ground in Forks. A._

_Where can I meet you guys? Are we leaving now? B._

_Meet us in front of Macy's we are waiting for everyone out front. A._

I checked my clock on my phone it was almost two o'clock. I was hungry and still tired from the long weekend.

I saw Edward walking alone a few feet in front of me and hurried to him.

"Hey E, did you talk to Alice?" I must have startled him because he kind of jumped back. I giggled.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you," I laughed.

"Y-you kind of did," he laughed with me.

I saw him move the bag he was holding behind his back. _Interesting…odd but still interesting…_

"Whatcha' got there?" I pointed to the small bag he was holding behind his back.

"Oh this, this is … nothing. I was holding it for … um Emmett. It a gift for Rose," he smiled shyly at me as he held up the bag.

It was a small turquoise bag from Tiffany's. I would know that bag from a mile away.

"Wow, Em' is really going all out this year, huh?" I eyed the bag one last time before looking up at Edward.

"I guess so," he shrugged.

"Wait, are you telling me you don't know what's _in the bag_?" I gave him a questioning look.

"Nope," Edward said popping the 'p' at the end.

"Lemme' see!" I squeaked. I couldn't resist. I wanted desperately to know what he had gotten Rose. I grabbed for the bag and Edward yanked it out of my reach like the damn thing was on fire.

"What the-?" I questioned him. "Why can't I see it, Edward?" I demanded placing my hand on my hip.

He gave me that shit eating grin. I didn't know if was going to slap him or kiss him.

"Cuz it's not yours to see, Bella. Nor, is it mine to show. Plus you will probably just end up telling her anyway," he winked.

He was lucky his phone rang. It was Esme asking where we were.

That ended the conversation about the mystery bag as we trotted off to meet his family.

****

It took us three hours to get home. THREE HOURS! That meant three hours of Emmett singing everything from "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixalot to "I Want it that Way" by NSync.

It was hard not to join in the fun at first but the constant sliding of my car on the icy roads had me chewing my nails the whole way home.

Edward kept reassuring me we were "fine". He finally pulled my hand from my mouth and held it the rest of the way home.

_That was more then fine by me. _

Carlisle had pizzas delivered and they were waiting for us when we walked in the door. We all ate and were now sitting in the den watching the guys play some sniper game on the Wii.

My phone rang and it was Charlie. Telling me it was best if I stayed here tonight because he was going to be working through the night. The roads were treacherous and he didn't want me out on them. He said that he spoke to someone at the news station and they were calling for a State of Emergency. Forks was expecting more than three feet of snow to fall over night. With wind drifts it could be up to six feet of snow.

I talked to Esme and she was more than willing to let me stay.

"Of course dear, you know you are welcome here anytime," she said.

Rose was staying as well and Alice was squealing. Asking if we would stay tomorrow and help put up the Christmas tree. With the snow out side I was sure I was not going anywhere for the rest of the weekend.

We helped Alice and Esme get out the twenty or so boxes of Christmas decorations from the basement. The guys stayed in the den playing video games the rest of the evening while the girls and I chatted with Esme about decorating the tree and setting up the Toys for Tots drive this year.

It was after eleven when I finally sat down next to Edward in the den.

"Hey you," I smiled sleepily at him.

"Hey B, you look tired."

"I am very tired," I yawned.

Edward looked back to the door way as Rose and Emmett slipped out of the room. He pulled my head into his chest and kissed the top of it.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asked quietly.

I nodded and hoped he meant I could sleep in his room tonight. This sleeping next to him was becoming a hard habit to break.

We stood up and said our goodnights. Alice told me she left some clothes for me to sleep in out on her bed. From the looks of it she and Jasper were cuddling up to watch a movie. She was curled up in his lap on the huge leather recliner. I thanked her as Edward and I walked out of the room.

Esme and Carlisle had gone to bed a few hours prior so the house was dark and quite. The soft humming from the dishwasher was the only noise echoing through the house. Edward and I were quietly walking up stairs. When I stopped in front of Alice's bedroom door he grabbed my hand stopping me from entering.

"You're just going to get the clothes, right?" he asked.

_Wait was he… asking me?_

"Yes, I need to change," I nodded.

"But you're not sleeping in there are you?" he questioned.

"Um. I really didn't know where-" I paused biting down on my lip nervously.

He pulled me to him looking down at me. I saw JMF flash in his eyes for only a moment just as my body became flush with his.

"You can sleep in my room," he practically whispered it. His voice was husky and thick.

My body once again betraying me and reacting only to JMF. I nodded quickly and pulled him into Alice's room with me. I gathered up the clothes she set out and Edward and I walked into his room together.

I made a bee line for his bathroom to change and gather my thoughts. I needed to get myself under control. There was nothing happening here tonight. I mean we were just going to sleep.

****

The room was thick with tension. This was confusing to me, as Edward and I had shared a bed for two nights in a row now. I wished I could see his face, I knew his eyes would reveal what he was thinking. I didn't dare ask. I just laid there on my side, trying to relax my breathing and force myself to sleep.

Funny how that works, just a few minutes ago I was beyond exhausted. Now here in Edwards's room, in Edwards's bed, sleep refused to come. The way he looked at me when I came out of the bathroom, I knew JMF was lurking behind those eyes. I was not wearing anything sexy, only a pair of white sweat pants and a tank top.

Edwards gaze had caused me to blush and I quickly crawled into bed and shut off the light. We said our goodnights and then it happened. Silence, complete and utter silence filled the room. I turned on my side to avoid anymore awkwardness. _Amongst other things_. I had taken over Edward's side of the bed. There was no freaking way I was going to sleep on the side that faced that couch. _That fucking couch. _

Suddenly, Edward circled his hands around my waist and pulled me to him. I could hear the rustling of the sheets break the silence.

"Is this ok?" he whispered, as he tightened his arms around me.

"Yes," was all I managed to say, my heart was thundering and I had to try to regain some composure? But I could feel the heat of Edward's hands, even through my clothes, and couldn't seem to stop thinking about what that heat would feel like, skin against skin.

I couldn't seem to get warm enough. It was freezing out tonight - the roads were covered with a thick blanket of snow, and at times, you could hear the wind whipping through the trees. I shivered at the thought, pressing more firmly against Edward.

"Are you cold?" his velvet voice murmured in my ear.

"A little bit," I lied. Because honestly, with Edwards's body pressed up against the entire length of my body, suddenly I was _anything _but cold.

And then he found some way to get even closer. Edward shifted slightly, inserting his leg between mine.

I seemed to be the one fighting an internal battle now. I wanted desperately to test the waters with him. I knew if I tried hard enough, I could probably bring JMF out of hiding. The way he was looking at me yesterday and today, I could tell he was forcing himself to be something that he was not. He was fighting his own instincts. And now I was fighting mine.

I finally decided I shouldn't tempt fate, Edward and I were finally back to approaching solid ground, and I didn't want to mess with that. Instead, I tried to focus on my breathing again. I mirrored Edward's breathing and soon I drifted off to sleep in the comfort of his arms.

****

I don't know if it was the rocking of my hips or the tiny moan that escaped my lips that woke me, but when I opened my eyes, I abruptly realized I was grinding my ass right into Edward's very large and very hard erection. I froze immediately, mortified, and prayed that he was still sleeping. Although... I don't really know if he could be sleeping like _that_.

Edward's hand was on my hip and as soon as my rocking ceased, I could feel his fingers pressing roughly into it.

"Don't stop," he moaned.

My eyes widened with shock. I froze the moment the words registered in my ear, a million different emotions swirling through me at once. Shock, ecstasy... and _so much fear_ in the mix.

_Did he just say…_I had to ask him to be sure.

"Edward, are you awake?" I whispered into the air. I was glad the room was pitch black now. Even though he could probably feel my whole body going flush, even if he couldn't see it.

"Yes," he said it simply, without hesitation. Then he started to gently rock my hips with hand.

My eyes fell closed as I allowed him to guide my hips into him over and over again. I knew this was wrong, I knew we would have consequences to face in the morning but right now… none of it mattered.

Once I allowed my body to take over the motions, I felt Edward's grip on my hip loosen as he snaked his hand up along my stomach, eventually coming to rest on my breast. He squeezed once and instantly my body reacted to him, my nipples stiffening to his touch. I bit down on my bottom lip to try to stifle a whimper, it was pointless.

I wondered how far this would go, how far he was going to take this. How far _was I_ going to take this? I don't know if I could handle being rejected again. I had to find the strength to ask him. I had to know if he was sure.

My body knew exactly what it wanted, had known all along, but my heart was still fighting here, worried.

"E-Edward, p-please I-I need to- "I was cut off by Edward slowly sliding his hand over my mouth, silencing me.

"Shhh Bella, don't talk baby, just let go," he whispered. He then took my earlobe into his mouth and bit down gently, and then kissed it lightly. Once he was placing open mouth kisses along my neck, I couldn't resist him any longer.

He didn't seem to be holding back. His words encouraged me. His body encouraged me, his tongue licking my neck, fingertips begging my breasts, dick moving against me more insistently. There was no rejection here tonight, only desperation and I was anxious to take what he'd teased me with so long ago.

The smell of cinnamon and Edward assaulted me. I needed to taste him. I did the only thing I could do from his angle. His hand was still coving my mouth, so I stretched my tongue out and dragged it up the length of one of his long fingers, before sucking it into my mouth. We moaned in unison, and I felt his hips thrust into me as he bit down on my neck.

A muffled "_Fuck_" fell from his lips into my neck. Once I released his finger from my mouth, his hand flew to the hem of my shirt and in one shift motion he was pulling it over my head. Leaving my bare breasts exposed to him, nipples hardening further as the chilly air outside the bed swept over them. I thought about his mouth, his lips, his tongue, warming them, and I groaned again inadvertently.

The angle of our bodies allowed him to capture my lips with his, and so my groan echoed in his mouth, our lips now moving in sync with our hips. The moment our lips touched, I felt a fire ignite inside of me. His tongue barely grazed my lip before I granted him full access to my mouth. His kiss was firm but soft, with a passion unlike anything I had ever experienced before, reminding me once again that no one was holding back tonight. This idea made me feel crazed, more liquid pooling between my thighs.

Edward was the one to break the kiss as we were both panting into each others mouths. He moved to my neck, licking, nipping and kissing his way down to my collar bone. From there he lowered his mouth to the swell of my breast, kissing it softly before taking my nipple into his mouth, sucking hard and grazing it with his teeth. I thought I was going to come from this one single action.

I'd never been touched like this before, and now I was being touched like this by _Edward._ I swore, if he kept increasing the pressure, kept circling my nipple with his tongue, all the sensations that were raising through my body were going to come together. I was going to explode at the mere touch of his mouth.

It made me feel empty. I wanted so much more than this. I wanted Edward inside of me. For real this time. Giving in. Demanding. Thrusting.

Pronounced moans and whimpers were falling from my mouth at the thought of this. I had absolutely no control of it.

"Jesus Christ," Edward growled. He actually sounded almost angry at what I was bringing out of him.

And so he wasn't entirely gentle as he rolled me back over to my side, thrusting his hips into my ass, apparently just as desperate as I was for some sort of friction, some kind of _release._

Edwards hand gripped the waist band of my sweats and paused as if he were asking me permission. I groaned in response, unable to form words. He pushed them down over my hips and I lifted my them to allow him. One less barrier between us. The thought of this caused increased dampness between my legs, and I wondered if he could tell. We were moving so fast, yet it still felt torturous, like I needed so much more.

There was no going back now. I wanted him, fuck, I _needed _him. I was giving myself over to him. I was his for the taking. I felt his hand hovering over the heat of my center. I was sure he could feel the heat radiating from me with his fingers that close to my core.

"Are you… sure?" he asked cautiously.

I nodded with absolutely no hesitance. "Yes Edward, I'm sure…J-just _please_," I begged.

His hand hit the center between my thighs. I moaned in response. I'm sure he could feel the warmth and dampness seeping through the thin fabric of my panties. His long fingers moved over me, pressing lightly on my swollen clit.

"Shit," I whimpered, biting down on the pillow as I bucked my hips into his touch. Edward ground his dick into my ass bit down on my shoulder.

"Fuck, Bella." Edward hissed as he tugged at my panties roughly, driven by impulse. I nodded quickly and wiggled against his hand, practically begging him to take them off. Edward didn't need any more encouragement than then. He pulled them over my hips and quickly returned his fingers to me pressing them into my lips. I was writhing shamelessly into his hand, desperate for more.

"Show me what you need, Bella," Edward whispered. He removed his fingers from me, and I whimpered immediately in response. He took my hand in his, guiding it back down to my center. "Show me," he pleaded. His voice was cagey, his breathing heavy, asking me to touch myself.

Edward wanted me to touch myself. _For him_. The heat recoiled in my lower abdomen at the thought of this.

I did what he asked, slowly sliding my fingers inside of myself. Slowly moving them in and out then up and down making sure to put just enough pressure on my clit…_where I needed it most. _

"Holy fuck, Bella do you how fucking sexy you are?" Edward groaned. It was impossible to miss the way he twitched against me as he felt what I was doing. The movement of my fingers was evident in the still night. "I can hear how fucking wet you are. I can _smell_ how wet you are."

I felt Edward's hand move down my arm and hand before his fingers joined mine, allowing my fingers to slip out of me as he took over. Edward worked at a frustratingly slow pace, pulling me closer and closer to the edge.

"P-Please, Please Edward," I moaned, grinding myself into his hand.

"Please what Bella?" he asked.

I didn't even know how to answer him, _Please don't stop? Please more? _I couldn't form a coherent thought. I didn't even answer him, just let my instincts take over as I reached back and rubbed my hand over his dick, letting him know what I wanted, what I was asking for tonight.

"Fuck." Edward cried and thrust himself into my hand. I tightened my grip around his shaft, relishing the feel of it pulsing at my touch.

"Please what Bella?" he demanded again.

"More," I pleaded, unsure how to articulate exactly what I wanted from him.

I wanted him to consume me because his touch, his lips, it was not enough. I needed so much more. I felt his hand leave my body, I could feel him moving behind me. I knew he had to have been taking his sweats off, and my body thrilled to a new level of excitement. With his other hand he lifted my hair off the back of neck. I could feel the cold air hit the dampness on the back of neck, causing me to shiver.

Then his hot mouth was on my neck again, kissing me up and down the back of my neck, across my shoulders, and back up again. Hot, wet open mouth kisses only making me want him more. Edwards's leg was still between mine. He shifted it just enough to prop my legs open for him.

He placed himself in-between my legs. I felt him, hot, hard and heavy against my thigh, instantly becoming slick from my wetness there. He started to slowly move against me, my arousal allowing his tip to rub easily against my clit. I thought I was going to cry. Edward knew he was driving me insane, he knew he was pushing me to the edge without ever allowing me to go over.

"Is this what you needed Bella?" he asked, kissing the back of neck. I rolled forward unable to respond to him. He knew damn well what I needed and he was going to try to make me beg for it. I rocked my hips with his, gently rubbing my thighs together trying to hold him in place while I moved against him. Desperate for the friction that I so needed to push me over that edge _already_. He was so close, and all I could think about was how fucking good it would feel if he shifted slightly, pushing all the way inside me.

We continued to move like this, Edward continued to torture me, kissing my neck, rolling my nipples between his fingers. I bit down on the pillow again to stifle the loud moans that were now escaping me.

"Edward P-please, I need more," I begged one last time.

"Me too," he panted into my neck and quickly rolled over, pulling me on top of him.

_Thank god._

Edward's lips crashed into mine and I immediately started to grind down on him. This position was allowing me to control the pace and friction I needed and after being under Edward's command for so long, my body was crazed, moving frantically. I pulled back from the kiss, practically distraught, when I felt Edwards hands clamp down on my hips, stilling my motions.

Drawing in audible breaths, he licked his lips slowly, gazing up at me. When I looked down at him, his eyes were hooded with lust, and beads of sweat were forming on his brow. "Fuck," he growled quietly, his eyes closed, suddenly seeming to be waging the same internal battle as before.

I knew JMF was the one guiding his actions tonight, and that is exactly what I wanted. I didn't want Edward to hold back, I didn't want him to hide from me. I wanted him, all of him. I wanted him to be Edward and JMF. Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I wanted him to show me all of him.

"Please don't, don't hide from me. Look at me," I asked softly. His eyes opened slowly and I could still see him battling with himself.

"Don't hold back, I want you, both of you… all of you. J-just Please Edward," I said holding his gaze.

I felt his fingers digging into my hips as his brow pulled together, his eyes searching mine. I had a sudden feeling of déjà vu. And it terrified me in those seconds as I waited, barely able to imagine the pain that would follow if it happened_ again_ . But this time…Edward wasn't stopping. He swallowed thickly and nodded once as if he decided.

This time... there would be no stopping.

He reached up and cupped my face with this hand, gently moving his thumb across my cheek and then around my lips, before pulling me to him and kissing me deeply. His hands returned to my hips and he was pulling me off him, moving me up to his stomach, until he finally broke the kiss.

"I want to taste you, Bella," he whispered. He continued to pull me up until I was on my knees hovering above his mouth. Edward smirked up at me before placing a wet kiss on my inner thigh. The smirk made my body tremble. JMF was in control, and I had a feeling he wouldn't disappoint me.

"Hold on, Bella" he instructed me.

_Hold on to what?_ I didn't know what he was talking about. I was still watching his mouth move against my thigh.

He nodded his head backward and I tore my eyes away from his. Still trying to figure out what he was talking about. And then, finally it dawned on me

_Holy fuck , Edward wanted me to hold on to the headboard. _

I leaded forward and grabbed on to headboard and swear to God I heard him say "Good girl."

He pressed his tongue into me, and I moaned outright. His hands gently grabbed my hips as he pulled me to him. I could feel his hot breath on me as he slid his tongue between my folds. My hips moved against his mouth and just when I thought I was not going to be able to take anymore, he moved his tongue and pressed it directly onto my clit. Causing me yell out his name, piercing the quiet night. And just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, just when I thought I was about to come, Edward slipped his fingers into me pumping them in and out, as he bit down on my clit. And I was done.

My head dropped forward and I moaned louder than I had ever expected. I was holding on to the headboard for dear life, fingers digging painfully into wood. I felt his tongue continue to move against me as I rode out the wave, and that intensified everything so much I thought I might black out.

I was limp and Edward held me in place slowly sliding me back down his body.

"You taste like fucking heaven," Edward smirked at me as he pushed my hair off my face.

Before I even had time to recover, I could feel him twitching against my stomach. I smiled up at him as I aligned myself with him.

"Your turn," I winked, feeling good, feeling confident now, as I moved my hips, sliding along his length. _It was time for some payback._

"You're fucking killing me here," Edward groaned, grabbing my hips and helping to control my movements. His words egged me on, and I gave up the game really quickly. As much as I didn't want to stop the friction I was getting, I wanted to feel him inside me already. After feeling his tongue on me, my body was suddenly more desperate to feel all of Edward more now than ever.

I lifted my hips and Edward guided himself into me as I slowly took him in. Edward was holding onto my hips tightly. I'm sure this was more for my benefit then his. Once he filled me completely, we stilled all movement.

"Are you ok?" he asked, the worry in his face evident.

"Perfect," I smiled at him, making sure he knew I was more than okay, keeping the caring side of Edward out of the equations. Tonight, this was about me and JMF. I twisted my hips slightly as I adjusted to his size.

I started to move, rocking and grinding down on him. Edward held onto me, setting the pace he needed.

"I don't know how - I just can't resist you, Bella," he whispered into my ear, as his hands moved, exploring every inch of my body that they could.

"I don't want you to," I answered.

Edward upped his pace with this encouragement, moving in and out of me faster and faster. His hands moved around my body, teasing and touching everywhere. His breathing was getting ragged, and his movements were getting more frantic, as were mine. I was so close and I knew he was too. I just needed a little more and I knew I would come. Without even thinking about it, I moved hand to myself and began to move my fingers in quick circles over my clit.

Edward grabbed my wrist tightly, pulling my hand away.

"No, only me, only _I_ will make you come tonight." His voice was a low rumble, masculine and commanding.

I grabbed his hand and replaced my fingers with his, working my already frenzied body towards its climax. And I lost it. My whole body shook as I came, and my hips met his in an irregular rhythm. I felt like I had no control over my body. I was completely possessed by Edward.

I watched in awe as Edward came, his face twisted in some mixture of pain and ecstasy and a slew of swear words fell from his lips. I wasn't even sure I'd heard them correctly.

I rolled my limp body off him and back into my original position facing the bathroom door. Edward pulled me to him, placing kisses along my shoulder. No words were said and none were needed. I felt the exhaustion take over my body, and the last thing I remember was looking at the clock it was 4:43am

****

I awoke to the bright light filling the room. My eyes flew open. What time was it? Where was I? I lifted my head and saw the clock it was 2:55am.

_Wait…what?_

I sat up immediately. My eyes were still adjusting to the light in the room. I saw Edward walking out of the bathroom with a towel around his shoulder. He'd come to bed in grey sweatpants, the ones he wore now were navy blue.

"Edward?" I croaked out, my voice still thick with sleep.

He came over and sat down beside me in the bed.

"What are you doing? What happened?" I asked, totally and utterly confused.

"We fell asleep early and you were…um dreaming," he finished, his eyes avoiding me.

_What the hell? That was all a dream? _

_It was only a fucking dream???_

Battling back disappointment and confusion, I tried to make sense of what was happening.

"Why are you showering at this time of night?"

"It got really hot in here. I mean the extra blankets you wanted, and then sleeping next to y-you um, the body heat, I was just sweaty and needed a shower," he shrugged.

_Oh my god. It was a dream. None of it happened._

I could feel the blush rising up my neck and landing all over my face. I had a sex dream while I was in bed with Edward.

_.GOD__._

"Edward, was I talking in my sleep tonight?" I cringed at my question.

"A little," he smiled, then got up and moved around the room, tossing his towel into the hamper and pulling a T-Shirt out of his dresser drawer.

"What did I say?" I demand. If I was going to be totally mortified, I wanted to get it over with now.

"Nothing," he shrugged, still not meeting my eyes.

"Please Edward, please just tell me," I whined, begging him to tell me. I pulled the pillow out from behind me and placed it over my face.

Edward sat down in front of me on the bed again tugging at the pillow, chuckling.

"Stop it B, it's really not a big deal, trust me."

But I wouldn't remove the pillow.

"If it's not a big deal, then just tell me," I said again. He didn't respond.

"Please, Please, Pleaeeeese Edward," I cried into the pillow.

Edward finally gripped the pillow tightly and pulled it down forcing me to look at him.

"That sounds about _right,_" he smirked.

"Huh?" I looked at him confused. He raised his eyebrows, and continued smirking at me, giving me a second to put two and two together…

_Holy fucking shit I was saying "Please Edward Please"._

How was I ever going to explain this one? I was mortified.

* * *

**A/N**

**Don't hate me ok? Because I love you ladies!! **

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**Vote at the top of the page!**

**Textward's post chapter interview and banner will be posted on Krysti's blog TOMORROW!! Please make sure to check it out and leave her some love!! Again link on my profile page!**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N Hello ladies! Is anyone still reading this? sad face I am going to apologize up front for taking so long to update, RL really got crazy here for a while. But I am back on track. I will be updating twice per month like I did before. Thank you for all the love and support with Always & Never. Textward/JMF sends lots of love and tons of cinnamon lollipops to all of you for sticking with us the past 7 weeks! **

**As always special THANK YOU goes to Robmusment for making my banners. Luv ya girlie!**

**Much love for all my girls over at RAOR **

**Of course I have to thank my BESTIES Stoli, Tami, Brina TWIMAFIA in LA July! **

**As always thank you to all my BTFF's and all my girls out there on Twitter for pimpin' out A&N**

**Krysti, Thank you for all of your love and support this entire time I was either working or crying to you about storyline, plot, writers block etc.. LOL Thank you for being my rock! You are the best BETA bitch a girl could ask for! I will make sure you and Textward/JMF go **_**shoe shopping**_** soon! LMAOO!**

**JW….Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and for being the best most amazing pre-reader I could ever have. I am always humbled that you take the time to help guide, advice and brainstorm with me. I love ya girlie! TEAMWF baby! **

**A special thank you to RPattzOwnsMe for helping me out when I called for it on Twitter LOL Thanks hun!**

**Where we left off…..** **Bella woke up from a very embarrassing dream about Edward. The two of them are hesitantly moving back toward friendship... and something much more, but Bella has yet to learn the FULL story behind Edward's tendency to keep girls at arm's length….**

**This chapter starts off exactly where we left off. Bella waking up and finding out it was all a dream and Edward having a little too much fun at her expense… This time we will start off from EPOV…**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me**

* * *

**EPOV**

The only thing that could wipe the smile off my face was the gut wrenching fucking tears welling up in Bella's eyes. Her eyes darted from mine to the door and back again. I knew instantly she was going to make a run for it.

_Not this time, B. Not again._

There was no way in hell I was going to let her out of my room. We obviously had some shit to talk about and there was no fuckin' way I was going to chase her down those stairs again. This time we were going to sit here and work our shit out.

My hands tightened like vice grips on her wrists as she moved quickly to stand.

"Where do you think your going?" I demanded my voice came much harsher then I intended.

"I –I need to go… I need to go to sleep, in Alice's room. Please just let me go, Edward." She pleaded with me, as she tried desperately to twist and pull her hands from mine.

I stood, loosening my grip slightly before she fuckin' hurt herself, I've gotta give it to her she was pretty fucking strong when fueled with humiliation and shame.

"Why? Why do you want to go?" I asked as I positioned myself strategically between her and the only path to the door.

She looked at me, frustration and bewilderment burning in her eyes. "Are you seriously asking me that?" her low shaky voice gave her away. She was still embarrassed.

"I'm _absolutely_ serious. Look, I'm sorry I teased you, it was just a dream B, no harm done, right? There's nothing to worry about and no reason for you to leave." I smiled at her trying calm her without mocking her.

_The best fucking dream in the world_. The Jealous Mother Fucker grinned.

Immediately, my thoughts were pulled back to Bella rubbing her ass into my dick, and softly moaning my name, over and _over _again.

I could feel the tightening in my groin at the mere thought of it. _Fuck_, I needed to stay focused.

Bella still had not said a word, she was nervously biting on her bottom lip, eyes still cast downward, staring at the floor almost willing it to open up and swallow her whole. Finally, she relented, her eyes timidly meeting mine.

"I need a minute," she nodded towards my bathroom.

"Ok." I released her reluctantly, making sure I blocked her path to my bedroom door as she made her way into the bathroom.

I watched as her head stayed bowed and her shoulders slumped forward, as she slowly made her way to the bathroom. I wanted to just fucking hug her… or shake her and tell it was the most fucking ridiculous thing in the world to feel embarrassed about. I wanted to tell her, that we should get back into bed and make that dream a reality. But I didn't do anything. I just fucking stood there and watched her retreat.

She flipped on the light and turned to shut the door. That is when her eyes flickered up and met mine. I could see the tears started to well up in them and overflow onto her cheeks. I hated this. I fucking hated that this was happening to us.

My body lunged towards the bathroom. I somehow knew once she was in there, there was no way of getting her out.

_She was shutting me out again._

I couldn't get to the door fast enough, she practically slammed it shut and just as I reached it I heard the familiar 'click'.

_She locked me out. Son of a bitch!_

"Bella, please… don't do this." I begged as I knocked repeatedly on the door.

_Nothing_. She said nothing. I heard the water turn on and I could only assume she was washing the tears form her face. My fucking stomach turned at the thought that she was in there crying over _nothing_.

If she only knew how many depraved dreams I had of her, awake or not, she was the only one I had ever dreamed of… or _fantasized_ about. If she only knew I had a craving for her much more so than some _dream_. I wanted her, _all of_ _her_. Every second I was with her was just another test of my restraint.

But I couldn't seem to bring myself to say any of this to her. Not now….not before she knew everything about my past, then and only then would it be fair for her to make her decision. Once she had all the information and could come to her own conclusion of what she thought of my past then maybe she would take pity on me and allow me to beg for a chance with her.

I heard the water shut off and suddenly I could hear the muffled sobs escaping her. I felt the pain and nausea mix in my stomach at a violent rate. My stomach clenched and I felt like I was going to vomit. I pressed my entire body to the door resting my forehead on the cold barrier between me and the only place in the world I wanted to be. I didn't even realize my fingers were still lightly knocking on the door above me.

_I needed to talk to her…_

"Bella, please, I am begging you, talk to me… _please._" I moaned.

I was met once again with silence. The only sounds echoing from behind the door was her choked sobs. Knowing I was so close to her, but not able to talk to her killed me. So I did the only thing I could do…_wait_. Defeated, my body slid down the door and I sat down, and waited.

Soon her sobs turned into only sniffling and I heard the water turn on again. When Bella reemerged from the bathroom I didn't know how to act or what to say, so I said nothing. I was going to let her lead this. Sometimes I know her better than she knows herself. She is tough on the outside, never wanting to show weakness. I knew if I was not careful she would make another run for it.

She silently made her way to the bed and slowly sat down. I watch motionless, holding my breath from my position on the floor. Finally, after what seemed like forever she spoke her eyes still avoiding mine.

"I'm sorry," she said softly as she fidgeted with the sheet. "The way I reacted, I mean, it was not your fault. I just woke up and was just too disoriented and embarrassed to…" she paused and sucked in a deep breath "To deal with any of it." She exhaled loudly.

Her eyes flickered to mine and then quickly away. I took this as a sign for me to finally make my way over to her. She looked so fucking helpless and small sitting there alone on my huge bed. I wanted to go to her, take her into my arms and tell her just how fucking ridiculous, and how beautiful, and perfect she was. I had to fight against these urges with ever ounce of my being, as I carefully sat down in front of her.

"There is no need to apologize, B. I should not have made a joke of it. I am the one who should be doing the apologizing." I held her gaze and continued.

"As for being embarrassed," I chuckled grimly, as I nervously raked my hands through my hair. "You have absolutely _nothing_ to be embarrassed about, B. After all the shit you have witnessed _me_ doing, remember walking in on Lauren and I the night of the party?"

I watched her eyes flash quickly to the couch, and noticed how she could not even return them back to me as she grimace down at the bed. I knew I was opening up Pandora's Box, but I had to fucking remind her of all my sins to prove to her that I was the one that fucked up here, she was not.

"After the way I acted that one night we almost...you know the night of the beach party…" I struggled with my words. "How can you possibly be ashamed in light of some of the ways I have acted in the past?"

Her eyes finally lifted as she stared at me, biting down nervously on her bottom lip. "I get where you are going with this," she nodded. "I really do but it's not the same thing, Edward. This…I mean was talking in my sleep and …oh my god!" she gasped covering her face with her hands.

"Please tell me I didn't …touch you…or anything," she mumbled into her hands, shaking her head in disgust.

I was fucking speechless. I didn't know what the fuck to do. Do I tell her and risk her taking off again or do I withhold it and save her from further humiliation? My mind was racing and The Jealous Mother Fucker was laughing at me, as I struggled with this dilemma while keeping my dick in check.

Apparently, I was more voyeuristic than _hands on_. Clearly, I am one of those fucking perverts who like to watch and _listen_. Because that was the most intense and erotic thing I'd ever fucking witnessed. That image of Bella was burned into my brain forever, there was no fucking doubt in my mind that I was going to have no less than a semi hard-on for a least a few months.

"Edward? Tell me, "Bella groaned again, pulling me from my thoughts.

_Is any omission a lie? _

My mind flashed back to that fucking moment as I watched Bella's hand reach back and wrapped her tiny fingers around my erection that was straining against my boxers. She couldn't quite get a grip on it in her dream state but the intent was fucking clear as she moaned my name once again before her hand moved back across her body and between her own legs.

"Not really." I lied. Honestly, I wanted more, so did The Jealous Mother Fucker. So, 'not really' seemed to fit.

"Oh shit!" She growled and tossed herself backward coving her face with a pillow. "That's just fucking great!" she cried out. "What kind of _friend_ does that, Edward?" she moved the pillow and looked at me quizzically. "What kind of _person_ does that? Who touches someone in their sleep like _that_?" she asked again, her eyes accusingly searched mine. I knew the look was intended towards her but I was so fucking guilty for the way I enjoyed that dream of hers, I couldn't help but go on the defense.

"I didn't touch you," I said, quickly, "I wouldn't do that…I mean- not while you were sleeping…I wouldn't take advantage of you dreaming Bella… just to be clear." I finished. Shame and self-loathing washed over me, because I _did_ take advantage of her. I fucking _watched_ her at her most intimate moment while she was dreaming and unaware, like some sick fucking voyeur.

Bella sat up and her eyes narrowed. "Yeah," she stated, "I know." Her voice was bitter and ashamed and defeated, and she got up from the bed and headed out to my balcony.

"Bella," I gripped my hair in my fists, in frustration, and whispered into the empty room. "It was fucking beautiful."

Defeated, I made my way to the balcony where she was standing with the blanket wrapped around her. It was fucking freezing outside. She was going to catch fucking pneumonia out here. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me. She didn't fight me she just leaned back into my chest. I wished to god I could've seen her face.

"Come inside its freezing out here," I whispered into her hair as I pressed my nose into the soft curls. Her only response was the slight shaking of her head. Even though she was still obviously embarrassed, I could feel that the storm had passed as she relaxed further into my arms.

"You can't stay out here forever you know?" I teased.

"Yes I can," she retorted.

"B, please come in," I asked again as I turned her in my arms to face me. She willingly turned around but still wouldn't look at me. I gently cupped her chin and tilted her face up. Still she kept her eyes adverted. I tried to capture her eyes with my own, but she was fucking relentless, dodging and ducking my every move.

"Are you ever going to look at me again?" I asked, frustrated. "You can't avoid looking at me forever," I grumbled. To be honest I was fucking freezing, and more importantly I was really fucking ready to get back into bed with Bella.

"Watch me," she challenged.

"I did," I smirked.

_That worked._

Her eyes flew to mine. That fucking beautiful blush rising up her cheeks faster than I had ever seen before. My eyes danced all over her face devouring her every perfect feature. From her milk chocolate eyes, to her soft pink cheeks and finally her plump redden lips. She was a fucking vision, and I was fucking beaming at her.

"Why are you smiling me at like that?" she whispered.

"Just enjoying the view," I grinned. "Will you please come in with me, before you freeze to death out here?"

She nodded, smiling, but didn't move an inch. "Can I ask something first?" she said.

"Anything."

"Things are not going to be weird now are they? I know it was just a dream and well it kind of turned into a nightmare –"She paused and bit down on her bottom lip.

"I see how you can consider having a sex dream about me a nightmare, but fuck B, I really didn't need to hear that," I teased.

"No! No! That's not how I meant it," she moaned, gently hitting me in my chest.

"I just meant, well, afterwards when I woke up- just never mind," she laughed.

_She had given up the fight. _

We had worked through it, I was beyond fucking happy. My angel was here in my arms, laughing and smiling up at me. I couldn't even fucking help myself I leaned down and kissed her forehead. Her eyes fluttered shut so I kissed each one of her eyelids as well.

"Let's go to bed," I nodded. She smiled up at me and nodded as well.

_Best fucking night of sleep I had in weeks. _

~ x ~ x ~ x ~

**BPOV**

"Come in!" I heard Alice yell over the music blaring from behind her door. I walked in and just as I had guessed, she was in her bathroom still getting ready for the day.

"Don't any of you people sleep?" I yawned.

"_Some_ of us did sleep thank you very much," she smirked. "What were you and my bother up to last night missy, or do I even _want_ to know?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Ugh, don't ask." I shook my head.

"Now you _have_ to tell me!" she squealed.

I knew if I didn't tell her _something_, she was never going to give up. So I gave her the short edited version.

"I feel asleep early and had um - a bad dream and Edward stayed up for a little bit, talking me down from it." I lied.

"Oh, that's not nearly as fun as I thought it was going to be." She shrugged and went back to applying her mascara.

I sat down on stool in front of her vanity, looking at myself in the mirror I realizing my hair looked like complete crap. I tried blow drying it after my shower this morning but it turned into a frizzy mess. Of course I didn't have any of my blow drying essentials with me due to the snow storm. No round brush or leave in conditioner leaves naturally wavy hair looking like a damn haystack.

Alice must have noticed my failed attempts of trying to flatten it down with my hands because she started laughing.

"That's never going to work Bella. Have I not taught you anything?" she giggled. "Come here," she nodded.

I scooted the stool over, more than eager to let her work her magic. I was only wearing jeans and long sleeved tee, but still something had to be done about this crazy hair of mine.

I watched horrified as Alice parted my hair down the middle and pulled each side into a pigtail. They were the lower kind of pigtails not the 'I'm a six year old going to my first day of school' pigtails but still they _were_ pigtails none the less.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" I asked. My voice came out a few octaves above the norm.

"Don't worry, Bella. I know what I am doing. Don't you trust me by now?" she demanded, placing both her hands on her hips.

"I do trust you Alice, but I don't want to look like a child today thank you very much," I retorted.

"And you won't," she countered. "You will look… _sexy,_" she winked and pulled me back to her by one of the pigtails.

I watch as she braided the pigtails loosely. My hair is long enough that they hung forward over my shoulders. And when she was done I would have to say they were pretty cute after all.

"There," she beamed. "I told you, see how cute you look!" she chirped.

"You are the master," I giggled as I hugged her.

"Edward is going to die when he sees you, Bella," she laughed.

"Why do you say that?"

"Um, because you are wearing his favorite color and that hair of yours is just going to drive him crazy! I cannot _wait_ to get down stairs," she grinned.

"I doubt he will notice," I said quietly.

Honestly? I woke up the same as I went to bed last night, my same old pathetic un-kissed self. I was modified last night and Edward _was_ great. He talked me down and held me and told me it was silly for me to be upset. But still _nothing_, nothing happened. Last night out on the balcony I would have bet a million dollars that he was going to kiss me, or make a move, or _something_. But I got nothing. We went to sleep and when I woke up this morning he was already gone.

I hated that I always get my hopes up over some tiny gesture, only to be let down again. When he kissed my forehead and then my eyes, I held my breath waiting for him to kiss my lips. Then he stopped and pulled back like he always does and left me there holding my breath waiting…

I feel like sometimes we carry on this delicious banter and we are so damn close to crossing that line. But _no_. Edward puts the breaks on and never allows us to cross it. He can cross it with hookers like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory but me, Bella Swan, I have some kind of 'Edward repellent' scent or some shit that keeps him at arms length.

"Hello? Bella are you even listening to me?" Alice practically yelled at me.

"Oh sorry," I blushed.

"I said you have got to be out of your mind. Do you not see how Edward reacts to you, Bella? Every time you walk in the room he can't keep his eyes off you. And I know my brother Bella, when he wants something he always gets it. And you my friend are at the top of that wish list," she smiled.

"So has Edward ever _not_ gotten the girl?" I asked, unsure if I really want to know the answer to it.

"No, he _always_ gets the girl." Her eyes turned sad. "He's just not good at _keeping_ them," she whispered.

"Oh." Was all I could force out, as I swallowed back my tears.

"No Bella, I mean with you, I think he is different. In fact I know he is… You're just going to have to be a little patient with him. I think he is still trying to make things right with you. I can see him trying every day. Cant you?" she asked.

I really didn't want to talk about this anymore. I needed to get out of the confines of her room before I let the flood gates open up.

"I know what you meant Alice," I smiled at her. "I'm starving lets go down stairs, ok?"

I could tell by the look she was giving me that she didn't trust my words but she was not going to push me any further right now.

"Ok, I think everyone is down there already cooking."

~ x ~ x ~ x ~

"You are not driving us! Chicks can't drive in shit like this!" Emmett howled with laughter.

"Fuck that. I can drive better than you on your _best_ day!" Rose retorted.

"Chicks drive like shit," Emmett concluded.

Alice and I were making french toast and bacon while Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Edward sat around the huge kitchen island discussing who was going to drive us around today. I guess they had all decided that once we got done putting up the Christmas tree up we were going out to conquer the snow with huge inner tubes.

"Oh really? _Girls_ can't drive, huh? Well guys drive like they fuck… quick and reckless." Rose spat back.

Alice and I laughed out loud while Edward and Jasper snorted at her jab to Emmett.

"Fuck that. I fuck fast and furious," Emmett shouted, clearly she hit him where it hurt.

"Don't you mean _too_ fast and _too_ furious," Rose smirked at Emmett as he stomped towards her.

"That's not what you said last night," he challenged her.

"Shut up Em!" Rose yelled as she smacked his arms away.

The four of us could not contain our laughter any longer. Watching Em and Rose go at it like this was one of the best parts of hanging out with them.

"How do I _drive_ baby?" Jasper questioned Alice.

"Perfectly! You always get me where I need to go," Alice winked.

"I really do not need to fucking _hear_ that, Alice," Edward spat.

"So Bella, how does Edward drive?" Rose asked me. I could feel my face burn as everyone in the room turned to face me, including Edward. The room got so quiet I swear I could hear my own heartbeat. They were all looking at me, waiting.

"Um," I started my eyes flashed to Edwards as he sat there, smirking, one eyebrow raised almost daring me to answer. He knew I didn't know how he "drove" and never in a million years could I give an accurate answer. So I went with what I did know. How he really drove. I could finally pay him back for all the times he terrorized me, driving like a maniac and laughed about. And well if I got a dig in there, so be it.

"Fast and smooth, but too quick to enjoy the ride," I smiled.

Edwards's eyes practically popped out of his head just before his jaw hit the floor. And Rose and Emmett fell over, laughing.

_Thank God_ for Carlisle walking in seconds later, announcing he needed help bringing in the tree that he and Esme just picked up.

The boys got up to help and the girls finished cooking breakfast. After eating, Alice went to help her mom pull out the tree decorations from the basement while Edward helped me do the dishes.

He was in the kitchen, piling all the dishes in the sink while I went back to finish clearing the table. When I walked back into the kitchen, I was met with Edward bent over trying earnestly to fit all the pans on the bottom wrack. Clearly, this was his first attempt at this.

I really tried not to look at his ass, which was wrapped perfectly in the dark denim, muscled and firm, behind narrow hips.

I really did try hard not to stare.

He turned, and I immediately blushed, embarrassed to have been caught. He frowned, and I spoke before he could say anything.

"Needs some help?" I smiled

"Huh?" he asked, his face going blank.

An expression flickered across his face that I didn't understand, and then he stepped forward slowly, his eyes flickered to my mouth. He reached a hand to my one of my pigtails and tugged on it gently. He finally smiled, lopsided and warm.

"You look so beautiful, Bella,"

I felt the blush rise to my cheeks.

"Thanks," I said quietly, biting down on my bottom lip. I knew I was _physically_ in the kitchen with Edward but I could feel the shift in the air between us and suddenly, I _felt_ as if Mr. Hyde was talking.

"I mean, you have always been beautiful, but I've just never seen your hair like this," he smirked, tugging tenderly on both pigtails this time.

"You look very…" he paused. His eyes were giving me a once over, running the tip of his tongue slowly over his bottom lip. "_Sexy_," he finished with a smirk.

"Thanks," I practically whispered. Mr. Hyde definitely was in control right now. The way my body was reacting to him, there was no denying it. _More_. Always wanting _more_ from Mr. Hyde. Maybe it was because I knew with Mr. Hyde the feeling was mutual.

_I made a mental note to wear my hair in pigtails more often._

Edward and I only spoke a few casual words as we quickly finished the dishes. But just as I reached up to put away the last plate, I felt the heat of Edwards's body pressed up against my back.

Bella?" he leaned in so closely, his breath was hot on my cheek. My body clenched in response to his words. "In regards to my _driving _abilities, I _promise_ you would enjoy the ride."

And with that he turned on his heel and he was gone.

~ x ~ x ~ x ~

When I remembered how to walk again, I made my way into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Rose. Edward didn't speak to me at all, he continued opening up the boxes of Christmas decorations with his mother. I caught him staring at me a few times, with a smirk on his face.

"What the fuck is he all _smiles_ about?" Rose whispered.

She must have caught him as well.

"You don't want to know," I whispered back

"Oh trust me Bella, I really fucking do," she giggled.

Edward must have heard us because his head snapped in our direction and he narrowed his eyes at Rose before moving on to the next box.

"Later, ok?" I whispered to Rose as I made my way over to help Alice with the lights.

Everyone joined in decorating the tree. I have a sneaking suspicion Jasper and Emmett only helped so we could get out into the snow as soon as possible.

It was really amazing to watch Alice and Esme work together they were in prefect sync with each other. It was incredible how they had a routine for everything. First the clear lights, then the white and gold beaded bulbs, then the gold bells, and the burgundy snowflakes were to follow. They would hand them off and we would place them on the tree. Alice was really putting her skills to work as she would take a step back, pursing her lips, looking intently that we were distributing the decorations evenly.

They were both beaming. Obviously they were doing something the loved, together. The whole house was a buzz with warmth and happiness. Carlisle passed around mugs of hot chocolate and I couldn't help but notice how Esme's eyes sparkled just before he pressed his lips to hers.

Everyone was just so…_happy_.

"Edward honey, why don't you play something for us?" Esme asked him nodding once to the baby grand sitting by the huge bay window.

Edward looked up at his mother his eyes softened and offered her a shy smile. He nodded once and moved to his piano bench. I sat down on the couch to watch him play. I had never seen him play in front of everyone before. I knew he would have never done it if anyone besides his mother had asked him. I was anxious for him, playing in front of everyone was so out of character for him. Edwards's music was very personal to him. But still I was thrilled that he was going to oblige her request

His eyes moved to meet mine and he winked at me, a small smile tugging at his lips. Suddenly, the room filled with the sound of …. Three notes. Edward used only one finger as he tapped the keys to play a very pitiful rendition of 'Jingle Bells'.

"Edward, be serious!" Esme half laughed, half scolded him.

"I was just warming up," Edward chuckled.

I watched him take a deep breath and close his eyes for only a second too long before his fingers met the keys again. This time he used both hands and the music that started to fill the air was beyond amazing. I stared unabashedly at him in complete awe at the sight before me. He looked very serious, yet he was totally as easy. Edward's skills would make even the most accomplished players envious. He was a natural. His long fingers danced across the key as he played. Obviously, it was his own composition of 'Oh Holy Night' and it was extraordinary. Watching him play it was breathtaking.

"It's my favorite of his," Esme whispered to me.

I was so caught up in watching him play. I forgot there were six other people in the room. Edward had a way of doing that to me.

"It's beautiful. Truly amazing, Esme," I responded, never taking my eyes off of him.

Finally, he looked up at me and nodded to his bench, silently asking me to sit next to him. Without even thinking about it my leg carried me over to him.

I watched his fingers move effortlessly across the keys as the song came to an end. Everyone applauded him, and Edward being Edward, offered a timid smile before turning his attention back to me.

"That was….just….wow," was all that came out at first. "Really Edward, it was beautiful," I said finally finding my words.

"Thanks," he grinned.

We sat there for a few minutes, watching everyone putting on the finishing touches to the tree. Rose and Emmett were inserting fresh holly between the branches. Esme and Alice were handing off crystal snowmen to Carlisle and Jasper to place on the tree.

"They look so happy," I said.

"So do you," his voice was husky and quiet, and my heart lurched in my chest as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. I smiled at him as his eyes widened, and changed color, darker, deeper green, and I felt like I was drowning. I forced myself to look away so I could catch my breath.

"Are you Bella?" he asked, leaning into me, forcing me to look back at him.

"Am I what?" I asked confused.

"Happy?"

"Yes, yes I am," I smiled.

"Me too," he said softly and hismouth moved in a delicious crooked half-smile that made me weak in the knees.

His mouth moved, a tiny bit, like he was about to speak, and then stopped. He licked his bottom lip, and pressed his lips together.

I was ogling and _quite possibly drooling_. I could feel my face grow hot all the way to my ears. Was he doing this on purpose? I so _aware_ of him, of every minute movement his mouth made, my eyes followed. He shook his head slightly as if he talked himself out of whatever he was about to say. His face was still, but the smallest dimple tugged at his cheek. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking about, but I was too afraid to ruin the moment, but all too soon it was ruined for me when I felt the buzzing of Edwards's cell phone against my leg.

Edwards's phone buzzed again pulling us from our 'moment'. He was smiling as he pulled it out but his expression changed all together as he read whatever it was on the screen. All the ease and happiness was washed away completely in a matter of seconds. I felt him stiffen in his seat next to me, his hand balled up into a fist, his jaw flexing as he ground his teeth.

"Edward? Are you ok?" I asked worried.

He didn't respond. He was too busy typing on his phone. I would have given anything in to world to know who that was. Everyone we cared the most about was in this room so I knew it had nothing to do with any of us.

"Edward?" I asked again my voice stronger this time.

He looked up at me his eyes pained as he swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry, I have to …" He didn't even finish his sentence before his phone buzzed again. He got up and cupped my face with his hand, softly brushing my cheek with the pad of his thumb. He shook his head in disgust and hurried out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Alice questioned me as we watched Edward retreat.

"I don't know, Alice. He got a text and just….left," I said quietly.

"Well, I am going to find out." She gave me a comforting tap on the shoulder before following her brother up the stairs.

~ x ~ x ~ x ~

"I don't know Em I think if Edward finds out you invited Riley to come with us he will lose his shit." Jasper shook his head at Emmett.

"Riley acted like a dick, what…one time…Edward acts like a dick whenever he feels like it. He needs to get over it," Emmett retorted.

"Bella, do you care if he comes?" Emmett turned to me, as if I was going to side with him.

Honestly, I really didn't give two shits who was going where. All I cared about was that Edward and Alice had been upstairs for almost half an hour now and still had no clue what was going on.

"Em, honestly, I don't care. I really don't care what he does," I groaned.

He and Jasper both looked at me, confused for a moment, before Rose gave them both a pointed look. They obviously knew she meant to leave me the hell alone right now because they both stalked off to the kitchen.

I just sat there staring blankly at the tree.

"Who do you think it was?" Rose finally asked me now that we were alone.

"A girl, _obviously_."

"Which girl?" she asked rhetorically, as she chewed the inside of her cheek deep in thought.

"Does it even matter which one? What I would like to know is what could she possibly of said to make him flip like that."

"You're right," she nodded.

We sat there quietly, neither one of us knew what to say to the other.

"My brother is stubborn ass!" Alice spat as she stomped into the room. It was so _unlike_ Alice to stomp. He must have _really_ upset her.

"Seriously, I can't even believe we are twins sometimes!" she shouted again, pacing around the room.

Rose and I watched her silently.

Alice made her way over to me and kneeled down on the floor. Rose scooted closer so she could hear as well.

Alice's eyes met mine and I could see the hurt and worry flash in them. She was wrong. She and Edward were more alike then she could ever imagine. They could hide nothing when you looked at them. When you really looked into their eyes you could read them both like an open book.

Suddenly, my heart was racing and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Fuck this. I was not going to cry again! I was not going to waste anymore tears on something that could never be.

"I don't even want to know," I said my voice coming out angrier then hurt.

"If that's what you want, my lips are sealed," she said softly.

"Fuck that. I want to know!" Rose yelled

Alice and I both giggled because _of course_ Rose would want to know. And once she found out, she would march right up to his room and lay into Edward. Part of me really, _really_ wanted her to.

"_Fine_. Tell me," I waved my hand in the air giving Alice the stage.

"Ok, well I don't know the specifics…like I said Edward is one stubborn ass. But… it's Lauren," she said.

I could feel the all too familiar waves of nausea coming one right after another. How could he? What did she have to do with anything? Why does he always make me fucking regret every moment shared with him? He was truly the real life Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One minute we are here with his family putting up the Christmas tree, sharing some very intimate moments and the next...he runs off to Lauren? _Lauren_ of all people! Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was reading too much into the time I spent with him.

"Ok, so what else? You were up there that whole time and that's all you got?" Rose huffed.

"No. Well, not really," Alice continued. "He said he had to be there for her and she really needed him right now," she shrugged.

"I tried to press for more information, but he was texting like a mad man. I seriously thought that phone was going to blow up. He did say one last thing to me though…" Alice hesitated. Alice _never_ hesitates.

"He said he was going to her house… and we should go inner tubing without him," she finished, her eyes refusing to meet mine.

"He's a fuckwad!" Rose spat as she flew out of the room yelling Emmett's name.

I'm pretty sure she was going to be drilling him for information.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I really did try to get it out of him. But you know Edward, when he doesn't want to tell you, there is no pulling it out of him," she frowned.

"I know. Thank you, Alice. Really, thank you for everything," I offered a timid smile.

"I just need a few minutes ok?" I said, putting on my coat and heading out the front door.

I didn't really have anywhere to go so I just started walking, circling the house. I pulled Jakes necklace out and held it tighter than ever before. I really wish Jake was here right now, but I knew he had other family obligations. I decided I needed some time to calm down before even attempting to call him.

I was not a fool. I knew there was nothing going on between Edward and myself. I knew when Mr. Hyde came out to play, that was totally different from when Dr. Jekyll forced me back into the harsh reality of life. I really thought Edward and I had made some head way this time. But Lauren and her skanky self had to come back into the picture and fucked with me again. It's like her and Jessica's life's mission. 'Fuck with Bella's life.'

That was the worst part. He knew I hated those bitches and they hated me. But did it ever once stop him from fucking one of them, or both of them, or whatever. No. Never once. Jesus! I was mad! I made my way around to the back yard where Jasper was having a cigarette.

"Hey, mind if I steal one from you?" I asked.

"Sure thing," he nodded, pulling one from his pack and lighting it for me.

I took such a deep and long drag from it that I started coughing.

"Rookie," he teased.

"I know, but I really needed this… or a shot of vodka perhaps?" I teased back.

"You know he really does care about you, Bella," Jaspers words took me by surprise.

"I know Jaz. We are _friends_ remember? I rolled my eyes, taking another drag, and not choking this time.

"Oh, I don't mean just as his friend, Bella. I can tell the way he looks at you, and fuck, the way he talks about you."

Jasper was a man a few words so when he spoke you really should listen.

"He doesn't feel like _that_ about me, Jaz," I whined loudly. I _knew_ he didn't.

"Bella, he does. He just doesn't really know what to do about it right now. He gets jealous over you. Trust me, Edward never gets jealous over anyone … _ever. _That's means a lot, believe me, I am a guy. I know what I am talking about," Jasper said tapping his head.

"Ok, so what does that mean?"

"It means he feels possessive over you. If memory serves me right, if you look up possessive in the dictionary, it means _exclusively or to be the sole object of somebody's love_," he winked.

I tried to remember all of Edward's actions in the past when he was acting 'possessive', and thought maybe Jasper was right. But not for the reasons he thought. Edward was careful in the past to remind me afterwards, that were friends… or best friends rather. Although, since I had been back, I had been the one pushing the friend thing. It was all very confusing. And clearly, I had zero control over what my heart was saying verses the words that were coming out of my mouth when I said I told him we were friends.

"I'm freezing. I should get back inside now, but thanks for the talk, Jaz."

"Anytime darlin'."

I walked back into the house from the back door and I could hear shouting.

"So you're just going to leave us and go to her?" Alice was yelling.

"I don't want to, Ali. I _have_ to!" Edward yelled back.

"But why?" she countered.

"I'm not going to get into this with you right now. Maybe… later, but not now Alice you're going to have to give me some fucking space right now, ok?" Edward sounded really pissed off.

"What about Bella?" Alice's voice was loud but laced with concern.

I didn't know what to do. I just stood there in the kitchen, close enough to hear but far back enough that they couldn't see me from the living room.

"This has nothing to do with Bella," Edward yelled.

"Oh it doesn't?" Alice challenged him.

"No." His voice was stern.

Just then Rose walked into the kitchen and caught me eavesdropping. She raised an eyebrow at me knowing she had.

"Are you going to go out there?"

"No." I shook my head.

"Why not? Why not go and talk to him, ask him what's going on? Put yourself on the line for once, Bella. If you never tell him what you're feeling, he will never know. He's not a mind reader, Bella," Rose shrugged at me.

"If he wants to go to her, I am not going to try to stop him, Rose. I have no right."

"Wow… ok…." She nodded again pursing her lips. "Then answer me this, Bella…" she closed the distance between us. "You're just going to let him go…walk right out that door, no questions asked, right?"

I couldn't even get the word out. I just hung my head in shame and nodded.

"For someone who has been holding on to something so tightly for so long, you sure let it go easily." She narrowed her eyes at me daring me to tell her she was wrong.

"I can't make him want me enough to stay," I said quietly, choking back my tears.

Rose's eyes softened and I could see the understanding in her eyes. For the first time ever, I think someone finally understood where I was coming from.

"I regret falling in love with my best friend. I regret not telling him that I am in love with him. I regret letting him in…and even more, I regret keeping him out. Rose, I regret everything when it comes to Edward because I never seem to make the right choice. But the thing I regret most of all, Rose… I regret every chance I missed at protecting myself from being hurt." And with that, the flood gates opened up and the tears started to fall just as I heard the front door shut.

_He was gone…_

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**A/N Ok PLEASE don't hate me just yet! This chapter is not over! I will pick up from this exact point next chapter! It was just getting entirely too long and I would have had to make you guys wait a few more days for an update! So… Next chapter will be posted AS SOON as I am done (its in progress right now) should be by next Sunday!**

**Ok DON'T FORGET TONIGHT is the Always & Never read along on twitter 8PM EST Thank you to aRedi for hosting this, I totally luv ya girlie! Oh and Textward_JMF will be on to read with you ladies and answer questions if you have them!**

**As always….** **Textward's post chapter interview and banner will be posted on Krysti's blog soon! Please make sure to check it out and leave her some love! Again all links to blogs and Twitter accts are on my profile page! Luvs! BGirl xoxo**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N – Hello my lovely readers! I know this is about a week late. But if you follow me on twitter, you would know I got into a fight with a box cutter and it won! LOL Six stitches later and one painful tetanus shot, this chapter is finally done. **

**I wanted to let you guys know upfront with the craziness of Eclipse opening and my vacation just around the corner. I won't be posting until I get back so see you in an **_**about**_** 3 weeks. **

**As always special THANK YOU goes to Robmusment for making my amazing banners. Luv ya girlie!**

**Of course I have to thank my BESTIES Stoli, Tami, Brina TWIMAFIA sit down in LA WOOT cant wait! **

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**Krysti, Thank you taking this crazy ride with me! I literally would not be able to do this without you my partner in crime! Luv ya girlie! **

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**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me**

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**BPOV**

Rose was eyeing me carefully as she watched the large tears fall from my eyes. She was not saying a word, only watching…_waiting_. Every time I blinked I could feel a new set of the hot tears roll down my face.

"What Rose?" I spat.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

"Tell me."

Rose rolled her eyes and huffed a few times before finally spilling the beans. Her watchful eyes becoming suspicious.

"You don't look sad," she stated.

"That's because I'm _not_ sad. I'm pissed!" I countered. "Haven't you ever been so mad that you cried?" I asked.

She pursed her lips as if trying to recall a memory.

"Nope. I would kick Emmett's ass before I let him get to me like that," she smirked.

_If only I had that luxury_

"Well, I am _pissed_ and just so sick of all this shit. I feel like I am to blame for letting myself get so emotionally _involved_ with him when I don't really know where I stand."

"He isn't worth all this, Bella. He doesn't deserve your tears," she scoffed.

"What's wrong with me, Rose?" I moaned, "Why doesn't he _want_ me?"

"Because he is an ignorant, self absorbed asshole, who I am going to kick in the balls, Bella," she said, gritting her teeth. "You have done nothing but be a friend to that prick. He doesn't deserve you, Bella. You're too good for him."

"I just feel like everything is so out of control right now. I don't know which way is up anymore when it comes to him."

"Bella, you can either control the situation or let the situation control you," she stated.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you can control _this_. You need to talk to him already Bella. Stop fucking around. Before, when you asked for our advice, Alice and I gave you shit. We told you how to dress to drive him crazy. But that was wrong. You need to know where you stand. You guys need to work though your shit already. This has gone on far too long. Don't you agree?"

I think that was the most I had ever heard Rose talk since I'd known her. But she was right. She was more than right. Edward and I needed to jump already, with both feet this time. Because at the rate we were going we were headed nowhere, and fast.

"You're right." I agreed wiping the tears from my face. "I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of not knowing how to act from one moment to the next. I am sick of putting myself out there and him being oblivious to it."

Alice walked in the kitchen cutting me off.

"Ugh! He makes me so damn mad!" she squeaked, flinging the refrigerator door open. Alice continued her hunt in the fridge, while Rose and I looked on.

"I mean he is just so…so stubborn!" she continued. "A stubborn _ass_! That is what my brother is!" She pulled out a Snapple and slammed the door.

Somewhere in between her rant and watching her dig out her drink, it occurred to me. Rose and I were pretty close to the hallway I wondered if Edward and Alice had heard us talking.

"Alice did you hear Rose and I talking when Edward was here?" My nervous words rushed out.

"N-No what do you mean? When?" she questioned.

"When you guys were arguing by the door, could you _hear_ me?" I would just freak the hell out if Edward knew how upset I was. I didn't want him to know he got the best of me…_again_.

"No Bella, we were too busy arguing ourselves. Didn't you hear _us_?" She gave me a pointed look.

"I did," I nodded. "I just didn't want Edward to hear me being upset. I'm sure he would have taken it the wrong way. The last thing I need from him is his _pity_," I groaned.

"I think Bella and Edward really need to talk this shit out. Don't you agree Alice?" Rose interjected.

"If anyone can get him to talk it would be you Bella." Alice gave me a pointed look.

"I know and we will," I nodded in agreement.

They were right. I was the only one who could tell Edward what I was feeling. All I could do was hope he would be honest with me and let me know what was really going on with him and that _bitch_ Lauren.

I heard Emmett and Jasper voices approaching. I gave the girls the 'we are not alone' look and nodded toward the doorway. Once the guys came in, thankfully Alice and Rose dropped the subject of Edward and me…_for now._

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

I was _hiding_. I knew I was. It seemed that I was doing that a lot lately. After Emmett said Riley was on his way over, I came upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. I personally had nothing against Riley. I mean yes, he was a dick to Edward the day they fought about my new car, but that was nothing knew. Edward practically refused to be civil to him ever since I had made the decision to date him.

I was still feeling guilty for using him as some kind of rebound…some kind of toy to throw in Edwards face whenever I felt like it. I was in the wrong when it came to both of them.

_Wow, how had I managed to fuck things up so bad? _

This was not me. I was not the girl that used guys to play them against each other. I was never in my life _that_ girl that would do anything to get the attention of some guy. I jeopardized friendships and took risks with Riley's feelings for my own benefit. This was not me. Edward had my head spinning since that damn night he rejected me and I was acting like a lunatic.

And now here I am sitting in a bathroom…_Hiding_. How pathetic am I? How can Edward go on as if nothing had happened? He is able to be my friend and have other friends. Obviously, he never took into account my feelings when it came to his and Lauren's 'friendship.' Why should I be the one to stay away from my friend to protect Edward's feelings when he sure the hell was not protecting mine.

Rose was right. I needed to talk to him. We needed to put all our cards on the table. I am sick of feeling like we are taking one step forward and two steps back. I could no longer pretend I could read into his actions. He did open up to me before, about Mr. Hyde. So I'm sure I could talk to him about his 'friendship' with Lauren. I needed him to know it felt like a betrayal to me. I also needed to talk to him about Riley. Edward needed to know it was my decision to date him. I was the one that led Riley to believe there was hope for him and I. I was at fault for all of it. And hopefully…maybe we could finally figure out were our '_friendship'_ was headed.

After digesting all of what had occurred today, I needed to make sure I was presentable, before heading back down. I quickly applied some makeup, making sure there was no trace of tears. Alice had done such a great job with the pigtails I didn't have to fuss with my hair. A quick once over in the mirror and a few self assuring words, I was on my way to face Riley for the first time in forever without Edwards presence.

~ x ~ x ~ x ~

"Esme?" my voice was soft as I whispered to her. "Where is everyone?" When I came down I know it was much too quite for my friends to be anywhere in the vicinity. I scanned the living room and found no one. Once I entered the Cullen's library, I found Carlisle sleeping on the dark brown leather couch with a book on his chest. Esme was not looking at me as she sat reading in the adjacent chair with her feet propped up on the ottoman.

I didn't want to startle her so I kept my voice small. "They are in the game room downstairs dear." She smiled at me but in her eyes I could see her concern.

"Are you ok sweetie?" she asked.

"Yes," I offered her a reassuring smile. "Yes, I am."

She closed the book she was reading and placed it in her lap. "You know Edward called and he should be home soon."

_Were all mother's all knowing?_

"Thanks," I replied.

"You know Bella. He made it a point to ask for you when he called," she smiled, almost reassuringly.

"He did?"

"He wanted to make sure you were still here. He said something about needing to talk to you," she winked.

I wanted to run over to her and jump in her lap and give her a hug. But I didn't. I just smiled brightly at her. I knew my face would give me away. That damn blush always does.

"Thank you Esme."

"Anytime dear, now go on and have some fun." She gave me a dismissive wave, smiling once again before returning to her book.

~ x ~ x ~ x ~

"I'm not cheating baby!" Jasper was shouting above the music.

"Well you're doing… _something_ to my car then because it's slower than yours!" Alice shouted back.

As I rounded the corner I could see Alice and Jasper sitting on the floor playing some race car game on the big screen TV. I laughed to myself. Alice was a tiny thing but she hated to lose. She was almost as competitive as the boys.

I heard the clinking of the pool balls and was forced looked up. There was Riley leaning over the pool table breaking up the balls for a new game. Rose seemed to be supervising the game between Riley and Em. "Come here," Rose waved me over. "And Riley you're stripes" she said pulling out the striped ball form the corner pocket.

I took a deep breath calming my nerves. This was it. Time to clean up all the mistakes I had made, starting with Riley.

I sat down on the stool next to Rose. "Hey, you look like you need this," she chuckled pulling the flask out of her purse.

"You know me so well," I laughed.

I didn't waste anytime. I didn't even ask what was in it. I couldn't open it fast enough. I longed for the burn of the liquor to ease its way into my blood stream and bring me some kind of calming relief. I had not had a drink in a long time and needed this. I needed to relax and settle my nerves. I was so sick of feeling so wound up. Wound so tightly that every muscle in my body felt like an elastic bands being stretched beyond their breaking point ready to snap any minute. Yes, I needed this drink more now than ever before.

I could taste the sweet coconut before the bitter burn of the rum hit my throat. It definitely was not my choice drink but I knew Rose loved herself some Captain Morgan. I was not one to complain. I coughed a few times between swigs and Rose laughed calling me a 'rookie.'

I could feel the affects of the alcohol almost immediately. The muscles in my body seemed to be moving back into place as the warm rum made its way into my system.

Once I relaxed enough, I grabbed a beer to nurse while I watched the guys play. I finally found the courage to make eye contact with Riley, who still up to this point, made it apparent that he was not going to talk to me first. Maybe he was embarrassed of his actions or perhaps he was waiting to see who I was going to approach the situation.

When he finally met my eyes, he smiled warm and inviting. I blushed a little bit about how silly it seemed that we had not ever really got a chance to talk things out. Now here he stood ten feet away from me, looking at me, pool stick in one hand, and nervously rocking on his heals, waiting for some sort of ice breaker.

"Hey," I finally managed to say.

"Hey yourself," he grinned just before leaning down to take his next shot.

_Well that was not so bad._

Soon after, I found myself chatting with him and Emmett about playing pool and the differences between the two games they were playing, Eight ball and Nine Ball. Who would have known that they were that different? It seemed too complicated for me to remember all the rules. I would be more focused on just hitting the ball, let alone all of that nonsense. Rose and I declined when they offered to play guys against girls. Because _yeah, that seemed_ _fair_.

Rose was a little too drunk to be playing anything right now. As for me, I was just enjoying my buzz. Alice and Jasper had shut the game off and joined us for the final game between Riley and Em. They were playing the best out of three. So far they were tied. While Jasper hassled the guys, making jokes about their 'pool playing skills' or _lack there of_… the girls and I chatted about gifts we still needed to pick up for Christmas.

"Alice, a package just came for you," Esme voice came through the intercom, startling everyone.

Alice's eyes lit up as she dashed up stairs to retrieve her package.

Rose and I giggled at the speed she took the stairs.

"If there was a metal to be won for stair climbing, I think she just took the gold," Rose laughed.

"I give her a perfect ten," I chuckled, holding all ten of my fingers up. Rose gave me a high five before we were interrupted by Jazz.

"Who would have sent her a package?" he asked.

Rose and I looked quizzically at each other. I guess we both assumed it was from him?

"Well if it's not from you maybe it's from her grandparents or something," Rose said.

"Maybe your right," he nodded.

Jasper looked a bit worried and I wanted to laugh at him. I guess it was a little endearing that he would still feel the need to worry, even after all this time he and Alice had been together. She was his whole world and he wanted to make sure to keep it that way.

"Bella, it's from your mother!" Alice's voice pulled me from my thoughts. She sat down with a box cutter opening the box.

The second she said it, I knew exactly what was inside. I had my mother send it to the Cullen's house since I knew everyone was always there. Jasper and I made our way over couch. He gave me a smile of relief before sitting down next to her.

"They're football jerseys," Alice looked up at me, confusion written all over her face.

They are not just football jerseys Alice. They are Phil's team jerseys. My mom sent some for everyone. The guys got official home and away jerseys. The girls also got the same except they came in pink and baby blue.

My mother had called me about this so long ago that I had actually forgotten about them. It took so long because she had each of our names put on the back of them. Now that Riley was here, I was glad he and I were talking at the time I put in the order. As I watched Alice pulling them out there was quite a few that said 'Cullen' of course for Emmett and Edward. 'Hale' was next and then Alice pulled out the pink and baby blue ones that also read 'Cullen' on the back. Those were hers and I was almost afraid to ask if 'Biers' was in there. I would have felt so guilty that everyone got theirs everyone except Riley. Just proving to him once again that he was not welcome, was not apart of our group.

"Hey Riley here's yours," Rose raised an eyebrow at me as she tossed him the two jersey's.

Riley's eyes widen with surprise and he slowly turned to me. "Thanks Bella," he smiled.

"You're welcome. I made sure all of my friends got them." I assured him. I felt like he needed to know he was a friend but yet I needed to be clear he was only just that.

Alice thought we should get a group picture wearing the jerseys and send it to my mother right away. The girls and I decided we would wear the baby blue ones and the guys would wear the navy blue home jerseys. After a few silly poses, Jasper pulled out a joint and asked who wanted to join him.

As everyone huddled around the window taking turns puffing at the joint, I watched from afar. First off, I was really not into smoking up. I always ended up tired and really hungry. Plus, I was still enjoying the lingering buzz from the rum. As soon as everyone had their fill, Rose gestured for me to come over.

"Last chance," she smirked, holding what was left of the joint over the ashtray.

_Oh why the hell not._

I took it from her trying desperately not to drop it. I squeezed it between my nails and inhaled deeply. The second that crap hit my lungs I was coughing and chocking. I tossed it in the ashtray and quickly blew the smoke out the window. That sent Emmett into a fit of laugher.

"Bella that has to be the weakest hit I have ever seen!" he roared, holding onto his stomach in a fit of laughter.

"Shut up Em!" I countered. "I never smoke that crap and you know it."

"Lets eat!" he quickly changed the subject. The pot must've already kicked in because everyone seemed eager to head up to the kitchen.

Emmett tossed Edward's jerseys over his shoulder and then declared that the last one upstairs was a '_pussy'_. Riley and Jasper flew up the stairs pushing and shoving each other all the way up.

"_Boys,_" Alice shook her head disapprovingly.

By the time we made up, the guys were teasing Jasper, who was pretending it didn't bother him. Emmett was twirling both of Edwards's jerseys around above his head gloating that he was the first one up.

"It's not something to brag about when you cheat," Jasper scoffed.

Alice went to comfort him and Rose and I got to work on the club sandwiches. The kitchen was filled with chatter and crunching of potato chips. I was frying the bacon while rose chopped the lettuce and tomatoes.

I was still enjoying what was left of my buzz when Riley made his way over to me.

"Do you need any help?" he offered.

"You can start to toast all the bread," I answered.

"I can do that," he happily nodded.

"You know Bella I'm glad we are able to be friends again." He paused, "We are friends again, right?" he asked.

"Yes," I smiled.

"Good." he smiled.

We didn't say much more than that. I really don't think anything else could be said. He came by on Thanksgiving and offered apologies then. He obviously knew Edward held my heart and I was not willing to offer anything more. It was nice working with him in the kitchen, stacking the sandwiches. Riley and I always had this ease about our friendship, much like Jacob and I. Just like my theme song I always found myself _happy_ around them.

"What the fuck is going on _here_?"

I heard the anger in his voice before I actually saw his face. I knew the second I turned around I would catch the fury in his eyes. Edward voice echoed though the room and everyone in it was silent.

_How dare he._

How _dare_ him come in and ruin our lunch. We were doing nothing wrong. Yes, Riley was here, but Edward _chose_ to leave. He made his choices when he walked out that door.

The knife I held slammed against the counter a second before I turned to face him.

"_Excuse me_?" I asked him.

I was right, he was livid and that only added to fuel to the fire inside me. How come Edward can run to Lauren but Riley can't have lunch with his friends? How can he leave me to go be with her, doing god knows what, but is furious when he finds us in the kitchen making sandwiches?

"What the fuck is _he_ doing here?" he repeated, his eyes narrowing at Riley.

Edwards's hands were balled up at his side, tight fists of rage waiting to be unleashed.

"And why are you _dressed_ the same?" his eyes flickered to me then back to Riley.

"If you would calm the fuck down and take a look around you would see we are all dressed the same man," Emmett interjected.

"Bella's mother sent everyone jerseys," Alice stated.

Edwards's eyes flashed around the room taking in the sight before him. I was trying to hold back my own anger, my own tears, and my own accusations. I clutched tightly to my necklace from Jacob. I could feel my blood boiling, my body temperature reaching an all time high. I could almost see red I was so damn mad.

Emmett pulled the jerseys off the counter and shoved them into Edward's chest.

"Here's yours," he stated. "You're really a dick sometimes bro," he finished.

Edward clutched them to his chest and his eyes were fixed on the floor and for a moment I could see Dr. Jekyll feel remorseful. Mr. Hyde must've gone back into hiding. I knew any attempts to talk to Edward right now were going to be futile, so I decided it was time for me to go home.

"Riley or Emmett, can you take me home?" I asked when I finally found my voice.

Edwards's eyes moved quickly to mine and I could see the hurt flash in them.

"I can take you Bella," he said quietly.

"No," I shook my head. "One of them can. I just need to grab my things," I said and I headed up to Alice's room.

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

I only had a few things to gather up since we were snowed in, I really was not that prepared to stay. I quickly shoved my belongings in my back pack and anything I left behind I could get from Alice later on. Right now, I was only focused on getting the hell out of here.

Just as I was headed down the hall I was met by Edward blocking my way.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Go ahead," I offered crossing my arms defiantly.

His hands moved to his hair and then scratched the back of his neck.

"I was hoping we could talk in private," he said glancing over his shoulder.

I didn't move and inch from where I stood. "What do you want to talk about?" I asked.

"You and Riley… are friends now or what?" he asked.

I chuckled darkly. "That's rich! You have the _balls_ to ask me about Riley when you go traipsing off to Lauren," I spat, clinging to my necklace for strength.

Edwards's eyes grew sad and my heart lurched.

"I didn't go traipsing off with her. I made a promise to her and I intend to keep it," he stated flatly.

"Good for you and _her_," I rolled my eyes at his vague answer.

"I made a promise too Edward, to myself, to be a good friend to _all_ of my friends, regardless if you approve of them or not," I retorted.

"You know how I feel about him," he said through clenched teeth.

"You _know_ how I feel about her," I narrowed my eyes back.

This was pointless. I needed to stand up to him and ask him why he left today.

"Why did you go to her today?" I asked my voice much stronger than I was feeling.

"I told you, I made a promise."

"That's not good enough for me. Tell me Edward. Tell me why you are always running off to her."

"This is not about you and me this is about Lauren and my promise to her, B."

"Are you dating her?" I asked in a small voice.

"No," he shook his head.

"Are _you_ dating Riley?" he countered.

"No," I responded quickly.

"His intentions are not good Bella. You can't trust him. Just because you want to be friends with someone doesn't mean that's all they want too."

_Edward you don't know how right you are._

"We're friends," I shrugged. "That's all _you_ want. Why can't have the same thing with Riley." I was practically daring him to respond to that.

He quickly closed the distance between us. His jaw locked, eyes piercing mine.

"I don't want that Bella." His hot breath and velvet voice sent chills all over my body.

"You don't want what?" my voice was as weak as I felt.

"To be your friend," he corrected. his eyes still locked with mine.

"You don't want to be m-my f-friend?" my voice cracked once again proving to Edward he was my greatest weakness.

"It's not that I don't want to be your friend," he continued, keeping his voice soft, "it's just that I don't think I can. I don't know how to do it without wanting-" he broke off, his eyes flicking to my hair, my lips, my body and then finally away. He swallowed, "more."

Suddenly, I knew we were not talking about Riley or Lauren. We were talking about us and what Edward wanted from me, and perhaps why he wanted me to keep Riley out of the picture.

Edward was the master at evasion. One second he had me arguing about him leaving and just like that, he twisted it into something else all together. I looked up and saw the hunger in his eyes and I knew Mr. Hyde was back. I was sick of his avoidance, tired of going back and forth. His mood swings were not only affecting him but me as well. I was fed up. I wanted answers and I was not getting any. I couldn't even find the strength to respond to him, without knowing where it was I stood with him. My anger grew again.

"Are you insane?" I spat.

"Probably, But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you." Mr. Hyde reached out and cupped my face.

My lungs did something strange like the air that was inside them was being sucked right out, and I didn't know if I should be thrilled, or confused, or upset. Heat flooded my face. And my mouth responded to Mr. Hyde the only way it knew how.

"So don't," I whispered.

"I have to," he whispered back, his green eyes were dark and intense.

_He was insane._

My heart fell right out of my chest and onto the bleak look on his face made my stomach twist, and I felt tears clog up my throat. I gritted my teeth, determined not to cry right here in the middle of the hallway.

"I'm not doing this, Edward," I said, furious with him. "When you can be honest with me, come find me."

"Alright," he said his jaw tight again. "If that's what you want. I'll let you go"

It wasn't what I wanted, but I was so angry and confused that I nodded once, staring at the banister, still clinging to my necklace.

"You have something you are hiding too, Bella," he said, clenching his jaw.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, glaring at him.

"What's this?" he asked, lifting the chain on my necklace with his finger. "Are you going to tell me who gave this to you? What does it say Bella? And why do you cling to it like it's your lifeline?" he growled.

I gaped at him, and felt my blush spread up my neck and into my face. I looked away unwilling to answer any of questions.

His half smile was a bitter as he stroked my hot cheek with his cool fingertip. "See?" he said, "We both have our secrets."

I fled down the stairs and never looked back.

As Riley and Emmett cleaned off the truck I sat there and tried to shake off the emotions that were tearing through my chest, and pretended everything was normal. When I knew it was everything but.

Yes, I had my secrets from Edward. But that was only because they were about him. I was not hiding my friendships with Jacob or Riley. He was the one hiding. He was the one who couldn't answer a simple question about Lauren.

I was so lost in thought I didn't remember the ride home. I vaguely remember saying 'Thanks' and 'see ya tomorrow'.

Charlie was not home so I was able to get away with a cup of soup for dinner. I took a shower and got my things ready for school the next day. I felt like I was in a dream. Still lost and confused by Edward and his words.

Finally about ten, I got into bed and listened to some music to help me to sleep. Evanescence seemed highly appropriate for the events of today and "Going Under" hit home in more ways then one when it came to mine and Edwards _friendship_.

When my text message alert beeped though the music I nearly fell off my bed.

"_Are you sleeping?" E._

"_Not yet, why?" B._

"_Can I come over?" E. _

I checked my clock, it was after eleven. Being a school night, I knew Charlie would drive by to check on me.

"_It's kind of late to be driving here, don't you think?" B. _

"_I'm out front." E._

"_Then why did you bother to ask?" B._

"_Come out side?" E._

"_I'll meet you out back." B. _

"_Out Back?" E._

"_Charlie." B._

"_I'll meet you there." E._

I was wearing sweats to bed so I slid on my slippers and pulled on a coat and sat on the back stairs.

Edward walked up wearing dark gray sweats and his blue 'Cullen' hoodie. He took a seat on the stairs next to me.

"I needed to come by to tell you I was sorry." he said.

"Sorry for what?" I questioned. Because I was a firm believer that guys thought 'I'm sorry' was going to fix everything even if they didn't know what they were apologizing for.

"For taking off on you today, for being a dick when I got back, for questioning you about Riley, for not answering any of your questions," he smirked. "Does that about cover it?"

I bit down on my bottom lip trying to stifle a smile. "I guess so," I nodded.

"I don't understand why you are keeping secrets from me about Lauren, Edward," I said.

"I don't expect you to, but once I can, I will talk to you about it," he said honestly.

"Can I ask you one thing? He asked timidly.

"You can ask, doesn't mean I will answer," I smirked back at him.

"That seems fair," he chuckled.

"Why do you want to be friends with Riley?"

I closed my eyes for a moment contemplating my response. "Because it's easy with him, just like with Jacob. We just hang out you know… have fun?" I shrugged.

"Did you drink with him?" he asked. I nodded. "Did you smoke up with him too?"

I nodded again.

We sat there in silence for a while. Listening to the trees blow in the wind.

"Bella" he whispered, unable to keep the aggravation and envy from his voice, "Why do party with everyone except me?"

My smile faded, and I looked down at my feet, fiddling with a button on my jacket. I knew oh to well about getting drunk around him. He knew what happened last time we were drunk together. Yet I didn't feel the need to bring it up right now.

"You never ask," I said. My answer was safe. Now was not the time to open up that can of worms.

He gaped at me, and then he chuckled a little before he started to laugh

"You're right. I never do ask I guess," he shrugged.

We sat there again after our laughter faded back into silence.

Maybe I could get a question in to. A small one, something that I have wanted to know for a long time but never had the courage to ask. I wanted so badly to ask him why he rejected me that night. Why everyone else was good enough to have sex with, but I was not. I was terrified to ask him that. So I decided to start small.

"Edward," I whispered, my voice was small, "why do you kiss _everyone_ except me?"

"Because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. I already told you about JMF," his eyes searched my face.

"I trust you," I whispered.

He said nothing his eyes moved quickly to my lips and back again. I could see him fighting that internal battle between himself and Mr. Hyde.

"You're dangerous," I whispered.

"You're fearless," he whispered back unable to keep the longing out of his voice.

He inhaled audibly, and the tension in the air became so thick I could almost see the air fog between us. He lifted his hand to my face and stroked his thumb down my cheek. My skin burned under his touch. He licked his bottom lip before biting down on it.

"You should go in, Bella," he whispered, "before I do something I'll regret later."

"Would you really regret it?" I breathed.

"No" His eyes were a blaze as he stood fighting to stay in control.

"Goodnight Bella." He stroked my cheek one last time before heading down the steps.

"Goodnight Edward," I said softly as he rounded the corner.

Twenty minutes later, I was in bed waiting for Edward to text me when he got home. My mind racing over what had just happened. Damn my body for responding to him that way. No matter how hard I try, Edward will always be my Achilles' heel I would always relent when it came to him. It was like I physically had zero control over it.

This terrified me more than I could ever admit. I didn't know where we stood or where we were going with this. I still had no answers to the questions about Lauren. Yet Every time I was around him I couldn't help the way I reacted to him. I knew the consequence of the choices I was making….this could end disastrously.

"_Tell me a story?" E._

"_MP3 Kelly Clarkson- Beautiful Disaster" B._

"_Tell me a story?" B. _

I waited knowing he would listening to the song first.

"_MP3 Shinedown - If You Only Knew" E. _

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

You know how they say your first day back to school is crazy? Well that was the understatement of the year. The teachers came back rejuvenated and ready to hand out assignments. In art, we were reminded that our photography project that Edward and I were working on was going to be due as soon as we got back from Christmas break. I started to freak out whispering to Edward that I forgot to take pictures of us putting up the tree. He smirked and told me to relax because he didn't.

_Thank god!_

The rest of the day was a blur. I was busy taking notes and trying to get back into the swing of things. I'm pretty sure everyone else was in the same boat because Alice and Rose looked just as frustrated as I felt. I had more homework tonight then I have had in weeks!

Somehow, I got through my day and stood at my locker making sure I had everything I needed for a long night of studying I had ahead of me.

"Holy shit do you need help with that?" Riley's voice startled me

"Ugh!" I rolled my eyes. I think I got it." I giggled as I piled the fourth book into my backpack; it was the largest one, World history. _Great_.

"Can I walk you to you car?" he smiled.

"Sure," I nodded.

It was starting to drizzle outside and the only thing I wanted to do was get home as soon as possible, change my clothes, and start on all this homework. I wondered to myself if Alice was up for study group?

Riley and I were chatting about our first day back as we made our way over to my truck. I tossed my backpack inside and saw Edward standing next to his car with Lauren. I threw my purse inside and moved around my door to get a better view.

There they were standing very close together. She was smiling up and him and he was beaming back at her. I saw him reach down and place his hand on her stomach. And gasped! There is only one reason a guy touches a girls stomach like _that_. I felt like I was choking, I started to gasp for air and I quickly turned to Riley to see if he was witnessing this as well.

Riley pulled me him to until my back hit his chest and he pressed his lips to the top of my head. "I'm so sorry Bella, I thought you knew?" he said.

He thought I knew… _knew_ what? What the fuck was happening here. My hands began to tremble and my heart was thundering through my chest. I found the strength to move and whipped around now facing him.

"Knew what!" I yelled at him, tears burning my eyes.

"That Lauren is pregnant," he said looking at me baffled.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, I was barely breathing. My chest was getting tighter and tighter, the tears were falling faster and faster.

"At least he seems to be sticking around for _this one,_" he said bitterly never taking his eyes off of them.

"_This one_?" I asked my voice broken and weak.

"You don't know about Victoria either?"

I didn't answer him. I heard Edwards car start up and I jumped into mine. Riley tired to stop me but there was no way in hell I was not going to confront Edward.

Following Edward to his house was like driving in the Indy 500. I didn't care I was able to keep up in my new truck. He quickly pulled into his driveway and got out of the car. I don't think he even knew I was behind him the entire time. I threw my truck into park and jumped out without even shutting of the engine.

"Hey!" I yelled to him

It was raining much harder now and I was getting soaked.

Edward was leaning into his car pulling out his backpack. I must have startled him because he practically jumped when he heard my voice.

"B, what the hell? You scared the shit out of me," he yelled back over the loud thunder.

"I will be asking the questions here!" I shouted back stalking toward him.

He looked at me confused.

"She's pregnant!" I yelled. "Lauren Mallory is fucking pregnant!" I practically screamed.

"Bella," Edwards tone was even and warning.

"Don't you Bella me! Answer the question Edward!" I yelled as the thunder rolled again.

"Yes," he said, pushing his hand though his wet hair that was hanging in his face.

"You knocked up Lauren?" I pushed my finger into his chest "You knocked up that skank and didn't have the balls to tell me!" I cried. "You're a coward Edward. A fucking coward!" I yelled at him.

He grabbed my arms and pulled me to him shaking me slightly. "You think its mine?" He yelled "You really think I got her pregnant?" he asked again. I nodded once.

"Bella look at me!" he growled. I refused, shaking my head. "Look. At. Me," he yelled again.

I allowed my tear filled eyes to meet his. "Its. Not. Mine." he said slowly, allowing me to take in what he was saying. "B, are you listening to me? It's not my baby! It's Tyler's." His voice was scared and frustrated.

_Maybe Lauren's baby was not his… But Victoria's was. _

"What about Victoria's?" I moaned through chocked sobs. 'Is that one yours?"

Edwards's eyes turned murderous.

"Who the fuck told you about that!" he growled.

* * *

**A/N – YIKES! He's pissed huh? Next time ladies you will get EPOV and his entire confession to Bella. YES more forward progress! Let me know what you think, thoughts, concerns, etc. I love to hear from you ladies your reviews mean so much to me! They are my driving force for the next chapter! **

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	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Hello Ladies! Ok…..I know you have waited a LONG Time for this but THANK YOU FOR sticking with me! Textward and I REALLY hope it was worth the wait! **

**Why did it take so long you ask? Well my BESTIES Krysti, Stoli, Tami, Brina and I were in LA… Oh did I mention we saw ROB live in person? Yes TWIMAFIA sit down in LA was a SUCSESS! Anywho… after seeing Rob in the flesh that's a high that is hard to come down from.**

**I know some will ask…NO I didn't get a pic with him.. NO I didn't talk to him. YES I was about 6 inches away from him for about 30 seconds LOL. We were at Sam Bradley's concert and he was with all his boys and no one bothered him and it was amazing just to see him. **

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**EPOV**

"Who told you?" I demand again.

Her eyes giving away everything she refuses to say. Anger, hurt, confusion, brewing behind the tears that are threatening to spill over. Her lips were trembling and her cheeks were flush, still she found the courage to jut out her chin and fold her arms across her chest defiantly.

"Riley. Riley told me the truth," she said.

"The truth?" I chuckled coldly. "Tell him to check his fucking _facts_." I said, slamming my car door.

_Riley_…That fucker didn't know shit. He sure the fuck didn't know what hell happened in Chicago, not the _truth_ anyway. Still I couldn't control the clenching of my fists as I envisioned wrapping them around his fucking neck until he told me what he did know and more importantly… _how_.

Bella took a cautious step forward. "That's, it? That's all you have to say about it?" she exclaimed.

Not meeting her eyes, I nodded once.

"Well that's not good enough for me, Edward. I want answers. I want the truth, and I _deserve_ the truth," she argued.

I knew all to well what Bella deserved. It fucking made me sick to know that she knew it too. She deserved _better_. Better than me, better than my fucking past, and much better than my fucking avoidance to offer her something as simple as the goddamn truth.

The rain was a relentless bitch. The sky had opened up and was soaking us both to the bone. It was bitter cold and I could see Bella's once pink lips starting to turn blue. I needed to get her the fuck out of this shit.

"Let's go inside," I said, grabbing her by her elbow, only to have her jerk it away from me a second later.

"No, not unless you're going to answer me, Edward," she spat, taking a step back.

Did she think it was that easy? That one fucking answer would make it all better… make it right? If I answered her it would only lead to more questions and as much as I hated to deny her anything, I didn't know if was ready to expose myself like that, not to her.

I needed more time. Time to show her me, the real me, the person I am when I am with her, the person I had become _because_ of her. If I had more time I could show her that I was more than my past, that I had learned my lessons and prove to her that I had changed. I needed more time to make the list of pro's outweigh the con's. I knew she had to be keeping tabs by now, who wouldn't? I had fucked up countless times and now… now she wanted the truth, the truth that would seal my fate with her. The truth is ugly and fucking disgusting. Even I wanted to forget my _truths_.

"You don't want the truth Bella," I said firmly. "It's in the fucking past. Can't we leave it there?"

I turned to her defeated, my eyes pleading with her to just let it fucking go already. "Come inside Bella it's freezing," I begged.

She didn't move. "Then why did you bother, Edward? The night you came to my room. The night you told me about JMF," she wrapped her arms protectively around herself. "And the other night on my back porch, why do I always get half the story with you, Edward? Why do you bother telling me _anything_, if you're not going to tell me _everything_?" she cried.

_She already knows. It's either you tell her or Riley tells her_, The Jealous Mother Fucker sneered.

He was right. I had to fucking tell her before Riley filled her head with god knows what. His lies could possibly worse then my truth, no matter how fucking repulsive it was, Bella deserved to hear it from me.

"It's not that simple Bella. What happened with Victoria and the baby, you're right, you deserve to know the truth, but will you please come inside so we can talk?" I asked again, offering my hand to her.

She eyed my hand for a moment and then shoved her hands into her coat pockets. _I guess I deserved that. _But she took a step forward, her eyes on the ground allowing me to guide her into the house.

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

We were both silent as I moved around my room gathering towels and some dry clothes for us. She just stood there, shivering. Her teeth chattering still as she was waiting, expectant of me to break the silence. I handed her two towels and one of my sweat shirts, mumbling 'be right back' as I left the room for a moment to get a pair of Alice's pants for her. She waited for my return and didn't make a sound as she shut the door to my bathroom to change.

I moved to my closet and pulled off my soaking wet clothes and dried off. I pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and long sleeved t-shirt. I was still toweling my hair when I heard the 'click' of the bathroom door unlock. My eyes flew to the door when Bella appeared.

I had to bite the inside on my cheek to avoid the smile that threatened to spread across my face. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun. She was wearing Alice's black pants that she usual wears to yoga. They were a little snug on Bella and hung low on her hips. I guessed she did that on purpose since she was a little taller than Alice. My gray Harvard sweatshirt was huge on her small frame but I loved seeing the bold red letters of my future school across her chest.

_Bella looked amazing wearing my future._

No sooner did she appear was I thrust back to reality. Her angry eyes met mine, still waiting for my answers. I swallowed hard as I forced my eyes away from hers.

"Do you want to sit down?" I muttered.

Her eyes searched the room skeptically first to my couch that caused her to fucking flinch_. I really need to get rid of that fucking thing. _Her eyes moved right over my bed as if it was _not_ even an option before she finally decided on the chair in front of my desk. She pulled it out and took a seat.

I was too fuckin' nervous to sit. I leaned against my dresser and ran my hands though my hair as I attempted to speak.

"Can I get you anything?"

"The _truth_ would be great," she retorted.

_You are so fucked._ The Jealous Mother Fucker mumbled. _Yeah, I know fucker, thanks_.

I didn't know where to fuckin' start. I didn't know how much Riley knew or what kind of shit he had made up. I decided it would be best if I just answered whatever she was going to ask. I was too fucking anxious to actually sit the fuck down, so I started to slowly pace in front of her. Finally, glancing at her, I could see she had pulled her legs up on the chair and had her arms wrapped tightly around them. She was biting down on her bottom lip as her vacant eyes stared a hole in my carpet.

My fucking chest ached, watching my angel so lost and completely fuckin' ridged, just sitting there awaiting another let down, another fuckin' blow from me. Just tack that shit onto the list of con's Bella. Yes, once again I, Edward Cullen, will fucking destroy your trust in me no matter how minuscule it is. I will find a way to take it from you.

Bella's eyes flickered up and caught mine. Guilt gripped me. I dropped my head and diverted my eyes.

"You can ask me anything you want and I will answer it." My voice sounded as defeated as I felt.

"I have three questions, Edward," her voice was soft but firm. I nodded.

"First," she held out one of her fingers. "What happened with Victoria?" she asked as she sat up straighter in her seat, preparing herself for the first blow.

I released a sad breathy laugh and nodded. "You are not going to ease into this, huh?"

She gave me pointed look cocking her brow and I knew now was not the time for me to be asking any of the questions.

"Right," I sighed and took a seat on the armrest of the couch. My fucking hand shot up raking over my hair a few times as I tried to steady my nerves. _Not helping_…I needed a fucking cigarette.

Fuck it.

I pulled one from my pocket and lit it, taking a long, deep pull, praying to fucking god that Bella would listen to everything I had to say before bolting out my door and out of my life.

I leaned back to open a window. I never smoke in my room but right now I really didn't give a shit. I took another long pull before raising my eyes to her.

"Bella, I will answer every single question you have for me. I promise you will get the truth and I won't hold anything back. But I need to ask something from you as well."

She slowly nodded once and reached out with two fingers silently asking me for a drag. I carefully handed over my cigarette and continued.

"Will you please not run out on me at least try to talk to me about it before you decide to take off?"

"You're giving _me_ a condition?" she hissed through her teeth, her jaw clenched tightly.

"No Bella, I'm _not_ an idiot. Not a condition, _per say_ more like a compromise?" I licked my lips nervously awaiting her response.

She glanced up and for the first time all afternoon, I didn't see the anger in eyes anymore. They were softer but her fear was more evident. Still, Bella being Bella, she swallowed back the fear and offered me nod and an "ok." She was so fucking strong, I really pray to god I don't fucking break her.

I took a deep breath as I watched Bella take another drag of my cigarette. I closed my eyes for a second and pleaded with god that after my confessions he would grant me no penance. I prayed for a clean slate with Bella, Christ, I fucking promised her a fresh start. Please let me own up to one of my promises to her.

_Good luck with that asshole_, The Jealous Mother Fucker laughed at me.

"Victoria and I met in eighth grade. We were so fucking young and _stupid_. We started dating," I chuckled at the thought just how fucking idiotic that sounded. "Anyway, we were together our freshman and sophomore years. The first time we had sex was freshman year."

I looked up at Bella to gauge her reaction, only to be met with blank stare. She was waiting for me to continue.

"We were each others _firsts_, you know… first everything, from first dance, first kiss, to the first party we went to and actually fucking had a drink, to the first time we had sex…together." I coughed. It was really fucking hard to tell Bella that to her face.

"Did you love her?" she practically whispered.

My eyes flew to hers. "No." I answered her honestly. I now knew what it was to really love someone and what I felt back then for Victoria was not fucking love.

"We were young Bella, and perhaps at the time, I may have thought it was some form of love, but let's be honest, it was lust. We were kids, fresh into high school. I played basketball, and she was a cheerleader. Sounds like perfect relationship, right?" I scoffed.

"Fucking wrong. We fought a lot. Everyone was sick of us and our bullshit half way though our freshman year. Alice had become friends with her and always took her side, causing Alice and I to fight. It was so fucked up." I pulled another cigarette from my pocket as I watched Bella extinguish my last cigarette in the ashtray.

"Anyway, we continued on with this crazy relationship for another year. When I finally got the balls to break up with her, she hit me with it." I paused, capturing Bella's eyes giving her pleading look as I finished…

"She told me she was pregnant." I sighed heavily fighting back the fucking anger that threatened to over take me.

"Did she lie to save the relationship?" she asked.

"No, it was not a lie. She was indeed pregnant. I knew the moment she told me that she wasn't lying. We were in my car in the school parking lot. She fucking brought me the home pregnancy test she had taken," I growled.

"I knew what I had to do. I was going to man up. I was going to be the man she needed me to be, despite all the bullshit. I was going to be there for her and my baby."

I took a long pull from my cigarette and watched the smoke exit the window as I exhaled. Bella stayed absolutely fucking silent waiting for me to continue.

"We went to our parents and the shit hit the fan at first. Her parents were not at all accommodating. They basically disowned her and refused to even pay for doctor visits. But what was done was done. Soon after we told them, my parents came around. Before I could even grasp what the fuck was going on, we were at doctor appointments, and getting ultra sounds, and I was shopping for car seats and strollers with my mother and Alice. My entire family came to accept that they were going to be Grandparents, aunts, uncles. Fucking Emmett was buying the baby clothes..." I choked back my tears.

"It was a boy." I finished.

I paused and started pacing again. This was just too fucking hard. It was hard enough talking about it, but having to tell Bella was fucking killing me. I never wanted her to be apart of this shit in my past. Bella was my future and dragging her though my muddy past was only going to defile her … _us_. Every fucking thing I felt for her that was pure, and innocent, and heartfelt, will never be able to over shadow what I am going to confess to her today.

"You asked me if I loved her, loving her was never my focus. Loving him was. I loved him from the moment I saw the first flicker of his heart beat on that monitor. I loved every fucking ultrasound picture that was taken." I scoffed. "I had those fucking pictures everywhere, in my locker, on the refrigerator, all over my room. I was so fucking proud to be his father."

I didn't mean to catch her eyes as I paced around the room, but I did and what I found there made me ill. _Pity_. I knew this was fucking going to happen. I didn't want her` fucking pity or for her to feel sorry for me. I fucking hated that look; I hated it the first time around that I had to live through everyone looking at me like that and I _loath_ it now. I didn't want pity from her. I wanted _hope_. I pulled my eyes away from hers and continued.

"Everything happened so quickly and days turned into weeks and weeks into months. We were half way though our sophomore year. My parents paid for Victoria's new school. It was called 'New Beginnings'. It was school set up for teenage mothers. Ya know, so they could graduate and never be away from their children. It cost a shit load of money but my parents didn't want anything but the best for us, for our future…for our son." I could barely choke out the last few words.

Bella was still silent. I could feel her eyes burning into the back of my head. I couldn't even fucking face her anymore. I sat there looking out the window, trying to fucking find the strength to continue. I closed my eyes and fucking prepared myself to speak the words I had never spoken to a single person in the world. Everyone knew back in Chicago. I never had to explain, word just got around.

"She went into labor early. Three weeks early to be exact," I swallowed thickly my mouth was drying up on me. My fuckin throat felt it was closing. "Seventeen hours. She was in labor for seventeen hours. I was there every fucking second. I was so busy getting her ice chips, rubbing her back, trying to remember the goddamn breathing that we were taught but, I didn't care. I would have done anything for her, she was having my baby. My mother and I were in the delivery room and my father was making sure she was receiving the best care possible. And then it happened at 8:04am he was born…. My s-son."

I couldn't continue. I had to take a fucking minute. The tightening of my throat, the stinging in my eyes, this was all too familiar. I had not cried over him in a long fucking time and I did not want to break down in front of Bella. I pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes before I scrubbed my hands over my face and though my hair. I took a few deep breaths and fought back the fucking tears.

"A-are you ok, Edward?" Bella's shaky voice echoed though the room. _She was worried_.

"Fine. I'm fine." I assured her. Taking a few deep breaths before turning to face her, "I'm fine, B." I nodded.

"After the baby was born I had so much shit to do, they sent me off with him to get his blood work and run some test and bunch of other shit that my father had to explain to me while my mother stayed with Victoria. After a few hours we were back in the room. Everyone was holding him and I was on cloud nine. I was holding my fucking son, Bella." I looked at her. "It was the most incredible thing that had ever happen to me. He is the soul reason I truly believe in love at first sight. Because I fucking loved him more at that moment then I could have ever imaged. After a few hours, my family and I headed down to get some coffee while Victoria and the baby took a nap." I gave Bella a pointed look and the moment her eyes met mine she knew what was coming.

"When we came back two hours later Victoria was not alone. He was there. He was there and he was holding my fucking son. I walked in and saw Victoria's eyes filled with tears and the moment she looked at me I knew….I was not the father…" I paused closing my eyes battling back the tears.

"Ohmygod," Bella gasped and covered her face. I saw her shoulders trembling and I knew she was crying. I wanted to go to her and comfort her. Every fucking fiber of my being wanted to hold her but I had to finish. If I didn't get this out now I knew I never would.

"James, his name was James, and all I remember is never taking my eyes off of Victoria as the room erupted. My mother was crying. My father was making calls. Alice and Emmett stood huddled together in the corner and the nurse took the baby out of the room. They agreed to a paternity test and a few days later everyone else knew what I had known the moment I looked into that fucking bitches eyes." I paused for a second thinking about what a fool I was.

"Do you want to know the best fucking part? The fucking kicker of it all? I would have fucking stayed. I wouldn't have changed a fucking thing. If she would have been honest with me and told me that it was James's kid and that she just had no where to go, I still would have helped her. My family… you know _my family,_ Bella. They would have never left her out on the streets. I would have loved that baby no matter what." And I was done… I couldn't find my voice anymore as the pain wrecked through my body.

I stood there for moment just looking at her…watching, waiting for her reaction.

The emotions on her face were so familiar. It was like living it all over again. I'd seen those expressions on the faces of my parents and my sister in those first days. _Shock_. _Numbness_. All tinged with a pain they couldn't quite grasp. A pain that they were fighting to keep from becoming real. Because accepting that pain, would mean this was all true.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I-I didn't know….if I would have known, I-I would have never….n-never…." her voice faded.

I stood there quietly giving her a moment to take it all in, giving her time to absorb my words. It didn't take long before the realization set in. Followed by the tears I didn't deserve. Watching her eyes slowly fill up with tears was torture for me. I couldn't fucking take it.

"Don't," I said, shaking my head. "Please…just don't."

"I never want to see you cry, B. I try so hard every fuckin' day to make you smile. Watching you about to cry one more time over me…it's _crippling_ me." I explained.

All the while thinking the rest of my story would _really_ give her cause to cry, and she was wasting her tears now as if she thought this was the worst of it. Only I knew how wrong she was. I gave her a look, silently begging her to let me continue. I just needed to get this over with already. She needed to know the entire story before she wasted one fucking tear on me. She nodded giving me the 'ok' and I continued.

"I never saw her again. I never saw the baby again either. Her and James took off to Missouri. I guess James had some family there. I stayed with my grandparents while my mom and Alice cleaned out the nursery." I took a seat on the couch and I saw Bella's eyes shoot away from me. _Fuck it._ I didn't even care. Once I told her what happened next I would be lucky if she ever looked at me again.

"I was a fucking wreck for months. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I threw myself in my school work and when I was at home, I played my piano for hours, then went to bed. The day Stefan-," Bella looked at me when I said his name. She had never heard me mention him before. "Stefan was one of my best friends back home," I clarified.

"Oh, ok," she said quietly.

"One day after practice, Stefan was pissed. He knew I didn't give a shit about the team any more; fuck…I didn't really give a shit about anything. Anyway, he was pissed about some fucking play I couldn't get down and up my ass about it. When I told him to fuck off, he snapped and started in on me about how lucky I was that the baby was not mine and how I needed to get over that shit already." I could feel my blood, pumping quickly though my veins and the rush of adrenalin filling me from head to toe. I clenched my fist at the fucking thought of his face laughing at me in the locker room.

"He was fucking laughing!" I yelled and Bella jumped as I stood up.

"He was calling me a pussy and telling me to get over it. What the fuck did he know? He knew nothing! Here I was preparing to be 'father of the year' and you know what I ended up being, Bella?" My head snapped in her direction her eyes grew wide.

"I was the fucking _asshole_ of the year! Everyone, for months, walking on eggshells around me, my family, my friends, my fucking team! And now…now they were laughing at me!" I growled and punched the fucking wall causing a few books to fall off the shelf.

"If they wanted to see an asshole I was going to show them what an asshole I could be. I fucking beat the shit out of Stefan that day and then went out that night and drank until I was numb. Stefan and some of the guys were in the other room and I could hear them still talking shit about me. That's when Stefan's girlfriend came over to me, looking at me with the same fucking look I saw in every ones eyes … fucking pity. I didn't want her to pity me. I didn't want anyone to fucking pity me!" I pulled out a cigarette and lit it and took a long drag, the nicotine doing nothing to calm me.

"Her name was Maggie. Stefan's girlfriend's name was Maggie. She was the first girl I did it to." I shook my head in disgust.

"I fucked her that night."

I didn't look at Bella. I could feel the room grow cold and empty as the words left my mouth. I didn't have to look at her, I could picture her face. The shock and bewilderment her eyes wide and jaw on the floor. I could picture the disgust creeping in slowly taking over any hope I saw in her eyes moments ago. I could almost hear her thoughts, 'what kind of guy beats the shit out of his best friend at school and then fucks his girlfriend that same night?' So I answered her even though she never asked.

"A monster," I said.

"_What_?" she asked.

"I turned into a fucking _monster_. I fucked all their girlfriends. I fucked all of Alice's friends. I ruined friendships and relationship, I…." I remembered it so well, the way I had taken no prisoners. How everyone was a guilty party and I was their executioner. I shuddered slightly, hating my former self, if I could really call it my _former_ self.

"If they wanted to look at me like I was some kind of asshole, well I was at least going to give them a reason to look at me that way," I finished.

Now Bella knows exactly what I am. She knows precisely what kind of fucking monster I had become and the reasons why. I was empty and heartless. I was no longer Edward Cullen, only and vacant shell of the person I used to be. I was willing to just fucking _take_, take what was not mine and possess it. Take because I knew I fucking could. I took from everyone. If they were going to pity me, and act so fucking self righteous, as if they knew what I felt. Acting as though _they_ would be able to '_move on'_ like nothing ever happened. Well then I was going to take something from them and see if they could just fucking '_get over it._' I heard them talking… countless times. I heard the fucking rumors and hushed whispering behind my back. Just because I stopped giving them a fucking reaction doesn't mean I stopped fucking listening. _I. Heard. Them. _

And there it was, my fucking closet was finally empty. I had nothing more to say. Bella knew about my reputation here in Forks. Moving to Forks didn't change shit…I guess the more things change the more they stayed the same.

"Does all this have something to do with Lauren?" she asked pulling me from my thoughts.

My eyes lifted from the ground meeting hers. Her doe eyes still flickering with tears as she gnawed on her bottom lip.

"That's my second question," she clarified for me.

I sighed with relief. This question was much easier then the first one.

"The day Lauren told me she was pregnant, I asked her what she was going to do and she said she didn't want to tell Tyler. She didn't want to sound like some fucking crazy bitch that was trying to get her ex back. I told her she was wrong and if I was Tyler, _I _would want to know the truth." I paused letting her process this.

"I wish someone would have given me the truth, given me a fucking chance to make a decision instead of making them for me. That's all I have been trying to do B, is make her realize that Tyler could want this baby as much as she did, and it was only fair to give him the truth and let him make that choice. I had promised her I would be there with her when she was ready to tell him. And yesterday, he finally showed up at her house and…I had to keep that promise."

Bella was sitting there still tugging on her bottom lip, the look in her eyes still processing it all, her head bobbing slowly, piecing it all together. Finally, when her eyes met mine, I could see it…_acceptance_.

She understood how I could feel compelled to make sure someone else was not the fucking asshole of the year. How, maybe this time, I could do something right with the lessons that had been handed to me a few years ago. Something good could come from something so fucking bad.

I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a few drags before exhaling. I took a seat on the floor in front of Bella. We were both quiet. Nothing more to say, I was trying to stop my mind from racing. It was too much all the fucking emotions I had hidden for so long. Everything about my fucking past I had locked away, coming to surface so fucking unexpectedly this afternoon.

I'm sure Bella was still trying to sift through the pile of shit I just handed her. I know Bella and I'm sure her three questions were turning into a million and one. I just needed a minute, and judging from her silence, she did too.

We smoked a few cigarettes before I went downstairs to get us each bottled waters. I returned to my place on the floor in front of her, just giving her what she needed…_time_. I was really fucking grateful she had not bolted out of my room like I predicted she would. This was the least I could give her.

I don't know how long we sat there. I was lost in the sounds of the rain tapping on my windows, still trying to drown out the memories that were flooding me. The soft humming of my computer was the only other sound in the room.

"I have one last question," she stated. And I looked up at her.

Her face held worry and fear, her voice apprehensive.

"Ok," I nodded.

She sighed heavily and stood.

_This was not a fucking good sign._

My stomach twisted and knotted in anticipation, my heart picking up speed.

"The night of the beach party…" she started, and I was immediately on my feet.

"The night of the party….after the party, here in your room, the night you told me –," she paused. "The night you rejected me," her voice, soft but irritated. I waited for her to finish.

Then a broken "W-Why?" escaped her lips.

This was her final question.

I never expected it; to say I was fucking shocked would be an understatement. Had I not just told her what a fucking monster I was? Did she not see this clearly? Was I not clear? How could she ask me _why_?

"Bella, don't you get it? I did it to protect you," I stated as if it was the most obvious thing.

"Protect me, why?" she turned to me.

"Protect you from me. I'm a fucking monster. I fucked all those girls for sport, for fucks sake. That's what I did, got drunk and just fucking _took_ what I wanted, whenever I wanted. I could never do that you. When I met you, I knew you were different and I _felt_ different around you. And then we became friends and …" she cut me off.

"Friends?" she questioned.

"Best friend," I corrected.

"B, you're my best friend and I could have never lived with myself..." I paused, thinking back to that night. God knows I wanted her, but not like that. She was _not_ going to be treated like them. She deserved better. Better than what I was capable of. I didn't want to take from her, for the first time in so fucking long, I wanted to _give_.

"You couldn't live with yourself if you had sex with _me_?" she spat.

Was she for real here? Of course I couldn't, not like that. I wanted to give her what she deserved and a drunken fuck was definitely not it.

"No. Not like that, Bella. You were drunk. I was drunk!" My anger was coming out. How could she not understand this?

"Then why did you start something you were not going to finish, Edward?" she demanded. "On the beach, why did you kiss me? Why did you drive me home? Hell, why did you bring me up to your room? I want answers Edward; because it's been months now and I still do not know why." She was shouting and her face was flushed.

"Are you mad?" I asked.

Her eyes widened and she was glaring at me now.

"Mad? You think I'm _mad_? Try furious, Edward!" she exclaimed.

"Why, Edward? I want to know why and I want the truth. I deserve it. I hear you tell me how you can fuck everyone you hate. I sat by and watched all this time that we have been "_friends'_." She uses air quotes around the word friends. "I watched you use half the girls of Forks high school for fucks sake! I've heard the stories, the rumors of your damn sexcapdes, Edward. But when it comes to me, the only answer I get, is because I am your _friend_? Well let me tell you something Edward, friends don't kiss like that and they certainly don't almost have _sex_. Do you even care about me at all, Edward?" Her voice cracks at the end and she stops talking.

She just stands there glaring at me, her chest rising and falling heavily in frustration.

"You think I don't _care_ about you, Bella? Can you honestly fucking think that?" I take a few quick steps towards her to close the distance.

"All I _do_ is care about you, Bella. You are the _only_ one I care about!" I say exasperated.

"Because we are friends, right?" She spits.

_Friends_. She makes it sound like it's a bad thing. Being her friend was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Bella was the only reason I am not that fucking monster anymore. Bella becoming my friend was like seeing light for the first time in years. She made me want to be better, better for her.

"You think that's all I think of you Bella? Like you're some school yard friend? Can you honestly believe that?"

I can see in her eyes she does. She doesn't know how fucking wrong she is. I had never told her otherwise, so I guess it's my fucking fault.

I moved to my closet and pull out a box. It holds every fucking thing in my world that means something to me. I toss it on the bed.

"Open it," I demand.

She doesn't move.

"Jesus Bella, just fuckin' open it," I say again.

I tear the top off the box, spilling its contents all over my bed. Pictures, movie tickets, notes, receipts, hair ties, and my journal scatter everywhere.

"That's everything, everything we have ever done together," I say.

Bella gasps. And moves to the bed, her hands are trembling as she picks up a few things looking at them…_remembering_.

"That's the receipt from the first time we had dinner," I say.

She picks up another. This time it's a cap to a beer bottle.

"That's from the first beer we ever drank together."

She picks up her hair tie. And she _knows_. Her eyes fly up to meet mine.

"That was from the night of the beach party. You forgot it," I shrugged.

I moved to the bed and pick up my journal, flip to the page and hand it to her.

"Those are all of them. Every single 'Always & Never' we have sent to each other." I show it to her and her finger gently runs down the page. I flip over a few more pages.

"And here are all of our songs. Every night you tell me a story, I update it." I swallow hard.

I know she could think I am an idiot for keeping this shit, but she asked me if I cared for her, and my words are shit without anything to back it up.

"So, you ask me if I care about you Bella, there is your answer. All I do is care about you, your friendship means more to me then you could ever comprehend."

"So you didn't have sex with me because you wanted to save our friendship?"

It's a question.

I don't know how to answer this without telling her how I feel. If I am going to be honest with her I would have to lay it out and I'm really not fucking sure if now is the time for that.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" she asks again.

I'm getting frustrated with myself, not her. Telling her now would fuck everything up. She would laugh in my fucking face. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her that I have been in love with her this entire time, after I just finished telling her how I fucked all these other girls over?

"Edward," she calls for my attention.

"You're not answering me," her frustration was back.

"You tell me we are friends, _best friends_ and you show me all of this," she motions to the bed.

"Why? It doesn't change anything, Edward. You rejected me that night when you were the one who started it all."

She was right, I was the one. The Jealous Mother Fucker got the best of me that night and I gave in. I wanted to touch her, and kiss her, and just fucking _be_ with her. When I kissed her, I got lost and caught up in the moment, and for a fucking few hours, I forgot about being that monster. I was Edward Cullen, who was in love with Bella Swan, and just wanted to be fucking normal for once.

It had been so fucking long since I was able to even fathom being just me again, the person I use to be. When she said she was a virgin, that sent me screaming back to reality and I just couldn't take that from her. There was not fucking way in hell I was going to take from her.

"Bella, when you said you were a virgin, I was not about to take that from you! That's something you give someone. If I would have taken that form you, you would have never been able to forgive me, _Fuck_! I would have never been able to forgive myself!" I yelled.

"I didn't reject you, Bella. I saved you."

"You saved me?"

"Yes."

"I was not asking to be saved, Edward. I-I trusted you! I was giving myself to you and you told me no! I felt like a fool, Edward. A damn fool!" she cried.

It felt like my fucking heart was being ripped from my chest. That familiar tug from my heart was pulling me to her.

"Bella…." I said softly, reaching for her.

""No, Edward. Don't," she yelled stepping back. "You can't just hug me and all will be forgotten. I don't work like that."

"You want to be friends, Edward? Fine. We are friends." She threw her hands up in the air.

"But this time, I am setting the rules. Friends don't get pissed off when the other one dates someone else. Friends don't kiss. Friends don't touch each other like that, Edward. And most of all, friends don't almost have sex with each other and then reject them!" she shouted.

I couldn't fucking take it anymore. She was so fucking wrong. I didn't want to be fucking friends with her and if I let her leave now, if I let her walk out this door like this, I could lose her forever. She needed to fucking know what she was to me. She needed to know the depth of my feelings for her.

_You don't have the balls_ _to tell her._ The Jealous Mother Fucker laughed at me.

I heard Bella moving about the room. I turned and she was gathering up her things.

"Don't leave"

"I have to."

"Please," I begged.

"Edward I j-just can't do this I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it took for you to open up to me, but _this_..." She motioned between us. "I just can't talk about it anymore. Thank you for being honest with me and trusting me as your _friend_. But I think we are done here." she retorted.

"Fuck!" I yelled slamming my closet door and punching it a few times.

I turned to her and she standing there wide eyed watching me. I think I scared her.

My eyes narrowing, I moved quickly moved towards her.

"W-What are you doing?" Bella asked backing up until her back became flush with my door.

I held the door shut, placing my hand above her head, completely closing the distance between us. I could feel her hot breath on my face as I looked down at her. The rise and fall of our chest matching each others. I took her face with my other hand and slid my fingers around her neck, pulling her face close to mine.

"I am ending this friendship, Bella," I answered.

Staring into her eyes, I knew what had to happen. By the look on her face, I was pretty fuckin' positive she knew what was about to transpire, but I'd be lying if I said I was able to predict her reaction. I couldn't let the fear of rejection hold me back. I wanted…no, I _needed_ her too much to allow something so fucking petty to stand in the way. _Fuck it_, I thought to myself as I cupped her cheek, licking my lips, I lowered my head and brushed my lips against hers.

The thing I love most about Bella is her unpredictability anytime I expected her to do one thing, she would turn around and do the complete opposite. The moment my lips touched hers her hands shot up and tangled her fingers in my hair. Her soft warm lips moved with mine in a rhythm that was all too familiar and I loved every moment of it.

She moaned softly against my lips, her arms sliding around my shoulders and pulling me flush against her body. My hands gripped her sides tightly as her lips parted, teasing mine with a soft swipe of her tongue, causing me to groan as I deepened the kiss. She rose up on her toes and tightened her hold around my neck, causing an excruciatingly amazing friction against me.

"God I love you," I whispered huskily against her lips as I pulled away, running my hands along her sides

"I have loved you for so long and I said no that night because I didn't want _one_ night with you Bella, I want _every_ night with you. I want to be with you. I want to date you and take care of you…That's exactly what I want from you."

She smiled up at me her beautiful eyes were dancing.

"Edward Cullen, are you asking me to be your _girlfriend_?" she beamed.

I couldn't help but chuckle as I tightened my grip on her. I leaned down and lightly grazed her neck with my teeth, causing her to yelp softly.

"Yes, if you will have me," I smirked.

Her fingers ran gently through my hair pulling my lips back to hers kissing me deeply once again. As our lips parted, her fingers slowly traced down along my jawline and over my lips. "I love you too Edward…._so much_," she smiled.

"Is that a yes?" I asked grinning.

She giggled. "Of course that's a yes," she smiled pressing her forehead to mine.

I smirked peppering her lips with soft kisses. "_Mine_," I murmured against her lips.

"_Yours_," she smiled, pressing her lips to mine.

I wanted to make it clear. To her, to me, she was finally _mine_. No more miscommunication.

**A/N So now you know everything! Looks like these two will be getting their HEA after all! Next up CHRSTIMAS DAY! See you guys VERY SOON the DH is out of town so I will be writing like a crazy woman! **

**Reviews are love ladies show me some love! I can't wait to hear what you guys thought! **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N Hello Ladies! I know you are all looking at this saying "35 days since last post BGirl" IM SORRY OKAY? Real life just kicked my ass and well to be honest I did like 5 re writes and I admit I have a rare condition called "Lemon writing Anxiety" I DO! Don't roll your eyes at me! Ask Krysti and JW they talk me down from the ledge on the daily when I'm writing them! **

**As always thank you to all my BTFF's and all my girls out there on Twitter for pimpin' out A&N **

**To my BESTIEEES Tami, Stoli, Brina, and Krysti my Twi Mafia girls I love you!**

**Krysti, After 20 chapters I still don't know how to thank you enough! Just know if I could I would tie HHH himself up and let you finger fuck his hair until your fingers were raw. LMAO! Love ya girlie! **

**Robmusement, your amazing banners bring my story to life! I heart you hard BB!**

**BTW.. This chapter got away form me. SO Christmas Day is NEXT chapter (21) EPOV. You know you want to hear from HIM too right? **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to SM. However, Textward /JMF belong to me.**

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**BPOV**

"Smile…" Alice's voice sang as she clicked away, taking pictures of us next to the spread of sweets on the table. We had been baking most of the morning. We had made everything from peanut brittle to cookies and fudge. Even small loaves of banana nut bread were currently in the oven.

It was three days before Christmas and the girls and I had finally found some time to bake together. They had been nagging me for over a week now to bake with them but Edward and I were being selfish and basking in our new relationship. Since the day we declared our love for each other up in his room, we had become inseparable.

_Trust me, I wasn't complaining. _

Our families were not surprised to see us finally together. They acted like it was the most natural thing in the world, as if we had always been a couple. The only person who had any issues at all was Charlie, who made it clear that now that I was in a relationship with Edward, I had a freaking _curfew_. After much begging and pleading, and yes I pulled the 'I'm eighteen years old' card, we compromised. On school nights it was eleven and weekends was 2am.

Thank god it was winter break and I had three glorious weeks off from school for the holiday break. So that meant one thing… n_o school nights. _And no school nights meant more sleepovers at the Cullen's. Not that Edward and I were sleeping together, yet. Nope, suddenly "Mr. Casanova" became "_Mr._ _Lets take things slow"_. Of course I knew he wanted me. I had no doubt about that. There was zero rejection. He just wanted my first time to be 'special'. He wanted desperately to make up for the night of the beach party. I knew he carried this guilt with him and it was my fault for throwing it in his face every time we had fought since.

To Edward, it was not just about the act of sex itself anymore. It was about the meaning of it. With us, it would solidify our relationship. Take us to another level by sharing something so intimate, giving myself to him body and soul. He wanted it to be perfect for me. Little did he know that he already _owned_ me body and soul. It was his for the taking regardless of the circumstance.

He promised me he had something extraordinary planed for us. When I asked when, he would flash my favorite lopsided grin at me and kiss me softly with the promise of 'soon' falling from his lips. Oh yes, having Edward Cullen as my boyfriend was just as swoony as I imagined it would be.

Edward Cullen is my boyfriend. _I_ am Edward Cullen's Girlfriend. _Possession_, _ownership_, _companionship_. He was mine and I was his. The word 'friend' didn't bother me as much when the word _girl_ or _boy_ was placed in front of it.

But still, somewhere deep down inside me the word '_friend'_ felt like a four letter word. It had taken us so long to get here. I never wanted to hear that word again..._ever_. Rose and Alice still teased me about it relentlessly, saying how without mine and Edwards's _friendship_ we might have ever ended up together. How we had to start somewhere to get anywhere. Ugh! Damn them and their voices of reason. But now that we are more, I know I could never go back to less, and that honestly scares the shit out of me.

My phone beeped bringing me back to the present. I already had a smile on my face before I read the message.

_Always__** -**__ You Never__** - **__The guys. I miss you. E_.

I giggled and replied.

_Always__** –**__ You Never__** – **__Baking. I miss U 2 B_.

_Yeah we were "that" couple. _

"Are you texting Edward?" Rose teased. "I specifically remember all of us promising no guys until after we were done, Bella." Her eyes narrowed.

"It was one text. It's just our way of saying good morning," I defended myself.

I was quick on my feet but Rose was quicker. "It's noon Bella, don't give me that shit," she laughed, pulling my phone from my grasp tossing it on to the counter.

"Feed me. I'm starving," she demanded.

Alice and I laughed "You know Rose, the more you are around Em, the more you are sounding like him."

She rolled her eyes. "_He_ sounds like _me_ and fuck you very much for saying that." She gave us the finger and pulled out some cold cuts and bread. "Now feed me," she giggled shoving the bread at me.

I made us some sandwiches and we settled down in the living room for a much needed break. The girls and I were in need of some girl talk. We chatted about presents we bought, and what we thought the guys bought us. We laughed about how ironic it was that they were at Edwards's house right now getting high, playing video games and probably had the munchies yet we had all the sweets over here at my house.

Rose joked about Emmett's blow job privileges would be revoked if he was too stoned to drive her home. Alice scrunched up her nose as the look of disgust came over her face.

"Thanks for the _over share,_ Rose." She shook her head trying to clear out that mental picture.

"Oh fuckin' please, Alice. Like me hearing about your sexersize with my brother is any better?" she spat.

"I never _ove r_share. I just, ya know…._insinuate_."

"Bullshit! I call bullshit!" Rose laughed. "Then tell me how I would know the exact measurements of my brothers…" Rose made a face like she was about to vomit, "peen size, length and fucking girth!" she yelled, tossing a small pillow from the couch at her. "Answer me that, Alice!" Rose continued to making disgusting noises pretending she was puking.

"That is really disturbing Alice. I mean what the fuck? Why would you tell Rose _that_?" I was laughing so hard I had to push my words out.

Alice stood up. "Oh, don't you even start with me," she pointed at me.

"What?" I questioned wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Both of you." Her finger moved quickly between Rose and I. "Both of you are with _BOTH_ of my brothers! I should make you both find me new friends so I can talk sex with them. I have heard way too many stories from you both." She crossed her arms narrowing her eyes at us.

"Not me," I shook my head. "I have no stories to tell," I shrugged.

Both of them whipped their heads in my direction.

_Oh shit._

"You mean you guys haven't had sex yet?" Rose asked.

I bit down on my bottom lip and shook my head.

"Are you serious, Bella?" Alice's eyes grew large. "I mean you have stayed the night over at my house for like three nights straight."

"I know," I nodded. Not really wanting to give out any details, I left it at that.

Rose practically leaped over to my side of the room. "_Please_ tell me you have at least… _gotten close_?" She took a seat next on the floor next to me.

"No. Well I mean….I guess we have done some stuff… kissing and stuff."

"No details." Alice covered her ears. "Use the bases or something."

"Bases?"

"Yes Bella, you know, first, second, third?" Rose giggled. "You _do know_ the bases, right?" she teased.

I swatted at her and missed. "Yes, smartass I know the bases," I glared at her.

_I mean I think I knew the bases? If you knew the bases Bella, would you be having this conversation with yourself? Shit! Note to self find out what exactly the 'bases' are. _

"Well?" Alice prompted.

I suddenly felt very shy and I could feel the heat rise on my cheeks. "Its not some big secret guys. Just some regular… _stuff_." My eyes averted theirs.

"Stuff?" Rose questioned.

I tried again. "Foreplay?" I muttered.

"Foreplay? You guys have had nothing but foreplay since you met him, Bella," Rose snorted.

I didn't want to sound like some sex starved loon to my friends but if I couldn't talk to them, who else was I going to talk to?

I threw myself backwards on the floor. "Ugh! I know Rose, its like torture! Do you know what its like to be kissing and touching and ya' know... rubbing," I sighed. "And just when its getting hot, just when I think I could just- finally… _release_. If he would just give me a _little_ tiny bit more, he slows down." I cover my face. I can't believe I just told my friends Edward has yet to make me come.

"He's cockblocking you!" Rose giggled. "Edward is a cockblocker!" she laughed harder this time.

"It's not funny!" I giggled, "He is so sweet and loving and never makes me feel like he doesn't want to. _Trust_ me, I know he does. It's not like he really hide _that_ fact." I laugh when I catch Alice making the vomit face out of the corner of my eye.

"But won't I seem like some kind of sex fiend attacking my boyfriend, of what, eight whole days?" I asked.

Rose laughed. "Bella you have wanted that boy since the day you laid eyes on him. It's obvious he feels the same. Maybe he is waiting for you to make a move." I went to protest but she held up her hand "Wait, listen to me, you don't have to have sex necessarily, that can wait. There are many _other_ things that you can do to get you that, eh…um _release_ your looking for," she smiled wickedly.

_The bases. She had to be talking about the damn bases…_

Maybe I didn't need to push. Maybe just a _nudge_ would be sufficient.

"See!" Alice squeaked "You're talking about my brother getting you off! My point has been made." She shook her head making her way back into the kitchen. Rose and I followed behind her giggling.

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

The girls left a few hours later. We had finished up the rest of the candies and few batches of cookies. We made up tins for each of our families and a few extra tins to give to Charlie and Carlisle to take to the station and the hospital.

I was just about to head up stairs to shower and get myself cleaned up when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Help me!" Edward voice sounded desperate. "Please tell me you're done, Angel. Please tell me I don't have to endure another fucking second of Jaz and Em."

_Oh yeah that's what he likes to call me now. And just for the record… I love it. _

"Aww, my poor baby. Have the guys been mistreating you?" I teased.

"They are high, so fucking high. It's ridiculous. They are fighting over everything and I think they could still possibly be wrestling over the game controllers as we speak. I don't really know. I left them to call you."

"I think you must be a little high yourself since you are calling me from your house phone instead of your cell phone." I laughed.

"OhmehIfunkinstarging" he said, obviously shoveling food into his mouth. I had to laugh out loud.

"I have sweets over here, jus' sayin'," I taunted him. I could hear him drinking something, long swallows and small pants in between.

"Sorry, I had to eat a fucking sandwich or something… wait, did you say sweets?"

_Yup, my sweet boyfriend was stoned._

"How much did you smoke?" I was cut off by someone picking up the other end of the phone. His end, not mine.

"Hello? Is this nine one one? Hello? Help!" Emmett yelled into the receiver. Then I heard Jasper.

"You dick, did you really call the police? Fuck Emmett, you're such a sore loser!"

Then Edward. "Hey fuck heads, I'm on the phone."

"Edward? Hey bro! What the fuck are you doing down at the police station? Did Chief Swan drag you in for using his handcuffs on his daughter?" He snickered and so did Jasper.

"Hey fucktards, I'm not at the station. I'm in the kitchen on the phone with Bella. Now hang the fuck up!" Edward yelled.

_I laughed._

More yelling from Emmett. "Hey, get off me man!" Then Jasper, "Give it to me! Give it to me now!"

I could hear them cussing and struggling on the other end and had to bite down on my cheek to keep the laughter to a minimum. I knew Edward was getting pissed.

"Bella! Bella! Help!" Em yelled. "Bella, are you there?"

I played along. "Yes, Emmett. I'm here."

"Bella, you have to save me! When can you get here?" Emmett was out of breath.

Then Jasper again. "I said give it to me now!"

"See Bella, he won't get off of me! Its getting really gay really fucking fast. Please hurry! Bring back up!" I heard a loud crash, some more swears, then a click, and finally silence.

"Fuckin' idiots," Edward grumbled. "I'm sorry about that, Bella." His voice was soft and apologetic.

"Really, its fine. No need to apologize," I smiled.

I glanced over at the clock and saw I only had about two hours before Charlie was home so I would have to clean up and make dinner soon.

"Do you have any plans tonight?" Edward asked.

"Just dinner with my dad. I'm pretty tired from all the baking today. But we are still on for tomorrow, right?"

"Absolutely, I have a few last minute things to pick up. Alice and Jaz will meet us at the mall around nine."

"I should get going if I am ever going to make dinner on time." I paused feeling a twinge of sadness that I was not going to see Edward at all today.

"Ok Angel, I miss you and I will be there to pick you up bright and early, ok?"

"Ok, I miss you too." We said our goodbyes and I quickly headed upstairs.

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

I actually heard Edward pull up before I saw him get out of the car. I had rushed to get ready so I wouldn't miss out on this. Oh yes, watching Edward walk up my drive way was my new favorite past time.

I heard the crunching of his tires on the gravel and his music was blasting although I couldn't make out the song. I gave myself a once over in the hallway mirror adjusting my baby blue sweater and running my hand though my hair to loosen up some of the curls. Then I darted back to the door, looking out the small window.

I still can't believe he is mine. Edward swung his door open and moved out of the car. I could feel my heart picking up speed as I took in what he was wearing. My favorite button-fly jeans, the ones with the faux tear at the knee. They rested flawlessly on his hips, loose in some places and tighter in all the right ones. They looked comfortable and relaxed, much like the face he was wearing. His crisp white t-shirt clung to his body and the black and blue flannel shirt was left unbuttoned enough to make me drool. Today was cold but the sun was shining so his trusty Ray Bans rested upon his perfect nose. I swear to god this man was going to be the death of me. I licked my lips in anticipation for his. Seriously, my boyfriend is so hot that he should have his own personal theme song playing every time he walks into a room.

_Maybe something by King of Leon…Sex on Fire perhaps? _

I back away from the door as he approached and grabbed my purse. I heard his knock and hurried to answer it.

"Good morning beautiful," he smiled, leaning in, kissing me softly on the lips.

"Mmm, you taste like strawberries," he licked his bottom lip and kissed me again.

"Lipgloss," I winked. "And you taste like cinnamon."

"You ready, Angel?"

"Ready." I smiled, as he took my hand in his and lead me to his car.

Riding with Edward was an entire different experience now. I was amazing to see him so relaxed, so comfortable, completely at ease. The only time I was able to peel my eyes off him was to glace down at our adjoined hands. Watching him hold onto me, studying the way his thumb would gently trace small circles on the top of my hand. I was reveling in this moment. Here with Edward, in his car, I truly am…_Happy_.

We pulled into the mall parking lot and I made a quick call to Alice to meet us by the front entrance. The parking lot alone was a mad house. I couldn't imagine what it was going to be like once we actually got into the mall. We watched people rushing around the lot, some were argue over parking spaces, honking and yelling at each other.

"The most wonderful time of year, huh?" Edward smirked at me as we pulled into a space.

I was right, once in the mall, it was insanely busy. We finally found Alice and Jasper and Edward gave me a quick kiss as we all agreed to meet back up in two hours.

Shopping with Alice was like shopping with the Tasmanian devil. She would enter the store, power shop until she got her fill and leave just as quickly as she came in, leaving only dust in her wake. She was on a mission. I managed to pick up a few last minute things I needed to get from Bath and Body works and Yankee Candle. Our final stop was Victoria's Secrets and I thanked god we would be meeting the guys in about thirty minutes.

Rose and Alice really had been a bad influence on me. Victoria's Secrets was now my new favorite place to shop. I was not going to let Alice rush me this time so I ducked away from her and headed over the PINK collection, which was my absolute favorite. It may or may not have had something to do with the way Edward would react when I wore it.

I found a really cute pink shirt that had 'Lets make out' written in bold black lettering across the front. I smirked at my lack of subtleness. I simply could not resist buying the gray boy short that had 'forever' with a pink heart printed across the backside. I was in search of some thigh high sleep socks to go with my new ensemble when I saw him. He looked nervous and kept checking over his shoulder like he was going to be caught doing something awful. I decided to have some fun.

I slowly made my way over to him and whispered "What are you doing in here, Perv?"

He jumped about five feet in the air. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Fuck, Bells you scared the shit out of me!"

"Jake, look at you, you're blushing!" I laughed.

He was modified and I felt bad. "So, who are you shopping for?" I asked, trying to ease some of the tension

He looked exasperated. "Leah, but I never knew it would be this hard. Can you help me?"

"Absolutely," I reassured him.

I showed him around the store and he seemed to relax. I picked out some great lotions and body sprays. I decided that I would ease him back into the clothes by showing him some bathrobes.

"Shorter," he laughed.

"Shorter? Really Jake, you are a pervy, perv," I teased.

"She is nineteen Bella, not ninety nine," he joked.

I scanned the selection and finally found what I was looking for. "How about this one?" I held up their version of 'The Softest Robe in the World'. It was incredibly soft and looked pretty short so it would meet his standards.

"Eh, I don't know, Bells. I think you should try it on," he said, wagging his eye brows at me.

"Are you serious? Or are you being a pervert again?"

He snorted, "I'm always a pervert, Bells," he winked. "But seriously try it on, just over your clothes so I can get the right size."

I sat my things down and pulled the robe on. "How does it look? Is this short enough for you?" I laughed and turned around and wiggled my ass at him.

"I can't really tell. Can you bend over?" he teased.

"Shut up, Jake. I am not going to bend-"

I heard someone clear their throat loudly above mine and Jakes laughter. _A male someone…_

I froze.

_Fuck_.

I didn't have to turn around to know it was Edward. My racing heart already picked up on his presence. I slowly turned around to face both him and Jake. Edward stood frozen, watching me. His green eyes were a blaze with anger and jealously. He didn't even acknowledge Jake. He kept his eyes on me, piercing me to my very soul. I watched his Adams apple bob as he swallowed thickly. I could see the tension run down his neck across his shoulders, down his arms, ending at his tightly clenched fists. _Jesus he was hot_.

Edward was not here, not right now. I only saw Mr. Hyde. I had not seen Mr. Hyde in so long. My body betrayed my mind. My mind was screaming to defuse this situation as quickly as possible. But my body had a completely different reaction. My body begged me to pull Mr. Hyde into dressing room and show him just how sorry I was. My mind ended up winning the battle. I quickly shrugged out of the robe and handed it to Jake.

I made my way over to Edward where he still stood motionless. I didn't want him to be upset at something so trivial. I stood in front of him, placing my hand on his chest. He looked down at me, his angry eyes still locked with mine.

"I was helping him shop for Leah," I spoke softly. He swallowed again his eyes flashed in Jakes direction and back to mine.

I felt terrible. I knew what he was thinking. I knew why he was jealous, but I was not Victoria and I would never betray him.

"Hey, look at me." I took his face in my hands. He closed his eyes for a second and then looked back down at me. His brows where frowned and his expression was pained and I wanted to cry.

"I was only trying on the robe so he could find the right size for Leah. His _girlfriend,_ Leah," I clarified.

"Jake felt uncomfortable being in here so we were just having some fun." I nodded at him hoping he would understand.

He finally moved, placing his hand on the small of my back his eyes softened.

Jake finally broke the silence. "I should get going. Thanks for helping me, Bella."

I turned to face him. Edwards grasp on me tightened, pulling me securely against his body.

"Are you finished with my girlfriend?" Edward's voice was icy.

Jake looked amused as he shook his head. "I see what your doing here, but really you don't have to. I have my _own_ girlfriend. Bella was just being a _friend_." He gave Edward a pointed look. "She was helping me shop for Leah, that's all."

I felt Edwards body relax against mine.

"I'm sorry for interrupting then," Edward said dryly.

"No, it's cool we are done. No need for that," Jake smiled. "Thanks again Bells, and Merry Christmas you guys." And Jake turned and left.

I felt Edwards's lips on the top of my head. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

I turned in his arms to face him.

"We were just having fun. We were only shopping."

"I know and I'm sorry." His eyes were softer now and apologetic.

I stood up on my tip toes and placed a kiss on his lips. His hands fell from my waist and rested gently on my ass, so I wiggled it a little bit causing him to smirk.

"Anything you want me to try on for you?" I teased.

His eyes grew dark again but not with anger this time. "I could think of a few things," he said, licking his lips.

Once again I saw Mr. Hyde flash in his eyes. I felt every ounce of his desire for me at that moment. God, the things I would be willing do for him when he looked at me this way. It made my heart slam against my chest and the butterflies flutter in my stomach. I had to stop now or we were going to end up in a very compromising position in a dressing room.

"Help me finish up here," I smiled and he obliged.

I found my socks and Alice, and we headed for the check out line.

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

Hours later, I found myself helping Alice and Esme cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Alice and I had already made arrangements for me to stay the night. We were going to wrap presents and have some girl time.

Edward and the guys went to the gym and then played pool downstairs while Alice and I spent some time together. We had wrapped countless gifts and made up stockings with everyone's favorite candies in them. I had just showered and changed into the new 'outfit' I bought today, along with the 'Softest Robe in the world' that Edward insisted on buying me. It was getting late and I wondered why Edward had not come to get me yet. He told me after dinner he had a surprise for me but I had not seen him since.

"Just come with me," Alice begged.

She and Jasper were going to watch some Christmas movies downstairs.

"No, I'll be fine. I have to finish tagging some of the gifts anyway," I assured her.

"As long are you are sure…" she hesitated at the door. "I'm sure Alice," I nodded and she was gone.

I was writing out the last of the tags and Christmas cards when I heard the knock on the door.

My heart rate increased and I knew exactly who it was. I hurried to make my way to the door and opened it.

There stood Edward breathtakingly beautiful wearing a soft gray t shirt and black lounge pants. His green eyes sparkled and my favorite lopsided grin bestowed his lips.

"You ready to see your surprise?" he asked.

"Yes," I blushed.

"C'mon," he grasped my hand and pulled me to his room.

We paused at the door he turned smiling at me.

"A fresh start," he said and pushed open the door.

I saw it the moment the door opened… a new couch

_Oh my god, Edward bought a new couch!_

It was bigger than the black couch. It was chocolate brown and suede with big fluffy pillows and a much softer look then that black leather one from before.

Before I could even think about it, I was in his arms. My own wrapped securely around his neck.

"Thank you," I repeated more than once.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered into my hair as he pressed his lips to my temple.

I pulled back slightly. "It's perfect. Thank you," I said before brushing my lips against his. He pulled me close and kissed me back until I was dizzy.

"Shall we?" He smiled as he pulled me to the couch and plopped down on it pulling me next to him.

I was right. It was much bigger than the other couch. We both fit easily side by side on it. He had his arm around my shoulders and I snuggled into the crook of his neck. He held my hip tight with his other hand. I was in heaven.

"I can't believe you did this," I smiled against his chest.

"I wanted to. I had to do it for you." I pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Thank you," I breathed again.

"You're welcome," he said pulling me tighter to him.

I don't know how long we lay like that holding each other, relishing in this moment.

"This is your first Christmas present," Edward said breaking the silence.

I turned slightly so I could face him.

"Do you think I'm going to give you an early present now?" I teased.

He chuckled. "No, I already have everything I need, right here." He gave me a squeeze then tickled my side.

I squeaked and giggled trying to wiggle away from him.

"Where do you think you're going?" he laughed.

"Edward, please!" I giggled

"Please, more?" he smirked and tickled me again.

"Please stop!" I laughed harder, pressing my arm to my side trying to restrain him from tickling me.

Suddenly, he stopped and he grew very quiet. I looked up at him and followed his eyes. He was looking at my necklace. _Jakes necklace_.

He pulled it up so he could read it. "Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times" he repeated the words from the ring.

His sad eyes met mine. "What's this about?"

I was nervous to bring it up but I knew I had to tell him. "It's a birthday present from Jake. When I was back in Arizona, I was having a really hard time. Jake came to me the night of my birthday and assured me that you and I were going to be fine and he would be a friend to me through it all. I was so weak, Edward. I didn't know if I was going to make it. But I found strength in his words. He saved me when I was drowning." I said softly.

"I wish it was me who could have saved you," Edward's voice was pained.

"You do save me."

"You should have never _needed_ to be saved." Again his words were indignant.

"Don't, please don't be upset. We are here now. And if we didn't have to travel the roads we did, we might not have ever ended up here. And this is the only place I want to be." My hand found its way into his hair rubbing small circles into his scalp. I could feel him relax under my touch as I searched for a way to get passed this.

"What do you want for Christmas?" I asked praying that the change of subject would work.

Edward raised his head and gave me a knowing smile, a silent thank you for making him live in this moment with me instead of going back to a much darker time for us both.

"I already have it. I don't need anything else," he winked at me.

"And you, what do you want, Angel?"

I moved my hand from his hair and slid it down his chest resting it on his heart.

"Just this," I blushed slightly at my boldness.

His hand moved over mine pressing it tighter to his chest. "It's always been yours, Angel." He pulled my hand from his chest and kissed my knuckles lightly.

I tucked myself back into the crook of his neck and I don't really know when or how it happened but at some point I fell asleep.

**~ x ~ x ~ x ~**

I woke up in a state of confusion. I had no idea what time it was or where I was at. Once I found my bearings I glanced around the room and found the clock. It was just after midnight. _Holy crap_! Edward's parents would kill us if they found us asleep in his room. They had made it very clear no sleeping in the same bed once they found out the new dynamics of our relationship.

I had to get back to Alice's room before they found out. I stopped and watched Edward sleep for a few minutes. I took in his beautiful features. His long lashes, his perfect nose, the faultless angles of his jaw line. I saved the best for last as my eyes moved to his full pink lips. I wanted to kiss him. I scooted down in his embrace and as gently as I could, I placed a small kiss on them. Maybe it was because it was so late, maybe it was because he was sleeping pressed up against me. But suddenly, I didn't want to go back to Alice's room. I wanted _more_. I wanted to kiss him until I was breathless. My entire body wanted more. I could feel the tightening in my lower belly as my heart began to pick up speed. I practically whimpered as I moved out of his arms. Just as my foot touched the floor, I felt Edward's arm grip me tighter.

"Don't," he said, taking me by surprise. _Had he not been sleeping?_

"But your parents…" I countered.

"We are not technically breaking their rules," he smirked, his eyes still closed.

"Huh?"

"They said we couldn't sleep in the same _bed_. We are on the couch," he clarified.

His sleepy eyes met mine, silently begging for me to stay.

"Stay with me, Bella." His fingers pressed into my hips pulling me back to him.

_Who was I to say no?_

I slid back onto the couch and turned to face him. "You talked me into it," I smiled

"I can be very persuasive," he grinned.

_Gah! I wanted him._

That was it, I couldn't take this anymore. It still amazed me that just a few short hours ago my thoughts were pure and innocent. And now that I had this Adonis of a man pressed up beside me, and the way he made every inch of my body sing, I was insatiable.

"Edward, I hope I can be just as persuasive," I whispered, flicking his earlobe with my tongue and then sucking it gently.

I felt his body tense at my actions. He gave a smirk but didn't move an inch. This man had the will power of steel sometimes.

"Yeah, I kinda' think you can," he teased, casting me a sideways glance.

_Okay, Bella, you can do this. _

"_You Can Do This" had become_ my mantra. I giggled slightly at my internal monologue. I drew in a deep breath and traced my fingertips across his chest and around his shoulder, twisting my fingers into his hair at the nape of his neck.

I kissed along his neck in soft, peppering brushes of my lips. I let out a soft moan against his skin as my hand gripped his hair, shifting my body slightly to press into him. His hand moved to my hips pressing his long fingers into my skin.

A breathy '_fuck'_ fell from his lips. He leaned his head into the crook of my neck, but said nothing more. His warm breath fanned the side of my face as he planted soft kisses across my neck. It was all I could do to not tilt my head and take him in, and taste him. He smelled of soap and cigarettes, and his usual cinnamon. I took every ounce of my self control not to lick him.

My whole plan of seducing him was back firing on me. I felt the heat of my arousal course its way down to the center of my thighs, making me shifted uncomfortably, which only made things worse. Because now, Edward's hard on was right between my legs.

"What the fuck are you trying to do to me, Bella?" he groaned into my hair. I watched his hands turn into fists.

_I am trying to seduce you_. _Is it working?_

I might have thought it, but I was not brave enough to say it. Edward pulled back slightly and I watched his eyes roam over my body. The tie on my robe was loose and didn't cover anything bellow the waist. Edward's eyes were hungry, and scared. His breathing picked up and I could see the debate raging in his mind. Mr. Hyde wanted me but Edward was fighting to keep control. I felt a twinge on self consciousness and I went to close my robe.

Edwards hand shot out to stop me. He didn't touch me, nor did he have to. He blinked quickly and tried to speak, but no words came out. His eyes trailed over my body and he swallowed hard as he appraised me. My heart was thumping hard and I could feel the dampness between my legs as I watched him licking his lower lip as his eyes came slowly back up to mine.

Edward paused for a moment, keeping his eyes on mine as he leaned in and rested his forehead against mine.

"What are you doing, Angel?" he whispered against my lips.

"I don't know." My hands traveled back up his arms, up over the muscles of his shoulders and then into the back of his hair.

His hands slid down from my hips and he pushed his fingers under the hem of my shirt. I closed my eyes to the sensation of his finger tips moving along my ribs. I felt the goose bumps rise in the wake of his fingers, causing an ache within me I never knew possible.

My hands slid down his neck and over the muscles of his shoulders again, but this time in reverse as they glided their way down his chest and across his muscular stomach.

"We'll have to be quiet," Edward whispered in my ear and I nodded against his neck.

His lips brushed along my neck as he pulled me against him. Before I could attempt to form any words, Edward took my face in his hands and crashed his lips onto mine passionately. I moaned in response, wrapping my arms around him and dragging my nails down his back. He shivered slightly and broke away from my lips. "I want you, Edward," I whispered.

"Bella, wait," he panted. And I froze.

_Oh god…not again…_

"Bella, stop." His face turned serious. "I see that look on your face B, and I know what you're thinking." He pressed his lips to mine kissing me softly.

"Don't you dare think that," he shook his head. "Don't you think that for one goddamn second," his grip on my hip tightened.

"I _want_ you. Trust me, I _WANT_ you! Are you hearing my words? Are you _feeling_ them," he pulled me flush to his body, purposefully, and I could feel his erection pressed firmly against my thigh.

My heart was pounding against my chest knowing he was not going reject me but still the anticipation of not knowing how far he would go was killing me.

"I _do_ want you Bella, but I have a lot of making up to do, and it's not going to go down like this, on a couch, in the middle of the night, without giving you... _more_... first. Not without making it special for you." His eyes pleaded with mine, praying for my understanding.

I couldn't help the blush that burned my cheeks. I know the guilt he held. And how time and time again he said he wanted it to be special for me. Still laying here next to him, with his hard on pressed against my leg, I really didn't know what else to do. Perhaps I should go back to Alice's room instead of torturing both of us. I shifted away from him, ready to leave his room to make it easier for him and me.

"Where are you going?" he smirked pulling me back to him. "I just meant I don't want to do _everything_ tonight... trust me... there's still plenty I want to do right now..." he whispers into my ear.

_Oh god! The bases, what were they again? Fuck, I should have just asked Rose when I had the chance._

"Bella," he broke the silence. "I meant it when I said no more miscommunications. I know about the three strikes you're out rule and I'm not going to fuck things up again."

I felt myself blush again, first off for him taking my silence as him needing to explain himself further and second for the baseball analogy.

_What is it with Baseball and relationships? _

"It's funny that you said that."

"Said what?"

"The 'three strikes' thing... it's just... no, never mind. I'm not telling you."

"What? You have to tell me now." He sat up on his elbow.

"Rosalie and Alice are convinced I don't know what all the bases are."

"The bases?"

"Yes, the bases. You know first, second, third…." I waived my hand in the air.

"Do you?" he smirked at me. "I'd be happy to give a demo."

I smacked him playfully. "Yes, I _DO_. But some people... maybe have different definitions. And maybe some... I know, but haven't... um... actually stepped up to the plate for myself per say." I flushed again.

_My god this was getting embarrassing!_

"Come here." Edward pulled me to him, placing his hands on either said of my face. His eyes grew darker as the tip of tongue slid across his bottom lip. "Do you trust me?" he asked, his hot breath fanned my face.

I nodded. "Yes."

He licked his lips. A devilish smile slowly spread across his face.

"I just want to try one thing," he said as he kissed me once. "Or two things." He kissed me again. "Or three things." His lips pressed firmly against mine.

_Three!_

I felt the soft pressure of his lips against mine, smooth yet firm. My eyes fluttered closed as he continued to kiss me. My head felt light and I was fairly certain I was going to float away. I never imagined kissing him like this could be so amazing. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, I felt the tip of his tongue brush against my bottom lip. I parted my lips and tasted him, moaning into his mouth.

The soft scruff of his jaw rubbed against my cheek, adding to the sensations that engulfed me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled myself as close to him as possible, wanting nothing more than to crawl inside of him. He responded to my eagerness with his own, holding me firmly in his grasp, while twisting his tongue with mine.

My heart hammered loudly against my chest and I knew I was gasping for air, but I didn't care. I was kissing him and my entire body felt like it was going to explode. His lips finally broke the kiss only to allow us some air. But his lips never left me, my face, my jaw line. Along my neck, he planted open mouth kisses until he reached my ear.

"_First,_" he whispered. His hot breath elicited a small moan to escape me. He made his descent back down my neck, moving to my collar bone, kissing and nipping at my neck with his teeth.

His hands moved up my arms, lowering my robe off my shoulders. I shimmied out of it and wrapped my arms back around his neck, pulling him to me. I needed his mouth on mine. Edward's hands slid down my body and I felt him grip the hem of my shirt. Slowly, he pushed it up, his thumbs sliding up my stomach, leaving goose bumps in their wake.

He only pushed it so far before he stopped. I felt his hands move to my sides but he tensed suddenly, resting his forehead against the crook of my neck. He's breathing ragged as he moved his hands achingly slow up my body, stopping just under my breasts. The anticipation caused me to shiver, making my nipples stiffen through my shirt.

Edward let out a sexy low growl, from deep in his chest as he pressed his lips to my neck. His hands finally made the journey upwards, his thumbs brushing across the underside of breast.

The whimper that escaped from my mouth surprised me.

He runs both thumbs over the swells, ghosting them across my aching nipples. My fists are in his hair but I don't really remember how they got there. I am mesmerized by what he was doing and how it makes me feel. Edward grips my shirt again and this time he pulls it swiftly over my head.

We're both watching as his palms return to cup both breasts completely. He applies soft pressure to them, squeezing and kneading them lightly. His face dips and he kisses one softly, causing another moan to escape me.

"They're perfect. You're perfect," he whispers to the valley between them.

_Dear God help me!_

I feel like my body is about to explode as his tongue circles my nipple, sucking it into his mouth. What he's doing with his tongue feels beyond amazing on my skin. His lips, his tongue, his mouth, trail over every inch of my breasts. Desire pulsates between my legs. I press my thighs together at the delicious ache.

A strangled moan erupts from my throat, as his lips wrap around my other nipple and he pulls it between his teeth one last time. He moves back to my mouth but stops just shy of my lips. I can almost taste the cinnamon as my lips fall open breathing in his hot breath.

"_Second_," he mummers before covering my mouth with his.

I can't take it slow anymore. My body is screaming for him to touch me… more.

"Edward," I hiss in a whisper, grinding my hips against his thigh.

"Yes, Angel?"

He is practically taunting me. I open my eyes to look at him again and his expression is one of lust and desire. His face giving away everything I am feeling.

"I- I need you, Edward," I whisper huskily, kissing him again, shifting against him.

"Lay back," he whispers.

I shimmy down the couch until I'm laying flat and he shifts his body, settling himself between my legs.

He licks his lips as he moves towards me, kissing my cheek and the side of my mouth. I turn my face and kiss his lips softly.

"I need you too, Angel," he says pressing his erection against me.

I snake my hand between us, running my palm across him, even through the fabric of his pants I can feel him hot, heavy and hard.

"Bella," he moans, it's a warning. I can't help the flush of warmth that shoots through my abdomen.

He reaches between us and grabs my wrist, pulling my hand up and placing it over my head. He does the same with the other. Both of my hands are being held by one of his. Gently, he rocks his hips into mine. I feel my arousal soak though the cotton that separates us.

"Fuck that feels good," he says and lifts his eyes to gaze into mine.

"So good," I manage to choke out. My hips are lifting against each movement of his pelvis rocking into me. Edward shifts away from me slightly and I feel his hand move between my legs.

My eyes fall closed and I groan as his fingers press into my skin through the fabric of my panties, his hot breath against my neck heating me all the more. My knees instinctively fall open for him. His index finger gradually slides underneath the fabric of my panties, gently caressing me in a teasing motion, leaving me writhing my hips against him, begging for more.

"Jesus Bella, you're so wet," he moans.

I groan loudly as his finger slides deep inside me with his last statement, and my back arches off the couch. He pushes the fabric aside, massaging my clit with his thumb, My entire body vibrates at his touch. He's panting into my neck, his hot breath moistening my skin and I bit my lip. His fingers have spoiled me and I now crave them. I lower my back and lift my hips, pressing myself into his hand.

"Please, Edward," I whimper, needy and pleading.

"E-Edward please… don't tease me. Make me come… please," I beg.

"Oh fuck, Bella," I hear him whisper in the most beautiful growl I've ever heard. His lips quickly return to me and my hands pull from his grip and fist his hair. Another one of his finger sides in me his hands twist deep inside of me.

"Oh god," I whimper and raise my hips again.

I reach down between us and cover his already hardened length with my hand. My fingers molding around his girth, I stroke him slowly. Edward's body shifts, hovering over me slightly, fingers still in me, moving purposefully. As he pumps himself into my hand the head of his cock hits my clit in such a way it's almost too much. We're working against each other now, in a steady rhythm with our hips. His mouth finds mine and I start to moan and gasp as the hot waves in my abdomen begin to tighten. The increasing speed of our bodies causes me to shudder and I know I'm close.

I bow off of the couch suddenly, all air escaping my body. "Oh-oh god Edward," I whimper as white lightning explodes behind my eyelids, causing me to clutch my free hand to his back. My quick breaths finally end in a loud groan as the heat rushed through my body in a sudden wave and my legs tremble with my release. It's the most intense feeling I've experienced in my life.

"Bella…Angel, I'm gonna… come," he confesses as his teeth clamp down on my neck.

"Oh God…" he moans.

I feel his hot release seep though his pants as he twitches in my hand. His hips still, shifting against me, but slower and gentler than before. His body goes limp against mine and we are both panting. I can feel his heart pounding next to mine.

After a minute or so, Edward lifts his head. A lazy smile spreads across his face.

"_Third,_" he smirks, before gently kissing me.

I can't help but giggle.

"I'll be right back, don't move," he says, kissing my forehead.

I watch him make his way to his bathroom. Little does he know that I wouldn't be able to move even if I wanted to. A few seconds later, he emerges from the bathroom and I watch him pull open a drawer on his dresser and he pulls out two pairs of lounge pants.

"Here, Angel." He hands me pair and I think I fall more in love with him at that very moment.

We change and snuggle back together on the couch. Edward is kissing my knuckles as I lay on his chest.

"I think I really love baseball now," I say breaking the silence.

Edward chuckles. "I really love you, Angel."

I turn to face him. "I love you too," I say, pressing my lips to his.

The knock at the door startles us both.

"Yes?" Edward yells.

"Can I come in?"

It's Alice.

"Yes," we both call to her.

She opens the door with one hand covering her eyes. Edward and I look at each other and laugh.

"What are you doing, Alice?" I ask. "You don't have to cover your eyes we are not doing anything," I giggle.

"_Anymore_," Edward adds. I giggle and slap his chest playfully

"Shuddup," I warn.

"See! That's why." She shakes her head.

"Anyway, moms up and headed this way. I thought I should warn you," she says.

"I better go," I turn to Edward.

His eyes are sad. He grips me tighter. "Stay with me," he pleads.

"Ok, I'm going to my room now," Alice says, shutting the door behind her.

"Edward, I need to get to Alice's room before your mother finds us and I'm never allowed back." I give him a pointed look.

"Fine," he huffs pulling me in for one last kiss. We get up and he walks me to the door, kissing me a few more times before allowing me to leave.

Alice is in her bathroom and I grab my tooth brush from my bag and my phone beeps.

_Tell me a story? E._

I smile.

_MP3 Lila Mccann - To Get Me to You. Tell me a story, B._

I brush my teeth giving him time to reply.

_MP3 Lifehouse-Hanging by a Moment… I'm falling even more in love with you if that's even possible. I love you Angel. Good night. E._

_I love you too baby, goodnight. B._

Tonight, I cried myself to sleep again over Edward Cullen… Happy tears this time.

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**A/N…You guys are the best for sticking with me! Thank you for reading and I just love, LOVE my reviews…Especially after weeks of "Anxiety attacks" about writing this chapter. Like I said NEXT post is Christmas day and EPOV its going to be short but TRUST me I have a VERY VERY big surprise for you for Ch 22 NEW YEARS and a GUEST AUTHOR! Humm can you guess who?**

**Textward showed us the 'bases' in this chapter, Do you remember the first time you made it to 3rd base? **

**Reviews are love Ladies!**


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